Title: Sunshine in the Shade
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: doctorwho_100
Prompt: 75, Shade
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

Jamie sighed softly as he leaned against the door of the Tardis, taking in the sight in front of him. Earth. His planet, where other humans like him lived. The place that he would probably have to get used to thinking of as his home.

Only that was impossible to do, he thought with a flash of annoyance. He didn't belong here. This wasn't his planet, not really. Gallifrey was. He might have a human body, but he had a Time Lord brain -- and he would always consider himself a Gallifreyan.

His physiology might be different from the Doctor's, but he essentially was the Doctor. Of course, he had his own mind, his own way of doing things. And he had limitations, he reminded himself with another sigh. Limitations that the Time Lord would never know.

That was what he hated the most about this body, he thought, glancing down at himself. It was attractive, yes; it looked just like the Doctor's body, and he was glad of that. The Doctor was beautiful man; looking just like him wasn't a bad thing at all.

The problem was the physiology of what was inside this body. One human heart, one short life span. That was all. Once he was gone, he couldn't regenerate into a new man and continue living, with all of his memories intact.

No, he would simply .... die. Death came to everyone in time, of course -- even Time Lords, if they chose to let themselves die rather than to regenerate. But that would be a long time in the future for the Doctor. He wasn't the type of person to give up on life.

He never gave up on anything, Jamie thought with pride. In that way, he was much like the man he'd sprung from. He didn't want to give up, even when situations might look hopeless. That much of the Time Lord's personality was firmly integrated into who he himself was.

But there were times -- like now -- when he felt melancholy about who he was; not just being human, but being a part of the Doctor who could never live up to the original. He could never be exactly like the other man, no matter how hard he might try.

It wasn't just because he had a human body, and therefore was stuck with also having the limitations of a human. It was because there was something vital in the Doctor that hadn't transferred to him, a part of the Time Lord that was essentially his and his alone.

Jamie had no idea what that something was, but he could literally feel it around him. Was it that certain joie de vivre that the Doctor had? No, that was part of what made him so effervescent, but that wasn't quite what he was trying to put his finger on.

The Doctor insisted that Jamie was every bit as important as he was, even though he didn't have the Time Lord body, or the Time Lord resilience, or a thousand other things that made a Time Lord superior to a human. But Jamie couldn't make himself believe those words.

He wasn't just as important. The world would still go on without him in it; he was only a very minute cog in a huge machine, a speck of time in infinity. Once his short human life span was over, he wouldn't have made much of a difference in the universe.

The Doctor, to Jamie, represented bright sunshine -- a light that he would always feel would protect him and shelter him if he needed that protection. He was grateful to have the Time Lord in his life; he didn't know what would become of him without his lover.

But at the same time, the Doctor was also a bright light that eclipsed Jamie in every way. He would never be able to step out from the shade as long as the Doctor was around; no matter what he did, he would always take second place.

He didn't mind that, Jamie told himself, sighing yet again. He was human; he didn't have all of the Doctor's abilities, even though he had the same Time Lord brain, and all of the other man's memories. He had the knowledge, but even that would slip away with time.

Or would it? Would his brain become more human over time, to fit in with the rest of him? Or would he always have that Time Lord consciousness, always knowing that his mind far outstripped the limitations of the physical body he'd been given?

As though he'd spoken those thoughts aloud and had called his lover to his side with them, the Doctor appeared in the doorway behind Jamie, sliding an arm around his waist and pressing a kiss to his cheek. For long moments, they stood there, neither of them saying a word.

Then the Doctor broke the silence. "What's bothering you, Jamie?" he asked softly, raising a hand to run his fingers gently through the other man's hair. "I can tell when you're disturbed, you know. You're a part of me. I know you so well that I can almost feel it when you're restless."

"It's that I feel ...." Jamie didn't quite know how to put his feelings into words; he shrugged helplessly and turned his gaze to the Doctor, wishing that he knew how to express what he was feeling. "It's that I feel so eclipsed by you sometimes. Because I'm human."

"There's no shame in being human, love," the Doctor said softly, his dark gaze locked on Jamie's and not looking away. "I don't care if you're human, Gallifreyan, or something in between -- which you are, really, with your Time Lord brain. I love you exactly the way you are."

"I know that," Jamie said softly, trying to keep his voice from trembling. "But I don't want the limitations of a human body, Doctor. Especially the short life span. I want to be with you forever -- and I know that I can't be. Not with the hand we've been dealt."

"I wish you could, too," the Doctor whispered, blinking back tears that had risen to his eyes as Jamie spoke. "But that's what we've been given, Jamie. And it's extraordinary that we have each other at all. You could so easily never have come into existence."

"I'm glad that I did," Jamie murmured, feeling a little ashamed of his words. "But I'm so much less than you are, Doctor. I'm always in the shade, and I always will be. You're a bright sun that the universe can revolve around. I'm only one of those orbiting planets."

The Doctor shook his head, his voice firm when he spoke again. "No, Jamie. You're just as important to the world as I am. Without your actions during that crisis on Earth, the universe might have been utterly destroyed. You saved the world."

"That's not how you felt at the time," Jamie said wryly, thinking back to that time in their lives, and his own desperate actions when he hadn't been sure of what he should do. "But I don't have any regrets. At the time, I didn't feel that I had any choice."

"Just as I didn't when I had to destroy Gallifrey in the Time Wars," the Doctor told him, his voice soft and gentle with understanding. "You made that decision, Jamie. You. You're not in the shade, love. There are times when you take center stage."

"Maybe I do," Jamie whispered, his single heart leaping as he considered the Doctor's words. Maybe his lover was right. Maybe he wasn't always in the shade, eclipsed by his Gallifreyan counterpart. Maybe he was more important than he might think.

Not that it really mattered, he told himself firmly. He was content to be in the Doctor's shadow, really. It was only now and then that he longed for something more -- and that was only because he wanted so badly to measure up to his lover, to be worthy of him.

But he was worthy. The Doctor had chosen Jamie to be with him; the Time Lord had wanted him as a companion, and as a lover. If the Doctor making a conscious choice to be with him didn't prove that he was worthy, then nothing did.

And the Doctor was here with him now, spreading that bright light that always seemed to emanate from him over Jamie, including him in that light. He was reaching into Jamie's life and his heart like sunshine in the shade, that brightness pulling him in.

He might not have as long as life span as the Doctor did, but he could keep reveling in the Time Lord's particular brand of sunshine for the rest of his life. And he intended to enjoy every second of that time -- and to make the most of it in every possible way.

"Let's go back inside and spend some time together," he said softly, smiling as his gaze met the Doctor's. He could see the answering acquiescence in his lover's eyes, and it warmed him more than any bright sun shining down on him ever could.

***