Title: The Best Place To Be
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 12_stories
Prompt: 2, Comfort
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor entered the control room of the Tardis, heading for the console. He had no immediate plans to go anywhere; maybe he should ask John if there was some place he'd particularly like to visit, just for something to do.

He had no idea where John was, but he knew that the other man had to be somewhere on the ship. It was unusual for him to absent himself; usually, he wanted to be around the Doctor. Still, he might merely be in the shower, or reading a book in the library.

The Time Lord turned from the console to the couch that sat against the wall, startled to see John sitting there, his knees pulled up to his chest, eyes closed. He looked troubled, as though there was something on his mind that he needed to talk about.

"John?" He kept his voice soft, not wanting to startle the other man. "Is something wrong, love?" The Doctor approached the couch, sitting down beside his lover and taking his hand.

The other man shook his head, then sighed and opened his eyes, looking over at the Doctor. "I've .... been thinking a lot lately," he murmured, the words coming out slowly, as though he was afraid to express what he was feeling.

"About what?" The Doctor moved closer to his lover, pulling John close to him and sliding one arm around his waist. "If there's something bothering you, tell me. I don't want us to keep any secrets from each other, John. We shouldn't have to."

The thought crossed his mind that he literally couldn't have secrets from this man -- John knew him inside and out. They shared the same mind, the same memories, the same experiences. John was him, in so many ways.

But with one very important difference -- he was human. And that separated them; there was a barrier between them because of that one difference that at times seemed insurmountable. But the Doctor was determined not to let it get in the way of his feelings.

"About everything that's happened since I've been with you," John said, sighing and leaning his head against the Doctor's shoulder. "I wonder if it's best for me to be here."

"Why would you think that?" The Doctor felt his hearts skip a few beats, alarmed by the defeated tone in John's voice. He knew that the other man would have some difficulties in being here, but he hadn't expected this. He'd thought that he was making John happy.

"You were so angry with me for what I did," John whispered, looking down, not meeting the Doctor's gaze. "And everyone seemed to think that I should be with her. I believe you even thought that for a while -- and I couldn't figure out why you brought me with you."

The Doctor had opened his mouth to speak, but he was silenced by John's words. It felt as though there was ice spreading through his veins, seeping into the very marrow of his being, cutting off his ability to speak, to move, or even to think.

Could John possibly believe that? Could he really think that the Doctor didn't want to be with him, that he would surrender the man who was more of a part of him than anyone had ever been to some whiny child who didn't love him?

He'd never do that. He would never condemn John to a life with someone who only wanted him because he looked like the Doctor. He wouldn't make John that unhappy.

"I brought you with me because I love you," he whispered, the words starting to come out even though he wasn't sure of what he was going to say. He simply couldn't keep them back, though only a few moments ago he'd felt that he couldn't speak.

"Yes, I was angry at you -- but that didn't last long," the Doctor told him, his voice gaining strength as he continued to speak. "You did what you felt you had to do, and I have no right to blame you for that. I might even have done the same thing, in your place."

"She could get away with anything," John whispered, his voice wavering and somewhat tearful, as if he was on the verge of crying but was trying to hold it back. "She could prance around with a gun, killing everything in sight -- even getting you killed -- and you never said a word against it."

"That was wrong of me," the Doctor murmured, wishing that he could pull John into his arms but worried that it would seem like a hollow gesture at the moment. "I didn't believe in what she was doing. And I didn't choose to be with her, John. I chose you."

"That doesn't change the fact that you acted as if you condoned it," John said, still not looking at him. His voice was still shaky; the Doctor could feel his hearts squeezing in his chest, as though the other man's words were reaching into his body and stopping his breath.

"John, I'm sorry," he whispered, throwing caution to the winds and gathering the other man into his arms. "I'm so sorry, love. I didn't condone what she did. I never would. You know that."

John nodded, swallowing hard before he spoke again. "You didn't have a moment when you agreed with them and wanted me to go away with her, did you?" His voice was still trembling, the words seeming to almost be dragged out of him.

"Of course not," the Doctor assured him, wrapping both arms tightly around the other man and drawing John into the comforting circle of his arms. "I might have been angry with you at first, but I didn't want you to leave me, no matter what you might have thought."

The other man nodded, settling into his arms with a soft sigh. The Doctor raised a hand to stroke it through John's hair, wishing that he was better at giving comfort when it was needed. He'd never been very adept with doing that.

Maybe it was because he'd never really had anyone around to comfort him when he'd most needed it; he'd always pretended that he was fine, that he wasn't affected emotionally by much of anything. And he'd always managed to get by with that.

But John was different. John was human. He might have the Doctor's memories, but he had different needs. And the man he was with had to learn to supply those needs.

He could do it, the Doctor told himself firmly. He could be what John needed. He had to be; he didn't want this man to think that he'd made a mistake by choosing to be here. And he certainly want him to think that he wasn't wanted, when that was the furthest thing from the truth.

"Don't ever think that I don't want you with me," he whispered, bowing his head to press a gentle kiss against John's forehead. "You wouldn't be here if I didn't want you. Always remember that, John. I chose you to be with me. No one else. You."

It was a small stab at the comfort he knew he needed to give, but at the moment, it was the best he could do. He only hoped that it was good enough, and that it might assuage John's fears and give him more of a sense of security.

John settled more comfortably into his arms, resting his head against the Time Lord's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Doctor," he murmured, sounding contrite. "I didn't mean to make you feel badly. I just .... I've been feeling that you were reluctant about having me around."

"Never," the Doctor told him, placing a finger under John's chin and tilting the other man's face up to his. "I haven't regretted having you with me for one second."

The other man smiled up at him, making the Doctor's breath catch in his throat. How could he live without that smile in his life? He might not have been able to put his reasoning into words when he'd first taken John away with him, but he could now.

"I couldn't live without you in my life," he said simply, his gaze riveted on the other man's face. "I made the right decision for me, John. I've known that from the moment I decided to take you with me when I left Earth. I just hope that it's been the right one for you, too."

"I've known that I wanted to be with you since I first came into being," John answered, the shakiness gone from his voice. For the first time since they'd begun talking, he sounded as though he was sure of what he was saying -- and of what he wanted.

And the Doctor knew just what he wanted, too. For John to feel safe and comfortable with him, as well as knowing that he was in the best place he could possibly be.

It didn't matter that they might have had a bit of a bumpy beginning. That situation hadn't brought out the best in either of them -- but through it all, he'd known that he wanted John with him. And they'd both gotten what they wanted in the end.

The Doctor smiled inwardly as he bent his head to kiss John again, gathering the other man closer into his embrace. Judging from the effect he seemed to be having on his lover, maybe he wasn't so bad at giving comfort to someone who needed it after all.

***