Title: Vengeance
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Brendan Block
Fandom: Doctor Who/Secret Smile
Rating: PG-13
Table: Buffet 1, fc_smorgasbord
Prompt: 23, Furious
Warning: past non-con.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Brendan Block, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor headed down the hall from the control room of the Tardis to the library; he hadn't been able to find Brendan anywhere else, so he was sure that his boyfriend was there. It was past time for them to have a serious talk, even though he dreaded it.

Brendan had seemed to be building a wall around himself more and more lately, and the Doctor felt increasingly as though the man he loved was becoming isolated. He had thought this might happened, though he'd hoped it wouldn't, and it was time to nip it in the bud.

If Brendan kept on like this, the Doctor could see him giving in to his darker side, the impulses he'd had when he had been living on Earth given free rein. He had saved Brendan from the worst of those, but the Master had now managed to bring them out front and center.

He didn't want to see Brendan become like the Master; he couldn't bear the thought of the man he loved turning to that dark side and indulging it. He knew how easy it would be for Brendan to become far too much like the Master, letting that darkness take him over.

He wouldn't let it happen, the Doctor told himself firmly as he strode down the corridor towards the library. Brendan couldn't become twisted like the Master was. He had to be turned away from that dark side, whatever the cost to their relationship might be.

He couldn't live for vengeance. He couldn't let that need to make someone pay for what had been done to him take him over, to twist him into someone unrecognizable. The Doctor knew how easy it would be to give in to that desire for vengeance; he'd felt it before himself.

The Doctor knew all too well how that desire to be revenged could tear a person up inside, how it could turn them into someone far different from who they were, and who they wanted to be. And he wasn't going to let that happen to Brendan if he could possibly stop it.

He slowed his steps as he came to the door of the library, peeking around it to see if Brendan was there. He saw his boyfriend pacing back and forth across the library floor, his hands clenched at his sides, his face like a storm cloud before a rumble of thunder ripped open the silence.

The Doctor's hearts sank at the sight; he had hoped that Brendan would be in one of his more reflective, quiet moods, and that they would be able to talk rationally. But it seemed that he would have to calm his lover down before he would be able to sit him and down and talk seriously.

It was easy to see that Brendan was furious, not only from the expression on his face, but from his stance and his body language. The clenched fists could easily pound into a enemy's face and body; Brendan was spoiling for a fight, and really, the Doctor didn't blame him.

But that wasn't going to solve anything -- and if it did come down to a physical confrontation between his lover and the Master, he was sure that Brendan would lose. The Master would cheat -- and Brendan could very well end up dead. He couldn't let things go that far.

Clearing his throat, he stepped into the room, hoping that his presence wouldn't annoy Brendan. The other man's head turned towards him, and a smile spread over Brendan's handsome features. He held out his hands to the Doctor, his voice soft when he spoke.

"I was wondering where you were," he said, the stormy expression disappearing from his face. "I wanted to talk to you about trying to find the Master. And about what we should do to be prepared when we do find him. So we can rid the world of that parasite."

The Doctor sighed, taking Brendan's hands in his own and squeezing them gently. He didn't quite know how to start; he wasn't sure of what to say. He didn't want to make Brendan angry, or make his boyfriend feel that he didn't care deeply about what had happened to him.

"Brendan, you can't live for revenge," he said quietly, knowing that he had to take the proverbial bull by the horns and talk to his boyfriend openly and honestly. "If you do, then you're no better than him. And I won't let you sink into that kind of darkness. You deserve better than that."

"I deserve better than what he did to me!" Brendan retorted, his voice almost a snarl. He whirled around to face the Doctor, and the Time Lord involuntarily backed up a few steps, not realizing that an expression of fear had briefly flitted across his features.

The change in Brendan was instantaneous. He backed away as well, his face draining of color. "What am I doing?" he whispered, his voice cracking on the last word. "You're afraid of me. I am becoming just like him. If I can scare you, then I shouldn't even be here."

Brendan no longer looked furious -- now he looked shocked, stunned, as though he couldn't believe what his quick words and temper had caused. It broke the Doctor's hearts to see the man he loved looking so lost and confused; he hated to think of what Brendan must be feeling.

The Doctor shook his head, stepping forward and reaching out for Brendan. "That's not true," he whispered, unable to speak any more loudly. "You do belong here, Brendan. You belong with me. You can leave if you want, but neither of us will be happy with that. And it won't solve anything."

"I'm not going to stay here if you're afraid of me," Brendan said, turning away from the Doctor. "I don't deserve to be with you if I can make you feel like you have to back away from me. I'm turning into him, Doctor. He's winning, can't you see that? And I can't stop it."

"Yes, you can." The Doctor's placed a hand on Brendan's shoulder, hoping that his boyfriend would turn around and face him. "You have to be stronger than he is, Brendan. And you are. You're not along. I'm right here with you -- and I always will be."

"I don't deserve you," Brendan whispered, not turning around, his voice sounding choked. "I don't want to let him win, Doctor, but I don't know how to fight him. I can't just turn the other cheek. That only gives him another chance to do the same thing all over again."

"Do you really think that we'll let that happen?" the Doctor said, his voice soft and gentle. He squeezed his lover's shoulder, wishing that Brendan would turn around, wanting to pull the other man into his arms and assure him that everything would be all right.

He couldn't do that, of course; he had no idea what was going to happen in the future. But at least Brendan wasn't angry any more; the fury that had seemed to possess him had burned out, and the Doctor hoped that it wouldn't make a return appearance.

"I know that it won't be easy to prevent it, not if he's planned things carefully enough," Brendan said, sounding tired and defeated. "Just thinking about it makes me want to give in, Doctor. I know I shouldn't -- but I know that it I hold on to my anger, if I stay furious, I'll be just like him."

"I don't want that for you," the Doctor whispered, his throat tightening as he spoke. "I want you to be able to have your revenge, Brendan, just as I want to someday have my own. But I don't want either of us to let that desire for revenge, that all-consuming fury,eat us up inside."

"Neither do I," Brendan told him, his voice almost inaudible. "But I don't know how to stop it. Help me, Doctor. Help me learn how to deal with this before it sucks me dry and twists me into a carbon copy of the Master. That's the last thing I want to be."

"You won't be like him," the Doctor said, his voice growing stronger. "You could never be like him, Brendan. He can try to turn you into a mirror of himself all he wants to, but I'll die before I let that happen." He moved closer to his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around Brendan's waist.

He didn't know how long they stood there, simply holding onto each other, but he could feel Brendan calming down. The other man's breathing became more regular, his arms tightening around the Doctor. Their hearts were beating in rhythm, synching together with every beat.

The Master would never take this away from him, the Doctor silently vowed. He would never let his enemy turn this man he loved into a bitter, twisted parody of who he now was. No matter what he had to do, he would help Brendan navigate the thorny path that lay in front of him.

"I won't let you become like him," he whispered against Brendan's shoulder. "I love you too much to see you sink into the same darkness that he lives in. You deserve so much better than that, Brendan. I know you want revenge, but it'll come around without any prompting from you."

Brendan nodded, sighing softly as he loosened his hold on the Doctor and stepped back slightly. "I'm trying my best not to let vengeance consume me," he said, taking a deep breath. "But it's hard not to be angry. I think you know how I feel. I only hope I can be more like you, and not like him."

"You can," the Doctor told him, his voice firm and strong. "You're a stronger person than you give yourself credit for, Brendan. I don't blame you for being furious over what he did to you. But you've got to keep the fury under control. There's a time and place to let it out -- but that time isn't now."

Brendan nodded, taking the Doctor's hands and holding them to his heart. The Time Lord closed his own eyes, hoping that he had managed to get through to Brendan and that his lover would be able to hold back his need for vengeance. If he couldn't, then they would have some trying times ahead of them.

***