Title: Worlds Apart
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: past Jack/Doctor
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 30_losses
Prompt: 15B, Across the worlds
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Tenth Doctor, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor glanced over at the viewscreen, a frown marring his brow. How long had it been since he was back on Earth? It seemed like a lifetime ago, even though it had only been a few weeks. But every time he was parted from Jack seemed much longer than it actually was.

They weren't together any more, he told himself fiercely, his small hands curling into fists. Jack wasn't his boyfriend now; the immortal had bidden him goodbye, walked away from him, told the Time Lord that he was needed on Earth, at Torchwood.

Jack was no longer his lover. He had to think of the immortal now as his former lover, and to look back on their relationship as a thing of the past. He couldn't go to see Jack all the time, couldn't be with him, couldn't share his bed.

And he had no claim on Jack Harkness' heart. He'd always known that Jack wasn't the kind of man who would give himself completely; he was too caught up in the moment, too distracted by the novelty of new and different people in his bed. He gave his body, not his soul.

The problem was that the Doctor had given him hearts. And having given them, he didn't know how to take them back, even if he wanted to. Jack would always own those hearts, even if the two of them never touched each other intimately again.

When Jack had first left, he'd tried to hide his pain, to keep it inside and not even admit to himself that he hurt as badly as he did. That hadn't been possible; he might be able to keep that ache hidden from the world, but it was always there, in his mind.

He'd tried his best to get rid of that pain, to assuage it in any way he could. He'd gone to a pleasure planet and lost himself in the arms of a man who had promised sensual delights such as he'd never known, and he had to admit that he'd enjoyed himself doing that.

But in the end, that man hadn't been Jack. He might be able to give his body, to let other people touch him, but none of them would ever have the touch of the man he loved, the man he would always long for no matter how far apart they were.

Even now, when he was halfway across the universe from Jack, when they were worlds apart, his hearts and soul still reached out for his former lover. Jack was almost always on his mind, even when he wasn't at the forefront of the Doctor's thoughts.

Was he on Jack's mind? Did the immortal stand at the window of his bedroom in the Hub, look up at the stars, and wonder where he was at night? Did Jack miss him as much as he was missed? There was probably no way he would ever know the answer to that question.

He would never ask Jack how he truly felt. The Doctor was sure that he knew that well enough; even if Jack did still care about him, he felt that Torchwood and his position there wee far more important than being with someone who loved him.

It shouldn't hurt so badly, he told himself, wishing that the words rang more true in his ears. It shouldn't feel as though his hearts were being ripped out of his chest to know that Jack didn't feel the same way about him as he did about the immortal. It shouldn't tear him apart.

This was his own fault, really. He'd known when he'd first met Jack that the immortal wasn't the sort of man to give his heart, that he wasn't someone who could be faithful to one lover. Even where his emotions were concerned, he wasn't going to stay in one place.

Yet he'd let himself fall in love with Jack, pushing aside the danger, knowing that he would be crushed if his affections were turned away. He had told himself that he could live with that eventuality, but it was much easier said than done.

If it had been easy to get Jack Harkness out of his hearts, it would have already been done. But no matter what he tried, or how much he wanted to forget their time together and the hold that Jack had over his emotions, nothing chased those feelings away.

He would probably love Jack until the day he died, even across the worlds of space and time that were now separating them, the Doctor thought with a sigh. It wasn't particularly what he wanted, but then, he'd never seemed to be able to hold on to his desires.

Whenever he had someone with him who he truly cared about, they always slipped away. It had happened time and time again, though he'd been careful not to let feelings of a romantic sort develop between him and any companions in the last few bodies.

He wasn't ready to deal with that again -- but Jack had blindsided him. He hadn't expected to fall head over heels in love with the immortal; even before Jack had been given the gift of eternal life, he hadn't wanted to let himself love so deeply.

But he hadn't been able to stop himself. There was something about Jack that had drawn him in right from the beginning, from the first hello and the first smile. It had been impossible to keep his hearts protected; Jack had made that barrier crumble almost instantly.

Where had loving Jack gotten him? He was out here in the vast reaches of time and space; alone and missing the one person who he most desperately wanted to be with. His love for the other man had only brought him pain, if he chose to look at it in that way.

Still, at the same time, Jack had brought him an understanding of love that he'd never had before. And even if he'd lost the man he loved forever, at least he'd had tht love in his life for a short time. It was better to have known that love than to have never experienced it.

The Doctor sighed, glancing at the viewscreen again. Did he dare take himself back to Earth, to Cardiff, to Torchwood, to the Hub? Did he dare go to see Jack again? Were his hearts strong enough to bear seeing the other man without tearing themselves to pieces?

He had to risk feeling the pain of rejection, of knowing that he wouldn't get Jack to come back to his side again. Because being away from the man he loved, being across worlds from him, was far worse than being with him, even if they weren't together.

At least if he went back to Torchwood, even for a brief visit, he would know that Jack was all right -- and maybe, just maybe, he would be able to tell if the other man missed him as well, or if he was happy and contented with the life he'd chosen for himself, away from the Doctor.

There was always the smallest, slightest chance that Jack might change his mind, that his lover might come back. He shouldn't cling to that hope, but he couldn't help it. He had to keep that spark alive in his hearts, had to believe that Jack might still want to be with him.

Sighing softly, the Doctor got to his feet, going to the console and gazing down at the controls for just a moment before he punched in the coordinates to take him back to twenty-first century Earth, to Cardiff -- and back into the sights of the man he loved.

***