Title: Best of All I've Got
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Carl Hickman/Louis Daniel
Fandom: Crossing Lines
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,845
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Carl Hickman or Louis Daniel, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Carl didn't know what he had expected when he'd decided to kiss Louis; one thing he hadn't expected was for the other man to kiss him back. He had thought that Louis would be startled, even angry, but not that he would be .... responsive.

Those soft lips moved under his, parting, drawing him in, inviting him. But he couldn't let himself accept that invitation; he wasn't going to take unfair advantage.

For a moment, just a moment, all he could think of was wrapping his arms around Louis and crushing that slender body against his own, taking what was offered and not thinking twice about it. But this wasn't the time or the place.

Carl pulled back slowly, watching as Louis' eyes fluttered open.

He had been mesmerized by those eyes from the first time he'd met the Frenchman. Icy blue, seemingly cold, but with a warmth in their depths that made him melt. Louis Daniel was anything but cold -- Carl knew that better than most people.

Louis tried to hide that vulnerability behind a sharpness that Carl didn't believe he felt. But few people chose to look behind those walls that Louis hid behind.

He had looked -- and then he hadn't been able to look away again. They might have been apart for a lot of years before he had come to work for the ICC, but he could still get behind those walls when Louis least expected him to.

That had always been one of his talents.

Carl wasn't sure that it was one of the reasons why Louis had asked him to work for this team, but if it was, then he would use that to his advantage now. He had to. Somehow, he had to pull Louis out of the miasma he was letting himself sink into.

If he wasn't letting hopelessness overtake him, then he would never have been put into this situation. He wouldn't have gone running into danger by himself; he would have let the team come with him, and he'd have had them for backup.

Instead, he had thrown himself into the path of danger, in an attempt to stop the pain that still assailed him. It couldn't go on. Not if he wanted to keep leading this team.

Carl wasn't sure that Louis still wanted that. But everyone else did.

"Welcome back to the world," he said softly, his lips so close to Louis' that he could feel the other man's warm breath on his skin. It would be so easy to kiss Louis again; all he would have to do was lean forward less than an inch, bow his head ....

With difficulty, Carl kept himself from doing that; instead, he simply stood there and gazed into those blue eyes, the eyes that had enthralled him at first sight.

"I am still here," Louis said with a soft sigh, his words heavy with regret. Carl had to resist the urge to grab his shoulders and shake him; he sounded as though he was sorry to wake up and realize that he was still a part of this world.

This wasn't the time for tough love, even though he felt that Louis could use some.

"Yeah, you are," Carl agreed, leaning back slightly to give Louis some breathing room. "I know you must be feeling pretty rough, but it'll get better. The doctors say you can go home tomorrow. I hope you're prepared to have me staying with you."

Louis' blue eyes opened wide at those words; he obviously hadn't expected them. Carl hadn't, either, but he knew that he was going to follow through on them. There was no way that he was going to let Louis stay in his apartment by himself while he recuperated.

And he certainly wasn't going back to work, either, Carl told himself grimly. In the state of mind he was in, that would be the worst thing for him.

Louis needed someone to take care of him; he'd needed that for a while now, but no one had stepped up to the plate and done it. Not even him, Carl thought with an inward sigh. Once again, he'd let the man he loved down without meaning to.

That was another mistake he wasn't going to make again.

"Yeah, you heard me right," Carl told him, his gaze meeting Louis'. "I'm going to stay with you for a while. I know you didn't ask me to, but you can't be alone right now, Louis. You have to know that. Everybody's worried about you, and we haven't done enough to help you."

Louis shook his head, sighing softly. "I am not a child, Carl," he pointed out. "I don't need help. I need to go back to work as soon as I can get out of here. There is far too much to do for me to be lying in bed like an invalid when I am perfectly fine."

Carl shook his head, a frown creasing his brow. "You're not 'perfectly fine' and you know it. Louis, stop trying to be strong. You don't always have to be a rock of Gibraltar."

"I am hardly that." Louis' lips twisted in a wry smile; Carl found his attention riveted to those lips, wanting to kiss Louis more than ever. But he had already done that once, and it didn't seem to have had the effect that he'd thought it would.

Louis barely seemed to have noticed.

His next words told Carl that wasn't true. "You kissed me," he murmured, raising a hand to his mouth, his fingertips moving over his lips. "That is twice that you have done that. And twice that I didn't expect it. Why do you keep kissing me, Carl?"

"You know why," Carl said softly, almost holding his breath. He had to force his next words out; it was hard to know exactly what to say. "You know how I feel about you."

"That was years ago," Louis said softly; this time, it was his turn to shake his head. "I would have thought that your affections had turned elsewhere by now. And I never really thought that there was more to that kiss than a momentary attraction."

"It was never momentary," Carl said, reaching out a hand to stroke gentle fingers through Louis' dark hair. "I was in love with you, Louis. I always have been. I just didn't know how to say it then, so I thought kissing you would get the point across."

Louis looked stunned by his words.

"In love with me?" he murmured, as though he couldn't believe what he had just heard. "How could you be? We never ..... I never encouraged you to feel that way." He looked down, apparently unable to meet Carl's gaze any longer. "I was not ready for that."

"I know you weren't, and I probably shouldn't have moved so fast," Carl admitted. "But I'm not going to apologize for kissing you, Louis. I'm not sorry for it."

Louis took a deep breath, those blue eyes meeting his once again. "Neither am I," he said quietly, raising one hand as though he was going to caress Carl's cheek before lowering it to the bed again with a soft sigh. "But the timing was not right."

Carl's heart filled; so Louis had felt the same attraction.

"Louis, ever since I've known you, I've wanted to give you the best of all I've got," he said softly, taking the other man's hand in his and raising it to his lips. "But you didn't give me the chance. You ran away before I could let you know how I felt."

"I should not have run," Louis said softly, shaking his head. "I should have stayed and talked with you. But I .... I was so shocked when you kissed me. I did not know what else to do."

Carl nodded, wishing more than ever that he had chosen to do things differently so many years ago. Would it have changed anything? Would he and Louis have ended up together? Would they still be together? There were so many questions that would never have answers.

Maybe it was best not to look for those answers.

It was enough that they were here now, and that Louis wasn't pulling away from him. Of course, he really couldn't do that, Carl thought wryly. He was lying in a hospital bed, as weak as a kitten. There was nowhere that he could go.

Now was the time to tell Louis all that he meant to him, Carl thought. Swallowing hard, he began to speak hesitantly, feeling his way along with each word.

"You've always had the best of everything I am," he said softly, stroking Louis' dark hair back from his face. "Always, Louis. Even when I first started working with this team and I wasn't functioning on the best level, I still tried to give you the best I could."

Louis nodded, a small smile on his lips. "I know you did. I do not question that."

"But I .... I want to show you that you've always had the best of me," Carl continued, wishing that he knew of a better way to phrase his feelings. He couldn't simply come right out and tell Louis that he loved him. Could he? No, it would be too sudden, too abrupt.

"You need somebody to stay with you, to make sure that you're doing okay," he finally managed to say. "I know you don't want it, but you need it. And that person should be me."

Louis looked obstinate for a moment, then that look faded away and he nodded, albeit a bit reluctantly. "I suppose you are right," he said with a sigh. "I feel far too weak to take care of myself. And I do not think that is going to resolve itself in a few days."

Carl sighed with relief. Louis had agreed to his plan.

Now he just had to wait until Louis was released from the hospital -- and then he could show the other man how indispensable he could be in Louis' life. He could start to build their relationship, just as he'd wanted to do so long ago.

"Then I guess we'll go home as soon as the doctors agree that you can leave," he said, feeling new hope for the future rising within him.

This was their second chance, their new beginning. Louis had always had the best of everything he was, even when he hadn't shown it; now was his chance to shower the man he loved with care and affection, and hope that he would receive the same back in return.

***