Title: The Better Half
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,577
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.***
Josef curled up next to Mick with a contented sigh, wondering when he'd last felt so happy as he had in all the months that he'd been with this man. What as it about Mick St. John that made him feel like hewas on top of the world, that life couldn't get any better?
It was love, he told himself, snuggling into his lover's embrace. A love that he'd never felt before, not in over four hundred years. Even when he'd thought he was in love with Sarah, he'd never felt anything like this. No other feeling he'd experienced had even been close.
He wasn't a person who had ever been intended to know love. Even when he'd been human, he had never really trusted people; he'd never given his heart, and unlike other men of his time, who had spent their free hours drinking and wenching, he hadn't give his body often, either.
That had made the night he'd been turned doubly painful for him; it had been humiliating to be the victim of a gang rape, but for someone who had barely had sex a handful of times, it was the most emotionally traumatic experience he could possibly have gone through.
For the entire time he'd been a vampire, he had kept his emotions under cover. He had never let himself care for anyone deeply; he'd had friends, and more lovers than he could count, but he had never let any of them truly touch the depths of his heart.
He'd thought that Sarah had done that, but as time had gone on, he had realized that she had been with him because she wanted to be what he was, not because she really loved him. Her motivations had been completely different from what she'd claimed they were.
She had cared for him. He didn't doubt that. But she had cared more for the fact that he could make her immortal; she had wanted to live forever, whether she shared that forever with him or not. And she hadn't been able to let that idea go.
Josef sighed, remembering the discussions they'd had about him turning her. She had demanded that he do it; she'd raged, cried, and tried every trick in the book to get her way. Nothing had really mattered to her but forcing him to do whatever she had wanted.
And then, when he had -- disaster had struck, and she hadn't had the strength to make the leap into his world, to join his realm of being. She had been caught somewhere in the middle, and she would never come out of it. She had been there for what felt like an eternity.
When she had slipped away, he'd felt sadness, but if he was honest with himself, his overriding emotion had been relief. His last tie to his past was gone; now he was free to love Mick completely, with no guilt over anyone from the past hounding his heels.
Mick had changed his entire from the second Coraline had first introduced them. He had still been feeling guilty over Sarah, and he had sworn that he would never let himself feel any softer emotions for another human. They would be friends, if they were anything to him at all.
Nothing more. He couldn't let himself feel that way about a human again; he couldn't lose his heart to yet another person who might not be able to cross over into his life. He couldn't run the risk of trying to turn anyone again. Not after what had happened the first time.
He had no idea why he hadn't been able to turn Sarah; he'd blamed himself for the longest time, thinking that it was some kind of weakness within him, rather than accepting the fact that she hadn't had the strength that was needed to come into their life.
But it hadn't been his weakness, it had been hers. He'd gradually come to realize that, though it had taken far too long for him to accept it. And even though he'd wanted to turn Mick, he'd waited too long, and then Coraline had taken the decision out of his hands.
Would he have turned Mick if he'd had the chance? Josef didn't know. Mick wouldn't have wanted it at the time -- but maybe, just maybe, if he had been able to sit the other man down and explain what life was like as a vampire, he might have come around.
Things hadn't worked out that way, Josef told himself ruefully. It had all been so different from the way he'd planned, the way that he'd wanted their lives to progress. Coraline had enraptured Mick for so much longer than she should have, even after he'd come to resent her for turning him.
If only he'd been able to talk to Mick about life as a vampire, and then turn him. Everything could have been so different then .... But he wasn't going to think about that, he told himself firmly. It had all worked out for the best, in the end. Mick was here, with him.
They'd had to waste so much time that they could have been together, but now they were here, where he had always wanted them to be. He was in Mick's arms, able to give his heart freely to the man he loved -- and to have that love returned.
Mick was the better half of his soul, Josef told himself, thinking back over the years since Mick had been turned, all of the things that he'd said and done that Josef had taken to heart. Mick had managed to get under his skin, even when Josef hadn't wanted him to.
Before the advent of Mick St. John in his life, he'd tried to deny the fact that he still had emotions. He had tried to become completely vampiric, not caring about humans as anything but a meal, or playthings. He'd tried to deny the soft side of himself.
Mick had brought that side out in full force. And to Josef's amazement, being able to express that softness hadn't made him weak. No, it had made him stronger in some ways, melding that softer, more emotional side with the strength he needed to survive.
No one else could possibly have done that. No one else could have made him think twice about some of the things he'd done -- and felt. Only Mick had that power to make him want to be a better person; no one else would touch his emotions in the way that this man could.
Josef had never expected anyone to bring out the softer emotions that he knew were locked within him -- he had never thought that anyone could care enough to want to do that. Sarah had done it, to some extent, but she'd been more focused on her own desires.
Mick was absolutely selfless in that regard. He only wanted Josef's love -- nothing else. He didn't expect anything other than for them to share their emotions -- and themselves. Josef couldn't help smiling at that thought. Of course, Mick expected to share their bodies, too.
But he had no problem with that. He loved being with Mick, letting his emotions come to the surface. He'd never really been able to do that with anyone else, not in the unguarded way that he could with Mick. This man had set him free, in all the ways that mattered.
Mick St. John was truly his other half -- his better half. He knew that his lover wouldn't agree, but Josef would always see Mick as being the better part of his soul. And he was sure that feeling would last through all of eternity, or however long the two of them might live.
His lover stirred beside him, running a hand through his hair and tightening the arm that was already firmly around his waist. "Hey, I didn't think you were awake," Mick said, his voice sounding thick with sleep. "What are you thinking about to look so serious?"
Josef raised his head, flashing a smile at Mick and placing a hand on his boyfriend's chest. He didn't know quite what to say; mere words couldn't describe all the thoughts that had been running through his mind during the past little while. But he had to try to express himself.
"I was thinking about us," he said softly, his voice barely a whisper of sound. "About how you're the other half of my soul. The better half of me. How you make me want to be a better person -- and how you're succeeding in doing that."
Those were the only words he could get out before Mick's lips met his, his lover's kiss growing in intensity with each passing second. But he didn't mind being silenced. He had said what he needed to say, and the need to speak was fading, replaced by another need that was already raging out of control.***