Title: Circle Dream
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Carl Hickman/Louis Daniel
Fandom: Crossing Lines
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,649
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Carl Hickman or Louis Daniel, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Everything always came back to the start. At least that was how it seemed.

Carl stretched out his long legs in front of him, looking up from the book he was pretending to read and letting his gaze rest on the man in the hospital bed. Louis had been asleep for a while now, but Carl hadn't wanted to let himself drift off.

He couldn't help feeling that Louis wasn't out of danger yet; he couldn't put his finger on why, but there was a prickling on the back of his neck that he'd learned never to ignore. And when it came to Louis' safety, he wasn't going to take any chances.

What if the men who had shot him and then fled knew where he was? There was every chance that they could come to the hospital and try to finish what they'd started.

It didn't matter to him that such a scenario was highly unlikely -- it seemed within the realm of possibility. He would take no chances with Louis' safety, not after he'd come so close to losing the man he loved more than once in the last few months.

He couldn't wait until Louis was discharged from the hospital and they could go to his home here, the new apartment he'd gotten in Paris. He'd given up the place that he had shared with his former wife; the new place was more Louis, more a bachelor's home.

It was funny how Louis' apartment almost felt like .... home.

He felt more comfortable there than he did in his own home. The trailer at the carnival grounds didn't seem like home any more; that was part of another time, another life. The longer he was with the ICC, the less that life seemed like the one he wanted to live.

That life belonged to another person, to a man who had given up on life. Thanks to Louis, he'd been given a new lease on life, and the future looked bright.

The entire team had been in Louis' new home, but Carl didn't think that the others felt as comfortable there as he did. The others really didn't know how to talk to Louis; they tried to assuage his pain with words, but they knew that anything they said was inadequate.

Maybe it was egotistical to feel that he was the only person who understood Louis, especially when Dorn was around. The thought of the older man made Carl frown; he didn't dislike Dorn, but at the same time, he resented the fact that he'd been Louis' first lover.

He knew that Louis didn't still have romantic feelings for Dorn; they hadn't talked about it, but unless Louis was a superb actor -- and Carl didn't think he was that good at hiding his feelings -- he and Dorn were now only friends, and nothing more.

The past was behind them both. It was time for them to look to their own future.

They had both made a lot of mistakes in the past, Carl told himself with an inward sigh. He himself had made more mistakes with Louis than he cared to admit. But that was over and done now; they had a second chance, one that he didn't intend to mess up.

He had dreamed about this for so long, dreamed of having another chance to be with Louis. It looked as though fate had finally decided to smile on him -- and he didn't take that lightly. He would take this chance he'd been given and hold onto it with all his might.

Those dreams always seemed to come back to the same thing -- and lead him back to where he had started, not knowing exactly how to proceed with Louis. But this time, he would be more cautious, and he would win the man he wanted.

Louis had already given him reason to hope. When he had leaned over that bed and kissed Louis awake, he hadn't pulled away, hadn't told him to stop.

All of his dreams were finally coming true. He could see that future with Louis ahead of him, bright and golden. Of course, they would both have some issues to work through; the path wouldn't always be easy. But it was the path he wanted to take.

Carl couldn't imagine his future without Louis, not now that they had connected again. The other man had said things that led him to believe that their desire was mutual, even if Louis hadn't said those particular words out loud. Carl was sure that Louis felt the same.

Well, he would find out before too much longer.

What comes around, goes around -- it was always a saying that he'd believed in. It seemed to be true for him at the moment -- he couldn't shake the feeling that he'd been here before, even though his hadn't been keeping vigil at a hospital bed.

No, he'd been here emotionally. He had been in this very place fifteen years ago, wondering which road to take, what he should do to ensure that Louis Daniel was his. He'd made his first mistake then; it was a mistake that had cost him dearly.

His dreams had been at the same place, too; they had moved in a circle, always centering around Louis, until they were right back at the point they'd started from. This time, he was going to make those dreams come true, give them a place to come home to.

He and Louis were both older now; they had both made mistakes in their lives, and they knew themselves better than they had fifteen years ago. Now, they both knew what they wanted.

He'd always known what he wanted, Carl thought with a wry smile. He had always wanted Louis. That had never changed, not in all the years that had come between their first meeting and this moment in time. He had always clung to that dream with a steadfast yearning.

Now that the dream had come full circle, it was as strong as ever. His desire for Louis had only grown in all those years -- and now that they worked together, it was at a fever pitch. There were times when he didn't known how he held himself back from the other man.

He'd had to. Louis was married, and he had to respect that.

But now, everything had changed. Louis' wife had never been good for him; Carl was sure that he could be. He wanted to be good for Louis; he wanted to give the other man all that he needed, show him how much he was loved and cherished.

Did Louis' dreams follow the same circle? Had he really wanted Carl from that first kiss, and just been too afraid to let his desires be known? That was something he'd have to talk with Louis about; he wanted to know if his own desires had been reciprocated.

Though maybe it was best if he didn't ask, Carl thought with a frown. If Louis' dreams hadn't followed that same path, he didn't really want to know. Maybe Louis' dreams had been more about reconciling with his wife, trying to make the life he had chosen work out.

It hadn't happened that way, though. And now, Louis was his. Or would be. He had said as much with that kiss, when he hadn't pulled away from it.

More than anything, he wanted them to be on the same path. He wanted Louis to love him, wanted the two of them to have a life together. His dreams were finally becoming a reality, and it would break his heart if they turned out to be nothing more than ephemeral wishes.

Yet it had all seemed to come full circle -- he was right where he had been so many years before, with the same choices facing him. He could either follow his heart, or he could turn and walk away. He'd made the wrong choice before; he was determined not to do the same again.

This time, he would do what was right for them both.

So many years ago, walking away would have been the right thing. This time, that was definitely the wrong thing for him to do. If he did the same thing that he had done fifteen years ago, this time, it would all fall into place, the way it should be.

Louis hadn't been ready then, but he was now. They had both matured a lot, been through more than either of them could have imagined. Pain had forged them, shaped them, made them different people. But they had always kept the same hearts.

He was sure that Louis felt the same about him. He might not show it as readily, but then, Louis had been through so much emotionally. He just wasn't ready to say the words; Carl didn't blame him for that. He still had to heal, and that process had only just begun.

But he would help Louis on his way to healing. They would help each other. They would lean on each other, learn to depend on each other, and keep growing closer.

As dreams went, that was a good one to have, Carl told himself. That was the dream he'd had all those years ago -- and it had now come full circle. He was right where he'd been then; he only hoped that he had gathered some wisdom through the intervening years.

Only time would tell if his dreams would finally come true.

***