Title: Love Changes Everything
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,728
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.***
Mick ran a hand over his face as he looked out of his kitchen window, feeling his spirits lift at the sight of the sunny day outside. That was strange, wasn't it? he thought, a wry smile crossing his features. A vampire who actually liked bright days.
He'd never liked that brightness when he'd first been turned. Maybe it was because he felt so ashamed of what he was; he hadn't asked to become what he thought of as a monster, a creature of the night, and he hadn't wanted to be seen in the daylight.
At first, he'd been sure that people knew. He himself hadn't been able to tell what Coraline was -- but that hadn't stopped him from thinking in the early days of his transformation that everyone around him could somehow see into his soul and know exactly what he'd become.
That was ridiculous, of course. No one could simply look at him and tell that he was a vampire. Not unless he let his nature come to the surface; not unless he would let his fangs come out and toss the mental restraints that kept him under control to the curb.
He hadn't done that, and he'd been proud of himself for holding back. There had been so many times when he'd wanted to kill that bitch for what she'd done to him -- but of course, during the first years of their uneasy partnership, he hadn't known how to do so.
Coraline would never tell him how to get rid of their kind. He thought for quite a while that a stake through the heart would do it; it had taken Josef's guidance after his first two years of life as a vampire for him to learn that the "accepted" ways didn't work.
His supposedly "loving" wife had never even told him about the vampire aversion to silver. He could have been killed many times during those two years -- and she'd known it. But she had wanted a way to keep him under her control, to keep him dependent on her knowledge.
Well, he hadn't stayed dependent. He'd gone to Josef, and become much closer to the other man than she had ever wanted him to be. She had thought that Josef would laugh at him, even revile him. She had never expected the two of them to become close friends.
And that worthless bitch would certainly never have expected them to become lovers. Yet here they were, Mick thought, pushing all the memories of his former marriage aside. He was with Josef, exactly where he belonged -- and where he wanted to stay.
As strange as it might have seemed to him even a few years ago, he was comfortable with being what he was at this point in his life. Being a vampire didn't seem so bad, now that he'd found the person he wanted to share all of eternity with.
It had been a while since he'd looked at himself as being a monster. Even when he'd convinced himself that he could have a relationship with that Beth bitch, and fooled himself into thinking that he actually cared about her, he'd seen himself in that dark light.
But now ..... Everything had changed. He saw himself as a man in love -- nothing more, nothing less. It didn't matter that he wasn't human. He'd lost his desire to have his humanity back when he'd finally let himself admit how much he loved Josef.
If he was human again, he wouldn't be able to spend forever with the man he loved. He would age and die -- and that would only cause Josef more pain. His lover had already been through enough of that to past several lifetimes. Mick wouldn't inflict any more of that pain on him.
Besides, being a vampire wasn't so bad. He would live forever; he would be able to do a lot of good as far as doing his job was concerned. He could put away a hell of a lot more criminals in the centuries that he would live than he could have done as a human.
And not only that, but he wouldn't have to be alone any more. That was what he'd hated most about his existence for the past five decades -- the fact that he hadn't had anyone by his side. He'd needed someone to love and cherish, someone to bond with.
He'd thought he had found that with Coraline, until he'd discovered what she was. His horror of what she had made him become had pushed him away from her, even though they had kept up their farce of a marriage for over thirty long years.
What he had with Coraline hadn't been love -- that had been obsession, on both their parts. And that had grown into a dangerous possessiveness on her part, one that could easily have gotten him killed. He had been lucky to escape from her, and he knew it.
His life with Josef was completely different. It had taken them long enough to confess their feelings to each other -- and once they finally had, there had still been some uncertainty, as though neither one of them was absolutely sure that they were going to work.
It had been so awkward between them at first, Mick thought with a smile as he absently sipped at the plastic bag of blood in his hand. They had danced around each other, unsure of what to say or do, feeling as if everything was brand-new.
But that hadn't lasted long. When they had first kissed, he had known that he was right where he belonged -- and that he wanted to have Josef Kostan in his life and in his arms forever. He hadn't wanted to let the other man go after the long night they'd spent together.
And that first night had been so romantic, Mick thought, closing his eyes and letting his memory drift back to that time. They hadn't made love; they'd simply laid in each other's arms, kissing and talking all night, telling each other things they'd never opened up about before.
He had learned so much about Josef on that night, so much that he would never have guessed at. He'd seen the other man's inner vulnerability for the first time -- and seeing that side of Josef had only made Mick fall more deeply in love with him.
Love had changed everything for him, even the way he looked at himself. He no longer seemed like some kind of monster, a creature who had to hide from the world around him, a man who couldn't quite look at himself as being a man, but had to think of himself as a creature of the shadows.
Josef had taken those shadows away, and brought him out into the light. He could walk around in the light of day now without feeling like he didn't belong there; he had finally accepted himself for who and what he was. And he even liked it.
It might seem strange, but being a vampire felt like the right thing for him now. Knowing that he had someone in his life who truly loved him, someone who he could spend all of eternity with, made having this existence feeling more like a choice than something he'd been forced into.
Some people might argue that he could have had that existence with Coraline -- but Mick knew better. He would never have been completely happy with her; he would have tried to fool himself into thinking that he was, but there would always have been something missing.
That something was Josef. Even from their very first meeting, Mick had felt pulled towards the other man. He'd tried to shrug off those feelings, push them into the background, convince himself that they weren't real. But they were, and he'd always known the truth.
He'd always been in love with Josef. From that first meeting, when those emotions had first stirred in him without his conscious mind realizing it, until this very moment, when he had admitted that love, embraced it, and made it the most important part of his life.
Love had changed him, made him softer and more vulnerable. But it had also made him accept what he was, and stop yearning for something that he could never have back. Maybe this was what he'd always been meant for, even though it was hard to believe that.
He had found his happiness with Josef, and at this point in his life, he didn't regret being what he was. He had made peace with the fact that he wasn't human. If he was completely honest with himself, humanity seemed so far away now that it was almost like a dream.
But it wasn't a dream, Mick told himself, draining the last of the blood and tossing the empty bag into the wastebasket. It was his life -- a life that he'd grown to love. For the first time in years -- even decades -- he looked forward to waking up every morning.
Now that Josef was in his life, he had a reason for wanting to be here. Life was no longer a series of empty days and nights spent doing his job and wishing that he could regain his humanity. His life was full, even .... happy. Something he'd never thought that it could be again.
Josef made him happier than he'd ever thought he could be as a vampire -- and even happier than he'd ever been when he was human, if he was honest about it. Just being with the man he loved made all the difference in the world to him.
Love had changed everything in his life, Mick thought, glancing towards the brightness outside the kitchen window and smiling again. To his way of thinking, all of those changes had been good -- and he had no regrets whatsoever now for the human life he had left behind.***