Title: Hide Your Heart
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,076
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

Josef leaned his head back against the soft cushions of the couch in his living room, staring up at the ceiling. There were some nights that seemed to go on forever, and those usually tended to be nights when he was waiting for Mick.

That was one of the biggest changes in his life -- sitting in his apartment, waiting for his lover to come to him. It had been so long since he'd been in a committed relationship that he'd almost forgotten what it was like; but he enjoyed that feeling of comfort and security.

There were so many things about his relationship with Mick that had been unlike any other involvement he'd ever been in, Josef told himself with a wry smile. Which made sense, considering that Mick was the first man he'd been with.

It had been so hard at first for him to admit that he was in love with a man, he thought, letting his mind go back over the years to their first meeting, in 1955. He could still remember that flash of attraction, that heat that had sizzled through him when he'd first seen Mick.

That initial attraction had terrified him, making him want to push Mick away at the same time that he'd been attracted to the other man. He hadn't wanted to admit that he could feel this way about a man, not after the night he'd been turned, more than three centuries ago.

He'd tried to pretend that the attraction he felt was for Coraline, but he'd known that it wasn't. And the stab of jealousy that he'd felt when Mick had thrown his head back and laughed at something she'd said hadn't been because he didn't want another man talking to her.

That had been the first milestone in the saga of his relationship with Mick St. John, hadn't it? That first revelation that he could have feelings for another man, and that he'd made one of the biggest blunders of his life by feeling this way about a human.

He'd learned his lesson about falling for humans. He'd been in love with Sarah -- and look where that had gotten him. He'd tried to turn her, and for some strange reason, it hadn't worked; she hadn't had the mental or physical strength to make the leap into his world.

After that, he'd told himself that he wasn't going to attach himself to a human. He didn't want to try to turn anyone else, especially not someone he cared about. He and Mick would be merely friends, and he would bury that attraction and pretend that it didn't exist.

It had all changed when Coraline had turned Mick. When she told him what she'd done, Josef had felt his heart leap in his chest; if Mick was now a part of their vampiric world, he would have an excuse to get closer to the other man, to let their friendship develop.

Once Mick had become one of them, another milestone in their relationship had been passed. It was so much easier for Josef to be close to the other man, to take Mick under his wing and show him all the things that he knew Coraline never would.

Being able to spend so much time with Mick had made his pulse quicken, his breath catch in his throat. He'd had to struggle to keep his feelings hidden -- from himself as well as from Mick. And he still hadn't let himself admit just what those feelings were.

His jealousy of Coraline had still been there, underlying every word that he said, every move that he made. He'd wanted nothing so much as for her to disappear from their lives, for Mick to turn his back on that fatal attraction he had for her and turn to him for solace.

It hadn't happened. Even though Mick resented Coraline for turning him, feeling that he was now some kind of monster, that attraction she held for him hadn't diminished. Their dysfunctional relationship had continued, and Josef had still been on the outside looking in.

He'd told himself that love wasn't something he needed in his life; it was enough to have a few fleeting relationships that came and went. Hadn't what had happened to Sarah taught him that? He didn't need to fall for Mick. He would only get hurt in the end.

That realization had come to him far too late, Josef told himself, raising his head and opening his eyes. His gaze sought the clock; he frowned, realizing that Mick was now more than half an hour later getting here than he'd said he would be.

Telling himself that he didn't need love had been easy; trying to repress his emotions had been much harder. He'd tried to stay away from Mick for a while, making excuses not to see him, always being "too busy" for them to spend time together.

Mick had been hurt by that attitude -- and rightly so. Josef didn't blame him for that, but he'd felt at the time that he had no choice in the matter. He had to push Mick away, to keep those emotions that tore at him from the inside out from eating him alive.

Then Mick had killed Coraline -- or so he'd thought. And again, the playing field had shifted, everything between them changing in the blink of an eye. One of the stumbling blocks had been removed from Josef's path, leaving the way clear for him to charge forward.

Only he hadn't been able to summon the courage to do so. He'd kept hanging back, telling himself that he couldn't be in love with a man. Her supposed "death" had been the third milestone in his relationship with Mick -- and he hadn't taken advantage of the chance it had afforded him.

He had kept hiding his heart from Mick; he hadn't had the courage to try to take things to another level. But Mick hadn't been lacking in that courage. He'd refused to let Josef pull away from him; he'd been the one to make their relationship forge ahead.

So much had happened in the years since Coraline had been out of Mick's life. The two of them had grown closer, little by little, and there had been many times when Josef had almost found the courage to tell Mick how he felt.

But the time had somehow never seemed right, and the words had always remained unsaid. But Josef was sure that Mick knew how he felt, even if the other man didn't want to acknowledge the emotions that formed an unspoken bond between them.

There had been Mick's infatuation with Beth, and the return of Coraline -- as a human. Mick had gladly let her use that compound she'd created to transform him back into his human life, thinking that it would allow him to be with Beth and be happy.

And then that happiness had been destroyed when he'd thought that he had to become a vampire again to save Beth -- only for him to find out what she was really like. A selfish, obsessive, obnoxious woman who cared about nothing but her own self-interest.

Josef closed his eyes, letting himself sink into the memory of turning Mick. He hadn't wanted to do it at first; he'd been terrified that the same thing that had happened with Sarah would happen now, and he would once again lose the person he loved.

Fortunately, it hadn't happened. After a few moments of intense anxiety on Josef's part, Mick had been resurrected as a vampire for the second time; and he'd felt a rush of pride and protectiveness as the reality sank in that he was now Mick's sire.

Had that made their relationship any closer -- or made it any easier for him to express his real feelings to the man he loved? Josef's lips twisted in another wry smile, a derisive laugh bubbling to his lips. No, it most certainly hadn't.

That had been a huge milestone in their relationship, but it had still been the hardest thing in the world for him to confess how he really felt about Mick. He'd struggled with those feelings, wanting to spill them out to Mick, but forcing himself to keep them hidden.

He'd even felt as though he had no right to those feelings, even when Mick had discovered Beth's true nature and had turned away from her. Mick had been disillusioned about relationships in general at the time, and Josef hadn't wanted to make matters worse.

So he had tried to stay in the shadows, to keep his feelings contained, even though there was nothing standing in their way now. But the more he'd tried to keep his emotions under wraps, the more they'd seemed to come out, in dozens of little ways.

Finally, the night had come when he hadn't been able to hide his heart any more -- and the largest milestone in their relationship had been passed. That night when Mick had come over unexpectedly, and the two of them had talked and let their feelings pour out.

Josef couldn't have been more surprised to discover that Mick's feelings for him had been growing ever since their first meeting, over fifty years ago. He'd thought that the other man hadn't been able to see anyone but Coraline, and then Beth.

But the truth was very different. Mick had been trying to tell himself for all these years that what he felt for Josef couldn't be more than friendship, that he couldn't be in love with another man. The same things that Josef had been telling himself all this time.

That night, all of the barriers between them had come down -- for good. Mick had taken him to bed and made love to him, and he'd opened himself up to someone for the first time in over four hundred years, both emotionally and physically.

It wouldn't ever have happened with anyone else; Josef was sure of that. Even with Sarah, he'd always held a part of himself back. Yes, she had known what he was, and loved him in spite of that -- but there had been a physical and emotional line that they'd never crossed.

He'd loved her, but he'd never completely trusted her. Not with his heart. Not the way he had with Mick. That was a barrier that no one had been able to knock down for more than four centuries. But Mick had sent that wall tumbling to the ground -- and Josef knew that it would never be built up again.

From that first kiss, that first intimate touch, he'd known beyond any kind of doubt that he'd made the right decision to finally tell Mick how he felt. He'd confessed so much that night -- not only his feelings, but insights into his past that he'd never told anyone.

Mick hadn't turned away from him as he feared. No, the other man had taken Josef into his arms, kissing him and whispering to him that the past didn't matter. Mick had said that it was the first night of the rest of their lives -- and Josef had known that he no longer had to hide his heart.

Would there be any more milestones in their relationship, now that the most important ones had been experienced? There probably would, Josef thought with a smile. Life could always manage to throw some interesting situations at them. He'd already discovered that.

No matter what was thrown into their path, they'd get past it, Josef told himself, a small, satisfied smile curving his lips. After all, what was life without a challenge? He and Mick had survived so many of those already that a few more wouldn't get in their way.

His head turned towards the door as he heard Mick's key in the lock, his smile growing. Who knew what other milestones he and Mick might have in their future? He couldn't predict what they would be, but he was looking forward to experiencing every one of them.

***