Title: Hope Soars
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,704
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

"What was it like to grow up in the time you did?" Mick asked Josef, raising his eyebrows as he faced his lover across the kitchen table. "You were turned in the early 1600's, right? I can't imagine what it was like to live back then."

"No, you can't," Josef told him, lifting his glass and raising it in a toast. "It's been so long that I've pretty much forgotten what it was like. Those are times best left buried. They're dead and gone, Mick. I don't like looking back on the past."

Mick watched as Josef raised the glass to his lips and tossed back the blood that was left in it, then set it down on the table with a definite thump. He didn't want to upset his boyfriend, but he had so much curiosity about Josef's past.

He'd been told a lot already -- more so than most people were. Josef had a hard time trusting anyone, even the people he considered friends. It had taken a few years for Mick to break through his wall of cynicism enough to really get him to talk about himself.

And it hadn't been until they had become lovers that Josef had revealed the horrors of his past. Mick could remember that night as though it was yesterday; it had been the first time he'd seen Josef cry. Until then, he'd wondered if the other man was capable of tears.

Oh yes, Josef was capable of tears, all right. That night, it had been as though a dam had broken somewhere inside him, and all of the pent-up emotions of four hundred hears had come pouring out in a flood that had startled Mick as much as it had touched him.

Josef had laid in his arms and poured out the story of what had happened to him on the night he was turned -- and what his life had been like afterwards. He hadn't had an easy transition into vampiric life, which was why he'd taken Mick under his wing.

Mick had known that he was in love with Josef long before that night, but until then, he had given up all hope of the other man ever feeling the same about him. He had thought that he would have to content himself with the two of them merely being friends.

But when he'd held Josef and known that he was being told things that had never been revealed to another living soul, he'd felt a glimmer of hope. Josef was letting down his guard; he was showing Mick just how vulnerable he could be.

They hadn't become lovers that night -- not in the physical way, at least. But Mick had known, if only through Josef's actions and his trust, that they were headed in that direction. He'd had no doubt that the two of them would eventually make love.

"But you've got so much history," Mick said, not wanting to give up his probing yet. He never knew just how far he could push Josef before his lover shut him out, the walls going up to keep everyone -- even him -- out of Josef's private thoughts.

"What do you want to know, Mick?" Josef asked with a sigh, picking up his glass again and studying it. "Do you want to know what it was like to be held down and raped by six men taking turns with me? Really? Because if you do, I can tell you."

He glanced at Mick, then continued, his tone bitter. "Do you want to know what it was like to lie there bleeding my human life out in a ditch before a vampire dragged me out of there into a barn and turned me because he thought I was pretty? I can tell you that, too."

Mick had heard this before; he didn't know why the words made him wince. He'd heard worse than this; he'd heard the entire story before, in Josef's words. He'd almost been able to see and even feel what the other man had gone through.

"I-I'm sorry," he said softly, holding up his hands. "I don't want to bring back bad memories, Josef. I've just always wondered what that time was like. Going back all those centuries .... everything was so different then. And you saw it all."

"Yeah, I did." Josef sighed, his gaze meeting Mick's. "But that time is long gone, Mick. Nothing is going to bring it back. You can find out a lot more about it from history books than you can from me. I wasn't anybody special at the time."

"I don't believe that," Mick said quietly, his gaze not wavering from Josef's. "I think you were special just because you're you. And I don't say that from the vantage point of being your lover four hundred years later. I just can't see you as ever being insignificant."

"I was," Josef said, heaving another sigh and shaking his head. "I was a nobody, Mick. I didn't come from a well-to-do family like Coraline did. I was lucky that she decided she liked me when we met. If she hadn't, I wouldn't have risen as far as I have."

"So your early years as a vampire weren't this successful?" Mick asked, leaning back in his chair and sweeping a hand around at the gleaming kitchen. "I kind of took it for granted that you were born into privilege like this."

Josef raised an eyebrow, the cynical smile that Mick was so used to seeing curving his lips. "Then you thought wrong. When I was first turned, I was nothing. I literally had to claw my way to where I am now. Maybe that's why I'm so wary about losing what I have."

"I can't blame you for that," Mick said, his tone sober. "If I'd worked for hundreds of years to achieve all this, I wouldn't want to let it go either." He took a deep breath, asking a question that had just come into his mind. "What would it take to make you give this up?"

Josef looked startled; he obviously hadn't expected a question like that to come from his lover. "I don't know that I ever could," he answered slowly, his eyes narrowing. "What are you getting at, Mick? There's no reason for me to give this up, is there?"

Mick shook his head slowly, letting out the breath he'd been holding. "I guess not," he murmured, feeling a little deflated. "I just .... well, I thought you'd say that you could give it all up for love. But if that's not the case, then I don't want you to feel obligated to say it."

"Why should I give this up?" Josef inquired, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. "You know how I feel about you, Mick. But I can have this -- and have you, too. This is for both of us. There's no reason to throw it all away."

"You're still not going to let me in completely, are you, Josef?" Mick asked softly, his voice husky. "I'm going to keep pushing until all those walls crumble, you know. I have enough hope in what we feel for each other to do that."

Josef leaned across the table, his gaze fixed on Mick's face. "I've let you into my life more than I have anybody else in four hundred years, Mick. Don't push too hard. I don't want to let you go. But there's only so much I can take before I push back."

"I know, babe. I know." Mick reached across the table to take Josef's hand in his, twining their fingers together. "I always have to push, y'know? Maybe it's because I'm a lot more insecure than I try to come off as being. Maybe I'm just scared of losing you."

"You're not going to lose me," Josef told him, his gaze softening. "Haven't I told you that enough times already? I might have a hard time saying those three words I know you want to hear, but I have said them to you before. And I meant them."

"I love you, Josef," Mick whispered, his throat constricting as he spoke. "And I know you love me. I know those words are hard for you. I don't expect to hear them all the time. But I'm still holding onto the hope that they'll get easier."

"They will," Josef said, squeezing Mick's hand. "I --" He hesitated, swallowing hard. "I do love you, Mick. I've only said those words to two other people in my life. One when I was human, and the other -- well, you know how that's turned out."

Mick nodded, feeling that his heart was soaring somewhere high above the clouds. Josef had said those words, the words that he'd hoped he would hear. They weren't something that came easily to his lover, and Mick knew how hard it had been for Josef to get them out.

"Come on," he said, getting to his feet and moving around the table to pull Josef out of the chair and into his arms. "Let's go see what kind of trouble we can get into. There's bound to be some weird situation out there with our names on it."

"Are you sure that you aren't hoping for more than you can handle?" Josef asked, raising an eyebrow at him and flashing that saucy grin that Mick had fallen in love with. "Let's stay away from the trouble and just go out looking for a good time."

"You got it," Mick answered, laughing as he slid an arm around Josef's waist and headed out into the living room of the penthouse. Whatever might be in store for them tonight, he'd heard words that he'd needed to hear -- and he hoped that he'd hear it again soon.

***