Title: Keep on Loving You
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,662
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.***
"So that body we found last night did have something to do with you," Mick said, his words not so much a question as a statement. "I thought it seemed kind of familiar. What happened to the tar pits, Josef? Getting tired of using them?"
"What did you expect me to do, Mick?" Josef shrugged, turning away from his lover. "I took care of a problem that you knew was eventually going to get too big to handle without making a major mess. I did in the best way I knew how. And it's not like it could be traced back to me."
"If people cared to look closely enough, it could be," Mick said grimly. "I know you've been doing this for a long time, Josef, but you can't be too careful. Especially when there are people like Beth around who would just love to put you behind bars."
"And you really think that a prison could hold me?" Josef scoffed, almost smiling as he shoved his hands into his pockets and turned back to face Mick. "C'mon, you know me a hell of a lot better than that. At least, I'd like to think you do."
"No prison is going to hold you -- but you could be tried in a vampire court if they decide that you're a danger to us," Mick told him, his voice shaking slightly. "And if they condemned you -- then I would have to die, too. You'd be signing both of our death warrants."
Josef had gone pale at Mick's words; he shook his head vehemently, as if by denying those words, he could make them go away. "No, Mick. No. If a vampire council were to decide anything like that against me, I wouldn't let you share that fate."
"You couldn't stop it." Mick's voice was firm, brooking no opposition. "I wouldn't want to go on without you, Josef. I wouldn't have any reason to keep existing. If you die -- then I die, too. Remember that the next time you decide to do something stupid."
"What was I supposed to do, Mick?" Josef's voice had gone from sounding defiant to being soft, almost inaudible. "I can't let you think that I've gone soft, that I can't take care of myself. But I can't go back to my old habits, either. You wouldn't respect me if I did."
"Who says I don't respect you?" Mick said softly, realizing that there was more to this than he'd originally thought. Something was eating away at Josef, something that his lover hadn't let out into the open. But it seemed that the issue was coming out now, wanted or not.
"Nobody." Josef looked down at the floor, his hands still in his pockets. "But I guess I'm scared that you won't, if I go on like I always have. I'm trying to change for you, to be what you want me to be. But it's not always easy. I'm fighting against my own nature."
"And you think that I won't love you if you don't change who you are?" Mick almost wanted to laugh at those words, but he knew better than to do so. Josef obviously took this seriously, so he should, too. And really, it was no laughing matter.
"I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, "Josef whispered, not looking at Mick. "If I keep on the way I've always been, then I'll lose you. And if I change too much, then I lose who I am -- and I feel like I'll seem weak and lose your respect. It's a lose-lose situation for me either way."
It was Mick's turn to shake his head as he moved to where Josef stood, slipping his arms around the other man's waist. "Josef, what makes you think I'm going to see you as being weak?" he asked softly, his tone curious. "I've never seen you that way before."
"I've never gone out of my way to hold back what I am before," Josef told him, still not meeting his eyes. "I can't keep doing it, Mick. I can't keep trying to deny what I am. It's not natural for me. No matter how much I love you, I can't pretend that I'm not a predator."
"I've loved you exactly the way you are for decades, Josef," Mick whispered, pulling Josef close against his body. "Why should you think you have to change anything about yourself for me? I'm not going to leave you just because you don't always agree with me."
"I keep thinking that you'll get tired of being with somebody who doesn't have the same moral compass you do," Josef whispered, resting his forehead against Mick's shoulder. Mick was startled to hear his lover's voice shake, almost as though he was on the verge of tears.
"I don't kill humans just for the hell of it. You know that," Josef continued after a few moments, his voice quieter now, more under control. "But I do kill them. And I don't always get other people to do it for me. I know you don't agree with that."
"And you think I'll walk out on you because of that," Mick murmured, his heart aching for Josef. How could his boyfriend think that something like that could separate the two of them? How could he even begin to think that Mick would turn his back on someone he loved?
He'd done it before, hadn't he? a voice in the back of his head piped up, an unwelcome voice that Mick didn't want to acknowledge. He'd left Coraline when she'd seemed like she was running mad, after that crazy abortive attempt to start a "family."
And he'd certainly pushed Beth away when she'd turned out to be so different from what he'd first thought she was. Josef had been there for all of that; he'd seen how Mick had turned his back on someone he'd thought he cared deeply for.
Did Josef see himself being pushed away, too? Mick knew that he'd never do that, no matter how much he might argue with his lover, or how much their attitudes toward humans might differ. But he could see how Josef might think that, from what he'd done in the past.
Closing his eyes, Mick rested his cheek against the softness of Josef's hair, choosing his words carefully. "Josef, you're never going to lose me. The only way that's going to happen is through death. And even then, I'll still love you. I'll keep on loving you through eternity."
"Do you mean that?" Josef's voice was choked; he still didn't lift his head to look up at his lover. "Mick, do you have any idea how many people have told me that -- and then when they found out what I'm capable of, they backed off? Be sure you mean what you say."
"I mean it." Mick gently placed one hand below Josef's chin, lifting the other man's face to his so that their gazes met and locked. "I'll always love you, Josef. And I'll always be with you. I know it might not always be easy to believe that, but it's the truth."
Josef nodded, taking a deep breath before he spoke again. "I'm not going to stop being what I am, Mick. I can't keep denying my nature. I can't live the way you do. I don't want to be human again. I never did, not from the first night I was turned."
"I know you don't, babe," Mick whispered, burying his face against Josef's hair and moving his hands down the other man's back. "And I don't want you to change. I love you exactly the way you are. And I'll keep on loving you, no matter what. Don't ever doubt that. Don't ever doubt us."
"I won't," Josef answered in a subdued whisper. "Maybe I never should have in the first place. But I've been around a lot longer than you have, Mick. I've seen how people can change. And I've seen how love can change. You have, too. You know what I mean."
"My love for you isn't going to change, any more than yours is for me," Mick told him, trying to keep his voice soft and soothing. "Josef, you're worrying about something that won't ever happen. Don't think about it. I swear, we're not going to let that happen. Not ever."
Josef nodded, sighing with what sounded like relief and resting his forehead on Mick's shoulder again, his arms tightening around his lover's waist. They stood there holding each other for what seemed to Mick like a very long time, each lost in their own thoughts.
He knew that his words were true. He would keep on loving Josef until the end of eternity -- even if they both had to face death. His heart would always belong to this man, in this life or any other. What he shared with Josef was different than what he'd had with anyone else.
And he knew that Josef would keep loving him, no matter what. If he knew one thing about this man, it was that he didn't give his heart easily. He had Josef's love for eternity; he knew that with every fiber of his being. Josef's love would never waver, never fade.
Neither would his own. He would keep loving Josef forever, until time itself ground to a halt. Mick tightened his arms around Josef, holding the other man close against him, feeling comforted by his presence. This was where he belonged -- and where he would always be. For eternity, and beyond.***