Title: You Love and Learn
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,344
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

He hated parties. He really hated parties.

But he was going to this one, simply to please Josef. It wasn't the first party they'd attended as a couple, but it was the first Christmas they'd spent together since they'd publicly acknowledged their relationship, and Josef wanted them to enjoy themselves.

He would enjoy himself tonight, Mick realized with some surprise. He'd never enjoyed parties before, but this one was different. This was the first Christmas party they would attend as a couple, with everyone knowing that they were together.

He'd been to a lot of parties with Coraline, both before they were married and after -- but he'd never really enjoyed them. They had just been events to get through, a prelude to him having time alone with the person he'd thought he loved at the time.

The same thing had been true of his brief relationship with Beth. He'd hated the parties that he'd gone to with her; he'd always been there under duress, either because he was working on a case, or because he'd gone merely to please her.

He had done too many things to try and please that selfish bitch, he thought, wincing at the memory. He had almost forced himself to deny the person he really loved, the one he'd wanted to be with even before he was turned and knew what that person was.

She had almost scrambled his senses with her helpless act to the point where he'd turned away from Josef. But fortunately, he'd managed to turn away from her in time, disgusted by what he'd finally been able to see that he'd been blind to for so long.

It had been much the same way with Coraline, hadn't it? But what he'd been able to see in her on the night she'd turned him -- their wedding night -- had been much more apparent outwardly. Beth had hidden her true colors far better than Coraline ever could.

How could he have ever thought that he was in love with someone who was so incredibly selfish, who only thought of themselves and what they wanted? He shuddered to think that he'd actually almost given up eternity with Josef for that kind of worthless trash.

Taking a deep breath, Mick looked at his reflection in the mirror again, adjusting the tie of his tux. He shouldn't be thinking of those past parties; he should focus on the one he was going to, the one where he would have the man he loved on his arm.

The past was over and done with, buried and behind him. Unpleasant memories might come back to him every so often, but they could never touch him again. He knew who he wanted to be with; he was firmly established in a relationship that he wouldn't back away from.

He'd loved -- and thought that he had loved. Yes, he'd been in love with Coraline at one time; that he was sure of. But that love had faded and quickly died once he'd found out what she was -- and to what lengths she would go to exert complete control over him.

That had been terrifying, the moment when he'd realized that Coraline didn't really love him, but was only obsessed with the idea of him. And even more horrifying had been the realization that he felt the same way about her.

He'd been obsessed with Coraline. Not in love with her. That knowledge, more than anything else, had been what had made him draw back from her, even though he hadn't had the courage to end their unholy union until she'd crossed one too many lines.

And he had been similarly obsessed with Beth. He had thougt that she was still the same innocent, helpless girl who needed him -- but he'd found out differently. He just wished that he'd seen her true colors more quickly and not wasted so much time on her.

All that time, he could have been with Josef, rather than denying how he felt about the other man. Josef had tried to show him that they belonged together after Coraline's death, but he'd turned away from what the other man had offered, like the fool he was.

He had wasted so much time that they could have been together catering to a selfish, whiny bitch who wanted to be the only focus of his life. But fortunately, his sight had cleared and he'd been able to see her for what she really was before he'd done anything stupid.

Ah well, you love and learn. He almost wanted to smile at those words; they were exactly what Josef would have said if he could hear Mick's thoughts at the moment. He would be philosophical about all the time they'd spent apart.

After all, they had eternity to be together now. He could just hear Josef's voice saying those words; he was sure that if he repeated his thoughts to his boyfriend later, either at the party or when they were curled up together in bed at the end of the evening, that was what his lover would say.

Yes, he'd loved in the past -- but those loves had turned out to be mere infatuations. Neither of them could even begin to compare to the all-encompassing love he had for the man in his life -- the man who would soon enough be here in his arms.

No one had ever meant as much to him as Josef did -- and no one ever would. All the people he might have loved in his past paled beside the man who was his present, and his future. The man who held Mick's heart in the palm of his hand.

He had loved disastrously in the past -- if that could have been called love at all. But he had learned from his mistakes, and he'd lived through them. Even if he'd come out of those relationships more than a little scarred, at least he was smarter for the experiences.

Mick pulled back the cuff of his dinner jacket to glance at his watch, realizing that Josef would be here at any moment, and he'd probably have to be ready to leave when his boyfriend arrived. He was ready now; he was just taking his time with the finishing touches.

Running a hand through his hair, he smiled at his reflection, banishing the thoughts that had been running through his head into the back of his mind. The past was behind him; tonight was the next step in his future with the man he loved.

He'd learned so much about himself in the time that he'd been with Josef -- more than he ever would have learned as a human. And maybe, if he managed to live out the eternity that he and Josef would have in front of them without coming to harm, he'd be able to learn even more.

His love for Josef had opened up a whole new avenue for him to explore, and had taught him a lot about who he was -- and who he wanted to be. He was a better man now, on his second try at being a vampire, than he'd ever been when he was still human.

A knock at the door made him jump, his eyes widening. It must be later than he'd thought when he had glanced at his watch, or else Josef was early. Well, there was no time like the present for them to get started on walking into the future.

Smiling, Mick headed down the stairs, ready to face the evening -- and even to enjoy it.

***