Title: Light of Love
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,404
Author's Note: Spoilers for the Moonlight episodes "The Mortal Cure" and "Fated to Pretend."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.***
Mick let himself into Josef's penthouse, his senses alert for anything that might feel wrong about the place. He knew that his boyfriend wasn't here, but he still felt that it was always a good idea to be a little cautious. After all, Josef was a target.
That was one of the few bad things about being with a man who was a business scion, he thought with a sigh. There were always people, both vamp and human, who wanted a piece of his lover. Sometimes it felt like Josef was too much of a public figure.
But Josef chose to live that sort of life, and Mick was a part of it. He wouldn't want to change his boyfriend in any way; he loved Josef just as he was, and if loving him meant dealing with the fact that he could be a very conspicuous target at times, then Mick would deal with that.
Besides, without Josef in his life, everything would be so much darker. He'd literally been living in a world of darkness since he'd been turned; he went out in the daylight, but everything had always seemed dimmed to him, muted, the colors blurred, the light diminished.
Josef had pushed that darkness away. He'd made the lights in Mick's life brighter, sweeping back the curtain that had always seemed to separate him from them. He had made Mick's world pulse with life, with color and brightness and, above all, love.
He'd never been loved in the way that Josef loved him. He'd never known what it was like to have such complete devotion, to have someone love him as fiercely and protectively as Josef did, but yet still give him the personal space that he needed to live and breathe.
How had he existed for so long in the darkness that Coraline had consigned him to? Mick didn't know, but he was more grateful to Josef than he could possibly say for leading him out of that dreary darkness that his life had become, and bringing him back into the light.
If Josef hadn't been in love with him, if he hadn't cared enough to do that, then Mick might not have had the courage to do what he'd done with Coraline. He might have let that bitch have her way, and turn his life into worse than a living hell.
But he hadn't. He'd followed Josef's lead, trying his best to pull himself out of that darkness. He'd made a first step when he and Coraline had their final confrontation; then he'd let himself fall back into that dark miasma. He hadn't been strong enough to get out on his own.
Then when Beth had come back into his life, he'd let himself fall even deeper into that dark pit, forcing himself to believe in what he knew were lies. He had almost managed to convince himself that he loved her, and that his life should be spent with her.
When he'd become human again, for those few brief days, he had thought that he could live a life with her. He hadn't known when he would turn again; he'd known that he would, but he could have had months, even years, of enjoying the human life he'd so desperately wanted to regain.
And yet .... he hadn't done it. He'd told himself at the time that he wanted to be turned again to save her, but that had been the ultimate lie. He'd wanted to be turned again so that he could be assured of a life with Josef. An eternity with the man he truly loved.
He'd been living in darkness for far too long. He had begun to realize that when he'd let Josef turn him; he had known then, even if he was still reluctant to admit it to himself, that Josef was the reason he wanted to resume his life as a vampire.
It hadn't taken much longer after that for him to push the bitch aside, to see her for what she really was. It hadn't been hard to do; once his eyes had been opened to her selfishness, he hadn't wanted to be around her. He'd gone out of his way to avoid her at that point.
She was part of the darkness that he'd been living in, and he needed to step out of it completely. Josef had been the only glimmer of light in his life during all of those years with Coraline, and the years after when he had thought he would always be alone.
He had mistakenly thought, for a few hazy months, that Beth was that light. But she had only been trying to drag him down in the same way that Coraline had. No, Josef symbolized the light and love that he had been searching for, the one who had always held out a hand to him.
Josef had led him out of a darkness that had always seemed impenetrable. Well, not completely, Mick amended. That darkness had always shown him glimmers of light here and there -- it wasn't all blackness and misery. Josef had always been there.
Josef had been the light in his life for longer than he could remember. He should have realized his actual feelings for the other man much sooner than he had; Simon, his only male lover before Josef, had tried to tell him that there was someone he had deeper feelings for.
But Mick hadn't been willing to listen at the time. He'd been vaguely ashamed about the affair with Simon, though he'd been fond of the other man. But he'd never quite been able to shake the feeling that he was doing something wrong, something forbidden.
It hadn't dawned on him until he'd actually confessed how he felt, first to himself, and then to Josef, that those feelings had come about because of his own guilt. He wasn't ashamed of being with a man. He was ashamed because that man wasn't the one he wanted to be with.
He'd cared about Simon; if he hadn't, they wouldn't have had a physical relationship. But he'd known all along in his heart that it was really Josef who he wanted to be with. It was Josef who he had wanted to lead him out of the darkness and into the light.
Simon had known that, too. He'd guessed right from the beginning of their relationship that Mick had been in love with another man, and he'd accepted that. He had even encouraged Mick to tell whoever this man was how he really felt, to let his emotions out.
He'd felt so unburdened when he had finally done so, even though he'd been terrified to tell Josef how he felt. He'd been sure that his friend would push him away, that Josef couldn't possibly have romantic feelings for him. He'd been sure that he would lose the light in his life.
But he hadn't. Josef had not only embraced him and accepted his love, but he'd told Mick that he had felt the same way about him for years. Mick had been stunned at the realization, before his heart had leaped in his chest to realize that Josef did indeed love him.
Now, he never had to worry about not having those feelings returned. Josef would always love him; they had eternity to be together, to chase away the darkness and move towards the light. He'd always have Josef by his side, as a friend, lover, and guide.
That was all he needed to make him happy -- to have Josef in his life, by his side, to see that smile every day of his life. Josef would be here in a short while, he told himself -- and once he was, any dark corners would fade away, leaving only the light of love to surround the two of them.***