Title: Nightmare
By: nancy
Pairing: Tucker/Reed
Fandom: Star Trek Enterprise
Rating: R
Summary: Trip and Malcolm are locked in a nightmare...but what's real?***
The gravel and rocks bit into him, even through his uniform and climbing apparatus. He skidded, out of control, Malcolm's weight pulling him down fast and hard. One wrong slip, that was all it took to send them careening wildly down the quasi-path they'd been traveling. He heard a shout from Malcolm and the weight pulled him even harder.
Then he was over the edge himself and free-falling.
A painful jerk brought them to a stop. He thought that he could feel his spine actually crack from the suddenness of their stop. He heard Travis shout in pain, thought he heard a sickening crunch of bone that said however the younger man had stopped their fall, it wasn't pleasant.
He hung there a few seconds, unable to do anything except breathe and feel the pain in his arm where he was hanging tight to the rope so Malcolm didn't drop. His arm felt like it was pulling out of its socket and the light that shone from their flashlights spun crazily as they did.
"I can't hang on for long!" Travis shouted.
Pulling himself together he looked down and found Malcolm spinning almost lazily at the end of the rope. He was nearly unconscious from the look of it, must've hit his head on the ride down. "Malcolm! You with me, buddy?"
There was an interminable pause before the other man gasped, "Yes!"
Searching around brought no immediate way to get out of the situation. But maybe... "I'm gonna swing you over to that outcropping, Malcolm, see it?"
"You'll never manage it," Malcolm exclaimed.
"Hey, have some faith!"
"I do, but you're hurt, so is Travis, you can't do anything except get yourself killed," Malcolm answered, sounding weirdly calm.
In a flash of insight, Trip knew what the other man was going to do. "Malcolm! Don't you dare!"
But the knife that had been strapped to his side, was already out and cutting the rope. "I have to, Trip, can't let you fall."
"Malcolm, no! Please!" Trip pleaded.
"The rope is slipping!" Travis shouted from above.
Malcolm met his gaze and even in the darkness, Trip could see the tears as the other man continued to cut the heavy rope in slow, agonized movements.
"No, stop, I can swing you over," Trip pleaded.
They suddenly fell several feet before stopping again. It took only a second for Malcolm to get started again, grim determination on his face.
"Malcolm, don't," Trip begged. "I love you, don't leave me!"
That gave Malcolm pause, but only a split second before he started cutting again. Raising his face to Trip with love and sorrow, he answered, "I love you, Trip, more than my own life. If it saves you...I have to do this."
Shaking his head in horrified denial, Trip couldn't do anything as the knife cut through the final strands and Malcolm fell into the darkness. Trip screamed, reaching out vainly, even as he was pulled upwards by Travis. Strong hands pulled him back over the ledge, too many hands... Dazed and numb, in shock, Trip opened his eyes to look into T'Pol's somber face, then looked to the side to find Jon helping Travis to his feet.
Too late. They were too late.
He curled in on himself, whimpering, "Malcolm...God...Malcolm..."
...and woke in his bed, alone.
Alone as he'd been since returning from that ill-fated mission with Malcolm's body. Alone as he was always going to be. He'd successfully fooled Phlox about him being sound in his mind, even though he knew T'Pol and Jon were keeping an extra sharp eye on him since Malcolm's death. They'd barely let him out of their sight, one of them with him at all times, just in case he tried to kill himself.
Problem with that was that they couldn't watch him 100% of the time and, being about a month since the...incident...they'd apparently decided to relax their guard. Thank God.
The desperate emotions rose yet again and this time, he didn't try to stop them. Getting up quietly from the bed, Trip crossed to his desk and scratched out a note.
Jon,
I'm sorry. I just can't do it anymore, not without Malcolm. Please forgive me.
Love,
Trip
From there, Trip left the quarters that had been home for almost two years and headed for the nearest airlock.
* * * *
Malcolm groaned, scrubbing his fingers through his hair and staring at his reflection. He was paler even than his wont and there were dark circles under his eyes. Those, of course, came from post traumatic stress and having to help Trip through his own nightmares as well. Neither of them were functioning anywhere near normal, though at least tonight had been quiet. If he hadn't woken from an excruciating Charlie horse, he might even have slept through the night.
Making a face at himself, Malcolm yawned and returned to the bedroom, stopping short when he found an empty bed. Frowning, he looked around and called, "Trip? Where are you?"
Not that there was very many places for the other man to be. Malcolm's eyes landed on the desk where a piece of paper caught his attention. He immediately crossed to it, scanned it and felt his throat close in horror, finally choking out, "Oh, God!"
Another hideous nightmare where Malcolm had died, most likely, only this time, Trip had awoken alone and believed it to be truth! Lunging for the comm, he exclaimed, "Lt. Reed to the bridge!"
"Go ahead, sir."
"I need a location on Commander Tucker immediately! Send all available security officers on a ship wide search and have them detain and subdue him if necessary."
"Yes, sir. Oh, no."
"What?" Malcolm demanded.
"Airlock Three just initiated decompression!"
"Stop it!"
"I can't! It's jammed!"
Malcolm didn't wait to argue, he ran flat out to Airlock Three, shoving aside everyone who got in his way. He reached it, but it was empty, the black of space yawning beyond the barrier. Feeling faint, his fingers clawed at the metal door and he collapsed to the ground, moaning in agony.
"Malcolm, Malcolm, it's going to be all right, everything's going to be fine..."
* * * *
Trip held on to the shaking man as tight as he could, wrapped around as much of him as possible. It had been like this since their nightmare descent into the belly of that fucking planet. One or the other of them was always having a nightmare, and if they didn't start sleeping like normal people soon, one or both of them was going to crack.
Probably both.
Finally, Malcolm came awake, stilling into complete immobility for a few seconds as he reoriented himself and realized that Trip was alive. Then he was wrapped around Trip just as tight as he was being held. Rolling them so that Malcolm was on top, Trip kissed every bit of skin he could find, trying to calm the other man down. Between that, Trip's soft words, and a steady shoulder massage, Malcolm slowly came down from the nightmare.
Heaving a long, shuddering sigh, Malcolm pushed up enough to look into Trip's eyes. Trip stared back at him, content to do just that forever. Thrilled that he had the option to do that, because, as the nightmares pointed out, it would be so easy for Malcolm to be taken away from him. Brushing his fingers through Malcolm's short, brown hair, Trip asked, "You all right now?"
With a nod, Malcolm settled back down against him and replied, "Now I am, yes."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Not particularly."
Trip didn't push, knowing the other man would talk when he was good and ready.
After several minutes, Malcolm said, "You thought I was dead, so you killed yourself."
"Damn. That's a nasty one, all right," Trip agreed slowly. "You want to get back to sleep?"
Malcolm shook his head, burrowing even closer, though it was hardly possible.
Trip smiled and shifted his arms to wrap around Malcolm's shoulders, his hands covering Malcolm's head. "Gotta tell you something."
"What's that?" Malcolm question, words muffled against Trip's throat.
"I love you." That got him a smile, which was partially what he'd been looking for, and he continued, "You drive me nuts, you know, but I love you and ain't nothing going to change that. So I was wondering something."
"Yes?"
"When're you going to make an honest man of me?"
Malcolm froze again, but only for a second, then pushed up on his hands and demanded, "What?"
Grinning now, Trip repeated, "Marry me. Make all of this real."
"But...our careers...and the regs...we can't just..."
Trip stopped the words with a kiss, then said, "We can. I already talked to Jon about it and he found a loophole."
Arching an eyebrow at him, Malcolm echoed, "A loophole?"
"You're going to get a promotion. That way, I can't be your superior officer. There's no regs against two people of the same rank getting hitched and being on the same tour, as long as they're not in the same department," Trip explained. "Which we're not."
Stunned, Malcolm just stared at him.
Nervous now, Trip demanded, "Well? C'mon, Malcolm, don't leave me hanging here!"
For an answer, Malcolm plastered his mouth to Trip's and devoured him. When he pulled back, his eyes were shining, but not from tears. Trip figured that his face just couldn't grin any bigger without splitting apart and said, "That's a yes?"
"That's a yes," Malcolm confirmed.
Whooping, Trip flipped them over so that he was on top and said, "You just made me the happiest man on Enterprise, Malcolm, possibly the quadrant. And I know it's going to take time for us to get back on an even keel, but we'll do it. There's nothin' out there the two of us can't beat."
Malcolm cupped his face and agreed, "Nothing."
"So. Think you can sleep now?"
"Who wants to sleep now? I think we've got far more...pressing matters...to attend, don't you?"
"Ah, oh God...yeah, sure...abso...God, Malcolm!"
***