Title: Silent No Longer
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Carl Hickman/Louis Daniel
Fandom: Crossing Lines
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 494
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Carl Hickman or Louis Daniel, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

He hated this situation. Hated it with all of his being.

Carl turned over in bed, glancing at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was four in the morning; he would have to get up in another couple of hours.

He wondered where Louis was, if his boyfriend was all right. He hated knowing that the man he loved was on an undercover mission, and that he couldn't be here by Carl's side, safe in bed with him, where he belonged. He hated that Louis was taking this kind of a chance.

Hadn't he promised that there would be no more separations? Hadn't he told Carl that the two of them wouldn't have to fear for each other's lives any more?

Of course, in their line of work, that promise couldn't be kept.

He sighed, rolling over onto his back and staring up sightlessly at the ceiling. He should have insisted that somebody else take this mission, put his foot down.

But he didn't have that kind of authority within the team. He and Louis might be lovers, but Louis was still the leader of the ICC team, and Carl wasn't going to be given preferential treatment. It was something that they had both promised themselves they wouldn't do.

It was just so damn hard to lie here and wonder about Louis' safety, to not know where the man he loved was, what he was doing, if he needed protection.

Well, of course he needed protection, Carl thought sourly. He was undercover in a dangerous cartel; if he was found out, he would be killed on the spot.

Yes, he needed protection. He needed Carl there by his side. Both of them should have gone on this mission, he told himself. Now, after the fact, he was realizing that he should have insisted on Louis having some kind of backup there with him.

It was too late now. And his silence on the matter just might be what it took for Louis' luck to run out, and to get him killed. This might be the last mission he would ever go on.

Carl closed his eyes tightly, pushing that thought away from him.

He shouldn't have been silent. He should have talked to Louis, to Dorn, even to the rest of the team, if that had been what it took to make sure that Louis was safe.

If his silence cost Louis his life, then he would never forgive himself. Just chalk it up to one more in the long line of mistakes he'd made throughout his life, and spend the rest of his days atoning for it and wishing that he'd stepped forward and broken the silence.

Carl dashed his hand across his face, shocked to realize that he was crying silently. Yet one more silence that he was keeping. He was silent far too often.

When Louis came back to him, he would be silent about his feelings no longer.

***