Title: Comfortably Numb
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: R
Word Count: 1,842
Author's Note: Continuation of Kiss the Ground.
Warning: Non-con.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

It didn't take Mick long to get Josef back to his penthouse; he would have preferred to go to his own apartment, but he knew that Josef never felt completely comfortable there, and he wanted his boyfriend to be in familiar surroundings that would soothe him.

The security for the building didn't question him; after all, he was carrying Mr. Kostan in his arms, and everyone there knew of the intimate relationship they shared. Mick expected no questions -- and he got none. If anyone had questioned him, he'd have turned them aside.

Getting into the penthouse only took a matter of minutes; Mick only paused to make sure that the door was locked and no one would be able to find their way in, even if they got past security, before taking Josef into the bedroom and laying him gently on the bed.

He didn't speak as he began to remove the other man's clothes; Josef didn't say anything, either, merely lying still with his eyes closed. Mick didn't expect him to want to talk; he was probably still feeling more than a little shell-shocked.

"You don't have to stay, Mick." Josef's voice was measured, his words clipped, but Mick could detect the exhaustion behind them. "I need to be alone for a while. I'll call you tonight, okay?" The words almost sounded like a plea, though Josef would never admit that.

"Okay." Mick tried not to let his hurt show in that one word; it was hard to keep back his emotions when all he wanted to do was take his boyfriend in his arms and hold him for hours. But he wanted to respect Josef's wishes and give the other man what he needed.

If Josef needed to be alone, then the best thing Mick could do was let him lick his wounds until he was ready to join the world again. It didn't matter that he wanted to bandage those wounds for Josef; it wasn't his feelings that were important at the moment.

He went to the door, feeling as though he was ripping his heart out of his chest and leaving it here with the man he loved. "Call me if you need anything, okay? I'll have my cell on." He had to stay something; he couldn't just turn around and walk out.

"I will." Josef's voice was low, even a little shaky; it was all that Mick could do not to turn back and sink down on to the bed, take Josef in his arms and hold him close. But he forced himself not to; he had to do whatever his boyfriend wanted, at least for the time being.

Exiting the bedroom, he closed the door softly behind him, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against the hard, unyielding wood. If only he could stay with Josef .... but no. Josef wanted to be alone, and Mick respected him enough to give him that space.

Heading for the front door, Mick stopped in his tracks, frowning. Josef hadn't said that he had to leave the penthouse, had he? And he didn't want to. It would be easy enough to sleep on the comfortable couch in the living room for as long as he had to.

He couldn't simply go home and leave his boyfriend alone here, wondering if Josef would be all right or if he needed someone to talk to him, hold him, or just be with him. The last thing Mick wanted to see was that wall being built around his lover's emotions again.

It had taken him so long to break through that wall; he didn't want to have it built up again, even thicker and stronger than it had always been before. He didn't want Josef to lock himself away from the rest of the world emotionally; he'd done that for far too long in the past.

Moving towards the couch, Mick sank down onto the cushions, his head in his hands. Josef was the one who had been physically attacked; so why was it that he himself felt as though he'd been beaten black and blue, bruised beyond recognition?

Josef's physical bruises would heal; they probably already had. The pain he'd suffered would be only a memory for him -- but it could be a memory that would color the rest of their lives together. It could even push Josef away from him -- on a permanent basis.

What would he do if that happened? Mick knew that he couldn't go back to being nothing more than good friends with Josef; he'd given this man his heart and soul, and he didn't want them back. He didn't want a life where he couldn't be Josef's lover.

He must have dozed; he didn't know how long he'd slept when he felt a hand shaking his shoulder. Mick opened his eyes, dazed and bleary, to focus on Josef standing there and looking down at him. He blinked, realizing that his boyfriend hadn't bothered to get dressed.

Josef's crotch was level with his face; he had a hard time dragging his eyes up to the other man's face to focus on the slight frown on those beautiful features. What kind of a pervert was he? Mick asked himself angrily. He shouldn't be thinking sexual thoughts at a time like this.

"Mick, what are you doing here?" Josef asked him, his voice conveying .... what was it that Mick could hear in that tone? Worry? Curiosity? "I told you to go home and get some rest. You don't need to be here. I'll be okay. Really. I promise."

Slowly, Mick shook his head, leaning back on the couch and trying to focus his gaze on Josef's face. "I can't do that, Josef," he said, his voice low and husky with emotion. "Don't ask me to leave. I can't. I can't just walk out of here and leave you by yourself."

Josef sighed, backing away a step or two and placing his hands on his narrow hips. "Did I see you looking at my cock?" he asked, an almost playful tone in his voice. He was obviously trying to change the subject, to make light of all that had happened tonight.

But Mick wasn't going to let the moment go by, or be made light of. Getting to his feet, he moved to where Josef was standing, sliding his arms around the other man and pulling him close. To his surprise, Josef didn't resist; instead, he sighed and leaned against Mick's body.

"I thought I'd feel angry. That I'd want revenge," Josef whispered, his voice cracked and hoarse. "But I don't feel anything. Just .... numb. And .... and scared. I'm scared, Mick. Maybe for the first time in my life. I'm really, really scared."

"Scared of what, babe?" Mick asked softly, tightening his hold on Josef. He didn't want to let this man out of his sight, or out of his arms; he wanted to take Josef back to the bedroom, lie down beside him and hold him for the rest of eternity.

"I'm scared that this will put a wall between us," Josef whispered, his own arms sliding around Mick's waist and holding him tightly. "I'm scared you'll never see me in the same way again. And that I won't be able to get past this and let you make love to me again."

Mick gently placed two fingers under Josef's chin, lifting the other man's face so that they were looking directly at each other. "Do you really think that anything could ever come between us, or make us not want each other?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. "I don't."

"Nothing could ever make me stop loving you," Josef told him, his voice sounding choked. "I'm just scared that I might not want you to ...." His voice trailed off; he shook his head, burying his face against Mick's shoulder. "Ignore me. I'm being stupid."

"Don't let him come between us, Josef," Mick whispered, closing his eyes and stroking a hand through his boyfriend's hair, trying to soothe the other man as much as he could. "We both need to put this behind us. It's too close right now, but it'll fade with time."

"I just feel numb," Josef whispered. "It's almost a comfortable feeling -- except that there's a part of me that's scared and hurting. The part that didn't want you involved in my problems. The part that's scared of losing you because of things that happened before you were born."

"Shhh, babe," Mick soothed, wishing that he could banish Josef's doubts and fears and comfort his boyfriend. "It's over now, and I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere, Josef. You won't lose me over this -- or over anything else. I'm yours, now and forever."

"There's a lot that I need to tell you about Bartolomy," Josef sighed, raising his head to look at Mick. "I never wanted to have you involved in any of this. But I should have known he'd find a way to drag you into it. All this is my fault, Mick."

Mick shook his head, firmly negating Josef's words. The black and blue bruises around his heart were already healing, just as Josef's physical bruises had healed. They were together, still strong and united -- and nothing else was important to him at the moment.

"Nothing's your fault, babe," he whispered, knowing that Josef wouldn't agree with him, but needing to say the words anyway. "And I don't blame you for any of this. But I'd like to hear whatever you have to say about it -- when you're ready to talk, that is."

Josef nodded, sighing softly as he rested his head against Mick's shoulder. Mick could feel his lover's body relax in his arms; at least Josef wasn't turning him away physically, which was a good sign. He'd half-expected not to be able to touch the other man for a while.

"Can that wait a while?" Josef asked, lifting his head again to give Mick a pleading look. "I don't want to think about him. And I don't want to think about you having to watch what he did. I just want you to hold me so I can get it out of my mind for a while."

"It can wait as long as you need it to," Mick murmured, bowing his head to brush his lips gently against the softness of Josef's mouth. He had the feeling that this would have far-reaching consequences for both of them -- and that they hadn't seen the last of the mysterious Bartolomy.

***