Title: The Need of the one
By: Bev *too*
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Fandom: Star Trek
Rating: NC-17
Note: Beta again my beloved Simone. *hugs* Thank's, dear. *mwah*
Summary: Spock is back from the dead, and finally he's his old, loveable self again. Jim Kirk watches him sleep at night, and unbidden thoughts come to his head.***
He was laying on is side, gazing at the man who was sleeping next to him.
Or maybe he was only pretending to be asleep, Jim could never be too sure about that.
But here he was, beside him. Spock. So wonderfully, beautifully alive. Breathing. His heart beating. He reached out, hesitantly, his hand hovering over the naked chest of the Vulcan. He gazed at his face, and was tempted to put his hand down on the warm skin to feel the heartbeat, feel the warmth seep into his hand again. But he knew that it would inevitable wake the other man up, and Spock really needed his sleep. Well, technically so did he but after all those lonely nights of the last weeks, he still wasn't too sure whether he was dreaming or not. So a part of him refused to sleep, opted to stay awake instead to watch the Vulcan
„Are you observing me again, Jim?“
Jim startled slightly. Dark brown eyes were gazing openly into his, and Jim swallowed. Then he murmured, „I never thought I'd see this again, Spock.“ He gave in to temptation and stroked with one fingertip gently over the chest of the other man. „Never thought I'd see *you* again,“ he continued after a moment.
Spock turned slightly to him, and looked at him. „It's only logical to think so. After all … I died.“
Jim winced at the blunt reminder that his best friend and lover had indeed been dead. And still would be dead if not for the lucky coincidence that had landed his casket on Genesis.
Spock reached out, and put his hand on Jim's cheek. “I'm sorry, Jim,” he said quietly. “I did not want to hurt you.”
“You didn't,” Jim said, then he sighed. “Oh who am I kidding,” he murmured, “of course you hurt me. You fucking died in front of me, Spock, telling me that your life is less worth than our lifes. I had to watch you die, had to bury you, had to talk at your fucking funeral.”
Jim sat up, the quiet, peaceful mood of the night suddenly gone, now that all his hidden feelings were finally breaking through.
He could feel Spock move behind him, move closer to him. He sighed when he felt strong arms circle him from behind. God help him but he loved his green-blooded bastard. He could never stay mad at him as much as he wanted to.
“I am sorry, Jim,” Spock mumbled after a few moments. “I guess I never considered how much pain my action would cause you. I tried to be logical.”
Jim laughed short and harsh. “You were, Spock, believe me, you were oh so logical.”
“Too logical?”
Jim let his head fall on the bony shoulder behind him, and smiled tiredly. “Can one be too logical?” he asked back.
“I,” Spock began, and halted again. Then he cleared his throat and started anew, “I think that I have been too logical when it comes to … feelings. And I must say that I'm not very good at admitting them.”
Jim closed his eyes. No kidding, he thought. All those months and years they'd been together and not once had the vulcan said something about his feelings. He had learned to show them, and mostly that was enough for Jim Kirk. Had to be enough. But after witnessing his lover die and come back to life, he would have needed to hear it.
“Jim,” Spock breathed into his ear, and Jim shuddered a little, “you have to know it, Jim.”
A kiss was pressed to his shoulder, and Jim closed his eyes, enjoying the attention he got from his lover.
“Have to know what?” he murmured.
“You have to know how much you mean to me,” Spock whispered intently, “have to know how much I love you.”
Jim's eyes snapped open, and he turned around, staring into the dark, almost black eyes of the Vulcan. “What?” he gasped.
Spock gazed at him, his face as expressionless as always, but in his eyes Jim could read everything. “I love you, James,” Spock repeated. “Of all the crewmembers, I only remembered you. When the computer asked me how I felt, I didn't know what to say. Because the first thing that came to my mind was 'lonely' because you were not there with me.”
“Spock,” Jim breathed, “you never said something.”
“I didn't think I had to,” the other man answered truthfully. “I always thought you knew.”
“I did,” Jim confirmed, then he grinned a little sheepishly, and continued, “I always knew but for us humans it's nice to hear it every now and then.”
One eyebrow got up, and god, Jim loved this gesture. Loved the quizzical way the Vulcan looked at him. He leaned a little closer and pressed a gentle kiss to the stoic man's mouth.
“Thank you for saying it now,” he smiled.
The eyebrow was lowered, and something close to a smile appeared on Spock's face.
“I will remember to say it … every now and then,” he replied, and Jim laughed quietly. Then he yawned.
“Sheesh, I'm tired,” he murmured, and laid down again. Spock did the same, but before Jim could even try to find a comfortable position, once more strong arms grabbed him, and pulled him to the warm body next to him. He cuddled close to his lover, and with a very content sigh he fell asleep.
The last thing he heard was a murmured, “I really love you, James T. Kirk.”
The end
***