Title: One Last Look
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,236
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

"So, this is the place where you grew up?" Mick asked as he and Josef walked along the graveled driveway that seemed to go on forever. "What was it like? I mean, I'm guessing you must have had a pretty happy childhood, to live somewhere like this?"

Josef shook his head, sighing and shoving his hands into his pockets. "I grew up in this house, yeah," he said, his voice soft, his gaze faraway. Mick was sure that he was reliving old memories, and he almost didn't want to drag his lover back into the present.

But he was too curious about this part of Josef's past not to do so. "I know you said that you pulled yourself up from nothing when you were first turned," he said, trying to piece together what little he knew about Josef's human life. "What happened for you to lose everything?"

"I never had anything." Josef's voice was curiously flat; Mick had never heard him sound like that before. "There's a lot you don't know about me, Mick. A lot that nobody knows. Things that I've never told any person who's still living, because I didn't want anyone to get too close."

"I know that, Josef." Mick tried to keep his tone calm, even though he could feel his heart starting to race in his chest. Was he finally going to get some of the answers to his questions about his lover's past that he'd sought for so long?

That was supposed to be what this trip to England had been all about. Mick had been surprised to find that it was the country Josef had been born in over four centuries ago; he hadn't considered that the man he loved could have come from a foreign country.

But of course, Josef had lived in the States long enough to lose his accent. He'd told Mick that he'd long since learned how to sound American, and that the voice he'd had as a human had been lost in the mists of time. He'd left it behind when he'd left the country of his birth.

Even now, when they were in England and headed towards what Mick assumed was Josef's ancestral home, his boyfriend didn't sound British to him. Josef wasn't even looking around; it was as though he didn't want to see the place where he'd grown up.

"This is where I grew up, Mick." Josef's voice was soft and hesitant; it was obvious that he didn't really want to talk about the subject, but there was no way that he could avoid it now that they were here. "But my family didn't own it. They were servants."

Mick knew that he must have an incredulous expression of disbelief on his face; he tried to cover it up, hoping that Josef hadn't glanced at him and seen it. Of all the things he'd expected his lover to say, that definitely hadn't been one of them.

He couldn't imagine Josef being subservient to anyone, but he must have been. It must have been hard for him, growing up as the son of servants and wanting more than that. Mick's heart went out to his lover, but he didn't dare try to comfort him publicly.

There would be time for that later, after they'd seen the house. Josef had told Mick that he wanted him to see where he'd spent his life as a human, but Mick had expected something very different from this. He'd thought that they would be welcome in the house.

Even as the thought came to him, they emerged from the shaded drive to the front of the house, the tall edifice rising majestically in front of them. Mick was surprised to see that it looked empty; there couldn't possibly be anyone living here now.

"No, there isn't," Josef said, anticipating his question before he could ask. "The last people who lived here moved out a couple of months ago -- when I bought it. I don't know what I'm going to do with it. Probably tear it down. That's all it's good for."

"Why?" Mick asked, raising an eyebrow. "It's a beautiful place. You don't have to live here. You could always make it the headquarters for an office, or something like that. If you ever decided to have an office in England, that is," he added hastily.

"Why would I want to keep the place?" Josef whispered, his eyes roaming over the ivy-covered stones as though he was seeing the past instead of the present. "I was never happy here. Not even when I was a child. There's too many bad memories associated with it."

"Then why did you buy it?" Mick blurted out before he could stop himself. He had a good idea of why, but he wanted to hear the reason from Josef's lips. He knew that he shouldn't have asked the question, but to him, the query seemed inevitable.

"To know that I finally made it to the top," Josef whispered, his gaze not leaving the stone edifice. "To feel that I finally conquered my past, that I made something of myself. I'm the master here now. Something that I never could have been when I was human."

"You might never have been able to own this place when you were human, but you could have pulled yourself up from nothing just like you did after you became a vamp," Mick pointed out, raising an eyebrow. "It's not impossible, is it?"

Josef shook his head, a cynical smile twisting his lips. "Maybe not. But we'll never know, will we? It's not like I can go back in time and be human again. And I wouldn't want to. I'm happy with what I am -- and with what I've become. I've made something of myself."

"And now that you've made something of yourself, you can let the past go," Mick told him, keeping his voice soft. "You don't need this, Josef. It's not like you want to be here. And you can't take revenge on the past any more. You've already done that."

Mick watched his lover as his gaze swept over the house, taking in the ivy creeping up the walls, the lawn that was starting to become overgrown. "You're right," Josef finally said, his voice barely audible. "I should have let this go a long time ago. But I'm glad I had one last look."

With that, he turned and began to trudge back up the graveled driveway without a backward glance. Mick followed him, turning his back on the house, and hoping that this meant what he thought it did -- that his lover had finally managed to exorcise some long-held demons.

The past didn't matter, Mick told himself firmly. Josef was slowly letting go of his -- and Mick had long since learned to let go of his own. It was taking some time, but they were slowly turning away from the past, as well as building a strong future for themselves.

***