Title: The Long Run
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,677
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

"Why is it so hard for you to say that you love me?" Mick asked Josef as the two of them lay in bed together, their bodies sated from their lovemaking. "I know you do. It's not that I need to hear the words. But it's nice to know that you want to say them."

Josef sighed, rolling over onto his side and propping his head on one hand as he stared at Mick. "It's not that I don't feel those words every time I look at you," he began, the hint of a sigh in his voice. "I just think that it cheapens the words to say them out loud too often."

"Cheapens them?" Mick raised an eyebrow, scoffing at Josef's words. "I'm the other way around. I think that saying the words makes the person you're directing them to feel loved. You should say 'I love you' more often, y'know. It might make our relationship better."

"I wasn't aware that there was anything wrong with our relationship exactly the way it is," Josef muttered, throwing back the covers and getting out of bed. He walked to the dresser, picking up his silk robe on the way and shrugging his arms into the sleeves.

Mick sighed, clenching his hands into fists under cover of the sheets. Damn, he'd done it again. How was it that he could always manage to spoil a good mood, and turn Josef surly and uncommunicative with just a few words? He must be cursed.

Now he was going to have to try and explain to his boyfriend that he hadn't meant it the way it sounded. And he had no idea how to do that, how to make Josef realize that Mick wasn't criticizing him, and that he wasn't unhappy with their relationship in any way.

Sighing, he got out of bed, reaching for his own robe as he did so. He'd learned the folly of trying to reason with Josef when he was naked and the other man had clothes on; there had been too many times when he'd felt uncomfortable and exposed while they were talking.

"Josef," he murmured, moving across the room to stand behind his boyfriend. Josef was at the window, looking down at the twilit city of Los Angeles, steadfastly refusing to turn around the meet Mick's gaze. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded. You know I didn't."

Josef shook his head, sounding sad when he finally spoke. "Yeah? How am I supposed to know that, Mick? You sure as fuck sounded like you're not happy with us the way we are, just because I'm not all that comfortable with spouting 'I love you' every five minutes."

"That's not it and you know it!" Mick snapped, the control he had over his temper starting to fray. "I'm sorry," he said, sighing again, calming himself almost instantly. "I know you love me, Josef. I'd just like to hear you say it more often, that's all. But you don't have to."

"I don't?" Josef pulled away from him, tightening the belt on his robe. "You make me feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place, Mick. If I don't say those words to you more, then you're not going to be happy, and I'm going to end up losing you."

"Come on, Josef, you know that won't happen." Mick hated the near-pleading tone in his voice, but he had to make Josef understand that he hadn't meant the words in the way they might have seemed. It was so hard to get through to his boyfriend when Josef was in this kind of a mood.

"How do I know that?" Josef whispered, still not turning around to look at Mick. "When you talk like that, it sounds to me like you're trying to tell me in a roundabout kind of way that you're not happy with me. And I guess that sometimes, I don't blame you for that."

Mick shook his head, trying to clear it of the sudden haze that seemed to be filling his brain. What was Josef saying? Did this man actually believe that Mick was unhappy with him, that he did anything that would push his lover away from him?

"I'm not unhappy with you," he whispered, feeling a lump rise in his throat, as though it was trying to stop him from speaking. "You've made me happier than I thought I could ever be with anybody. And you don't have to say you love me. I don't need to hear it."

"Yes, you do, Mick," Josef told him, his words dropping into the sudden silence like heavy stones into a pool of water. "You need somebody who's going to say those words to you all the time. It doesn't matter if they feel them inside or not. You need to hear them to believe they're true."

"No, I don't!" The denial came quickly to Mick's lips; he was sure that he had one chance, and only one, to convince Josef that what he was saying was the absolute, unvarnished truth. "You don't have to say you love me out loud, Josef. I know you feel it."

"I do," Josef whispered, moving to the window again and looking out at the sky that had turned a velvety midnight blue, with pinpricks of stars twinkling in the darkness above the city. "I just wish you could see that, without wanting me to say it all the time."

Mick crossed the room to the window, sliding his arms around Josef from behind and pressing his face against the softness of the other man's hair. "I do know that," he whispered, his voice choked. "You don't have to say the words if you don't want to, Josef."

"I want to!" Josef told him, his voice breaking. "But it's hard for me to make those words come out, Mick, no matter how sincere they are. It feels like every time I tell somebody I love them, then I end up losing that person. I lost Sarah. I don't want to lose you, too."

"You're not going to lose me," Mick murmured, wrapping his arms tightly around Josef and refusing to let the other man step out of his embrace. Everything depended on him making Josef realize that Mick wasn't expecting something of him that he might not feel he could give.

And now he understood just why Josef had such a hard time with saying those three little words -- because he was so afraid that if he did say them, and mean them with all of his heart, that he would lose the person he was saying them to.

Even though he knew that he would never leave Josef, the other man had no guarantee of that other than his own belief in Mick's words. Other people had probably told him that they would never leave, too -- and they had. Especially people who he'd loved in the past.

Mick didn't blame his boyfriend for being apprehensive -- or for having a hard time with saying words that seemed to drive people away from him rather than draw them closer. If he was in Josef's place, he would more than likely feel exactly the same.

"I know why it's so hard for you to say you love me now -- and I understand," he said softly, hoping that Josef would accept his words as an apology. "I don't blame you for feeling like that, Josef. But nothing's going to make me leave you. Nothing's going to take me away. I promise.

"In the line of work you're in, you can't say that for sure," Josef murmured, turning around to face Mick and resting his forehead against the other man's shoulder. "But just do your best to stick around, okay? I love you. I don't want to lose you."

"Three little words shouldn't mean so much to me that I make you feel uncomfortable by expecting you to say them," Mick murmured, realizing at the moment he spoke that Josef had just said those three words that he'd wanted so badly to hear.

"And I shouldn't have such a hard time saying them to you," Josef told him, raising his head, his gaze meeting Mick's. "I'm sorry, babe. I'll try to say those words more often. I know that they don't mean I'll lose you. I've got to get myself out of that way of thinking."

"You do," Mick agreed, brushing a few errant strands of hair back from Josef's face. "Saying those three small words isn't going to put a curse on us, Josef. They won't make me disappear out of your life. I promise, I'm here for the long run."

Josef nodded, a smile tugging at his lips. "You've been here this long, right?" he murmured, raising a hand to stroke Mick's cheek. "I need to stop being so scared of losing you and just enjoy being with you. And I need to tell you that I love you more often."

"You don't have to say it," Mick whispered, his lips so close to Josef's that he could literally feel the other man's soft breath on his skin. "I know you feel it. Just hearing it every now and then is good enough for me. As long as you still feel it in your heart."

"Trust me, I do," Josef sighed as their lips met. Mick could feel Josef's love in their kiss; he knew that he would never again have to question that Josef was indeed with him for the long run, and that he didn't need to hear those words as long as he could feel them coming from his lover's heart.

***