Title: You Know So Well
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,824
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.***
Los Angeles, 2008
"So, why did you ask me to come over tonight?" Mick looked over at Josef from where he sat on the couch, watching the other man pace back and forth in front of the large picture window, the lights of the city twinkling behind him, a million sparkling lights shining through the glass.
"I thought we could celebrate a little," Josef told him, turning to look at Mick with that crooked smile curving his lips. Mick could feel his heart skip a beat; Josef's smile always affected him like that. He could swear that he felt his heart turning over in his chest.
It wasn't like he could tell Josef that, though. This man was his friend -- he'd never shown any signs of wanting to be anything else. If Mick told him that he was falling for him, he'd probably throw him out of the penthouse -- through the window rather than the door.
No, Josef wouldn't do that, Mick told himself. He would more than likely turn cold and distant, pretending that he hadn't heard what Mick had said and asking him to leave, in a polite but detached voice. And then he would probably never speak to Mick again.
"Celebrate what?" he asked aloud, leaning forward to set his empty glass down on the coffee table. He raised an eyebrow, wondering just what Josef had to celebrate about. He himself had managed to get out of a bad situation, but other than that, he couldn't think of anything.
"The fact that you've finally gotten the monkey off your back," Josef said softly, looking directly at him, their gazes locking. "And that I can finally tell you how I feel without worrying that you're going to run off to some bitch and leave me feeling like a fool."
"I'd never have done that," Mick said softly, his heart feeling as if it was in danger of leaping from his chest to somewhere within the vicinity of his throat. "Josef, what are you trying to tell me?" He thought he knew what the other man was saying, but he wanted to be sure.
Could Josef actually have feelings for him? Was there more to the friendship that had spanned over fifty years than Josef had ever told him? Was that mask that the other man wore finally starting to slip so that Mick could see what was hidden behind it?
"You can't say that you don't know how I feel," Josef told him, his voice sinking until it was barely a soft whisper on the still air. "All these years, and you've never had one inkling that I felt anything more for you than friendship? You know so well what I feel, Mick."
"Are you saying that you think of me as more than a friend?" Mick almost held his breath after he asked the question, unable to take his eyes from Josef's face. He was almost afraid to hear what Josef would say; he couldn't believe that he was hearing this.
"I've thought of you as more than a friend ever since I first met you," Josef answered, his voice soft and husky. "When Coraline introduced us, I thought you were the most incredible man I'd ever met. I wished you were one of us, so I could have you around for eternity."
"And then she turned me, so you got your wish," Mick breathed, the thought flashing across his mind for a split second that it might have been partially Josef's idea for Coraline to turn him. No, that couldn't be true. Josef would never have done that to him against his will.
"Yeah, she turned you -- and you were still obsessed with her for more than thirty years, even though she made you a monster in your eyes," Josef said, shaking his head. "I hated her for that. I wanted to be the one who turned you, not her."
"Would you have done it?" Mick asked, wondering what Josef would say. "Would you have turned me, even though you'd have to have known that I didn't want it?" He did hold his breath this time, his senses alert and sharp as he waited to hear what Josef would tell him.
But Josef shook his head, surprising Mick with his decisiveness. "No, I wouldn't have. Not if I'd known that you didn't want it. I don't go turning people who don't want to join our world, Mick. And besides, I'd tried to turn someone before and failed. I didn't want that to happen to you."
"So, would you have let me live out my life as a human even if we'd been together and I hadn't been over the moon about Coraline?" Mick asked, his voice catching in his throat. That would have been terrible for Josef, to lose yet another person he loved.
"I wouldn't have felt like I had a choice," Josef told him, his voice strained and tight. Mick could have sworn that Josef was on the verge of tears, even though he knew perfectly well that vampires weren't capable of crying, without working tear ducts.
"And I'm here now because you want to finally tell me how you feel, am I right?" Mick's voice was quiet as he spoke the words, hoping against hope that Josef would say what he wanted to hear. "And just how do you feel about me, Josef? Tell me."
"I ...." Josef's voice trailed off; he cleared his throat, looking at Mick and then back down at the floor. "It's hard for me to say these words, Mick," he began, his voice trembling slightly as he spoke. "I've only said them to one person before, and actually meant them."
"What are those words?" Mick persisted, hoping that he wasn't pushing Josef too far. He knew how easy it was to make this man turn cold; he'd seen Josef's mercurial moods before, and he didn't want that quick-change attitude to come out now.
Josef didn't answer him; he merely moved over to the couch and leaned down, taking Mick's face between his hands and staring down at the other man. Their lips were so close that they were almost touching, Mick thought, his senses reeling, dazed by Josef's nearness.
"You've known all along what they are," Josef whispered, his gaze not leaving Mick's face. "You can't say that you haven't. I've seen it in your eyes, Mick. You love me -- and I love you. We belong together. It's taken us both way too long to admit that fact."
"You love me?" Mick wasn't sure that he could trust himself to say more than that; he felt breathless, hot and cold at the same time, chills rushing over his skin from Josef's touch. "And how did you know how I felt? How could you tell?"
"I could see it in your eyes every time you've looked at me lately," Josef said softly, his own eyes fixed on Mick's face. "I wasn't sure if it was true, though, or if I was just seeing what I wanted to see. But what you just said tells me all I need to know."
"And what you're saying tells me the same thing," Mick replied, standing up and sliding his arms around Josef. "I never wanted to be with her in the way that I want to be with you, Josef. I don't even know why I felt any kind of attraction to her, knowing what she's really like."
"Because you were taken in by her 'sweet helpless child' act," Josef snorted, shaking his head. He sighed softly, resting his head against Mick's shoulder in a gesture of surrender. "But I never was. I never trusted her -- and I never thought she loved you."
"She doesn't," Mick said, scowling. "She wants to be a vampire, even though she claimed at first that she didn't. And she wants to use me as an 'in' to all the news stories she sees herself being in the forefront of. I'm nothing more than a career ladder for her."
"And a good-looking one," Josef pointed out with a wry laugh. "Don't forget that. She's got other reasons for wanting you, Mick. You're a handsome guy. Nice arm candy for the slut. I'm just glad you've finally figured out for yourself what a user she is."
"So you've known all along how I really felt about you, even though I didn't know myself, huh?" Mick asked, the corners of his mouth quirking upward in a slight smile. "I think you're right, and I've known ever since we first met that I was meant to be with you. I just couldn't admit it."
"But now we've both seen the light, so to speak," Josef told him, raising his head from Mick's shoulder to gaze into his eyes again. "And I don't think either of us are ever going to doubt what we feel again. Or not be able to put those feelings into words."
"What are the words you wanted to say, Josef?" Mick whispered, sure that he knew what they were, but needing to hear them from this man's lips. He needed to hear Josef say those words that he wanted so badly to say himself, needed to know that they were true and real.
"I love you," Josef whispered, the words so soft that Mick almost wasn't sure he'd said them. "I've never said that to anyone and meant it as much as I do now. And those words aren't easy for me, Mick. You might not hear them a lot, but I always feel them."
"I love you, too," Mick breathed, closing his eyes and leaning forward to capture Josef's lips with his own. As the two of them melted into the kiss, Mick realized that Josef was right about what he'd said, just as he was always right about so much in their lives.
He had known all along that he belonged with Josef, even when he'd thought that he loved Coraline. He had been drawn inexorably to Josef for a reason; there had always been more than friendship lurking beneath the surface, waiting to come out into the light.
And now that he knew Josef's feelings, as well as his own, he was never going to forget them. Mick's arms tightened around Josef, their kiss intensifying. Yes, he'd known all along how he felt -- and now he could finally show those feelings to the man in his arms.***