Title: Don't Come Back
Written by: Stacey
Spoilers: 109 and 110 mostly.
Pairings: None
Characters: Dean, Sam and John Winchester
Summary: What if the call John made when Sam answered at the end of episode 110 came from right outside their motel room? Sam confronts their father while Dean is asleep or is he?
Disclaimer: I own nothing. (Just needed to vent after the 110 episode.)


Dean slept while Sam found that sleep was even more elusive then it had ever been since Jessica's death. A concerned gaze managed to flicker in Dean's direction every five seconds, little wonder as to how Dean managed to sleep under such heavy scrutiny. But, he did. Sam knew his brother was in pain when he passed out earlier this morning without so much as a word being tossed in Sam's direction. He knew his brother was hurting, Sam could feel it like a knife twisting and slicing through his own heart. It was the ultimate of betrayals, he knew that, Dean knew that. What he wished his brother could see is no matter how angry Sam was, he'd never hurt his brother.


For as long as he could remember, Dean had been everything to him. A mom, a dad, a best friend, a brother and on more then once despite how people seen Dean, he'd been a conscience to Sam. Reminding him of why they did this, because they could, because they knew what was out there and the innocent didn't deserve to suffer. Not like a four year old child and his infant brother had so many years ago. Sighing to himself, his eyes drifted closed. Not to sleep, Sam knew, the nightmares he'd been having would be so much worse now. So, instead he only closed them to rest awhile, to hide from the bright light, the one that hid nothing from the world or himself for that matter. In the dark, you could get lost, bury your conscience and your grief. It was when the sun came and a new day dawned, that your guilt swallowed you whole.


Then the phone rang and after calling his brothers name a couple of times, Sam answered it himself. The voice on the other line, he knew better then mayhaps his own. "Dad?" His voice raw and raspy with emotion. There was silence on the other end and it only served to fuel the anger Sam was already feeling. "Answer me damnit." He could make out the sounds of a tractor trailer going by in the background of the call and just as that registered, the sounds of jack brakes roaring outside their motel reverberated inside the tiny room and Sam's eyes widened. On a hunch, he climbed out of bed and walked towards the window peeking outside and there, across the road was their dad sitting inside his truck. Jaw clenched in anger, Sam glanced back at Dean who was still sound asleep and he pulled the door open. "You pull away old man, I swear to you, you'll never see either of your son's again." Growled Sam into the reciever just as John had leaned forward to crank his truck.


The movements inside stopped as the words registered in Johns brain and he slowly turned his head to watch his youngest son cross traffic, unmindful of the near hits and misses. Sam closed his brothers cell phone and watch as John climbed out of the truck and slammed the door shut. "This isn't the place to talk son." Sam's gaze narrowed on John. "It never is." Emotion welled up inside the depth of brown hues as John silently regarded his youngest. "Nah dad. Don't even try it. I want to know who the hell do you think you are? You know I got past the anger of you telling me to leave and never come back. I couldn't feel the pain that you and Dean did over mom's death because I never knew her but I joined you on your damn crusade." John opened his mouth to speak but Sam grabbed him by the front of his jacket and slammed him back against the truck.


"No. For a change, you're going to listen to one of your sons even if it is me. I took your anger about me leaving and I used it, made something of myself in college. Could've been a lawyer dad but no, you had to take that from me too by leaving Dean all alone. He's the one person in this fucked up family that shouldn't be left behind, that deserves to be loved. I know that, took leaving to figure it out but I'm just his brother. You're his fucking father, you should've known what it would do to him. Unlike me, he knew mom, felt her loss but he didn't lose just one parent that day, he lost two. Me? I never had a parent to lose, you were never there, not really, not in the ways that count. But because of you and your bullshit I did lose my brother last night because of another of your lame messages with coordinates. And Dean being the good son that he is, that he has always been even though you never deserved it, did what dad wanted. I didn't want too and God I was pissed at you. But, I went. Because of Dean, not you. I admit, I went on this search for you because you're my dad. Then, when I think about it, you're my dad by blood alone. That man inside the motel room has been everything to me!"


"And I fucking shot him, dad. I fucking shot him....." All the righteous anger slipped out of Sam in one fell whoosh and he dropped to his knees in front of John. "I never hated Dean. All that shit I said to him was for you dad, because of you. I never meant to hurt Dean.....never...." The tears fell freely as Sam's head tilted back and he casted the sun a murderous glance for blinding him and yet thankful at the same time because he didn't have to see the disappointed look on John's face because once again, the youngest of them all was being weak. What Sam didn't see was the tears in Johns eyes. What he didn't see was Dean standing two feet directly behind him. What he didn't know was that his older brother had followed him outside. "The one person in this world, that I never meant to hurt.....and I did it...." His voice that of a completely broken man. "Mom died twice because of me ya know....that's why you hate me isn't it dad? Jessica died cause of me.....Dean almost died because I was weak....you should've left me in that fire to burn..."


"No!" Roared John as he immediately dropped to his knees in front of Sam. Hands reaching to clasp either side of Sam's face and forcing him to meet his own watery gaze. "Don't you dare say that! It's not true...." Shaking his head, Sam jerked away. "Then why couldn't you just love me.....like Dean did?"


"Does Sammy....does...." Whispered Dean who by now had tears in his own eyes. A shudder threatening to rip Sam apart racked through his body and when John would've pulled him closer, Sam balked. It was Dean that nudged their dad to the side and dropped to his knees despite the pain from his own body and pulled Sam close. "Shhh....Sammy. I don't hate you. I never could." Pain filled hazel eyes met nearly identical hues. "I'm so sorry Dean." The two brothers wrapped their arms around each other tightly there along the roadside. And in all honesty, you couldn't tell where one began and where one ended.


"Ah Sammy. You're not the only one that has fucked up. Remember the skin walker? I heard what he said to you and I should've said something. Should've told you that it wasn't me talking. That yeah, I was jealous because you got to go away and left me alone to hunt with dad. But what it didn't say was how damn proud I am of you." Dean whispered into his baby brothers ear.


Sam leaned back just a little so they were looking into each others eyes. "I'll admit I was angry because you always followed dad's orders and you still treated me like a kid. Always bossing me around. That part was true but not in the way I was made to say it. Because what was left out was how much I love you. How if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be who I am today. That because of you, I'm still here and that I get it, Dean. Why you boss me around and stuff, it's cause you don't want anything to happen to me."


All John could do was stand back and watch the scene play out in front of him. He wasn't so sure what his place was with these two anymore. Their love for each other was the thing legends were built upon. A love so great, that a older brother ran into a burning building twice to save his baby brother. One that was so deep, that a baby brother would stand up against the father he's always wanted to be accepted by, to rage against him for hurting his older brother. That he'd leave his normal life behind in search of a father that didn't love him as he should've just so the other wouldn't have to go it alone. Yeah, they'd work through this. Of that he had no doubt. He was left with the watching as Sam got up first and helped his ailing brother back to his feet and the two as one turned to stare at one John Winchester. One set of eyes filled with never ending love and devotion, the other set filled with anger and bitterness until they fell upon his older brother once more and it was there, the love shining through nearly blinded him.


"I haven't found what I've been looking for." John finally spoke. "I wanted to make sure you boys were ok."


Dean's stance changed and he took a step that put him between Sam and their old man but it was obvious where his heart was laying right now. "If you leave dad, don't come back." A shuttered gaze fell over both his sons faces as they walked across the street, away from their dad and towards the motel. John could do naught but watch as the words he'd spoken to Sam when he left for college now rang loudly in his own ears as Dean had spoken them to him.