Title: I Grieve
Author: Lil Jei
Pairing: Dean W./Bobby S.
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating:Pg 13
A/N:Death Fic & Un-Beta'd.
Summary: Dean had always admired the man...somewhere along the way though it turned into love.


The flask, the papers, even the beer bottle showed Dean the truth. He knew that Bobby was still around. He didn't know how or why Bobby became a ghost but in some ways he was thankful for it. He also knew Sam thought he was crazy, that he did'nt want to believe Bobby was still with them but Dean had been around the block a time or two and just knew. Maybe it was the flask that Dean kept snug against his heart that kept the man around. Or the books upon books,all the anciejt knowledge that kept him with them. But if Dean could dream or hope deep within himself he wanted Bobby to still be here for him, even for Sam but out of love not just attachment. Dean didn't know and couldn't say but he could hope.

Hope and him didn't always see eye to eye but it helped somewhat to think Bobby was still with him. He'd always had that though. Sam didn't really get it, he couldn't. He had never known the truth about him and Bobby. They should have told him but both him and Bobby had worried all these years how not just Sam would react but how John would have reacted. It wasn't like it had been bad or something. Neither of them had started anything til Dean was of age. But Dean had known when he'd stayed with Bobby the summer he turned 16. Bobby had started making eyes at him especially when they worked on cars together. Sweat, motor oil,and hot summer days made for a visual feast. Dean had liked what he saw in Bobby too. The man had just exuded strength and he was smart. To him Bobby was everything his dad wasn't plus he was hot.

But in silent agreement they'd waited. And it had been worth it...kind of. Dean had turned 18 and turned up on Bobby's porch ready and willing. And it had gone on from there. They both agreed that Dean could make with women on the road but he' d always come home to the South Dakota cabin and Bobby's bed. They kept their relationship secret all these years and now Dean regretted it. He couldn't help but wish they'd sat down with Sam and explained themselves, their relationship. They had never truly defined what they were and now it was too late...Dean hated that at the end of it all, at the end of his life all he'll have is regrets.

So here he was feeling sorry for himself all alone in a sad lonely hotel room. Sam had been fed up with him after the whole Emma situation and as soon as they hit up a hotel as far away as they could get he'd vanished. The death of Emma hurt in an abstract way but it hurt because Dean could still feel the hole Bobby's loss had left him with. And the case had done nothing but remind him of his lover. Dean was at the end of his rope, Frank was right about the smiling thing but today nothing helped. Well that's wrong Dean has to think to himself as he takes a sip from Bobby's flask and lays his head down and wills himself to sleep, drunken or not it's still sleep which Dean longs for now. Anytime away from this world, away from the levithans, and even away from Sam and the hunt was better than nothing, was better than being awake in this modern hell of his own making. Tomorrow he knew would be worse than yesterday and the day before...but just maybe a day or two in the future he'd be free, free to see those he had loved and finally free to be himself.