Title: Three Strikes
By: Ivy
Pairing(s): Sam/Dean
Rating: R-16
Warning(s): wincest
Summary: Three strikes and you're out.
Authors Note: wrote this on a total whim. it was suppose to be a drabble, it still could be. it's just a little long. i wrote this in class while a movie about the 1970's was being played in history. the idea of it is kinda cliche and corny, but i thought it might work.

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Dean never understood the part in the second Godfather where Michael kisses his brother for betraying him. Dean thinks that Michael should have punched Fredo, never mind kiss him on the mouth.
"I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart."
"Dude that is so gay," Dean would comment above a soft chuckle and Sam would blow a rush of air out of his nose as a sign he's heard Dean.
But now, as Dean struggled to breath over the wretched pain within him, he understood. Dean kissed Sam hard, hands holding Sam's face tightly, fingers wrapped in Sam's hair and lips crushed together until they bruised. It was no longer gay nor was it romantic. It was about the fact that Dean wanted to show Sam how much hurt and betrayal Sam had just created within the confines of Dean's body.
Michael kissed Fredo because the love of his brother made the betrayal the most painful fact of all. Michael kissed to say Goodbye.
When Sam grasped Dean's shirt to say he's sorry, Dean kissed Sam to say Strike one.

Dean never thought himself to be a mama's boy. How could he be a mama's boy when he had no mom? At an age where painting in the lines should have been the hardest thing to do, Dean was someone's backup and someone's protector. Heavy as the burden was, Dena prided himself in his ability to fire a shotgun at six and to be something his father could fall back on. He prided himself on taking care of Sam even more. Sam could never understand the power, the drive that pushed Dean and John to commit their lives to something that no one else wanted to even believe in. Sam couldn't understand, never could, at least not until Jess burned on the ceiling.
"How old were you when Mom died? Four? Jess died six months ago, how the hell would you know how I feel?"
How could he know?
Thoughts rolled with emotion and blockaded Dean's mouth from breathing a single word out loud.
How could he know?
Because he's given up 26 years of his life for this. Because he sacrificed his childhood for this. Because he gave up a future for this. Dean gave up everything for this. He understood. He understood even better than their father could because John chose this road, Dean sacrificed his entire being for this road. Dean lost all chances of his own world, of his own life, of his own past and of his own future. And here Sam was, the boy who couldn't remember shit about that night, the baby that Dean carried out of the fuckin house, lecturing him about the finer points of understanding the pain of losing someone you love.
What a bunch of bullshit.
Sam thinks he knows what it's like to lose someone, yet he runs off and abandons his family for his own wish to be "normal".
He abandons Dean.
Dean didn't ditch his family.
No, how the hell would Sam understand when he didn't have to give up shit besides his precious scholarship. Yeah, fantastic sacrifice Sam, very noble of you.
If anyone is going to lecture them on the details of understanding pain, it's going to be Dean. Sam may have to live with Jess dying only six months ago, but Dean's had to live with their mom's death for 26 years and he had to watch her die twice in front of his eyes.
Dean understands. It's physcic wonder who doesn't understand shit.
Strike two Sam, strike two.

"I don't understand the blind faith you have in the man." Sam demands and Dean's just thrown into another whirlwind of emotions and words that leaves him ironically speechless.
Apparently college boy here not only possesses visions of the future, has the only broken heart to walk the earth but now is the nomination committee for father of the year.
Having blind faith in a father is a son's job. It's Dean's job to be his dad's single and constant support, to be his back up and to be his care taker when their dad couldn't take of themselves. Their dad was relying on Dean and Sam to go and help someone right now and Sam's just sitting next to Dean and questioning Dean's dedication to the only other family Dean has besides Sam.
Sorry Sam if that's so wrong, Dean thinks to himself, but I don't walk away from my responsibilities and from those counting and relying on me.
"It's called being a good son," Dean says to Sam.
And it becomes too much for Dean to handle because he's just so tired of trying to win with Sam and winning with Dad and always coming up short in the end. Dean's only one pillar and he could only hold Sam and John up before he falls over and smashes to the ground, crumbles into soft white dust and blown away in the wind. Who would watch over Sam then? Who would take care of the jobs John couldn't get to? Who would help all those people?
Sam's clampers out of the car and pops the drunk and Dean's torn because suddenly he doesn't know which way to go. He doesn't know if he should go with Sam, because Sam does have a point, or should he follow through with what their dad said. Dean doesn't know and suddenly he feels his chest being torn into two as he climbs out of the car. Dean wishes he could be split in two right now.
Yet Sam left Dean once and Dean survived so Sam can leave Dean again. Dean'll make it, he can, he did, and he will. Things will go back to the way they were, Sam in his precious college atmosphere and Dean doing what he does best. And so Dean makes the decision and drives away again from Sam and Dean can't figure out what's worse.
Watching their mom die a second time or leaving Sam behind again.
The pillar is lightened as Sam stops leaning on Dean yet Dean feels painfully unbalanced.
Sorry Sammy, but strike three.

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