Title: Ask the Lonely
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ianto Jones
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 2, letter100
Prompt: 29, Lonely
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Ianto Jones, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

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Dear Ianto,

The past few weeks have been strange and wonderful, and I can't begin to put into words how grateful I am that you've stuck by me through all of the uncertainty. There were times when I wouldn't have blamed you if you had felt the need to leave.

I don't doubt that you would have eventually returned to me. But everyone needs to have their own quiet time, their space that only they inhabit. I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd felt that you needed that, if only for a short time. I'm just glad you didn't want that.

Even if you'd only been away for a few days, I would have felt the loneliness. That's one of the main things you've changed about my life since you've been traveling with me on a permanent basis, Ianto. My loneliness is a thing of the past.

I had spent so many years -- centuries, really -- telling myself that loneliness was to be expected, that it was something I would have to get used to feeling. I've always known that any companion I had would be temporary; no one has ever been able to stay with me.

Even some of the ones who have sincerely wanted to stay have either changed their minds, or have been forced by circumstances to leave. Some of them have died, and some of them have had to step into other responsibilities that I can't be a part of.

You've never done that. You've never made me your second priority, never turned away from me. You've never left me lonely. I've been guilty of doing that myself, when I was idiotic enough to leave you behind on Earth because I feared for your safety.

Believe me, I've long since learned the folly of doing that. You and I are both much better off together, where we can protect each other. And we'll be able to do so for the rest of our lives -- which will last much, much longer than either of us had thought they possibly could.

It all still seems a bit like a dream world, doesn't it? It's as though everything we've both wanted has been made reality -- every dream, every hope, every wish. But I still think we should be cautious about accepting our good fortune completely. There's always a price to be paid.

Maybe I shouldn't worry so much about that, but it's in my nature to worry, I think. Especially when it comes to you -- the person closest to me, the other half of my hearts and soul. I can't help but feel that I should be cautious about anything that could take you away from me.

Yes, I know -- I need to look at this as something that will bring us together, not as something that could have the capability of ripping us apart. I have to try to think more positively -- but as I'm fairly sure this was a plan of the Master's that backfired, I'm proceeding with care.

Still, the knowledge that I'll always have you with me, that I'll never have to feel you can only be with me for the span of your human lifetime and not of mine, makes my hearts swell with joy. I'll never have to be lonely again. I'll always have the man I love by my side.

It still feels .... well, impossible, even though it's actually happened. A small part of me doesn't want to believe it's true, that it can't possibly be real. But it is real. I've accepted that, even though there is a side of me that's still a little doubtful.

Loneliness is a thing of the past. You don't know what a load that is off my shoulders, Ianto. Just feeling that I'll never have to be alone again, that I'll always have you here with me, makes me feel like spinning around in a circle and shouting for joy.

There are probably still a lot of lonely people in the universe, and I feel for them. But I'm glad that I'm not one of them any longer. I can still remember how loneliness feels, but that remembrance is fading away much faster than I would have dreamed possible.

I'm sure that at some point, I won't even remember how it felt to be so achingly lonely. I'll have to ask the lonely how it feels; I won't have an acquaintance with that emotion any more, not with you here by my side, always with me, close to my hearts.

I can't help feeling a little guilty that I'm so happy over not being lonely any more. There are so many people in the world who are, and a part of me feels that I should be sympathizing with their loneliness, rather than celebrating my liberation from feeling that way.

But I can't. I can feel sorry for them, but I can only feel happy and relieved that I've escaped that state of being. I want to leave loneliness behind, to banish it from my life, to never have to feel lonely and alone again. And I don't want you to feel it, either.

I don't believe that either of us will ever have to feel that loneliness again. Before too long, we'll have to ask the lonely how it feels, because we won't remember. That pain will be a thing of the past for both of us -- and I won't feel any sorrow to see it leave.

You've changed my life in so many ways, Ianto, and all for the better. I can only thank you for doing so, love, and hope that you'll on making changes for me long into the future, as well as making sure that both of us never have to experience being lonely again.

Always your

Doctor

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