Title: Bittersweet Memories
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3, 50ficlets
Prompt: 24, Denial
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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The Doctor looked over at where Ianto stood at the edge of the sea, the surf tickling his toes as it frothed at the young man's feet. How much longer would he be able to revel in scenes like this, knowing that his lover was at his side?

No matter how much he tried to push the thought aside, the truth remained that Ianto was human. He was going to age and die, as all humans did, in a space of time that seemed to rush by like the blink of an eye to the Time Lord.

It wasn't Ianto's fault. He couldn't help that he was human, and that fact didn't make the Doctor love him any less. Actually, it made him love Ianto all the more fiercely, knowing that he wouldn't have his love for an indefinite amount of time.

If only there was something that could be done to change things, the Doctor thought wistfully, gazing out over the ocean to where the seemingly endless span of water met the horizon. If only Ianto could be granted a longer life -- the forever that his lover so desperately needed.

The only person he knew who had that kind of time was Jack, the Time Lord thought wryly -- a man who didn't want that time. A man who'd walked away from the one person who could be with him forever, who could give him companionship and love that wouldn't end.

But he was glad that Jack had walked away from him, in spite of the pain it had caused him. If that hadn't happened, then he would never have found Ianto. He would still be with Jack, fooling himself into thinking that he'd found his soul mate and was happy.

If only Ianto had been the one to receive that gift of immortality. The Doctor sighed again, wrapping his arms around his legs and propping his chin on his knees. It was no use thinking of that. It hadn't happened, and it never would.

Would Ianto be different if he was immortal? Would he develop some of Jack's swaggering arrogance, his belief that he couldn't be close to anyone because of the inevitability of losing them? The Doctor didn't think so. Ianto wasn't at all like Jack; immortality would affect him differently.

Why was he sitting here on a blanket on the beach, surrounded by sun and sand and surf, thinking of a subject that was only certain to upset him? He shouldn't be brooding. He should take what had been given to him and enjoy it while he had the chance.

He couldn't deny that Ianto made him happy, happier than anyone else ever had in all of his long life. But there was still that shadow over their happiness, the inevitable ending that would come all too soon and that he felt the need to constantly push away and deny.

Would he be this way throughout their entire relationship, wanting to deny the fact that it would end far too soon and constantly worrying about it? If that was the case, then he would never be able to feel truly happy and contented.

It wasn't healthy for his relationship with Ianto to keep denying what he couldn't change. He had to learn to accept the inevitable, and not focus too much on it. He had to take each day as it came to them, enjoy it, and file it away in his memories for the future.

He would be able to pull out those memories when he was alone, when Ianto was no longer a part of his life, and savor them to the fullest. He would be able to look back on this time with the knowledge that unlike most people, he'd had his time with the person he was destined to love.

But that was all he would have in the future -- just his memories of Ianto, rather than having the man he loved by his side. He wouldn't have those strong arms around him, that soft voice in his ear, that gentle kiss every night before he fell asleep.

All he would have were the sweet memories that he could cling to, and the regret that their time hadn't been longer. Those memories would be a comfort in some ways, but they wouldn't keep him warm at night. And they wouldn't fill the gaping hole left in his hearts and soul.

He'd thought that losing Jack was the worst thing that could happen to him. But he'd survived that, only to find a love that was much stronger than what he'd felt for Jack. He couldn't deny that losing Ianto would be by far the worst experience of his life.

The Doctor rested his head against his knees, closing his eyes tightly and forcing back a sudden onrush of tears. He would keep denying the inevitable end, keep pushing it away as best he could, and hope that it wouldn't come to them too soon.

Sighing, he raised his head, getting to his feet and moving towards the water's edge to join his lover. He might not have as much time with his beloved in the future as he wanted, but that was no reason not to make the most of what time he did have in the here and now.

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