Title: Bright Lights
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3, letter100
Prompt: 55, Firelight
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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My beloved Doctor,

Why am I sitting here writing a letter when I could have you in my arms? I don't know the answer to that; it's probably because you're busy doing something and I want to give you a bit of personal space. That's something everyone needs.

I don't want you to feel that I'm backing away from you in any way, because I'm not. But now that I'm here with you on a permanent basis, I don't want you to feel that I'm crowding you, or that I'm going to be needy or be a drain on you.

I'm worrying too much about that, aren't I? I know that you wanted me to be here because you love me and you want me to be with you all the time. And there aren't any words I can say that would express how much I love you for that.

The truth is, I needed to be with you as much as you needed me to be here. I couldn't have borne to look up into the sky one more night and see all the stars scattered there, and wonder which one of them you were on -- or if you were coming back to me.

That was always a constant fear for me when you were gone, Doctor. I couldn't have dealt with the pain if something had happened to you and I had lost "my" Doctor. I know you would technically be the same man if you regenerated, but things wouldn't have been the same.

I don't know how to explain that. Maybe it's because I've grown so attached to your body, as well as your soul. I know that sounds terribly shallow, but it's the truth. I've loved your face and your body from the first time I laid eyes on you. I always will.

It's not just your body or your face -- you have to know that. If that was all I cared about, what we have between us would never have lasted this long. I firmly believe that relationships based on nothing more than a physical attraction don't stand the test of time.

Though I can't deny that I've been physically attracted to you since the first time we met, there's so much more to us than that. Still .... I don't know if I would be able to accept my lover with a different face and body.

Especially since you've told me that your personality undergoes a change each time you regenerate, as well. You'd be the same man, with the same memories -- fundamentally the same, but at the same time, you'd be so different.

Is it bad that I couldn't deal with that? Knowing that you wouldn't be the same man I've made love to by firelight, candlelight, moonlight and sunlight? The same man who I've given myself to, heart, body and soul? Is it terrible of me to want you to stay as you are?

I don't think it is -- because I know that you don't want to change, either. I only hope and pray that you won't have to, and that we'll never have to face that problem in our lives. I want to live to a ripe old age with you, and have you be the same as you are now.

I want to be able to make love to you by firelight again, just as I did back when we first met; I want to look down at you and see that same beautiful face transformed by love and desire, to see those eyes mirroring all the love I feel for you.

Sometimes I wonder if you remember those times as vividly as I do -- and then I tell myself that you must. Those are times that will always be special to both of us, branded on our memories. I don't think either of us could ever forget certain moments in our lives.

I'll always remember the first time we made love in my flat by the light of a fire. It was one of the most beautiful times of my life -- something that will remain etched crystal-clear in my mind. I can't imagine a memory like that ever fading away.

You've given me so many memories, my love, so many times that I'll always cherish. And the most important part of those memories is you -- right there by my side, sharing everything with me, living through those moments alongside me.

Does that sound far too romantic? Well, as you've probably already discovered, you'll have to get used to that. I've never really been able to let the romantic side of myself out until I met you. And now that I can, I intend to give that side free rein.

And why should I? After all, I have the most beautiful man in the universe (don't deny it) as my lover, the man who I was meant to be with from the moment I came into existence. So many people search all their lives to find their soul mate, and never do. I've been one of the lucky ones who has.

I've said this before many times, but I'm going to say it again. Every day that I'm with you, I fall more in love -- and I know that love is going to last forever, Doctor. Nothing could ever take me away from you; not in this life, or in any other.

I'll always be yours, my love. And even though I might not be here by your side for the rest of your life, I'll always be in your heart, and you'll be in mine. And we'll have plenty of time to be together; I know it in my heart and soul.

Nothing is going to change how I feel about you. I said that a long time ago, the first time we made love, and all the other times since then. It's something that I'll say over and over again, because it will always be true.

We'll have other times to make love by firelight, candlelight, moonlight, and any other kind of light there is. But I don't need that sort of light, Doctor. The only light I need is the light that you bring into my life by loving me. That, beloved, is the brightest light I've ever known, or ever will.

Your beloved,

Ianto

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