Title: Love and Other Bruises
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, prompt_palooza
Prompt: 18, Test
Author's Note: Continuation of Close Call.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor sighed softly, curling up into a corner of the couch and giving up his pretense of reading. The book was still open on his lap, but he'd been staring at the same page for the last twenty minutes with no idea of what he was reading.

Ever since Jack had brought up the disturbing subject of having a threesome with someone they knew, the Doctor had felt as though there was a schism in their relationship -- and it was clouding everything he did. He couldn't get the thought out of his mind.

He didn't want to be with anyone else. And he certainly didn't want to share his lover with another man. That was one of the problems that he and Jack had been through the first time they'd been together, and the immortal had sworn that it was in the past.

But was it? The Doctor sighed again, leaning his head back against the cushions and closing his eyes. Leopards didn't change their spots, to quote the old human saying. And Jack probably wasn't going to change, either, despite all of his protestations of the contrary.

Jack would eventually get tired of him. He should have accepted that from the beginning -- and if he wasn't prepared to deal with the eventuality, he should have been strong enough to walk away from the relationship and not take the other man back into his life.

That wasn't so easy to do, though, the Doctor told himself wryly, opening his eyes to gaze unseeingly up at the ceiling. Jack was the man he loved, whether that love was good for him or not. He couldn't give up on their relationship and walk away as easily as Jack apparently could.

He should be able to trust Jack. After all, this man was his lover; he was the only person that the Doctor had completely opened his hearts to. He shoudln't have to feel that he was second-guessing what Jack wanted out of their relationship.

He'd thought that was all behind them when Jack had come back to him, but now, his doubts and fears were coming back in full force. Jack's suggestion of a threesome had made a bruise, one that was growing larger by leaps and bounds.

This was apparently going to be a test of their relationship, to see how strong they would be together. If that was so, then at this point, they appeared to be failing miserably, the Doctor thought, biting his lip as he heard soft footsteps in the hallway outside the library.

He didn't want to talk to Jack now. He was feeling depressed and discouraged, and talking to his lover was only going to make those feelings intensify. At the moment, he didn't want Jack to touch him, or to even look at him. He needed time to think things over.

There were still too many bruises left by the last discussion they'd had; they might not be physical marks that could be seen, but they were still there. And the Doctor knew that they would only become more pronounced if he didn't give them time to fade.

But he obviously wasn't going to be given time, he thought as he watched Jack enter the room and sit down on the couch next to him. The immortal didn't reach out to him; he simply sat there, his eyes on the Doctor, apparently waiting for him to speak.

The Time Lord returned Jack's gaze, hoping that his feelings didn't show on his face. That was more than likely a vain hope, he thought wryly; Jack could always sense what he felt, even without possessing any sort of empathic ability.

"So where do we go from here?" Jack finally asked, his voice soft. He didn't reach out to take the Doctor's hand; there was no movement other than the slight turning of Jack's body to face him. "I'm in the wrong, and I know it. I just don't know how to make things right."

The Doctor shook his head slowly, looking down at the book that was still open in his lap. "I don't know how, either," he whispered, wishing that he didn't have to say those words. "I suppose that all we can do is wait and see if that particular bruise heals."

"I'd give anything to take back what I said," Jack told him, his gaze not leaving the Doctor's face. "I know it hurt you, and I didn't mean to do that. But at least now we've hashed it out and hopefully we can get past it. You know I didn't mean those words the way you took them."

"How do I know that's true?" the Doctor asked, the words coming out before he could stop them. He almost flinched as he heard the words; if they made him recoil from their force, he was sure that they would hit Jack even harder.

Was that why he'd said those? he asked himself, feeling a little guilty that he'd let them slip out. Had he wanted to bruise Jack as badly as he himself had been hurt? If that was the case, then he was fairly sure he'd managed to do that, with only a few well-placed words.

"Touché," Jack said quietly, looking away and clenching his hands together in his lap. "I deserved that. I wasn't always honest with you when we were together before, and I guess it's had to let go of the way I acted then and accept that I've changed."

"Have you changed so much, Jack?" the Doctor asked, his voice seeming to ring out in the quiet room. "The question you put to me yesterday makes it seem as though you haven't. I can't help feeling that you'll lie to me again -- and eventually get tired of me and leave again."

"I won't!" Jack's voice was adamant, the denial uttered with such force that the Doctor drew back from the man sitting beside him. "I'll do whatever you want me to do to prove that. I'll wear a chastity belt. I won't even look at another person. I swear."

"No." The Doctor shook his head, his tone resigned when he spoke again. "I don't want you to be with me and be faithful to me because you think you want to prove a point, or because you think it's what I want. I want you to be with me because it's what you truly want."

"I'm with you because I want to be here," Jack told him, his voice soft. "I don't want to be with anybody else -- either for a one-night stand or for the long term. You're the only person I want. And you're the only person I'd even think about spending eternity with."

Slowly, tentatively, the Doctor reached out to place his hand on Jack's cheek, his dark gaze locking with the other man's. He wanted to believe Jack's words; he wanted more than anything to open his hearts to Jack again, to feel the complete trust in Jack that he'd had so long ago.

But that was so hard to do -- especially after what Jack had said yesterday. He desperately wanted to believe that Jack was being honest, that he hadn't meant those words in the way they'd been taken, but that doubting voice in the back of his mind wouldn't let him.

"It's your call, Doc," Jack murmured, his gaze never leaving the Time Lord's. "Whatever you want me to do to prove myself to you, I'll do it. Whatever test you want to put me to, it doesn't matter. I just want you to be able to trust me again."

The Doctor nodded, closing his eyes and pushing his doubts away. This was a test; not of Jack, but of himself. A test of how much he loved the other man, to see whether he was willing to let the past stay in the past and truly embrace the second chance they'd been given.

Yes, Jack had bruised his hearts before. But if he wanted his relationship with this man to last and grow stronger, then he'd have to take the chance that it could happen again, even though he knew very well that love could leave bruises that would never fade away.

"I'm trying to trust you, Jack," he whispered, unable to speak in a louder tone. "But it's going to take time. Please .... give me that time." He swallowed hard before continuing, his voice barely audible. "I do love you, even though it may not seem like I do at the moment."

"I know you do." Before the Doctor could say another word, he was in Jack's arms; the immortal had moved forward and pulled him into an embrace too quickly to be stopped. "I love you, too. And I'm going to spend however long I have to proving it over and over again."

"You're off to a good start," the Doctor said, his voice muffled by the fact that he had buried his face against Jack's shoulder. His arms slid around his lover; he was unable to keep himself from touching Jack, even though that inner voice insisted that he shouldn't do it.

Their relationship had already had so many ups and downs, the Time Lord told himself -- what would be the difference if there were a few more? Life with Jack might never be completely stable, but it would always be exciting and interesting.

And in spite of the bruises that he'd collected from loving this man, he couldn't simply walk away. All the other bruises that he'd dealt with throughout his long life faded away, but the ones Jack inflicted stayed with him, for all that they couldn't be seen.

Those bruises weren't on public display for all to see, but they were the ones that he could feel most acutely. Were they proof that he was destined to be with Jack? If he hadn't been meant for this man, if he hadn't lost his hearts so completely, then Jack wouldn't have such power to hurt him.

It wasn't easy to know if he was doing the right thing by tentatively opening his hearts to this man again, but the Doctor knew that he didn't have a choice. Without Jack in his life, the inner bruises that he was nursing now would never have a chance to heal.

His choice was already made, he thought as Jack pulled him closer. He might already be somewhat bruised, and maybe he would be even more so in the future. But loving this deeply was worth the bruises -- whatever form they might happen to take.

***