Previous part of Caring For Ianto.

***

Jack looked down at the sleeping form in his bed. He was starting to get a little concerned. When Tosh had arrived for work and Ianto was still sleeping, Jack had thought it was cute that he was snuggled up in the covers and had spent a while watching him wrestle with an angry pillow in his sleep. Now, Owen had walked through the door, and Jack was worried Ianto wasn't going to wake up. Also, it was 10:50, Jack had to wake Ianto up so that he could undergo the change into a six year old. Feeling like a big meanie, he crept down the ladder into his quarters and moved over to the tiny bed, sitting on the edge of it. Not even the shift caused by Jack's weight made Ianto stir. Bracing himself, because he really didn't want to wake Ianto up but he had to, Jack leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to the child's forehead, shaking his shoulder as he did so. Ianto didn't wake up, he just wrapped his arms round Jack's neck as he slept, and snuggled closer. Breathing a soft sight, Jack tried shaking him a little harder, and called softly,

"Ianto… Ianto, baby, it's time to wake up. C'mon Ianto, wake up for me." He felt the child stir in his arms, and sat up, pulling the sleepy form into his lap.

Ianto stirred as he felt himself shaken awake, and heard Jack calling his name. He opened his eyes, but promptly shut them. His headache was blinding, and the light was hurting him immensely. He groaned and buried himself in Jack's chest as he was pulled onto the Captain's lap.

"Ianto… You okay?" Jack sounded worried. Ianto was clinging to him, and groaning like an invalid. He breathed to tell him how he felt, but the air came out in a rasping cough, which shook his little body visibly. "Oh, baby. You feel ill?"

"Hmm." Ianto opened his eyes against the pain, looked up, and nodded. Jack looked suitable sympathetic, and bit his lip. "S'cold." He informed the older man, shivering even in the warmest part of the hub. Jack looked at him for a moment, then pressed a warm hand to his forehead. Seeking warmth, Ianto leaned towards him, but Jack quickly pulled the hand away.

"Baby, you're running a fever!" He gasped, scooping Ianto into his arms again. "I'd best get Owen to look at you." Ianto nodded, burying his face into Jack's neck and groaning again, followed by a small succession of coughs. "Oh, but you're about to collapse any minute. Owen can wait." He settled back onto the bed, Ianto still clinging to him, and waited. Sure enough, Ianto collapsed and aged another year, his limbs growing even longer, and tiny freckles forming on the bridge of his cute button nose. Jack sighed down at him as he blinked awake, grimacing in pain. He was just too adorable. Scooping up the even heavier child, Jack made his way into the Hub. When he got there, he noticed that Ianto was quietly sniffling into his shoulder. "Hey, Ianto, what's wrong?" He asked, stroking his back gently.

"The lights hurt my eyes." Ianto complained, sniffling some more, and coughing. If Jack hadn't been so worried, he would have been miffed by the amount of mucus Ianto was getting on his shirt. Cooing softly, not realising that didn't help Ianto's headache, he covered the boy's eyes with his spare hand and glided softly down to the medical bay, shushing the others as he did. Owen came over and frowned at him.

"What's wrong with the sprog?" He asked warily, eyeing Ianto from a safe distance.

"He feels ill." Jack said matter-of-factly, hugging his Ianto close.

"Oh, well, using those symptoms, I can diagnose… Fuck all. I will ask the sprog directly this time. What's wrong with you Teababy?" Ianto blinked up at Owen and grimaced in the harsh light.

"Cough, headache. Light hurts my eyes. Throat hurts, got a fever." Owen nodded as though these were extremely important factors, and considered for a moment.

"Sounds like you've got a cold, and a migraine at the same time." Ianto winced. He got migraines from time to time, but they didn't usually coincide with fevers. Owen rummaged around in his drawer before stepping forward with an injection. "Painkillers for you. As for the fever, we'll have to cool you down. Cold bath should do it." He advanced with the needle, and Ianto whimpered and buried his face in Jack's neck, yet again. He wasn't amazing with needles at the best of times, and his six year old instincts were telling him to run away. As it was, he couldn't help his reaction to the injection. He bawled. Literally, wailed. Howled at the pain and injustice of the injection and clung to Jack like a big, blue, nice-smelling life raft. Slowly forcing himself to stop, he sniffled into the Captain's shoulder.

"Sorry, didn't mean to…" Jack shushed him.

"You're ill, it's okay." He hugged Ianto tighter, rubbing circles on his back again.

"Well, Teababy, since you were such a good boy, you can have a lollipop." Owen said sarcastically, but was actually holding out candy. Smiling weakly, Ianto took it and let Jack open it, before shoving it into his mouth and having fond memories of his pacifier from a few days ago. "Go put him in a cold bath to cool his core temperature. Take this." Owen handed Jack a thermometer. Cooing softly, and stroking his hair, Jack carried Ianto out of the autopsy bay and towards the toilets, only to be waylaid by the girls.

"Oh, sweetheart! Are you alright pet?" Gwen asked, stroking Ianto's burning cheek softly. He nodded and sniffled (Jack was sure that was for effect) and the girls descended upon him in a flurry of attention and sympathy. Jack felt like getting sick just to enjoy their focus himself.

"Oh, you poor thing!" Tosh exclaimed, stroking his hair. "I expect you're hungry though… Want some warm milk?" She asked sweetly in a soft voice.

"I'll go make you some sweetie." Gwen offered when he nodded, and bounced off towards the kitchenette. Ianto pouted sweetly.

"Well, you'd best go have that bath, then it's back to bed with you mister." Tosh smiled, wagging her finger playfully. Jack chuckled softly, and Ianto felt the vibrations through his chest from his position nuzzled into Jack's shoulder. "I'll bring the milk down. Off you go." Smiling, Jack carried Ianto to the showers, and filled the baby bath with cold water. As he took Ianto's pyjamas off, he protested at the cold, and Jack thought guiltily that he'd be a hell of a lot more cold in a minute. Grimacing, he lowered Ianto into the cold water. He immediately began shivering. Panicking, Jack pressed his Comm.

"OWEN! He's shivering!" He yelled.

"No shit Sherlock. You'd shiver too if you were in cold water." The reply crackled back.

"But he's supposed to be hot!" He complained.

"He is hot inside. That's why the cold atmosphere is making him shiver." Owen sighed. "Just bathe him, Harkness. There were a few Harper extras in that shot. He'll be fine. Bath him, feed him, put him back to bed."

"But what if…" Jack was cut off by another exasperated sigh from Owen.

"Honestly, you sound like you're his mother or something. Calm down you big hysterical woman. Am I or am I not an amazing doctor? Bathe him, feed him, put him to bed."

"Okay…" Jack replied, switching off the comm. and giving Ianto a sympathetic look. "Sorry baby, it's for your own good." He began to pour the water over Ianto's head.

"B…but it's c…c…cold!" Ianto gasped, shivering more.

"I know, it's supposed to be." Jack held out the thermometer. "Open up." He shoved it in Ianto's mouth, pleased when the liquid stopped at 40 degrees Celsius. "Lets get you dry and into bed hmm?" As he was drying Ianto off, Tosh came in with his beaker full of warm milk. Taking it, he thanked her and sucked on it hungrily, realising he hadn't eaten anything.

"I'm making chicken soup." Tosh said, as if reading her mind. Ianto nodded, and continued to gulp down the warm milk. It was the best medicine, he mused, as Jack dressed him and scooped him up. When he'd finished, he curled himself into a ball in Jack's arms and dozed. He was woken gently at the boardroom table, covered to the chin in Jack's coat, and resting on his lap. Jack held him carefully and rubbed his stomach in soothing circles whilst Gwen spoon fed him warm chicken soup and cooed sympathetically. The soup was good, and the warmth was making him steadily more sleepy. He still felt rubbish, but the painkillers were kicking in, leaving him droopy eyed and drowsy.

"You're just so adorable. I could eat you up!" Gwen cooed again in an annoying voice. Funny, when Jack used that voice at him, it was cute, but when Gwen did it, it just annoyed him. He guessed it was because of his unresolved feelings towards her. He was still jealous. She scooped up the last of the soup and fed it to him. "There, now off to bed!" Smiling gratefully, he coughed a little as Jack carried him down to the quarters, replacing his chest with a soft mattress and his coat with a warm duvet which smelt just as strongly of Jack. Mewling softly, Ianto burrowed into the bed, closing his eyes, and whispered,

"Tell me a story." Jack chuckled softly, and stroked Ianto's hair away from his forehead as he spoke.

"Okay, once upon a time, there was a man called Ianto Jones." Ianto giggled, but nodded for Jack to continue. "Ianto was handsome and brave and clever and loads of other good things. He was also amazing at making coffee. One day, the king of the coffee addicts, called Jack, decided his coffee just wasn't good enough, and he needed someone to make him coffee for the rest of eternity. And do his paperwork. And take out the trash. And get rid of the bodies. And generally be amazing. He searched high and low, but he couldn't find anyone to make the coffee anywhere. Thus, he began a caffeine-deprived tantrum, and started throwing things at his lowly minions Owen, Suzie and Toshiko. The minions were so upset from the throwing and the yelling and the general pissiness that they decided to take action. One day, when Jack had aimed a particularly good shot and hit Owen on the head with a stapler, they decided to seek out the legendary Ianto and his bravery and coffee making skills, deciding that his handsomeness was just a bonus which would distract the evil tyrant for a little longer. When they found him, they begged him for his help. Immense generosity being one of Ianto's other good qualities, he agreed to help them." He checked to see if Ianto was asleep, but the boy opened one eye to peer at him, so he continued his story.

"When he arrived at the lair of the King of the coffee addicts, Ianto saw that he would need all of his bravery to tame the beast, because he was throwing a right hissy fit, due to the fact he hadn't had any coffee for ages. Bracing himself, Ianto entered the lair of the tyrant, who was so shocked at his bravery and handsomeness that he stopped in the middle of throwing a cow (literally) to listen to the words of the young man, which were bound to be wise because wisdom was another his legendary good qualities. Ianto asked nicely for a chance to make the coffee, agreeing that if he failed to make good coffee, Jack could lock him in the vaults and throw stuff at him. He also unknowingly agreed that Jack could have his wicked way with him, but that was fine, because Jack was secretly rather dashing and handsome too, just not without coffee. Using all of his wisdom, patience and coffee making skills, Ianto made a cup of Americano, offering Jack cream (which he reluctantly denied) and sugar (which he accepted warily). When Jack tasted the fabled coffee, he was instantly besotted with the amazing Ianto Jones, and begged him to stay by his side and make him coffee for the rest of eternity. And do his paperwork. And take out the trash. And get rid of the bodies. And generally be amazing. Ianto agreed on the condition that he could bring his pet pterodactyl along, which Jack was happy about because he loved dinosaurs. So, Ianto Jones became an integral part of Torchwood and Jack's life. To this day, the King of the coffee addicts remains besotted with him, and they all live happily ever after in a hole in the ground in Cardiff." Jack smiled down at Ianto, who was well and truly asleep. Leaning down, he placed a kiss to his still warm forehead, and went back upstairs.

When he got upstairs, he found that his team were idling around with little to do. Nothing had come up during Tosh's innumerable tests on the artefact, there was nothing doctory for Owen to do, and the world was being a nice enough place for Gwen for once. Smiling, Jack stood at the top of the stairs.

"Go home." He ordered. "I'll call you if anything comes up." Owen shot out of the door before Jack could change his mind, closely followed by Tosh. Gwen stayed just long enough to ask,

"Are you sure Ianto will be ok?"

"He'll be fine, Gwen, go home." Jack commanded, and she slowly gathered her things and left too. Singing to himself, Jack went to the kitchenette and made himself coffee and Ianto milk, then went back to his quarters to watch the gorgeous bundle of blankets sleeping. He curled himself around the lump in the middle of his bed, set the hub to alert his wristband if anything came up, and drifted off into memories and daydreams.

Owen shot out of the Hub and over to his car, leaning on the bonnet as he saw Tosh approaching.

"Hey, d'you want to come over and hang out for a while?" He asked, trying to be casual.

"Well, I need to do some washing…" Tosh replied, watching Owen's face fall. "Why don't you come back to mine?" She added.

"Sounds like a plan." Owen beamed. "Want a lift?" Tosh nodded and got into the passenger side of his car. She usually walked home because it was just around the corner, but Owen needed to park somewhere. She sat in silence, merely quirking an eyebrow at his choice of music, which was Frank Sinatra. How… unexpected, she thought to herself and Owen drove rather fast towards her flat.

When they got there, she disappeared into the kitchen for a while, and Owen mooched around in her living room, checking out the amazing view and peering at all her photos. Quite a few showed her and a small Japanese woman he assumed was her mother. He was going to ask when she came in, but he got distracted by her awesome lighting system, so when she did return with two beers, he was playing with the clicker, illuminating the room in different lights and patterns. She leaned on the doorframe and smirked at him.

"Are you making us our own private disco, Owen?" She asked, pushing off the wall and handing him a beer.

"Something like that. The mood lighting is awesome." He offered, taking a swig from the bottle.

"It is, isn't it. I have some in my bedroom too, it simulates a sunrise when I want to wake up. It's calming and relaxing." She sipped at her own drink. "Sit down. Want to watch a movie?" Owen sat and nodded.

"Sounds like a plan. What sort of movie?" He asked, praying she didn't have a huge collection of chick flicks.

"Ummm… Well, how about Die Hard? It's my favourite movie…" She blushed.

"You're kidding? I love Die Hard! Gotta love Alan Rickman!" Owen laughed. "Sure, put it on." She popped the DVD into the player and settled next to him.

"Personally, I prefer Bruce Willis, but that's just a matter of taste." She grinned wickedly, and he laughed at her.

"I didn't mean it like that…"

"Suuure you didn't" She laughed, pressing play on the DVD and taking the light clicker from him to dim the lights suitably. She settled into the sofa beside him and watched the movie. After a few minutes she felt him shift, and pretend to yawn whilst strategically putting his arm around her. She smirked, and turned to make some kind of witty comment, but found herself mouth to mouth with him, as he'd been planning to do the same. Both pulled back, shocked, then considered each other, before leaning in for a proper kiss. The movie forgotten, they shifted on the sofa so that he was lying on his back with Tosh straddling his hips, and continued to kiss, whilst simultaneously beginning to undress each other. Owen mumbled and broke the kiss off. He was having some difficulty with Tosh's bra. She had gotten his T-Shirt off and was latched on to his neck, kissing and biting it and generally leaving marks which the others would laugh at for days. After a few more minutes, he gave up.

"What is with your underwear? I can't undo the clasp." He asked, exasperated, as she trailed wet kisses down his chest. Tosh giggled at him and shook her head, before sitting up and pointing at her ample cleavage.

"That may be because the clasp is at the front." She informed him. Shaking his head and mumbling about women trying to confuse poor innocent blokes, he flipped it open and pulled it off her, launching it across the room where it came to rest hanging from a curtain rail. He glanced at it, proud of himself, before leaning up to kiss her, his hands coming to her breasts. Her hands worked the zip of his jeans down and slipped inside, teasing him through his boxers. Gasping, he sat up straight, wrapping his arms round her waist to pull her close and practically growling into her ear,

"Wanna take this somewhere more comfortable?" She nodded and stood, her skirt falling from her hips as she did so, leaving her in just a pair of expensive looking, rather hot, lacy, black French knickers. Pulling him up, she led him by the hand down the corridor and into her bedroom, where he lost his jeans, exposing his own well chosen underwear, Superman boxers. Tosh laughed at him, and pushed him onto the bed, climbing on top of him. Owen was pleasantly surprised by Tosh's sex persona. She was dominating and hot and generally a lot of things he hadn't expected. And she liked to bite. And she was good at it, he thought, as she worked her teeth down his neck and chest, biting fairly hard on his nipple and causing him to gasp in an odd mixture of pain and pleasure. Her hand trailed downwards, making the muscles in his abdomen spasm, before slipping under the waistband of his boxers to pull them down.

"I never liked Superman anyway." Tosh purred as she dropped them off the bed, and began to bite and kiss his hip. "Too pretentious." She grinned, slipping of her own underwear and dropping it next to his. He looked her up and down appreciatively, as her mouth moved closer and closer to his cock. She was beautiful. Really, really beautiful. And she deserved better than him, but who was he to complain when she was going down on him so superbly. He stroked her hair softly with one hand, and gripped the bed sheets tightly with the other, his head falling back. Tosh smiled as much as she could with her mouth full, and listened to the amazing sounds he was making. The sounds she was making him make. 'That's right, Owen Harper,' she thought, 'you've met your match.'

"Tosh, babe, if you don't stop soon, this is all going to be over before you've had any fun!" Owen managed to gasp. Smirking, Tosh left him and kissed a trail up his chest, before leaning over to the bedside cabinet and pulling out a condom.

"No unwanted accidents." She explained, ripping it open with her teeth and rolling it on. He grinned and nodded, before rolling them so he was on top. It was all very well letting the woman dominate for foreplay, but when it came down to it, Dr Owen Harper was very much in charge. Nibbling on her earlobe, he pushed inside her, and groaned as she gasped and wrapped her legs around his waist. He set up a steady pace, making sure that she was enjoying herself too, which, he noted with more than a little self satisfaction, she was. Tosh moaned and pulled him into a blinding kiss, wiggling her hips. "Would you get on with it? I wasn't expecting to be shagged by an eighty year old. A little pace please?" Owen gasped, and giggled, before complying.

"Alright your Majesty?" He asked with a grin, as the bed shook underneath them.

"Mhhh… Less talk, more sex!" Tosh moaned, nails digging in a raking down his back. "Better." She added, as he started to really go for it, losing control. She gasped and shuddered, and moaned his name as her orgasm hit her, but didn't scream in that annoying way Gwen used to, which was another bonus. Feeling that his job here was done, Owen stopped picturing Ianto and Jack together as a hold-off technique, and allowed his own orgasm to was over him in a series of grunts and yeahs. Gasping and panting, he collapsed on top of her, trying to hold his own weight up as much as he could, as grinned to himself.

"That was pretty damn good." He gasped into her ear, before rolling off her and allowing her to snuggle into his side and pull the covers over both of them.

"You'll do." Tosh grinned, kissing him softly before settling with her head on his chest. Owen laughed and looked down at her, deciding that there was more to Tosh than he had first assumed.

Gwen let herself into her home, whistling the song she'd just been listening to on the radio. Rhys was nowhere to be seen, so she put the kettle on whilst she dialled his mobile. He picked up after three rings.

"Hello?"

"Hello gorgeous!" She chimed, "Guess what, got the day off work. Fancy lunch with me?"

"Hi love, sorry I can't. I've got a lot to finish up here. How about you see some friends and we'll have dinner together later?" He replied, sounding like he wanted to go.

"Aww, Rhys. Can't you leave it for tomorrow?"

"No, Gwen. Some of us have proper jobs with proper hours. Just because your stupid special ops gave you the day off doesn't mean the rest of the world stops for you!" Rhys snapped, clearly annoyed that she thought so little of his job.

"That's not what I mean, love. Isn't there any way you can get an hour just to grab some lunch with me?" Rhys sighed audibly.

"I'll see what I can do. I'll text you if I can make it." He said, "I'll have to go now though."

"Alright. Love you."

"Love you too." He hung up, and Gwen glanced about. She decided to do some cleaning whilst she waited for his text. Finally, when she'd finished the bedroom, bathroom and living room, and was half way through the kitchen, her phone buzzed in her back pocket. Grinning, thinking she'd won, she took her phone out and gazed in disbelief at the message:

'Sorry hun, too much work. Dinner tonight? Xxx'

Glowering, she dialled Rhys' number on the landline and proceeded to choose her favourite knife from the drawer with which to castrate him. He picked up after about 6 rings.

"Hey, I said I was working…"

"Rhys Williams! I cannot believe you!" She cut him off, yelling. "You always complain my job gets in the way of us spending time together, then when I get time, you're too fucking busy to bother."

"Hey! Don't you start bloody yelling at me! I'm not the one who's been at least an hour late for dinner every night this week. I'm not the one who forgot our anniversary on Tuesday. Your job is so fucking important, but mine's just a piece of piss. Hell, why don't I just quit and become your fucking house pet?" He slammed the phone down at the same instant she did, and she burst into tears.

"Bastard!" She yelled to nothing in particular, then slammed the knife into the sideboard, sinking it in a few inches and yelling again, "Fucking Bastard!" Before storming out of the house in a rage.

Without thinking, Gwen found herself making a beeline for the Hub, and before she could stop herself, she was standing at the bottom of the step to the office, looking up at a very confused and sympathetic Jack. He descended the steps and scooped her into a big warm hug, and she dissolved onto his shoulder.

"What's happened?" He asked, brushing the hair out of her eyes and handing her a handkerchief embroidered with the initials JH. She dabbed at her eyes and sniffled.

"Rhys is a bastard." She pouted. He smiled a little.

"That all? All men are bastards honey, get used to it." He grinned, sweeping her into the kitchen and lifting her like a child to sit on the side while he made her a cup of tea (better than his coffee but still atrocious). "What did he do?" He asked, giving her the mug, which she cradled for its warmth.

"I got home and called to see if we could meet up for lunch. All I wanted was to spend his hour lunch break with him. He said he didn't have time, then when I complained he behaved like a complete ass hole." She set the cup down next to her and slid off the side to claim another hug.

"I told you not to let things slide. He's obviously feeling undermined." Jack pointed out. The look on Gwen's face told him he'd chosen the wrong tack, so he tried a different approach. "Still, he should respect you more. It's not like you asked for the moon on a stick…" He tried. She blinked up at him and sniffed.

"Exactly… I only wanted to see him for a romantic lunch."

"Precisely, which is sweet of you if anything. And even if you had asked for the moon on a stick, you deserve it, you're a princess." Gwen nodded and gazed at him in a odd sort of way.

"Yes I do." She said, sounding a little weak. "Yes I do!" she confirmed, a little more confident.

"Yes, you do." He added, for once completely sincere. She looked at him adoringly, and pushed her face close to his.

"You're a good man Jack Harkness… Not an asshole like him…" She leaned forward a bit more, and Jack felt himself moving towards her as if to kiss her, before Ianto popped into his mind, and he decided he couldn't ruin all his hard work. He pulled back.

"I… I should go and check on Ianto…" He said, clearing his throat. Gwen blushed.

"Yeah… I should get back, you know, reconcile things with my asshole… I mean… That sounded wrong… Er…" Jack laughed despite his embarrassment.

"Go have make-up sex with your asshole." He winked.

"You're disgusting!"

"You love it."

"See you tomorrow…"

"Yeah…" After one more awkward glance, Jack disappeared into his office, and Gwen scurried off to cook a romantic dinner.

When Jack got into his quarters, Ianto was stirring. He blinked up at Jack and pouted, his cheeks flushed.

"What time is it?" Jack settled next to him on the bed, curling around his small body.

"5:30. How you feeling?" He stroked the hair back off Ianto's forehead, noting that the fever was gone.

"Much better. Still not amazing. Why were you upstairs?" He asked. Jack faltered. He looked at Ianto's shiny, blue, trusting eyes, and decided he couldn't hurt him, no matter how small the hurt might be.

"I was just getting a coffee…" He lied, and instantly regretted it. "Go back to sleep. I'll order us in some dinner."

***

When Ianto woke, he was nestled safely in the lap of a rather fidgety Jack. Looking up, he saw that the older man was lost in his own thoughts, a nervous look on his face, and was chewing his lip furiously. He snuggled closer, stroking small circles on Jack's tummy and mumbled,

"What's wrong?" Jack looked down at him, wide eyed, obviously shocked that he was awake.

"Nothing… Dinner should be here soon. You're pretty restless this evening." He shifted Ianto up to sit on his lap, curling his arms round him and burying his face into the boy's neck. Ianto cuddled back, his head still a little fuzzy from sleep and his illness, and mewled happily.

"I guess I did too much sleeping today…" He sighed, sitting up. "I'm gonna go get some juice. Want anything?" Jack looked at him oddly again, and Ianto found himself suddenly slightly suspicious.

"No, I'll come too. Best meet the pizza guy upstairs." He sighed, looked at the floor. "C'mon then, baby." He stood up, releasing Ianto and letting him climb the ladder, then followed, playing the evening's events over in his mind. He hated lying to Ianto, loathed it, and he always got caught out when he did. It wasn't even like anything had happened, he should just have told him. Too late now, he realised, as he followed up the ladder and into the kitchenette. "Ianto…"

"Yes, Jack?" Ianto asked, looking up at him expectantly. Great, he already knew something was up.

"You know I'd never hurt you right?" He asked sheepishly, looking anywhere but at the child stood before him. Ianto sighed.

"Yes, Jack, I know you'd never hurt me. What did you do?" Ianto's mind was running wild with possibilities, the foremost of which being 'please God don't let him have accidentally killed Myfanwy!' Jack looked at him, wounded, and pouted.

"What makes you think I… Oh, it's not like I can lie to you anyway… Gwen was here earlier…" Ianto arched an eyebrow and replied, sarcastically,

"Yes, Jack, she works here."

"No." Jack shook his head, "She came back. When I said I'd just been to get coffee, she came back. She'd had an argument with Rhys… And I was comforting her… and…" He looked away, and everything clicked into place in Ianto's mind.

"And you had sex with her." He finished. Jack looked up sharply, mouth open in shock.

"No! Nonono! Nothing like that. We just… She went to kiss me, and I almost kissed her back… …" Ianto frowned.

"In English?" He asked sharply. Jack sighed and looked at him pathetically.

"Sorry… I realised what I was doing, and that I couldn't do it, so I told her I had to check on you and we both ran off." He looked at the floor again, his cheeks a little flushed. "But it didn't mean anything, it was just the heat of the moment, and I stopped myself… and…. and…"

"Jack." Ianto interrupted. "It's ok." He smiled softly as Jack looked at him again, like he was speaking gibberish. "Nothing happened, you said it yourself. I understand. It's not easy for you, this situation." He moved forward as he spoke and Jack lifted him into a choking hug. "I know how you feel towards Gwen, and it's fine. I know how hard it is to have gotten so close to me then had it all ruined by this stupid artefact. I know you're secretly all over the place at the moment. If anything, I'm proud of you. You've lasted an entire week without shooting anyone or committing some kind of sexual assault." Jack laughed at that.

"Seriously, I nearly flirted with Owen earlier before I caught myself. I don't know what's wrong with me…" He groaned. "You're too good for me." He sighed, setting Ianto down. "I'm gonna go get that pizza." He went to leave the kitchen.

"Yeah, you'd best do!" Ianto called after him, "And I hope you ordered extra mushrooms on mine." He added, hearing the reply,

"Yeah, yeah, extra red pepper." Ianto laughed at the retreating form, knowing he was only teasing about adding Ianto's most hated vegetable to the pizza. He glanced at the clock, it was just gone midnight. Sighing to himself and shaking his head, he set about filling his beaker with apple juice.

The pizza went down well, and by the time they'd finished the last slice together, even Jack was yawning. He scooped Ianto up, feeling a lot more relaxed now, and carried his sleepy form back to the bedroom, settling down for the third time that evening, and finally going to sleep.

When the two woke, it was because Ianto's shape suddenly changed in Jack's arms. He jumped awake to see that it was just Ianto ageing, then cursed as he realised it must be gone 11 and he was still in bed. Ianto sat up, rubbing his eyes, and blinked at Jack.

"S'late." Jack observed, checking his wrist-strap to see if there was anyone in the building. Tosh and Gwen were there, but Owen was absent, and Jack wondered why neither had bothered to wake him up. Well, actually, he could guess why Gwen hadn't… Yawning and stretching, he clambered out of his bunk and stumbled towards the shower room, calling over his shoulder, "Gonna shower. You can have one after." He heard the muffled reply,

"Whatever." and looked over his shoulder to see Ianto settling back down on the bed. He curled the covers round himself, and buried his nose in Jack's pillow, considering all that had happened over the past week. He supposed it was a good thing that this had happened. He'd been so close to giving himself over to Jack completely. The older man had been pursuing him since they met, and had doubled his efforts after the Lisa incident. Ianto had been so tired and lonely and, dare he admit it, desperate for some kind of affection, that he'd gradually allowed Jack to wear away at his defences. True, Jack had been a gentleman about it. He never pushed Ianto too far or made him feel stupid if he didn't want to do something. They'd played cat and mouse for a long time before Ianto had finally let Jack into his bed, and even then they hadn't really done much. A few frenzied hand jobs and clumsy, hurried blowjobs in the archives wasn't exactly what Ianto would call a relationship. He was glad they hadn't gone all the way, because now Jack seemed to have some newfound respect for him. Maybe he was beginning to appreciate Ianto at last. Letting out a soft sigh, he considered that maybe they were actually starting to form some kind of bond with each other. They loved each other as friends, of course, but he thought that maybe, just maybe, they had feelings towards each other as lovers too. Putting it from his mind, he decided to wait and see how it all panned out. There wasn't much he could do in a seven year old body anyway.

Ten minutes later, a slightly damp-looking Jack appeared from the bathroom, clad in a towel. He shuffled over to the wardrobe, one hand still drying his hair with another towel, and swore loudly.

"I've no trousers!" He whined, turning to pout at Ianto, who would usually have done the washing, but hadn't been able to for obvious reasons.

"Oh dear…" Ianto replied, standing to go over to him, and trying not to smirk. "You'll have to wear jeans… I can wash the trousers today…" He looked up to see Jack pout even more.

"I don't wanna wear jeans…" He whined again.

"Just exactly who is the child here?" Ianto asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. Jack screwed up his face, poked out his tongue and made a suitably rude gesture with the hand that wasn't drying his hair.

"What do I do?" He asked, when he was done being immature. Ianto just looked at him.

"I would have thought that was obvious. You know, you're supposed to have some small amount of intellect when the fate of the world rests on your shoulders so often. You wear the jeans."

"But they'll look funny!"

"Oh ye Gods!" Ianto sighed. "Then wear them with one of your undershirts instead of a real shirt. Why do you even have jeans if you wont wear them?" Jack glowered.

"Trinny and fucking Suzanna." Ianto eyed him suspiciously.

"I didn't know you watched TV, let alone make-over programmes."

"I don't. Long story. Very boring. Ended up with my clothes being vaporised on national TV… The jeans were ok though…" He sighed and threw the towel in his hair aside, brushing the damp tendrils off his forehead.

"You'll look great." Ianto promised. "They'll accentuate all your best features." He said in a commanding tone, as if he had a clue what he was talking about.

"Well… they are very tight…" He mused.

"Indeed." Ianto observed, as Jack removed them from the wardrobe.

"So my ass will look fantastic…" Ianto said nothing, just allowed Jack to carry on convincing himself. "And if I only wear an undershirt, it'll show off my muscles…" Ianto snorted, trying not to point out Jack small muffin top problem. Too many full fat lattes and donuts will do that to a man. "Why are you laughing?" He demanded.

"Because you sound like my sister choosing what to wear on a night out. Put the jeans on and go save the world Captain Ridiculous!" Laughing, Jack whipped off his other towel and threw it at Ianto's retreating back, missing him. "I'm going to shower." Ianto called, not looking back.

"Well, sexy jeans, looks like it's just me and you…" Jack sighed, pulling the offending clothing on. "Mmmh… You're actually quite comfy…" From somewhere in the bathroom, with a mouth full of toothpaste, Ianto yelled,

"Shtop tawking to thu jeens you idiot!" Jack glared at the door, and pulled on a top, some socks and boots before climbing the ladder to face the music.

He wandered into the main Hub, casting a glance at Gwen, and made his way towards the kitchenette, but was stopped by a squeal from Tosh.

"Jack! You're wearing jeans!" She exclaimed, leaping up from her station and stalking around him in circles, leaving him more than a little bemused.

"Er… Yes, I am." He confirmed. "Is that bad?"

"No!" Tosh squeaked, "They look great! They really flatter your legs… and wow… they make your bum look pretty good too…" Jack grinned and leered.

"Looking for a pay rise Toshiko?" He smirked. "Cos you can meet me in my office in 10 and we can discuss terms…"

"Behave!" Tosh growled, swatting him with a handful of paperwork. "I was just telling you they look nice. It doesn't mean I want to have sex with you." She smiled and blushed despite herself, and Jack growled suggestively. "Down boy!" She giggled, and he growled again and bit the air near her as she scurried off back to her station. Turning to face Gwen, he held his arms out wide and did a twirl, before asking,

"So, PC Cooper, whaddya think?" He winked at her, and she blushed, bit back a smile and replied,

"I think you look like a twat." He gasped in mock horror and chased her round the room a little, making the Hub fill with shrieks and squeals. When he caught her, he flung her over his shoulder and threatened to throw her in the pool at the base of the tower. She squealed and flapped.

"No! Jack! Don't! I didn't mean it! What I meant to say was that you looked so sexy I was incapable of truly expressing how amazing you are in words!" Laughing, Jack backed off and set her down, taking the resulting punch to the arm like a man, then going to find himself some coffee.

Ianto emerged from Jack's quarters dressed in camouflage trousers and a white T-shirt that had a picture of a cat on it. The girls descended on him too claiming he was 'just gorgeous' and asking if he was feeling better and did he need anything? He assured them all he was fine and went to sort out the coffee machine after Jack's rampage, just as Owen walked in. Ignoring the bickering between Owen and Gwen, and Jack and Gwen, and Jack and Owen, Ianto made his way around the Hub, tidying up, then went down to Jack's quarters to collect all his washing together. There wasn't too much of it. Just a few pairs of trousers and shirts. He gathered it up, folded it neatly and put it in a bag, before climbing back up to Jack's office.

"Jack, I'm going to take this stuff to the dry cleaners. Want me to do your coat as well?" He asked quietly. Jack looked up and grinned.

"Nah, you don't need to, it's clean." Sceptical of this, Ianto decided to go see for himself, and sighed.

"Jack, it smells like something died in it…" He groaned.

"Well…. I did… Does that count?" Jack continued to grin, then pouted like a child as Ianto took the coat off the hanger, before collapsing into giggles at the result. The coat was heavy. Ianto knew this because he picked it up every day to help Jack on with it. However, he had forgotten that he was maybe not as strong anymore. As a result, the heavy coat had plummeted onto his head, causing him to fall flat on his arse and be swamped in a sea of foul smelling material. Seriously, it smelt like dead weevil. Sighing, he managed to fold it and put it in a bag, before leaving hastily.

"I've got my Bluetooth!" He called, before leaving the hub via the tourist office and walking purposefully across the Plas. In fact, he was walking so purposefully that he failed to notice that the smell of the coat was enticing the weevils. They were trailing him quietly through the shadows as he made his was into town. He was still oblivious when he reached the dry-cleaners and went in, standing on tiptoe to see over the counter. He had his cover story ready, so when the owner came out and looked him over with a smile, he just grinned toothily.

"Hi." He said, childishly.

"Hi there." The dry cleaner replied. "What can I do for you young man?"

"My dad sent me. He says he always comes here… And he said I should say… ummmm.. Oh…. I can't remember…" He bit his lip and looked upset.

"Okay, not to worry, who is your dad?"

"He works in the tourist office."

"Ohhh, I see! Yes, he does come here often. Well, let me see what you have there…" He took the bags, grimacing as he opened the one with Jack's coat in.

"Oh yeah! Now I remember! He said sorry about the smell on the coat! Could you please try and do your best with it, you know how important it is…" He frowned. "I didn't think it made any sense."

"Oh, it does, believe me." The cleaner smiled. "Tell your dad I'll do my best, and it'll all be ready in the morning." He smiled warmly. "I'll put it on his tab."

"Okay. Thanks mister!" He called. "Bye!" He bounded out of the shop, deciding to get some cakes and pastries from town, still unaware that the weevils were trailing him. Taking a shortcut through the backstreets, Ianto hummed to himself loudly to shake off the feeling of being watched. He always got it in these alleyways, so he paid the tingling in the hairs on his neck no attention and carried on walking. As he passed an alley, he heard a muffled yell from the far end, and saw a woman being huddled into the corner by a weevil. Charging into the alleyway to save her, he reached into his back pocket for his gun, realising too late that he didn't have one and he was a seven year old. Panicking he whirled around to see several weevils blocking off his exit. Stepping back, he pressed his comm. unit, watching the weevils stalking him as he gasped,

"Jack! It's Ianto! I'm in trouble. There are tons of weevils here and I have no gun! I'm trapped in the dead-end alley by your favourite bakery!" the earpiece buzzed into life immediately.

"On my way, Ianto. Don't you dare do anything stupid!" Ianto decided to disregard this as one of the weevils made a sluggish lunge for him. He ducked and skittered away from the claws, trying his best to look big and threatening. If he could just avoid them for a little…

It seemed the weevils had other ideas. They formed a tight circle around him, closing in slowly so he had no escape. Praying that one would make a mistake, Ianto twirled frantically, looking for the best way out. There must have been at least twenty of them now. Fortunately, it seemed that three on his left were arguing amongst themselves. His heart racing, he vaulted over one of them who was bent double and ran to the far end of the alleyway, cowering as the weevils advanced on him, growling and snapping. He kept thinking he'd hear the SUV any minute, but no sound came, and finally, the weevil which seemed to have been appointed as leader lunged at him, teeth bared.

A flash of dark blue swept before him and several shots were fired. Ianto collapsed to the floor and gaped up as Jack, Gwen, Tosh and Owen made quick work of the weevils, Jack pelting more bullets then were strictly necessary into the one which had nearly gotten to Ianto. In his fury at that particular weevil, he missed another with a flesh wound coming at him from behind, and before anyone could warn him or react, the weevil had taken him down and was busy ripping the flesh from his neck. Owen pumped three bullets into it, jumping to save Jack's bleeding, but he was already dead.

Ianto didn't move for a moment. He was too shocked. When he did move, he whimpered softly, then crawled forward to set Jack's head in his lap and stroke his hair. Gwen looked helplessly up at Tosh and Owen.

"He'll be back… Why don't you two go wait in the SUV? I'll stay here with Ianto until Jack wakes up." Gwen offered. Tosh and Owen nodded and left, throwing glances at each other as they turned the corner. "Ianto, love, he'll be fine." Gwen tried, but then saw the look on Ianto's face and decided that she should just shut her mouth for once. She watched, bemused and a little touched, as Ianto carefully brushed Jack's hair away from his face and stroked it softly, cradling his head as gently as possible.

"It calms him when he wakes up." Ianto explained matter-of-factly, not taking his eyes from Jack's expressionless face. Gwen just nodded and stepped back, feeling like she was intruding on an immensely private moment. Soon, Jack gasped and jumped into life, stilling as he felt Ianto's tiny hands running through his hair. He sat up and quickly pulled the boy into his lap, cradling him despite the large quantity of blood on his blue shirt. Ianto collapsed onto him and shuddered, letting out a small whimper. "I'm sorry." He whispered, sniffling.

"Gods, Ianto, I thought I'd lost you!" Jack gasped, squeezing the child tighter. "Don't ever, ever make me panic like that again! And what are you saying sorry for?" Ianto looked up at him, his face tear streaked.

"It's my fault… I'm sorry." He whimpered.

"Heeeey." Jack cooed, wiping away the tears with the pad of his thumb. "Nothing to be sorry for. C'mere." Ianto threw his arms round Jack's neck and buried his face in his hair, and Jack stood, smiling at Gwen. "Gwen, grab some Starbucks and meet us at the SUV."

Tosh and Owen couldn't help themselves. They knew it was wrong when Jack had just died and Ianto had just been in so much danger, but the adrenaline rush had made them both so brimming with energy that there was only one way it could go. Or at least, that was Owen's excuse, he decided as he pushed Tosh up against the side of the SUV, locked to her mouth, tongues fighting for dominance. He drew back, gasping for air, and went straight for the zip of her skirt, just as she did the same for his jeans. Gasping as she slid her hand inside his boxers, he kissed her again, returning the favour. She moaned and writhed against him, and he fumbled to open the car door, climbing onto the back seat with her. Straddling his hips, she pulled his T-shirt up and nipped at his chest, sliding his jeans down, and pulling her skirt up. Groaning, he managed to find a condom and pass it to her, and she opened it and put it in place with surprising dexterity for someone in a hurry. Gasping into his ear, she pressed closer, and slid down onto him, moaning softly as she did so, and he groaned, pushing up to meet her and gripping her hips hard.

"You know, I never listened when they said the quiet ones are best in bed… Wish I had now…" Owen gasped, thrusting wildly.

"Shut up, Owen, you're ruining perfectly amazing sex by talking." She gasped, urging him faster and moaning louder.

"Yes ma'am." He moaned, biting down on her neck.

"That's right, know your place!" She grinned and winked, and they laughed together as they came, gasping and kissing. Panting, Tosh pulled back and righted herself, settling on the seat next to Owen looking like nothing had happened. He managed to get himself back together, but still looked dishevelled as Jack arrived, opening the door to put Ianto on the front seat. He turned and scrutinised Owen.

"You look like you've just been shagged." He commented. "Whereas she," he jabbed a thumb towards Tosh, "Looks pristine." He grinned and turned to her. "Good work Toshiko, I'm proud of you. Harper, practice makes perfect." He winked. When Gwen returned, they all acted as though nothing had happened, knowing that she would frown upon it. Plus he had to sit in the seat where it had taken place… They drove home in relative silence.

One back at the hub, Jack stretched, cracking his neck and back and wiggling his shoulders, and yawned widely.

"I need a shower. Someone look after Ianto while I clean up? In fact, reckon you could run him a bath, Gwen?" Jack looked at her pleadingly.

"Of course pet, you go sort yourself out." She cooed, following Ianto down the corridor, bemused as to why he'd ordered Owen to get the SUV valeted.

Gwen ran the bath as instructed, but left Ianto to it this time, neither really speaking much. It seemed that's eh and Ianto had less and less to talk about these days, and she was still feeling guilty about nearly kissing Jack when she knew how Ianto felt about him, so she disappeared as quickly as possible, promising food when Ianto was done.

He sank into the water, sighing, turning over the day's events in his mind. He hated to see Jack die. Every time it happened, he died a little himself, unsure of whether or not he would come back this time. What if he'd run out of chances? What if this time he was really gone? What made it worse was that it had been Ianto's fault. Despite loud claims to the contrary, he still blamed himself. He settled deeper into the water, shuddering as he realised that he had nearly died himself. That Jack had died protecting him. He never wanted that to happen again.

Jack stood under the spray and washed away the slow ache in his every cell which always followed resurrection. He let the water wash over him and smooth away the grime and hurt and the panic he had felt when he'd found out that Ianto was in trouble, shivering as he recalled just how close he'd been to seeing Ianto ripped to shreds, and decided to never let him be in that much danger again. He turned his thoughts to something a little less depressing, shampooing his hair as he did so, and settling on Tosh and Owen's new relationship. He was pleased. Tosh had been after the doctor for a while, and Owen had wanted her but not known it. They looked cute together, and he was sure they'd be happy. He grinned as he remembered Owen's face back at the SUV. Now, if only he could get his hands on someone like Toshiko Sato. It was evident that she was amazing in the sack… He stopped that train of thought before it turned messy and concentrated on making himself clean.

When Jack emerged from the shower, the Hub was completely empty. There was no noise, and no-one to be seen. Panicking, he looked at the clock to check the time, and found that he'd been in the shower for just over two hours. That would explain the pruneyness then. And the complete lack of personnel. Although, he had thought that he and Ianto were going back to Ianto's flat together tonight to do some more cleaning. Scanning the Hub for life forms, he saw that Ianto was downstairs with Janet. Smiling a little and biting back the panic that had threatened to rise again, he bounded down the stairs, stopping at the bottom to stare at Ianto. For a few seconds, that's all they did, stare at each other with pained expressions on their faces. Then Jack threw himself to his knees, arms stretched wide, and Ianto launched himself into his amrs, immediately burying his face into his neck as he'd become so accustomed to doing. Jack squeezed him tight, breathing in the smell of Ianto and hair products and smiled.

"I thought you'd run off again. What were you doing hiding down here?" He pulled back a little to study Ianto's face, taking in the worried expression there.

"I felt guilty. I needed somewhere to think." He looked at the floor. "I'm sorry."

"Ianto, you have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't ask the weevils to chase you. So qit worrying OK?" He stood, reaching down to take Ianto's hand, and led him back up the stairs into the main Hub. "We must have been quiet then, for everyone to have gone home by 4."

"Yeah. Actually, they went to catch some more weevils. It seems like they're having a party today."

"Ahh, well… what shall we do while they're gone? Fancy some ice-cream?" Jack grinned.

"I'll make the ice-cream, you go do some more paperwork. You have a mountain of the stuff!"

Ianto fetched the ice-cream and they spent an enjoyable afternoon together trying not to drip the melting chocolate on the paperwork, and giggling like idiots. Just as they were beginning to worry about the others, Jack's mobile rang.

"Jack!" A high-pitched voice squeaked down the line. "We've been chasing this same lot of four weevils for 3 hours now. We're going home. The SUV is parked in the multi-storey near Owen's place. He says he'll bring it in in the morning."

"That's fine, Gwen." Jack grinned, suppressing a giggle at how out of breath she sounded. "Have a nice evening!"

"Oh, I will." She assured him, htne hung up.

"Well, baby, looks like it's just you and me…" Jack mused, putting his pen down. "Pacman?"

"Pacman!" Ianto confirmed, and they raced to the sofa, play fighting over who got the first go. Jack won, so Ianto pouted just so until the Captain relented and gave him the controller. Grinning, he started the game. "Bet I can beat your high score!"

***

Ianto yawned and stretched as the alarm on Jack's wrist-strap bleeped him into wakefulness. He stirred slowly in Jack's arms and pressed the appropriate button on the device to stop the harsh sound ringing in his ears. The Captain made little attempt to move, simply grumbling sleepily and wriggling his nose, before settling back to snoring softly. Ianto laughed quietly and extricated himself from Jack's arms, padding into the bathroom to use the toilet and brush his teeth. In a few hours, he would be eight again. Funny, he had been more excited at the prospect of being eight last time around. Sighing, he attempted to make his spiky black mop lie flat in the mirror, failing miserably, and settled on climbing the ladder to make coffee instead.

He set the coffee machine to bubbling happily, and sought out Jack's favourite blend. This was his favourite time of the morning, when he'd just got into the Hub, and all he could hear was the gentle music of the coffee machine and the soft leathery rustling of Myfanwy's wings as she shook herself awake and took off for an early morning circuit or two of the Hub. Smiling and humming happily, he filled the filter with coffee and went to get the pterodactyl her breakfast. She eyed him thoughtfully, probably due to his strange appearance but familiar smell, and clicked appreciatively when he dumped the food in front of her and covered it with a spattering of barbeque sauce. The sauce still gave him shivers down his spine from the Lisa incident, but he ignored them and gave her a quick scratch behind where he supposed her ears to be, before setting off back to the main Hub. When he arrived, the filter had done its work, and he poured Jack an Americano, anticipating that the vast quantity of sugar the Captain had ingested the night before (in the form of popcorn, ice-cream, chocolate, ice-cream, jelly beans, ice-cream, wine gums and more ice-cream) would need off-setting with the bitterness of strong, black coffee.

He was right. As he climbed one-handed down the ladder, the aroma hit Jack and he groaned appreciatively, in much the same way, Ianto imagined, as he might during sex. He rolled over sleepily, almost falling off the bed, then giggled a little as he straightened, eyeing Ianto suspiciously.

"Up early." He stated, voice thick.

"You didn't hear the alarm?" Ianto asked, handing him the coffee.

"Nuh." Jack grunted, sipping the scaling liquid carefully and whimpering in pleasure as the caffeine hit him. "S'good." He said, gesturing with the cup.

"It always is." Ianto smiled, settling himself next to Jack. "I fed Myfanwy. Does Janet need feeding today?"

"Nuh. Owen did it yesterday." Jack rubbed his eyes sleepily, looking every bit like a child himself. "S'Sunday."

"Indeed." Ianto confirmed.

"Wanna go picnic?" Jack asked, before draining the cup, despite the fact it was far to hot for him. "If there's nothing going on with the rift, that is."

"A picnic?" Ianto asked, his trademark eyebrow quirked at the ready. "Somehow, I can't picture Captain Jack Harkness doing picnics…" Jack looked sideways at him, a mysterious smile on his face.

"I try my best to surprise you." He grinned. "Anyway, I thought you could get out of this Hub for a while… Of course, everyone will assume you're my son again…" Ianto laughed.

"Because we look so alike. Are you using me to attract totty?"

"Never!" Jack gasped, suddenly much more awake. "I'll get you for that insinuation!" Grinning, he lunged forward, grabbing Ianto round the waist and tickling him. When Ianto struggled, he stood up, catching the boy by his ankles and suspending him upside down in mid air. Ianto gasped and giggled and wriggled as the blood rushed to his head,

"Jack!" He yelled through the laughter, "Jack! Put me down! Now! Jack!"

"And if I don't? What are you gonna do about it?" Jack teased.

"Jaack!" Ianto giggled.

"Oh alright… but only cos you pouted." Jack lowered him gently to the floor, and he righted himself. "Now go get dressed whilst I consume more coffee, then we'll check the rift, send everyone home for the day, and go have fun!" Ianto nodded, grinned, and bounded into the bathroom. Chuckling, Jack left his clothes on the bed for him to find and made his way into the kitchenette for another cup of wake-up juice.

The others stumbled into the hub a little after 10, and Jack grinned from his vantage point at the top of the stairs as he saw that Tosh and Owen were arriving together. He smiled happily and cleared his throat to get their attention.

"Go home." He ordered. "Rift's slow, it's a Sunday, go live a little." They looked up at him, bewildered for a moment, then at each other with small smiles. "And Owen," He added.

"Jack?" Owen asked innocently.

"Take Tosh out for lunch. I'll pay. Just take her somewhere nice." The doctor looked shocked.

"Feeling generous today?"

"Feeling happy to be alive." Jack confirmed with a cheeky grin. "Now go! You look like you didn't sleep at all last night… I suggest you go catch up on some shut eye."

"Yes sir!" Tosh grinned sweetly, and they turned to wander out together, hand in hand. Jack smiled after them, pleased that they were both happy, and turned to see Ianto in the doorway in camouflage combats, a khaki T-Shirt and some cute little trainers. His grin grew, and he stepped over to ruffle the boy's hair, earning him a scowl, since Ianto had spent so long getting it to lie flat.

"Jeans again today? Will that dry-cleaning be done?"

"Yeah." Ianto murmured. "Should be… We'll go pick it up when we're in town."

"Good, I feel naked without my coat."

"Not that being naked would bother you, eh Jack?" Gwen's voice chirped up from near the door. "Owen and Tosh told me to go home… It's just that, well, Rhys is away and the flat is empty… I wondered if I could stay anyway?"

"Oh… Well, Ianto and I were gonna go for a picnic…" Jack started.

"You could come?" Ianto finished for him, with a childish smile.

"Oh really? I love picnics!" Gwen's face lit up. "I'll start making sandwiches. Ianto, you can help whilst Jack gets dressed." Ianto nodded enthusiastically, so Jack turned and slid down to his quarters to take a long, lazy shower.

Gwen bossed Ianto around in the kitchen for a while in her fussy, motherly fashion. He played along, if only to keep her quiet, doing the menial tasks she asked of him, such as fetching the margarine, putting things into the picnic basket, which Ianto was sure had appeared from nowhere and was probably alien in origin, and picking up the mess as she made it to save his kitchenette from disaster. Eventually, the fuss of the sandwiches was over, and he was allowed to go about making some thermoses. He decided the largest would have to be full of coffee, else Jack would throw a tantrum, and one eight year old was quite enough. He filled the other with hot chocolate and twisted the lids on before turning to ask Gwen what was next. As he turned, he felt the sudden, unexpected fuzzy sensation which meant he was changing age, and collapsed to the floor. Gwen screamed momentarily, then realised what was going on and crouched to help him sit up.

"Awww Ianto, you really were an adorable eight year old." Ianto offered her a rare grin, and she emitted a small 'squee' of delight. "You're missing a tooth!" She squealed.

"Oh." Ianto probed the gap with his tongue. It was one of his front teeth. He supposed that was going to make it much harder to make anyone take him seriously. "Well… It'll grow back by tomorrow…" He murmured, hauling himself to his feet, his clothes now resting better on his lanky, skinny frame. Gwen looked him up and down with a soft, maternal smile.

"Too thin! You look like you'll snap in half if I do this…" She grinned and lunged at him, tickling his tummy, and he squawked loudly and wrestled her off. Funny… that was more fun when Jack did it… still, he pretended to grin at her. "Ugh… Jack's taking forever."

"I'll go look for him." Ianto declared, and raced out of the room. He bounded into Jack's office and slid down the ladder, coming face to face with Jack who had been just about to start climbing up.

"Hello…" Jack grinned. "Going somewhere?"

"Came to find you." Ianto grinned, turning to climb back up. "Gwen said you were taking too long."

"Yeah, well, perfection takes time."

"Oh, so you're perfect now?" Ianto turned to look at Jack quizzically as he reached the office. "Could've fooled me." Jack pulled a face and brushed past him to stride into the kitchenette, where Gwen was just putting the finishing touches to her picnic basket.

"Ready?" He asked in his best Captain voice, striking a pose with his hands on his hips, which didn't look right at all without his big flappy greatcoat.

"Shut up you idiot. Of course I'm ready. Now move your big melodramatic arse." Gwen grinned with a shove. "You can carry the basket."

"It would be my pleasure, my lady." Jack smirked with a bow, before taking the basket and the arm Gwen offered him and following her out of the kitchenette. She took Ianto's hand and they meandered their way to the SUV after Ianto had checked at least twelve times that the Hub was securely locked and set to alert them if anything happened. Finally, it was time for the picnic to begin, and quite stupendously, it wasn't raining in Cardiff today. They clambered into the vehicle, and set off at a leisurely pace (well, leisurely for Jack's driving anyway…) to the outskirts of town and a nice park Gwen knew of.

The weather held out, and as they pulled into the car-park the sun was shining and a gentle breeze was blowing. The park was fairly full. It was a big area with a playground at one end and a lake and woods for walking at the other. In the middle were several marked out pitches on which children ranging from about 5 to 13 were playing football and rugby whilst anxious adults cheered them on. The playground was full of mothers chatting on benches whilst toddlers played on slides, and fathers swinging their children whilst the kids screamed to go higher and faster. There was a heart-warming atmosphere about the place. The bustle of noise, and the smiles on everyone's faces. It was warm and alive, and it made Jack suddenly feel like Torchwood was worth it after all. Leaping out of the SUV, he opened the back door for Ianto (who had put child locks on it anyway?) and hoisted him out, swinging him full circle and placing him neatly on the floor. Ianto laughed up at him.

"What's up with you?" He asked, eyebrow raised.

"Just happy." Jack grinned, clicked the bleeper to lock the vehicle, and took the picnic basket from Gwen. "Wanna go for a walk by the lake?"

"Promise not to push me in?" Gwen asked with a grin.

"Would I?"

"Yes!" She and Ianto chimed and strolled off, leaving him to catch up with them. He slung an arm round Gwen's shoulders and ruffled Ianto's hair, earning him a scowl. "Hey look!" He exclaimed, pointing across the park. "A fairground!" Gwen and Ianto followed his gesture, and Gwen's face lit up.

"Let's go on the waltzers!" She squealed, turning to the others for approval. Jack nodded, then turned to look at Ianto.

"Can I get candyfloss?" He asked.

"Geez, who's the child here?" Gwen teased.

"The one in the coat." Ianto grinned. "Yes, you can get candyfloss. But not too much!" Jack grinned and they set off towards the fair, arguing about who was gonna be the last to give in after too many sweets and back down from going on one of the many spinning rides.

The fairground was packed with teenagers. Some stood smoking sullenly, others, groups of girls, screeched loudly and careered around the place. They flirted, they fought, and Jack caught glimpses of more than a few doing something else beginning with F round the back of rides. Damn, he missed being a teenager. The rush of just snogging 'til you were dizzy and maybe shoving your hand down someone's trouser's or up a girl's top. It had all been so exciting back then. So new… He grinned at the energy, nearly drowning in the stench of hormones, and tugged Gwen and Ianto by their hands towards a sweet stall.

"Hi!" He grinned at the pretty girl behind the counter.

"Y'alrite love." She replied, flashing him a grin. "What can I getcha?" Jack looked at Gwen, then at Ianto.

"Er… Three toffee apples please." He waited for her to fetch them.

"Anything else love?"

"Er yeah, six bags of candyfloss…" Ianto coughed from beside him, but the lady went to fetch them anyway.

"That it?"

"No, er, three bags of jelly babies." She went and grabbed those.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, three lots of popcorn." She poured the popcorn into buckets.

"Anything else?" She was starting to sound incredulous now.

"Er, yeah, three cokes." She poured them.

"Anything else?"

"Three hotdogs." She looked at Gwen, who just shrugged helplessly, then went to fetch the food.

"Anything else?"

"Er… Do you guys want anything?" Jack turned to Ianto and Gwen. Ianto glared at him pointedly. "Ok, I was kidding!" Jack turned back to that lady. "Just three loads of chips then." The woman let out a breath and got the chips.

"That's it then?"

"Yup." Jack grinned.

"That's £36.45" She said slowly.

"Cool." Jack handed her some notes. "Keep the change." he winked. "Don't suppose you have a bag?" she passed him a couple of carrier bags and he stuffed the sweets in, handing out hotdogs, chips and drinks to the others. "Cheers." They wandered off to a seating area to eat, and Gwen spent a short while staring at Jack incredulously.

"Six? Six bags of candyfloss?"

"Mmmmhm." Jack said, shoving half his hotdog in his mouth at once. "What's the matter, PC Cooper? Can't handle the sugar rush?" At least, that's what she thought he said, the mouthful of sausage made it difficult to discern.

"Don't speak with your mouth full." She chided.

"Like you can talk." Jack grinned, swallowing the hotdog. "You talk with a sausage in the mouth all the time." He winked. She punched him. Ianto snickered.

"Shut up. You sick idiot."

"Just saying what I heard from Owen…" Jack shrugged and tried to look innocent, then winced as Gwen kicked him under the table.

"Dick!" She pouted.

"Calm down children" Ianto sighed, before tucking into his chips. They looked at him in shock, then settled down, and several tables around them smirked at the parents being told off by their child.. At least, that was what they were seeing… "When we've finished, can we go feed the ducks then go on some rides?" Ianto asked, looking up at Jack.

"Sure, baby, anything you like." Jack grinned and shoved the other half of the hotdog in, a satisfied smirk on his face. Ianto sighed and continued eating, and Gwen glared icily at Jack until he finished his mouthful and blew a kiss at her, at which point she smiled coyly and blushed a little.

"Ready?" Ianto asked, looking up from his chips, unaware of the exchange. He blinked at Gwen's slightly pink cheeks, but thought nothing of it.

"I'm not finished." Gwen mumbled, picking up another chip.

"How about I go feed the ducks and you two can come over when you're done?" Ianto smiled innocently. He'd saved the roll from his hotdog for the ducks, and when Jack nodded, he slipped from the chair and dashed off to the pond.

"It's weird. He thinks like an adult, but he still has these childish urges from time to time…" Jack mused, taking a sip of coke and grinning at Gwen. "You should've seen him when I turned cartoons on! I swear they hypnotised him." Gwen laughed and looked up at Jack through lowered lashes.

"You seem to be being the perfect father to him." She smiled sweetly, and Jack considered her a moment, then chuckled.

"I don't know about that. I let him eat an insanely unhealthy amount of sweets last night!" He grinned. "Still, at least he's eating something… I'm not sure he's been taking very good care of himself." He looked across the park to where Ianto was throwing small bits of bread to the ducks with a look of sheer delight on his face, and frowned slightly.

"Well, we'll take care of him." Gwen soothed, reaching across to put her hand over Jack's comfortingly, and stroking his wrist with the pad of her thumb.

"You bet we will." Jack threw her a grin and a wink. "Me and you Gwen Cooper! Against the universe." Gwen flushed with delight and purred,

"You and me." Before leaning across the table to push her face close to Jack's. He raised an eyebrow as her mouth neared his and she paused. The scent of her perfume washed over him. It was soft and pretty, a lot like her, he mused. He considered her face, her eyes closed, lashes fanned out across her cheeks, pretty red lips parted slightly for him to kiss. She was beautiful, he thought, and he did want her. All this took mere seconds before he lifted his hand to tilt her chin just so, and leaned in to kiss her. Not bothering to grace her with a chaste peck first, he went in for the kill, kissing her softly but insistently, grazing his teeth over her lower lip before licking a line where his teeth had been. She made a soft humming noise and kissed him back, her hand settling in his chest. After a few long moments, Jack pulled away, and looked at her quizzically, noting that she was doing the same. He glanced over her shoulder to see Ianto facing them, halfway back from the pond, standing stock still with his mouth open and looking mortified.

"Well that was… Wrong." Jack mused.

"Very wrong… It was like…" She fought to find the words, and he helped her.

"Like kissing my sister, if I had one…" He looked at her face, and she nodded.

"Yeah, it was like kissing my sister…"

"Hey! I do not kiss like a girl!" Jack whined, still anxious as he saw Ianto continue towards them from the corner of his eye.

"Oh, but you do…" Gwen giggled. "Well, at least we got that mistake out of the way…"

"Yeah…" he breathed, bringing his focus back onto her before descending into giggles himself. He laughed hard until Ianto got close, then they both sobered up instantly. Gwen even had the grace to look guilty, even though she wasn't sure anything was going on between them.

"Ianto…" Jack said simply. "I…"

"What was it like?" Ianto asked, his intense sapphire gaze fixed on Jack's mouth.

"Like… kissing my sister."

"You already said that." Gwen reminded him.

"I know I did. But it's true, that's what it was like." Ianto nodded and slid back into his chair.

"Good." He mumbled. "Because maybe now some of us will be able to work in the Hub instead of watching you two make eyes at each other."

"Oh, you're one to talk!" Gwen interrupted, eyes wide. "All you ever do is flirt with him!"

"Now, now, let's not fight over the Captain." Jack warned. "There are people sitting nearby getting very confused about what you just said, Gwen."

"Oh… sorry." She mumbled. "Look, can we just forget this and go on some rides now?" She looked between the two of them, a guilty expression on her face.

"Sure." Jack shrugged, and they both turned to Ianto, who looked up with a small, perhaps triumphant smile.

"Fine by me." He said, and they all smiled again. "Anyway, Gwen, did I hear you saying he kisses like a girl?"

"Yes!" she squealed, keen to bitch with him. Ianto's grin widened.

"And how would you know?" He asked matter-of-factly

"Well…. You know…Sex alien and all that…" She mumbled, blushing.

"Ohhhh of course." Ianto smiled. "Waltzers anyone?"

Owen stretched and yawned, wriggling further down into the pillows. Tosh was curled across his chest, her head resting on his shoulder, drawing lazy circles on his stomach. She looked up when he moved, and they smiled at one another before he leant down to kiss her softly. They'd gone straight to Tosh's place after Jack had given them the time off, and tumbled together into bed for some luxurious sex, before settling down to rest a while. Now the clock read 1:30, and Owen thought he'd best take her for lunch soon.

"Alright sweetheart?" He mumbled, bringing his arm up round her waist.

"Mmmh." She groaned, shifting to rest on her elbow and look at him. Her hair fell in her face, and she flicked it out of the way, giggling, before leaning down to kiss him again.

"Wanna get up and eat?"

"Mmmh." She nodded, sitting up slowly, trailing her hand down his abdomen. He grinned and sat up, brushing her hair aside to kiss her neck, eliciting a short gasp from her. Smirking, he stood up and went to hunt for his clothes, which had ended up scattered around the room quite spectacularly.

Once they were both clothed respectably, they headed out the door, Tosh chattering away about some programme she was building which would help to analyse and categorize all the compounds torchwood came across. Owen nodded in the appropriate places and made small noises of approval as he drove towards the town centre. He parked up and opened the door for Tosh, who smiled and blushed as she got out of the car, then lead her through town to a nice restaurant in the centre. The restaurant was busy and bustling, but they still managed to get a quiet table for two by the window. Owen ordered beers and they perused the menus in comfortable silence.

"See anything you like the look of?" Tosh asked with a smile smirk. Owen looked up and grinned.

"Oh, a few things." He told her, leaning forward to eye her up and down appreciatively. "You know what you want?"

"For dinner?" She asked, making him snort. "I'll have the sea bass." Owen nodded.

"Steak for me." He smiled and indicated to a nearby waitress that he was ready to order. They spent the time waiting for their meals chatting about their childhoods, their homes and their schools, and had moved on to pets by the time that the food arrived.

"Yeah, Lucky was such a funny cat. I mean, considering her name, she was so accident prone. She was always falling off roofs and having near misses with cars." Tosh grinned, remembering her pet when she was at college.

"I only ever had goldfish." Owen confessed. "And I was never any good at looking after them anyway." He chuckled. "They never lasted long, but I would win them in fairs and stuff and take them home." He sighed. "I always wanted a puppy."

"Me too!" Tosh grinned. "My mother wouldn't let me have one when I was young, then when I grew up I never had the time or the space to look after it properly."

"Same here." Owen mused. "Maybe we should get a Torchwood pet. I mean, we have the Weevil and the leather pigeon, but it's be nice to have a puppy."

"Are you kidding? That's be another distraction and possible source of annoyance in the Hub. Jack alone is enough." Tosh giggled.

"Yeah, but you can't pet him."

"Oh, I'm sure if you asked nicely, he'd roll over for you." Tosh smirked, and Owen cringed.

"Lovely. Have I ever told you how much I love the mental imagery you supply for me?"

"No, but I took it as read that you appreciated it." She grinned. They lapsed into silence and continued eating, throwing each other glances and grins over their plates.

Ianto closed his eyes and held on for dear life as Jack drove towards the dry cleaners. The tyres screeched and he was thrown sideways once more as Jack attempted what felt like a hand-brake turn, but was actually just a gentle bend negotiated at close to eighty miles per hour. The brakes squealed and the car lurched to a stop in an area where parking was definitely not permitted. Ianto opened his eyes, and wished immediately that he hadn't. they were parked in the middle of a paved square, on a pedestrian only area, pretty much on top of a fountain.

"Jack, I understand that you can fly T'uula warships and a TARDIS, but do you think you could please take your driving test sometime?"

"No need, baby." Jack grinned. "I drive just fine." Ianto would have laughed if his nerves hadn't been so frayed, so he just emitted a high pitched giggle instead. "You two stay here, I'll go get the coat." Jack commanded before slamming the door and setting off across the square. Minutes later, he was on his way back, coat flapping behind him. He clambered back in the SUV and started the ignition. "Right! Back to the Hub, and we can eat this picnic on the floor in my office." He boomed. "I'd go back to the park, but look outside." He grinned. Ianto knew what he meant. Wales had caught up with itself and the rain was coming down with a vengeance. He rolled his eyes, then gripped the door for dear life as Jack set off again.

When they reached the Hub, it was gone half past 5, so they immediately set u the blanket in the board room, and Jack carried the basket through, placing it next to Ianto.

"What've we got?" He asked, sniffing the air for any hint of coffee.

"Sandwiches, coffee, hot chocolate, crisps, biscuits… The works." Ianto grinned, working at the fastenings before unpacking the picnic onto the blanket. They ate leisurely, consuming more coffee than was healthy, and giggling together about nonsense. When Jack finally gathered the presence of min to check his watch again, it was 9:30.

"Bloody hell! That late?" Gwen gasped when he informed them of his discovery. "I've got to get going. Rhys will be back soon and I need to make some food for him." Ianto and Jack nodded wisely.

"Go home. Be normal. See if we care." Jack pouted, sticking his tongue out for good measure.

"Oh, shut up you big baby." Gwen giggled, shoving him. "See you both tomorrow." She chimed, bounding out of the Hub.

Tosh glanced at the clock. It was 9:30. They had been in this bar for just over and hour, and she was bored. Owen drifted back over to her from the toilets, a look on his face which, she imagined, was similar to her own expression.

"Shall we bust this joint love?" He asked, standing close and shouting over the loud music, his arm possessively round her waist.

"Yeah, I think we should go home." She replied.

"Back to mine then?"

"Sure." She nodded, and he led her carefully outside and into a taxi. They got back to Owen's and tumbled through the door, both a little tipsy. Owen pulled her close, arms settling round her waist, and dragged her in for a sloppy, sensuous kiss. She wound her arms round his neck, pushing closer, and lost herself in the sensations, pulling back to breathe after a while.

"Bed?" He asked, almost wearily.

"Mmmh." She sighed, settling her head on his shoulder. "So tiired."

"Yeah, that'll teach us to join kickboxing practice." He chuckled. "Ok, you go on ahead, I'll bring in some water. Make yourself comfy." He meandered into the kitchen, already half asleep, and hunted down two clean glasses, filling them with cold water, before stumbling through to his bedroom. Tosh was asleep on top of the covers, She'd only managed to half undress. Smiling at how sweet she looked, he tugged off her jeans and settled her under the duvet, before stripping to his own boxers and snuggling beside her, drifting into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Jack looked at Ianto, an unreadable expression on his face. Ianto thought it might be how Jack Harkness showed guilt. He smiled sweetly and crawled over the picnic blanket to settle on Jack's lap, arms wrapped round his neck. Leaning up, he kissed Jack on the cheek quickly.

"It's ok. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I understand." He rested his head on the older man's shoulder, feeling Jack relax and bring his arms up to hold Ianto gently.

"Thank you." He whispered. "I'm sorry."

"I know, don't worry." He felt Jack move, and all of a sudden he was being carried into the office and down into Jack's quarters. He was set down next to the bed, and the changed into their night clothes in silence, until Ianto spoke up. "If anything, I actually feel glad. I mean, you didn't feel wrong when you kissed me." He turned, smiling up at Jack.

"No, no I didn't. It does, however, feel odd to be having this conversation with an eight year old." He smirked. "Hurry up and grow will you?" He asked before climbing under the covers. Ianto chuckled.

"It'll only take a couple of weeks, promise." He replied, sliding under the covers and curling up in the safety of Jack's arms, he drifted off to sleep happily. Jack smiled down at him, not tired himself, and settled for a night of watching this strange, wonderful boy sleep.

***

Owen woke with a start and a sudden thought. He blinked himself into consciousness, aware of Tosh's sleeping body next to him, and not wanting to wake her. She lay curled into his side, her hair in her face, which was peaceful and relaxed. She looked beautiful, and he wished he could just lie there for a while, but his idea was pressing at his mind, and it was a whopper of an idea! Carefully, he disentangled his limbs from hers, settling the covers around her, and hunting down some clothes. He scrawled a quick note to her and left, glancing at the clock. It was 6:30, he might just do it in time…

Tapping his foot, he waited and checked his watch three times during the short journey down the invisible lift into the Hub. There were no signs of life, however, there was what seemed to be the leftovers of a picnic in the boardroom. Owen smirked and bounded up to Jack's office, walking softly over to the hole in the floor and lifting the cover. A rather awake Jack looked up at him with a confused smile on his face, and a sleeping Ianto in his arms. Owen quirked an eyebrow and made a mental note to talk to him about that later.

"I've got an idea." He said to Jack, who raised an eyebrow. He wondered, since Jack was obviously wide awake, if he had even slept… maybe he never slept… No, that'd be too weird!

"Shhh. You'll wake him." Jack pouted up to him, gesturing at Ianto's snoring form.

"Good. I need him. I think I might be able to sort out this whole Tea-boy ageing crisis."

"Oh?" Jack looked genuinely intrigued now. He sat up, disturbing Ianto, who snuffled, wriggled and blinked a little before grumbling.

"Whasgoinon?" Jack looked down at him, grinned, ruffled his hair, then looked back at Owen.

"Doctor Early Riser here thinks he can sort out your ageing problem."

"Oh?" Ianto asked, looking up with such a similar look to the one Jack had just given him that Owen wondered if it was catching. He suppressed a shudder.

"Yeah. I need to hook you up to some machines. If I can measure the energy and the frequency and all the other stuff that goes on during your changes, I can try to recreate it and age you faster than the artefact is doing it."

"Ohhhh." Jack and Ianto nodded simultaneously. "And this had to be done at 7 in the morning because?" Ianto continued.

"Because I need time to set up the monitors and check they're working properly before you change. And I really want coffee…." Owen smirked. Ianto nodded sagely, as though that was the answer he had expected, then shuffled to the edge of what Jack liked to call a bed and plopped off onto the floor. He padded off towards the bathroom. Jack watched him go then turned to look at Owen.

"I think you can take that as a 'yes, Owen, you can use me as a guinea pig in your crazy experiment'." He smirked.

"Okay." Owen nodded. "I'll go start setting up the autopsy bay. You… Do whatever it is you do…" He turned on his heel and headed briskly towards his desk to pick up a few things. Jack shrugged, pulled on a shirt, resolving to have a shower and change his clothes later. At the risk of death, he padded to the coffee machine and pressed buttons until it gave him two lattes, before carrying them over to the autopsy bay where Owen was busy twiddling with things and talking to himself.

"You know that's a sign of madness, right?" He offered loudly as he descended the stairs, making Owen jump and bump his head on the underside of the gurney. "I'm almost proud of you… coffee?" He extended his arm and Owen swooped upon the mug, taking a long swig before drawing back to look incredulously at the brew.

"Who made this?" He asked, a look of disgust on his face.

"I did… Is it bad?" Jack asked, risking a sip of his own cup, then resisting the urge to spit it out.

"Did you empty out the grinds?"

"Nope… What? What's that anyway?"

"Oh Ye Gods! The brown stuff which you filter water through to get the coffee… you're supposed to empty it every so often." He supplied in a flat monotone as though talking to a two year old.

"Alright! I know how to build a teleportation system from scratch, no need to talk to me like I know less about technology than your Grandma!" Jack threw back, looking wounded.

"If you know how to make a teleportation device, how come we still use the SUV?"

"I like the winding country roads. And you'd only do something stupid like teleport into the ladies toilets or the women's shower-room at the gym."

"True… I concede that. Well, I can use this disgusting tar for some of the plants in the hothouse, so leave it on the side." He nodded as Jack set down his cup. "Now… About your sleeping arrangements…"

"What about them? And don't try to tell me to move out of the Hub, countless people have tried and failed." Jack said determinedly, stance set for a fight.

"I don't give a rat's arse where you sleep. It's the Teababy I'm concerned about. You can't still have him in your bed. He needs his own room now."

"Why?" Jack looked genuinely perplexed. Owen rolled his eyes.

"Think, Jack. What's the usual reason Adults don't sleep with 8 year olds. We don't know if the experiences he has now will have a lasting effect. He needs his own room."

"But there isn't anywhere in the Hub, and anyway, it's not like I'm doing anything! We just go to sleep." Jack was now looking slightly pathetic.

"Jack, I know you're not doing anything to harm him. It's ok, he can come stay with me for a while."

"But…"

"No buts. He needs space. You are NOT his father." Owen challenged, putting on his best authoritative voice and face.

"Okay…" Jack looked at the floor. "Doctor's orders and all that…" He sighed. "So, lets hook up this machinery." He stepped forward to help Owen connect all the cables.

xxxxxxxxxx

Ianto emerged from the shower-room, clambered up the ladder and went to make his way to the autopsy bay. Until he caught the telltale smell of coffee, that was. Upon discovering the scent of coffee in the air, he swiftly made a beeline for the kitchenette, stopping in the doorway and making a strangled sort of scream at the wreckage of his beloved coffee machine.

"Jack!" He yelled in a similar tone. "Get the fuck up here NOW!" He heard something clanging and assumed Jack had dropped whatever he was doing.

"You know, it's a bit disconcerting hearing an eight year old say 'fuck'." Jack remarked as he bounded up the stairs, a shit-eating grin on his face.

"What, precisely, is THAT!" Ianto growled, pointing in the direction of the carnage. Jack looked into the room, and his grin suddenly disappeared to be replaced with a look of abject horror. His face paled and his mouth worked silently for a while before he found his voice.

"But… But I… I didn't… I only made two lattes!" He stuttered, incredulous.

"How many buttons did you press?" Ianto demanded. "Because the latte button does not do that!" He pointed vigorously at the mess and Jack was forced to look at it again. The kitchenette, which was usually sparklingly clean and smelt softly of detergent, was covered in scalding, sticky brown water, which wasn't quite coffee, but rather some kind of boiling treacle. The machine itself was still regurgitating this viscous liquid like there was a never-ending supply of the stuff within its bowels. The front panel of the machine had fallen off and was lying on the floor coated in the ooze, steaming. The insides of the machine were sparking and smoking. The milk steamer had fallen off and was rolling in small circles on the floor. Several tidy stacks of small coffee mugs had fallen to the floor and smashed. One end of the machine, where the filter coffee usually came out, had exploded, and the bits were scattered across the room. This was where most of the fluid had leaked from. Unfortunately, some of the exploded bits had taken a journey straight into the side of the glass jar which held Jack's favourite coffee beans, smashing it to smithereens and sending most of the coffee onto the floor and into the swamp of disgusting brown mess. In short, the kitchenette was ruined.

"I… I guess I probably pressed most of them at least once…" Jack turned to look at Ianto. He looked beyond livid. His eye twitched and a nerve in his jaw jumped. He slowly turned his head to look up at Jack.

"I'm going now. I'm going to go to the autopsy bay and pretend I never came over here this morning." Ianto began in a monotone which belied his true fury. "I'm not going to come back to the kitchenette all day. At six thirty when everyone has gone home, I'm going to come back and make cocoa for the two of us. By that time, there will be no trace of this ever occurring. UNDERSTOOD?" He glared silently, and Jack, for the first time in a long time, found himself truly scared. He couldn't muster a sentence, so just emitted a high-pitched squeak and nodded meekly. Nodding himself, Ianto turned and stalked off to the autopsy bay.

Jack looked at the clock. It was 8 am. He had 10 hours. Glancing back at the disaster zone, he let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, then fled to make some necessary phone calls, and call in favours from old friends.

xxxxxxxxxx

Ianto thundered into the autopsy bay, turned around three times, breathed heavily and counted to ten, then looked up to see Owen looking at him, one eyebrow raised in contemplation.

"May I suggest a trip to the psychiatrist and a possible lobotomy?" He questioned.

"May I suggest a nice cup of shut the fuck up, and that you call Tosh and get her to call into Starbucks on the way here." He glared the same glare he'd used on Jack, and Owen went a shade paler.

"Oh… Yeah… I'll go do that now…" He murmured, scurrying out of the room to follow his orders. Ianto sat on the autopsy table, calmed himself down, and wondered, if he had this much power as an eight year old, why did he still feel worthless as an adult? All things considered, he supposed the team were showing him now that he wasn't worthless to them at all. Maybe he had just been reading things wrong. Sighing, he lay back on the table, glaring at the ceiling, and imagined he saw that too go a shade paler. Although, since it was already white, that wasn't technically possible… Was it?

Owen re-emerged, silent, and continued his work around Ianto, not even breathing in a irritating manner. Ianto smirked to himself and listened to the sounds until Owen was finished, then he sat up and shuffled to face him.

"Ok, so how's this going to work?" Owen looked up at him from where he was crouched near the socket in the wall. He smiled then launched into a fully blown step by step account of what was about to happen. Ianto found himself a little confused. Ok, a little was an understatement. He hadn't a clue what Owen was on about. He waited until Owen finished, not wanting to interrupt him when he was talking so animatedly. Once silence returned, he smiled sympathetically and said, "In English please?"

"Oh…" Owen looked at him like he really was eight years old. "Yeah, sorry. Basically, there must be certain energies running through you at the point that you collapse. I'm going to measure those energies now, and then monitor them whilst the change takes place. Once we know what the energy pattern is, we can start trying to recreate it." Ianto nodded. It sounded like a good plan.

"So you need to hook me up to this crazy contraption?" He asked, eyeing the mess of wires sceptically.

"Yes indeed." Owen grinned, advancing on him.

An hour later, when Tosh arrived on the scene and looked in, handing around coffee, Owen was tapping a pen impatiently against the desk and muttering to himself whilst he read the screen before him, and Ianto was trying his hardest to ignore the irritating noise whilst re-reading 'War and Peace', sitting cross-legged on the autopsy table and hooked up to the scanner. Smiling, Tosh gave Owen a quick kiss whilst Ianto wasn't looking, then deposited their coffees on the table before heading towards Jack's office. From the explanation Owen had given him, she would be needed to help Jack sort out the kitchenette today.

xxxxxxxxxx

Jack was in what could only be described as a flap. He and Gwen were bumbling round his office like crazies, which made Tosh stop and smile before she entered. Funny how when the world was in danger from some undeterminable force, Jack was cool as a cucumber issuing orders, but when Ianto was cross about the state of the kitchenette, which was understandable considering its current state, everything went to pot. Stepping over the threshold, she bellowed,

"STAND STILL!" The effect was immediate. Jack and Gwen froze, before turning around slowly to gaze at Tosh. "Good. Now, what have you done so far?"

"Nothing!" Jack burst out in a pitiful whine. "There's so much to do! I don't know where to start!" Sighing, Tosh shook her head.

"Right. Gwen, go get a mop and bucket and get up as much of that mess as you can. We need to see the damage before we can fix it. Jack, come with me." Gwen left the room quickly, and Jack turned to her, confused.

"Where are we going?" He asked with a pout.

"To town. We're going to a showroom so that you can choose kitchen things. An ex of yours works there and she's still sweet on you, so we can get a quick delivery."

"Ugh, not Sylvia?" Jack asked with a groan, covering his eyes.

"Yes, Sylvia. It's the only way…" She grinned and put on a mock sex kitten voice for the next bit, "Jack baby." She grinned as he glared at her.

"I was drunk! I blame Suzie… She was the worst two night stand I ever had!" He ran a hand through his hair. "I refuse to flirt with her!"

"Ooh, that's a first." Tosh giggled. Ignoring Jack's continuing loud complaints, she grabbed his sleeve and dragged him out of the Hub.

xxxxxxxxxx

Ianto glanced at the clock, then went back to drinking his coffee, which, he noted, was single shot. Jack had obviously told the team to cap his caffeine intake or something. He usually had three shots in his coffee… He pouted in protest, before turning to Owen.

"Six minutes to go. You got the data you needed?" He asked the medic, who was currently scribbling furiously on a piece of paper.

"Yup. I have readings of everything from you. Blood work, BMI, hormone levels, residual rift energy, you name it, I got it. If anything changes, this machine will bleep like you've just won Pac-man, and we'll all know how awesome I am." Owen grinned, satisfied with his own genius.

"And if it doesn't bleep?" Ianto asked, eyebrow raised. Owen frowned.

"You dare doubt my genius? If it doesn't bleep then we've scientifically proved that you're as weird as I always said you were." He grinned and Ianto fought the childish urge to poke out his tongue.

"Brilliant." He deadpanned instead. "Then I can escape this madhouse and go to a proper asylum, where the doctors actually know what they're doing." He smirked, and Owen looked wounded.

"Shut up. You're about to do that weird ageing thing again. I need you to be silent."

"Whatever." Ianto replied and spent the next few seconds glaring at Owen, before the familiar feeling overcame him and he blacked out. The first thing he became aware of when he woke was that there was definitely no bleeping going on. The second was that Owen was cursing like a sailor.

"Pile of shit alien technology. Waste of fucking time. Why does nothing fucking work around here?" He fumed as Ianto sat up and blinked at him.

"What happened?"

"Fuck all." Owen growled. "The machine says you just switched off, then switched back on again with new readings. Didn't pick up any energy signals or anything. Bollocks! I was sure that'd work." Ianto merely laughed at him until a death glare stopped him. "And you can shut the fuck up too." He growled, removing the monitoring equipment from where it was attached to Ianto. "Go… Hide somewhere. I'm gonna call a meeting in the boardroom to discuss this."

xxxxxxxxxx

Jack made sure to drag his feet along the carpet and pout as much as possible, avoiding eye contact with anyone lest the turn out to be the dreaded Sylvia ('That's Sylvie to you, Jacky baby'). Tosh dragged him round by his lapel until he whined that she was ruining his coat and she demanded he follow her of his own accord. They'd almost finished picking out new things for the kitchenette, a process which Jack was finding enjoyable despite his best attempts at sulking, when a high pitched squeal echoed across the showroom, and Jack flinched, trying to duck inside a nearby shower cubicle. He didn't quite get there in time.

"Jacky baby!" The high pitched voice continued. "Oh, it's been so long!" She swooped towards them, and Tosh stifled a laugh. Despite the store's uniform of baby blue shirts and navy skirts or trousers, Sylvia was wearing a pink blouse over a white vest top, buttoned under her substantial bust to accentuate it, and a pair of tight, almost spray on jeans which were clearly designed to draw attention to her rear. Her stomach was showing, and she had a bright pink piercing there. Her blonde hair was coiled into tight ringlets around her head, and she was wearing large quantities of pink plastic jewellery, along with a silver chain with a heart motif on the end and an embossed S on it. Her hands were covered in silver rings of various styles, and she had several silver bangles also, which clanged together as she moved in much the same fashion as a bell on a cat's collar. It made Tosh surprised that they hadn't heard her coming sooner. Her make-up was overdone, giving the impression of some kind of glamour model. She was, it had to be said, hot. There was no doubt about that. Anyone who attracted the attention of Jack Harkness tended to be so. However, she was also the most clingy, overpowering and downright irritating woman Toshiko Sato had ever met. She gave the overall impression of trying too hard, and Tosh thought she looked like a slut. Jack thought she looked alright, but he wasn't EVER going to go there again. Ever!

"Hi Sylvia." Jack mumbled. "Just…er… looking at kitchens." He flashed her as much of a grin as he could muster. "didn't know you worked here." Tosh elbowed him in the ribs and mumbled,

"Come on, you can do better than this! Do it for Ianto!" Jack grimaced suddenly, then cleared his mind to focus on the task at hand. Sylvia, who hadn't heard Tosh, twiddles a strand of hair between her fingers and looked up at Jack through lowered lashes.

"I've told you before, Jacky, it's Sylvie to you." She smiled coyly, and he flashed her a much better grin.

"Of course it is, Sylvie." He practically purred, and even Tosh was impressed by his skills. She mouthed 'that's better' over Sylvia's shoulder. "Well, actually, I could kinda use your help. You know how useless I am, and, well, this sort of thing needs a woman's touch, don't you think?" He asked with a goofy smile. Sylvia melted. It was amazing, Tosh considered, how easily Jack seemed to get women into the palm of his hand… figuratively speaking, of course… Well, also literally speaking…

"You're absolutely right, Jacky baby. I know how cold and lonely bachelor pads can get without a woman's presence." She practically leered, and Jack fought the urge to run, staying on the spot and bringing his arm around to rest his hand on the small of her back.

"Exactly, Sylvie. So, what I need is to re-do my kitchen right away! I've chosen most of it, but I need your help choosing the most vital part… the kitchen sink!" He winked at her, recalling that one of their… liaisons… had begun in that very place. She blushed prettily and giggled.

"Oh, yes, that is very important." She giggled again, trailing one finger up his chest. "Let me give you a hand with that." She grinned wickedly, trailing her whole hand down his chest, with the clear intent of reaching parts of his anatomy which he really, really didn't want her near. Instead he grabbed the hand and kissed her knuckles quickly with a grin.

"Lead the way, my heroine!" He grinned, then as she was leading him towards the sink section, turned to Tosh to pull a face and mouth 'help!'. Tosh merely smiled at him and followed at a distance.

Around twenty minutes later, when Jack had flirted his way through the choosing of a simple stainless steel sing, and had avoided being molested, they stood at the counter, Sylvia hanging off Jack's arm and giggling.

"Thank you so much for your help, Sylvie." He grinned. "You've been fantastic as always." She giggled again and fluttered her lashes at him. "There's just one more thing I need your help with…"

"Oh? And what's that Jacky baby?" She cooed, pressing close to him.

"Well, since I need this kitchen doing super fast, I really, really need the parts delivering as soon as possible… I'm sure that since you're so amazing, you can get someone to do that for me, right?" He leaned down to grin conspiratorially at her. "Then I'll have the rest of the day free to have a bit of fun." He winked and she blushed again.

"Anything for you, baby." She purred. "I'll have one of the guys drop it round in half an hour."

"Sylvie, you're just too good to be true." He wrapped his arms around her waist. "So, when do you get off work?" She gazed up at him adoringly.

"Not until 6:30, I'm afraid…" She pouted.

"Oh, and I have an appointment at 7. How about I take your number and we can schedule coffee sometime?" He leered, letting his hand slip just a little lower.

"I'd love that." She grinned, whipping out a pad and a pen and scribbling her number and name along with a few hearts and kisses. "Call me anytime, baby."

"I'll do it as soon as I finish my appointment tonight." He said with a warm smile. "Thanks for your help, see you as soon as I can." He gave her a small hug and a kiss on the cheek, then turned to leave. She waved them out of the store with a huge grin plastered on her face.

Jack waited 'til they were safely back in the SUV before making a mock retching noise.

"I will have my revenge, Toshiko. You wait and see." He pouted, then went back to sulking.

"Sulk all you like, Jack, I just saved your arse from being murdered by Ianto."

"True… but you almost got me eaten by a vicious predator in the process." He grinned, and they both giggled.

"Is it just me, or has she gotten worse?" Tosh asked through her laughter.

"No, she was always that bad." Jack grimaced. "I mean, can you imagine? The sex was amazing, but afterwards… I've never woken up regretting anything more in my life! She just talked and talked and talked.. Then started saying how we would be married and…" He shuddered. "It was hell." Continuing to moan about how terrible she was, Jack started the engine and drove back to the Hub, where he was immediately called to the boardroom by Owen.

Jack and Tosh entered the boardroom together, curious as to what Owen had discovered. They paused in their curiosity to take in the sight of a nine year old Ianto, who was impossibly adorable. Jack's irritation at Sylvia melted away to be replaced by a flush of warm, fuzzy feelings at seeing Ianto again. He was slightly dishevelled, hair a mess despite Jack being sure he had spent a lot of time trying to sort it out. He sprawled on the chair in a pair of cream shorts and a navy hooded jumper, a graze on one knee where he had fallen over earlier, and a cotton bud pressed to his arm from where Owen had taken a blood sample. He was grinning up at the projector screen with a look of utter happiness on his face, laughing unabashedly at the video footage Owen was showing him of various humorous accidents. Jack thought that he looked so without inhibitions, so naïve and happy and innocent that he wished he could keep him like that forever. He wasn't at all the Ianto Jack was used to seeing, hidden behind his mask of butlerisms and wit. He was comfortable in his own skin, and his laughter was infectious and endearing. Jack found himself laughing along, despite not being aware of what exactly had happened in the latest clip, and noticed that Tosh was doing the same. Ianto turned at the sound, his laughter replaced by an easy grin.

"Hi, Jack." He smiled, keeping to his word about pretending that the mess in the kitchen hadn't happened.

"Hi, baby." Jack replied, grinning back and finding himself suddenly awkward and cumbersome compared to Ianto's easy presence. "How are you feeling?" He probed.

"Oh, I'm good thank you." Ianto chuckled. "Owen, however, is feeling a little wounded. Do be nice to him." He grinned conspiratorially, and Jack chuckled himself.

"Speaking of which, Owen, how'd it go?" He asked, seating himself at his usual place, and flashing a smile at Gwen. Owen cleared his throat, shut off the video and frowned in an important manner.

"Ok, so… There were slight complications…" He began.

"What Owen means to say is that his plan was a load of rubbish." Gwen interrupted with a smirk.

"Not true, Gwen." Owen responded with a scowl. "Whilst the test didn't show anything we can actually use, it did throw up some interesting things for us to consider. Basically, instead of an energy changing Ianto's body on a molecular level, the device is merely switching Ianto off, then turning him back on in an advanced state." He frowned some more. "Basically, there is nothing we can do to recreate its effects."

"But surely that's simple…" Gwen piped up. "You've said it yourself. The device switches Ianto off then on again. We just do that…" Everyone in the room turned to look at her incredulously. It was Tosh who spoke up, afraid that Jack was going to bite her. She switched on her best 'trust me, I'm a techie' face.

"Gwen, you do realise what 'switching off' means?" She began, then paused to see if it would sink in. It didn't seem to, so she continued. "You're basically suggesting that we kill Ianto then restart his heart… It's way too risky." She frowned, resisting the urge to smirk as realisation dawned on Gwen's face.

"Oh! God! Sorry, I thought… No! We couldn't do that!" Gwen blurted, face flushing, and everyone in the room let out a collective breath.

"Ok, so now that PC Psycho has suggested murder as an option, I'm willing to discuss the real merits of my discovery." Owen said in a monotone, earning him a glare from Gwen.

"Forgive me for sounding blunt, Owen…" Ianto said quietly, "But there doesn't seem to be a merit there. Basically, you have discovered that there is no way of recreating the process to age me. That seems to be a negative where I'm sitting."

"Yes, it does." Owen said with a satisfied smirk. "But only because your tiny brain can't think of any other consequences of that fact."

"Alright, kids, lets not bicker, or it'll be off to bed with no dinner for the both of you." that earned Jack a smile and a laugh from Tosh and Gwen and a scowl from Owen and Ianto. "Owen, get to the point. What's so great about Ianto 'switching off'?"

"Well, there aren't many species capable of doing that sort of thing. It'd have to be a highly technically advanced. That means we've narrowed the list of possible origins for the device. Once we obtain a list of possibilities, we can cross-reference them with the language pattern Tosh decoded on the device, giving us the species who made it. Once we know the species, it'll be much easier to work out how to work the damn thing, thus restoring Teababy to his usual state and giving us all a break from Captain Jack Horny and his army of sexual innuendos." Owen smiled in triumph.

"The frog-man makes a good point…" Ianto mused, causing Owen to grace him with his best 'fuck off' scowl.

"I like it, Owen. Take Ianto to the archives with you and check out all the species on record and whether their technical ability is that advanced. Then buzz Tosh and she'll help you cross reference." Jack beamed. "Good work, team. Keep it up." With that, he stood and swooped out of the office in true 'oh, yeah, look at me, I'm so hot it hurts' fashion, and strode towards the tourist office.

xxxxxxxxxx

Ianto glanced at his watch. He had been helping Owen for hours now. It was 5:30, and he wondered how Jack was getting on with the Kitchenette. Realistically, he had set the man an impossible task, he knew. However, Jack Harkness was nothing if not impossible. He let various scenarios of how the room would look when he got back reel through his mind. He was bored down here, but they had reached W, and were about to move on to X in their list of species. Unfortunately, there were a shit load of aliens whose names began with a Z, so they still had quite a way to go. Sighing, he turned his attention back to the task, aware that he was complaining as much as Owen was.

xxxxxxxxxx

Jack looked at his watch, and smiled, triumphant. He wad spent the entire afternoon getting this kitchenette fitted, and then retconning the delivery men so that they remembered a small flat in the fashionable part of town, the address of which just so happened to be the home of one of his most hated Unit liaison officers. If Sylvie went looking for him, a certain Mr Harold Worthington would get an unexpected and fairly unpleasant surprise.

The kitchenette itself was spotless. It looked even better than before. A new tiled floor was down and sparkling in a navy blue, the counters and sink were all stainless steel and shining, and the appliances, including the new, bigger, improved coffee machine, were all blue to match the floor. The walls had been painted in a pale blue, which Jack considered to be the colour of Ianto's eyes. The new table was also stainless steel, and he had bought stainless steel chairs and some high stools at the breakfast bar, an addition he had chosen. The light fittings too were a sparkling silver. The fridge was navy blue with a stainless steel handle. In short, it looked perfect. Jack swelled with pride and considered that he had done all of this (admittedly with a little help) before 6pm. He grinned to himself and went to sit in his office, dismissing Gwen and Tosh for the day as he did so, and replying to their cheery goodbyes.

xxxxxxxxxx

Ianto and Owen made their way up from the archives to find that the others had gone home. Ianto considered the clock, finding it to be time to go and see what sort of state his kitchen was in. He turned to Owen.

"Coffee before you leave?" He asked with a nervous smile.

"Sounds good, mate." Owen smiled. They had managed to be civil to each other all afternoon, and Ianto was almost feeling warm towards the doctor. Smiling, he left Owen by his station, where he had found a note from Tosh, and made his way tentatively to what he expected to still be a bomb sight.

Stepping through the threshold of the kitchenette, Ianto gasped, and his eyes welled up. It was perfect. It was better than perfect. It was… his. It sparkled, gleamed and glistened in all the right places. It was beautiful. He was amazed at how good a job jack had done, and found himself breathless at the scope of his hard work.

"Like it?" he heard a voice ask tentatively from behind him. Turning, he looked up to see the nervous face of a certain Jack Harkness, who was worrying at his lip in a way that made Ianto want to fling his arms round him and gush. Instead, he beamed.

"It's wonderful." He stretched out his arms and Jack lifted him with some effort. "It's beautiful." He wrapped his arms round jack's neck and hugged him tight. "It's perfect!" He exclaimed with a squeeze, and Jack chuckled.

"Well, I aim to please." He grinned, releasing Ianto and putting him down. "And I promise never to use the coffee machine again without your instruction." He said solemnly, one hand over his heart. "On pain of death… several times over." He grinned. Ianto laughed.

"Well, we'd better christen it. Hot chocolate?" Jack nodded enthusiastically, so Ianto set about making their beverages, completely forgetting about Owen in the process. They were snapped out of their reverie when Owen cleared his throat in the doorway.

"Sorry to crash the party, but I need to get back now. Gotta phone my little sister." He drawled. Ianto looked at him quizzically.

"Ok… Why are you telling us?" He ask, confused, and saw Jack's face fall slowly.

"Oh…" Jack sighed. "I forgot to tell you…" He frowned. "You're going to stay with Owen now… I'll er… See you in the morning." He smiled weakly, then left the from without further explanation. Ianto's heart fell from where it had been, several miles above the earth, to hit the floor with a hard thump. He looked after Jack, struck by a sudden sensation of loss. Did he not want Ianto there anymore? Was he bored of him? Fed up of looking after him? Thousands of possibilities streamed through Ianto's mind, none of them good. He looked at Owen, but was offered no comfort there, merely a shrug and a,

"Well, get a move on, we haven't got all night." Feeling distraught, Ianto slipped from his chair and followed Owen to his car, dejected. He resigned himself to a sleepless night away from Jack, wondering what he had done wrong to upset the man just when things had been going so well… He had thought they had been close, and now he had been unceremoniously dumped with Owen. Maybe he didn't mean as much to Jack as he thought he had… Maybe Jack was just humouring him.

***

Ianto shifted again in the big, cold bed Owen had provided him with. He tried to hold back the sniffles which were escaping from him in small bursts, wishing he could have his adult body back so that he didn't cry at everything. He pulled the covers tighter round himself, bundling them up to snuggle into the shape which vaguely represented a human form, but it wasn't nearly convincing. Jack was nowhere near this lumpy, and the covers smelt distinctly of Owen. Pouting, Ianto closed his eyes and continued trying to hold back his sobs. Eventually, he heard movement in the room next door and after a few moments, the door to his bedroom swung open, casting a beam of light across his bed. Owen stood there, jeans still on but minus a T-shirt, looking at Ianto with a mix of sympathy and irritation on his face.

"Teababy? What's up? You scared of the dark or something?" He asked with the barest hint of mockery as he crossed the threshold and sat down on the edge of the bed. Ianto rubbed at his eyes furiously, wondering what to say to avoid the ridicule he was sure would follow.

"No… I… Doesn't matter." He mumbled, voice thick from crying. Owen sighed, before reaching out to push his hair back off his forehead and rub comforting circles on his back. Ianto was so taken aback by this that he almost stopped crying.

"Well, obviously it does. I mean, the childish part of you is crying. The adult part of you is trying to stop that. Logically, for you to be crying this much, the adult part of you must be at least a little upset. What's wrong? You don't like what Jack did with the kitchen?" Ianto snorted, but this set off a fresh wave of sobs, and he buried his head in the covers again, groaning in frustration.

"Oh, I'm so pathetic!" He growled.

"You're not pathetic. So, mention of Jack made you worse… He upset you?" Owen mused. "Oh God! I am so Sherlock Holmes. You miss him right?" He smiled before remembering that what he was saying was upsetting, then reformed his face to something along the lines of sympathy. Ianto looked up and nodded weakly.

"I don't understand why he… Why he wanted to get rid of me all of a sudden." He sniffled, still attempting to get his breathing under control, and Owen fought not to say 'awww' as his lip wobbled adorably.

"Get rid of you?" Owen asked, confused. He pulled Ianto up to a sitting position. "He didn't want to get rid of you."

"Then why am I here?" Ianto practically wailed. "Why didn't he let me stay with him?"

"I told him you couldn't." Owen admitted blankly. Suddenly, Ianto found he wasn't crying anymore.

"You what?" He asked, incredulous. "Why?"

"I said it wasn't healthy for an eight year old to be sleeping with an adult, and that you needed your own space." He explained. "I mean, c'mon, it's not really on."

"I was fine." Ianto pouted. "Nothing was going on." He practically growled. "I don't even know why we're having this conversation. I ought to be able to sleep on my own, I've been doing it for nearly 25 years. What's wrong with me?" He groaned again, slamming his face into a pillow for good measure. Owen chuckled a little.

"It's not that you're pathetic. The child part of you has sort of latched onto Jack as a father figure, so now that you're no longer sleeping with him, it's like a toddler's reaction to being ripped away from the parents. He's mollycoddled you so much that you instinctively feel unsafe when he's not within reach. It'll pass."

"Wow… I never knew you were a psychologist…" Ianto mused, feeling himself calm a little.

"S'just common sense." Owen replied. "Now, you go to the bathroom and wash your face, I'll make you warm milk, and we'll see if we can't get you to sleep for a decent amount of time." Ianto nodded, and plodded off to the bathroom. "Remember, you'll see him in less than 12 hours anyway." Owen called after him.

Jack paced back to the kitchenette for around the hundredth time that evening. He couldn't sleep, but that wasn't new, he rarely did anyway unless he was lying with someone. He couldn't focus on anything. He'd tried several times to make a cup of tea, not wanting to use the coffee machine again, but had found that he got bored before the kettle had even boiled, and paced off again angrily for another tour of the Hub. He'd stood on the roof several times, trying to lose himself in the blur of traffic moving and the world continuing around his static form. He'd had several nonsensical conversations with Janet, who had almost looked concerned for him last time when he'd started talking about his childhood. He'd been up to visit Myfanwy twice, but he wasn't about to go up there again in a hurry; she'd chased him down last time because he'd woken her up, and she was still stalking him as though she might eat him. He'd spent time in his office attempting to read emails, and looking at old mementoes. Not even pictures of his past could make him focus, and that was odd indeed. He'd tried to settle down in bed at one point, but that wasn't working either. He was restless.

The problem was that he'd let himself get far to used to Ianto being around. It had almost become a sort of routine. They would have a hot drink, eat their dinner, and curl up together in the small space Jack liked to call a bedroom. Jack wasn't one for routine, but he found he quite liked that one. Now, it was gone, and he couldn't seem to settle himself even for a moment. He understood that Owen was right, Ianto needed space, and he couldn't keep sleeping with Jack, especially since puberty was fast approaching, and Jack didn't want to even think about the challenges that would bring with it. He understood that everything that was happening needed to happen, but that sure as hell wasn't going to stop him from throwing an almighty immortal sulk tantrum. He sighed, pouted, ran his hands through his hair and paced restlessly, waiting for morning. It was almost unhealthy how much he wanted to see Ianto again. The boy had really gotten under his skin. He suspected that Ianto had merely eaten with Owen and was now sleeping soundly with that cute, innocent expression on his face. Thinking about the expression only made Jack want him there even more, though, so he tried to focus on something else. If anything was going to work, he supposed it'd have to be memories of Ianto…

Ianto's first day at work had been memorable. He had turned up, all suits and serious expressions, and walked straight into Suzie Costello. Jack had meant to get her out of the way so that he could greet Ianto himself, maybe check him out and flirt a little, and definitely get him settled and relaxed before he had to meet the rest of the vultures Jack liked to affectionately call his team. No such luck. Suzie was immovable, almost as though she had sensed Ianto's imminent arrival. She was up to the tourist office like a shot, and throwing insults in that sarcastic drawl she liked to use which would almost be sexy if it weren't so annoying.

"Oh, look what the cat dragged in. You almost scrub up well. You know that breaking in is the last straw, I'm going to have to wipe your memory." She snarled, as Jack watched breathless over the CCTV, praying that she wouldn't scare away his pretty, interesting new toy. To his immense surprise, Ianto had merely smiled.

"Please, feel free to do just that." He said simply in that sexy welsh lilt that Jack wanted to bottle for himself. "Then maybe I can forget how terrible your security is, and that the pass-code to get into your building really is 'boobies' in an ancient Arcadian dialect." He had followed this with a small smirk, which had certainly melted Jack's insides, and had seemingly nearly done the same to Suzie. She flapped for a second, then smiled wittily.

"Oooh, it jokes too. I'm impressed, for a crazy you certainly know your alien languages, however, the Captain doesn't wear stalkers well, and he doesn't do visits from strangers without appointments, unless they're stunning blondes."

"Oh, it's a good job I'm not a stalker or a stranger, and I have an appointment then, isn't it. For the record, I also have a blonde wig and a stun gun, so I could be a stunning blonde if that's what you'd like, Miss Costello." Jack could have sworn then that Ianto looked up at the hidden CCTV camera and winked. Was he flirting? But the screen wasn't clear enough for him to be sure, and the camera was invisible… He must have been mistaken.

"Well, well, well." Suzie laughed. " He hired you after all." She pressed the buzzer to open the door. "Go on down, I'm sure he'll meet you." Ianto started down the steps, but was surely in earshot when Suzie continued, "Why don't we just let him hire all the staff with his prick, who needs skills to save the world, as long as you give a good blowjob." There was no reply from Ianto, so Jack merely scowled at the screen. Suzie didn't wear jealousy very well, but she was wrong, he wore stalking like the queen wears her crown. He loved it. Flicking the screen off, he bounded down the stairs to meet his new recruit. Who knew that in only seven months' time, he'd be getting that blowjob Suzie had been talking about…

Seven months later…

Ianto looked up at Jack, unsure. He hadn't been lying when he'd told the Captain previously that he had no experience… and he was ridiculously nervous. Jack looked down at him and grinned, a small chuckle escaping him.

"You ok?" He asked, softly, stroking a hand through Ianto's hair.

"Yeah, I… I'm just trying to work out… Where to start…" Ianto murmured, turning a brilliant shade of red. It was all very well doing the touching thing, that was easy, he'd had practice on his own several times, but this was an all new experience, and he was ashamed to admit that he hadn't done his homework… He had no idea what to do. Jack laughed.

"You know you don't have to do this?" He chuckled. "I'm quite happy to fool around like usual." Ianto pulled a face.

"And chicken out? I want to do this… I just have to work out how… How I'm going to fit it in my mouth to start with." He grinned, and Jack collapsed back onto the bed laughing. Ianto scowled from his position settled between Jack's legs, elbows propping him up either side of Jack's hips. "Don't laugh at me!" He smirked, laughing himself now.

"Sorry." Jack replied, doing his best to sober, and waving a hand in the air. "Just… think what you like and try to do it. I promise you can't do anything wrong… unless you try to bite me, in which case I will be quite cross… See there was this one time when I took this woman to bed, or at least I thought she was a woman. Anyway, turned out she was actually a flesh eater and she wanted to eat me whole in the literal sense…"

"Jack…" Ianto interrupted. "Not helping."

"Oh. Sorry. Yeah. Well, just… go with it." He said airily, enjoying the sensation of Ianto merely breathing on his erection.

"Fat lot of help you are!" Ianto chuckled, then decided it was now or never. Clearing his mind, he thought what he liked best, which turned out to be hot chocolate… But that wasn't helping either, so he threw himself in at the deep end by wrapping his hand around the base of Jack's cock and stroking him slowly. Jack mumbled something by way of encouragement, but he didn't hear because he was focusing so had on the fact that he was about to give another man a blowjob. Well, he supposed it would be difficult to give a woman a blowjob, but that was going off track again. Shaking himself, he dipped his head, poked out his tongue, and gently traced the underside of Jack's erection. Jack hissed above him, and he took that as a good sign, repeating the action a few times, before his frayed nerves calmed a little. As he felt himself relax, he decided to be a bit bolder, and moved his hand to lick a line all the way from base to tip, earning him a strangled sort of groan, and a hand in his hair. Grinning, he decided he wasn't so bad at this after all.

"I can tell you're going to challenge my will to resist." Jack mumbled from above him, and he merely smiled in reply before opening his mouth wide enough to envelop a small amount of flesh. "Fuck!" Jack gasped, his hand gripping compulsively at Ianto's hair. "Maybe I'll just shut up and let you.. Ah!" He groaned as Ianto tried sucking experimentally.

"Yes, you just shut up." Ianto replied, pulling back for air, before moving his head to take even more of Jack into his mouth. Jack sighed and twitched above him as he tried different things, and occasionally he gasped or moaned, and offered advice such as, 'if you keep doing that I'm going to come very suddenly' and 'mmmmhh that's nice' and 'Oh God Ianto that's good'. Finally, Ianto picked his head up to look Jack in the eye.

"You're stopping?" Jack asked in a voice that was entirely too high pitched for him.

"Momentarily, yes." Ianto nodded. "I was just going to let you know that I've finished playing now and I'm going to do it properly." He smiled.

"Ok…" Jack grinned. "Do your worst."

"Oh, I will." Ianto returned the grin, but Jack forgot all about it as he dropped his head and nearly did swallow him whole. He gasped and writhed as Ianto applied just the right amount of pressure with his tongue, struck just the right rhythm of movement with his head, and moved his hand up to gently massage Jack's balls.

"God Ianto! Yessss!" He hissed, one hand playing with Ianto's hair as gently as he could manage, the other twisting itself in the sheets. He felt Ianto smile around him as he pulled back to tease with his tongue, and that made him groan again. "Ianto, you have to stop, I'm gonna come…Like… Now!" Jack gasped, desperate for release, but also intent on not giving Ianto a throat-full of come. It seemed Ianto didn't have such worries, though, as he merely brought his hand up to give Jack an extra squeeze, and sucked a little harder. Unable to hold back, Jack came with a shout and moan, and Ianto stilled his hips with a gentle hand, calmly lapping up the mess before crawling up Jack's spent body to nuzzle into his neck.

"Was it Ok?" He asked, face still buried in Jack's clavicle, pressing small kisses to his throat.

"Ok?" Jack gasped, voice hoarse from shouting. "It was awesome." He grinned tilting Ianto's head up to kiss him. "You can give me a repeat performance anytime." He winked, and Ianto laughed and blushed prettily. And that was when the rift alarm went and they had to go and get the device… Which was now ruining Jack's ego.

Back in the present, Jack wasn't sure at what point in his reminiscence he had ended up back in his quarters and touching himself. To be honest, he didn't care, because it gave him something to do other than to think about how lonely he felt.

Dawn came, and Jack found himself back on the roof. As the sun rose, he watched the city wake and smiled. Ianto would be here soon. Well, relatively soon if Owen had anything to do with it. He wondered how things would be now that Ianto was living with Owen. He kind of hoped that the two would bond a little and maybe the bickering would settle down. He hoped Ianto wasn't too comfortable, though. He hadn't looked too fazed last night when Jack had watched him leave… Maybe he had been imagining the insane closeness they had developed over the past few days. Maybe Ianto wasn't really that fond of him. He didn't have time to think about it, anyway, Myfanwy was squawking to be fed, and the computers had already started bleeping at him.

Gwen bumbled into the Hub, grinning like a loon. It was sunny outside, she was wearing a dress, and she had an amazing boyfriend who loved her and had woken her up that morning with a lovely cup of tea in bed and several rounds of toast. Everything was good. She stooped to pick up the post as she passed it, but noticed that there were several packages of varying size and shape which she wouldn't be able to carry downstairs. They were all addressed to Jack… Creating several scenarios in her head, and picking up the letters, she left the parcels on the floor and skipped her way into Jack's office. He was leaning back in his chair, sipping a cup of tea, and eyeing her with an eyebrow raised and a suggestive smirk.

"Morning Gwen." He mumbled. "Nice dress… Makes your legs look hot." She smiled at him and blushed a little.

"Is it your birthday?" She asked, pouting slightly at the thought that he hadn't even told her. He looked confused.

"Er… No… Why?"

"Because there are loads of packages for you in the tourist office… Like twenty or something. I guessed it was your birthday and they were presents…" She grinned, excited at the prospect of twenty lots of bubble wrap.

"Oh. Well, I don't have a birthday, but if I did, it would be in the winter." Jack mused. "Still, I'm not one to turn down gifts!" He leapt to his feet, depositing the tea on his desk. "Let's go see if there's any bubble wrap!" Gwen squeaked with delight and lunged forward, hitting his shoulder.

"TAG! You're it!" She yelled, before racing off towards the tourist office.

"Oh no you don't!" He thundered back before launching himself after her, grinning. She just managed to get up the stairs before he lunged at her, missing by a mile and rugby tackling the railings of the walkway. Laughing her victory, she raced up the stairs whilst he was still righting himself, and skid to a halt, panting, to wait for him to reach the office. When he did, he was laughing too, and rubbing his head. "I'm gonna have a bruise there…" He grumbled. "Whoa…. Not exaggerating then… Lot's of presents." He grinned like a small child. "Maybe I have a secret admirer?"

"Jack, I think you have several secret admirers. Still, we wont know 'til you open them! Here! Start with this one! It's pink!" She handed him a long thin box, and he considered it suspiciously.

"What if it's a parcel bomb?" He mused. "Gwen, hide behind the desk just in case." Laughing, she obeyed, and when she was safely sheltering in Ianto's swivel chair, he untied the big purple bow and lifted the lid of the box.

"What is it? What is it?" She asked in response to the perplexed look on his face.

"It's… A bunch of roses… Red ones." He said, plucking the bouquet from the box with a flourish. "Who buys a man flowers? And I'm definitely more of an orchid kinda guy." Gwen snatched the roses and took a big sniff, before emitting a small noise of glee.

"There's a card!" She squealed.

"Oh?" Jack looked genuinely interested now. "What does it say?" He asked, picking up the next package.

"It saaaays…." There was a small ripping sound from Gwen's direction as she opened the envelope. "It says, 'Dearest, Your eyes are so unfathomably deep, like the never-ending beauty of your soul. Forever yours, O…' Who's O?"

"Umm… I have no idea." Jack said, ripping off the wrapping of his next parcel. "Can you think of anyone who's name begins with an O?" He almost dropped the package as he discovered what was inside.

"Nope… What's that one?" She leaned forward inquisitively.

"You don't wanna know." He replied solemnly, replacing the wrapping and moving to discard the object.

"Oh, c'mon Jack. What is it?" She smirked, poking him.

"Look." He said, showing her. "It's a thong with a picture of my face on… Oh, and there's a note saying, 'I'd love to see you in this, O.'… O is weird." Gwen nodded sagely.

"And the flowers were so romantic too…" She mused. "Oh well, next gift." She picked up a gold parcel.

"You open that one, I'll open this big one. May as well make this a team effort, since it'd take me all day by myself." Jack grinned. "And we haven't even had any bubble wrap yet." He began to remove the tape holding the biggest box closed. Gwen ripped off the brown paper of her gift and cooed.

"Chocolates." She purred. "Expensive chocolates." Jack looked at the box and nodded.

"They're nice, we'll have them with coffee later. Ooh… I've got an ornamental drinks fountain… That's kinda cool…" He stepped back to allow Gwen to examine the box and declare that it was, indeed, cool. "Well, get opening, Miss Cooper, we haven't got all day."

"Sir, yes Sir." She giggled, before picking up another package. Five minutes later, when they had opened all but four of the presents, they had uncovered several varieties of chocolates, a cashmere sweater the colour, supposedly, of Jack's beautiful eyes, more flowers, two pairs of cufflinks, an expensive pen, and, most bizarrely, a leather fetish outfit in a size too small for Jack to even contemplate, Gwen paused in her unwrapping to let out a squeal of childish glee.

"What? What is it? Is it a furbie? A kitten? A balloon?" Jack asked, almost excited.

"I found bubble wrap!" She declared, holding the object high. Jack looked at her, a bizarre expression on his face.

"Gwen, is that what I think it is inside of the bubble wrap?" He questioned with a frown.

"Er… Dunno, what do you think it is? It looks like some kind of ornament…"

"I think it's more likely to be a sex toy…"

"Really?" She chuckled. "Well, Only one way to find out…" She ripped the tape off the bubble wrap, and unrolled it to reveal what was, indeed, a pink sparkly vibrator, and a note saying, 'Use this and think of me, O'. The two of them looked at the offending item, disgusted.

"Seriously?" Jack asked, running a hand through his hair. "O has issues."

"Yeaah…" Gwen confirmed, putting the present on the table. "Wonder who O is…"

"Who knows." Jack sighed, opening another present, a pair of slippers with 'J&O' embroidered on them. "But whoever it is, I think they have too much time and too little sense…" He laughed as Gwen held up her latest find, a bath robe to match the slippers. "Well, Only one present left…" He smirked. "You wanna do the honours?"

"No, you open it." Gwen smiled. "Might be another gross one."

"Hmm… Hope not." Jack mused. Still, he ripped of the wrapper and flinched. "Dear God!" He groaned. "It's a bondage kit… An expensive, leather bondage kit…." Gwen snickered annoyingly, and Jack covered his face with his hands. "Guess I'd better read the note…" He picked up the envelope and ripped it open.

"What does it say?" Gwen asked, eyes like saucers as she saw the terrified look on Jack's face.

"Ngh!" Jack squeaked, handing her the letter and looking distraught. Gwen took it and braced herself. In fact, it wasn't so bad as the others, just said, 'Hope you like this and all the other presents, Owen.'

"HOLD ON!" She yelled, re-reading… Yes, it did in fact say 'Owen' at the end. "No way! No fucking way!" She gasped, voice fairly high pitched.

"I think," Jack began, only to be interrupted.

"That sick, sick bastard!" Gwen growled. "I knew there was something off about him."

"Gwen…" Jack interrupted. "You don't seriously think that it was Owen who sent these?" He asked, incredulous of her stupidity.

"Of course, he signed the note, didn't he."

"The notes are all typed, Gwen."

"It's his name on the end, isn't it?"

"Sure… But…" Suddenly, Jack had a bitch of an idea. Fun was to be had by all parties if he just pretended that he didn't suspect that this was a prank with Ianto's name all over it. "Well, I never thought he felt that way."

"Jack, everyone feels that way about you." Gwen smiled knowingly. "You'll have to confront him…"

"NO!" Jack gasped in mock protest. "I couldn't embarrass him like that. I'll have to be careful not to crush his feelings. I'll talk to him in private later… Who knows, there might be something there for the both of us…" He smiled sheepishly at Gwen, who was looking at him in much the same way that she had looked at the giant slug they had encountered last month.

"Seriously?" She asked, as though the very idea were absurd.

"Seriously." Jack nodded, trying his hardest not to laugh at her gullibility. "We'd best clear this up so that he doesn't know that you know…" Gwen nodded, and they set about clearing up the office and hiding the evidence.

Tosh woke with a very bad crick in her neck. It was, she supposed, the price she had to pay for sleeping curled up, half on top of Owen. She had snuck into the house late last night and they had had perfect amazing and completely silent sex. Then she had fallen asleep in what she now considered to be the worst position possible. She turned her attention to why she had woken. Owen was snoring loudly enough to get an echo. Scrunching her face up, she wriggled free of his embrace and found her phone from her pocket. It was 7:30, she had no interest in going back to sleep. Instead, she crept into the en-suite and switched the shower to burning hot, rejoicing in the feeling of the searing water washing away the ache in her shoulders.

Ianto woke up for about the millionth time, and immediately looked at the clock, again. It was 7:30, which meant he could plausibly think about getting up without looking like an idiot. That was when he realised that Owen was doing a fair impression of a fog horn in the next room. It didn't look like they'd be going to work any time soon. Sighing, he plopped out of the bed and into the expensive carpet before padding towards the kitchen blearily. When he got there, he did several double takes. Tosh was standing in front of the hob making what looked to be pancakes and humming to herself in a self-satisfied sort of way. Ianto grinned and slid up onto a stool at the breakfast bar, catching her attention, and she smiled at him and slid him a plate with two pancakes on.

"Morning, Ianto." She trilled, "Did you sleep well?"

"Umm…" Ianto mumbled sheepishly. "Not really, no."

"Well, you'll get used to it… Want some breakfast juice?" She asked, padding over to the fridge and pondering the several cartons of juice on the shelf.

"Yes please. Are you ok Tosh?" He watched her carry the juice stiffly back to the counter. "It's just that you're holding yourself funny."

"Mmmmhh." She nodded, mouth full of pancake. "Slept funny."

"Oh, I see… You should tell Jack, he gives really good massages." Ianto grinned, and Tosh looked at him searchingly.

"Are you mad? He'd only end up groping me or something. I'll make Owen do it. After all, it was his arm that gave me a stiff neck." She pouted adorably and rubbed her neck, and Ianto chuckled, then decided his pancakes were going to go soggy, and began to eat them in earnest. "Anyway, since Sir Snore-a-lot is going to be out of it for at least another two hours, I thought I'd bring you into the Hub with me and save you the mind-numbing effects of his surround sound television set-up. If you want to get dressed once you've eaten, we can be there by 8:30 I should imagine…" Ianto nodded, still stuffing his face with pancake, which was decidedly delicious.

Once showered and dressed, Ianto bounded through the flat, down the stairs and into Tosh's waiting car. They grinned at each other as he buckled up, and she started the engine before pulling off carefully. Ianto realised at that moment why it was that Tosh didn't drive the SUV- she drove slower than his grandmother. He settled into his seat for the long (usually only ten minute) drive to the Hub and watched the city go by.

Gwen watched Ianto and Tosh come in on the CCTV, but it barely registered. Her mind was swimming with the fact that Owen had sent all of those 'gifts', and that Jack was even considering his obvious proposition. It just didn't bear thinking about, but it was the only thing she could think about. She was supposed to be checking the hospital records for the night to weed out any possible weevil attacks to be retconned. She wasn't having much luck, considering she hadn't even opened the program yet. She smiled weakly and made a noise of agreement to Tosh's hello and waved back at Ianto, who was adorable in a baby blue long-sleeved top and black combats, then she went back to staring into space and contemplating the trauma of it all. Working for Torchwood was hard sometimes.

As Ianto followed Tosh through the door of the tourist office, he was struck by a sudden fear. What if Jack hadn't missed him at all? What if he was just being an idiot? And why were there scraps of wrapping paper and bubble wrap all over the place? Oh… The parcels he ordered on the internet so long ago must have arrived… That didn't bode well for his health if Owen found out. The anxiety made him unable even to form the word 'hello' for Gwen, and he waved instead. This, however, didn't seem to be a problem, as Gwen looked to be more occupied with pulling a face like she was severely constipated and staring into space. He felt his heart hammering as he pushed open the kitchenette door, and was almost ludicrously relieved to find that it was empty. As his adrenaline built, he set about making a coffee. He would gauge Jack's mood from the reception of his morning drink, and would adjust his own actions accordingly. He wasn't about to give Jack the satisfaction of looking like a clingy four-year-old. Especially not when he was now verging on eleven! Shaking as little as possible, he loaded four hot drinks onto a tray and set about delivering them.

Jack watched Ianto arrive with Tosh, and all of a sudden, didn't feel so good about the boy returning. He didn't look fazed by his night away from Jack. What if he was making a mountain out of a mole hill? What if Ianto really wasn't fussed? What if he really wanted to get away from Jack and this was his excuse? Jack Harkness rarely felt anxious about anything, but he couldn't help but fidget and fiddle with the things on his desk as he watched Ianto make the coffee and put it on his tray. He decided that he would gauge Ianto's mood when he delivered the morning drinks, and adjust his actions accordingly. There was no way he was going to let Ianto think he was some possessive, lovesick cretin. Unaware he was holding his breath, he watched as Ianto offloaded Gwen's drink onto her desk… His turn next. He waited as Ianto climbed the stairs, knocked more from habit than actual necessity, and pushed open the door. At the last minute, he realised that he looked like he was waiting for Ianto, and that wouldn't do, so he flipped open a file and pretended to read, hoping that Ianto wouldn't notice that it was upside down.

"Morning, Sir." Ianto drawled in his unbroken voice. "Latte for you." Jack looked up. Ianto looked the epitome of calm. He even offered a small smile as he placed the drink down on the table. Clearing his throat, Jack quashed the surge of burning rejection he felt and took the cup.

"Thanks Ianto. Good night?" He enquired, eyebrow raised in what he hoped was a relaxed look of enquiry (and turned out to be very convincing). Ianto frowned, then smiled sweetly.

"Once I learned to drown out Owen's snoring, yes, Sir, it was." Nodding, Jack took a big swig of coffee, and nearly dropped to his knees and begged Ianto to come back. Damn, that boy had some talent. Ianto offered him one last smile before turning to go, and closing the door behind him. As the door clicked closed, Jack's heart sank. His Ianto was all grown up, and he didn't need Jack anymore. It hurt more than it should have, but he wasn't going to let it beat him.

Ianto let the door click shut behind him, and allowed the weight of his deflation settle upon him. Jack had barely even looked at him, it was obvious that he was happy to be free of looking after Ianto. Sighing, he replaced his tray, picked up a bin bag, and began to sort out the mess that was the Hub.

Tosh sat at her desk, switched on her computer and waited for it to load. She had an odd sensation in her lower gut, bordering on painful. It was almost like period pains, but not… Suddenly, she sat bolt upright, gripping the table, hard. Period pains? She was due to start her period yesterday! She was never a second late, and she had been sleeping with Owen for days now… Admittedly they had used condoms, but that didn't change anything. She realised with a jolt that she must be pregnant. Feeling suddenly sick, which wasn't helping to diffuse her theory, she dashed to the toilets in shock.

Owen woke slowly, and wondered why Tosh was gone. Then he found the note and read it bleary-eyed, and managed to understand that she had gone to work and taken Ianto with her. He gazed at the clock groggily, and somehow managed to discern that it was some time after ten. Groaning his disapproval at being awake at such an hour, he stumbled into his bathroom and began the process of becoming awake. When he eventually stumbled into the Hub at around 11:10, it seemed to be deserted. A strange scrabbling noise from behind the water tower took him by surprise, and he was about to draw his gun when he saw an even more gangly-looking Ianto push himself upright and into view. The kid smiled at him sheepishly.

"Forgot the time." He shrugged, "Want coffee?" Owen grunted his approval of this notion and bumbled over to his desk, throwing himself into the chair, and noticing that Gwen was now in the room, bright red, and looking at him very oddly.

"'Mornin' Gwen." He muttered, and she squeaked, mumbled something about paperwork, and dashed out of the room. Considering this slightly odd, but not too unusual for Gwen, Owen turned his attention to finding Tosh. She was nowhere to be seen. "You seen Tosh?" He asked as Ianto handed him an espresso.

"Not for a while. She scurried off in the general direction of the labs earlier though." Ianto offered. "Are you done with the toxicity report on the chemical weaponry I gave you? I'd like to file it."

"Er…" Owen blinked, wondering if he even knew any of those words. "S'pose so, It's on my desk somewhere." Ianto smirked and rummaged 'til he found the file he was looking for, then disappeared, leaving Owen to contemplate the difficult choice of whether to attempt work, or go distract Tosh. Unfortunately, he never got the chance to decide, as Jack entered the room, a small smile on his face, and winked lecherously.

"Morning Golden Boy. Sleep well?" He purred, coming to rest on Owen's desk.

"Wish I still were sleeping." Owen grumbled, aware that Gwen had slipped back into the room and was staring at him intently.

"Thought you and I might chat in private later, I know there are some… issues… you want to raise with me." Jack continued, grinning dirtily and adding a wink for good measure. Owen smirked despite himself, and wondered how Jack knew he was going to ask him for some time off with Tosh.

"Sounds good to me. You just let me know when and where, after all, you're the boss." At this, Gwen squeaked and ran out of the room, earning her a puzzled glance from both Jack and Owen, and Jack chuckled to himself.

"She's an oddball eh?" He mused, pushing himself up from the desk. "Wonder what's got her knickers in a twist this time…" He winked once more, then propelled himself up to his office, leaving Owen confused, and more than a little concerned. He decided to ignore the fact that Gwen was obviously in love with him, and went in search of Tosh.

Ianto sighed as he threw the last of the black bags in the incinerator. He now had nothing to do to distract him from the fact that Jack was everywhere he went and wasn't interested in him. He'd even seen and overheard Jack flirting with Owen all day. On the plus side, so far Owen hadn't killed Ianto because of the 'presents'. Suddenly and violently, the notion hit Ianto that Jack might be flirting with Owen because he thought the presents really were from him. So that was why Jack was ignoring him, he thought he had a chance of getting into Owen's pants, so Ianto was no longer important. As he shuffled back into the main Hub, he looked up to Jack's office. Jack was standing in the window surveying the team as usual, and he caught Ianto's eye and nodded politely before his gaze moved to settle on Owen. Deciding he wasn't quite ready to accept that, Ianto turned tail and fled to the archives.

Jack stood and surveyed his team with interest. Gwen now seemed to be so disturbed that she had started twitching on occasion when Owen went near her. Owen kept going in and out of the room looking increasingly puzzled, and was now at Tosh's desk looking at the CCTV for the firing range. Tosh was nowhere to be seen, and had been gone for some time. Jack assumed she was in the lab playing with her toys. A movement in his peripheral vision alerted him to Ianto's entrance and he offered the boy a small nod, before his attention was drawn back to Owen, who punched the air in triumph then set off towards the laboratory. When he looked back to Ianto, all he saw was the door to the archives closing behind him. Concerned that Ianto had left so quickly, and bored out of his mind without the usual banter they shared, he left his office and quietly followed into the archives.

Ianto went straight to his favourite section. The big fat pile of yet-to-be-sorted junk. It always took his mind off things to come and tinker with all of these alien artefacts until he could classify them. Settling himself in the battered leather armchair he had had installed for comfort, he grabbed a spherical blue thingy and began to examine it intensely. Unfortunately, the blue merely reminded him of the colour of Jack's favourite shirt, so he tossed it into the pile and folded his arms, huffing slightly. He was interrupted in his mini strop by quiet laughter from the shadows. Jack stepped forward, a smile on his face, and picked up the orb, studying it briefly.

"It's a nightlight." He said simply, before twisting it in two, causing it to illuminate the room in a soft blue glow. "I had one when I was… your age actually." He grinned. Ianto couldn't help the small smile and the sarcastic remark, it was just too natural…

"You know, not many people would admit to being scared of the dark aged twenty five." He smirked. Jack screwed his face up.

"Very funny. I meant when I was ten." He settled himself on the armrest of the chair and looked down at Ianto, and odd expression on his face. "Why are we doing this?" He asked softly, letting his hand fall to ruffle Ianto's hair.

"Doing what?" Ianto asked, looking up at him.

"This…" Jack said, gesturing between them. "Pretending not to care." He looked into the distance for a moment then back to Ianto. "I didn't sleep last night…"

"You never sleep, Jack." Ianto smiled weakly, then dropped his attempt at humour. "Nor did I."

"I know that you can't stay with me, but… Maybe if I set up a room or something, you could at least stay at the Hub?" Jack tried, looking a little nervous.

"It would certainly be preferable to Owen's snoring…" Ianto grinned. "But will you make me pancakes as good as Tosh's?" Jack laughed at him.

"For you, baby, I'd order pancakes in from Australia every morning."

"You know, I'm not sure if they make very good pancakes there…"

"It's the principle, Ianto…" Jack frowned at him.

"Yeah… I know." Ianto grinned, pushing himself up to wrap his arms round Jack's middle and snuggle into his chest.

"So… Hot chocolate at six then?" Jack asked, lifting Ianto to squeeze him gently before setting him on the floor.

"It's a date." Ianto grinned.

"Now, now, less of that." Jack laughed. "Don't want me getting even more discredited as a sexual deviant."

"No, we wouldn't, would we." Ianto nodded with a smile. "Back to work?"

"Back to work." Jack agreed, taking Ianto's hand and walking up the stairs to the main Hub with him. "And if you get the time, I could murder a cappuccino."

"I'll just go see what everyone else wants." Ianto replied, giving Jack' hand one last squeeze before he wandered off towards the labs in search of Owen and Tosh. What Ianto found was a little more unexpected. Tosh and Owen seemed to be in the middle of a very serious conversation. He couldn't help but eavesdrop.

"I know that's what you're trying to do…" Owen was saying, eves on the floor as he sat beside Tosh on the lab table.

"Owen, I'm not trying to break up with you…" Tosh replied softly, taking Owen's hand. "It's just… difficult to say this, I feel so stupid."

"How could I ever think you were stupid?" Owen asked, incredulous.

"Well, Okay… I suppose I'll just come out with it…" Tosh lifted her gaze to meet his anxiously. "I think I'm pregnant." She whispered, voice shaking.

"What?" Owen gasped, gripping her hands.

"Well, I was supposed to start my period, but I haven't. I'm never late, Owen, and then I threw up twice this morning and I feel like I have period pains but I don't."

"Fuck…" Owen breathed. "I mean, I guess… Well… It's unexpected but…. Y'know… Whatever you do… I'll… Y'know…" He mumbled, looking at the floor again, and Ianto noticed that Tosh had tears in her eyes, and that's when he spoke up. Stepping into the room, he cleared his throat.

"Sorry…" He began awkwardly. "Couldn't help overhearing you… Er… Tosh, I don't know how to say this, but, well, you aren't due to start your period until next week…" Both Tosh and Owen stared at him open-mouthed, until Tosh found the words.

"How?" Ianto just shrugged.

"It's my job to know everything. Why do you think you automatically get camomile tea three days before? And paracetamol on your desk in the morning during… And there's always chocolate in the fridge… Of course, it doesn't mean you aren't pregnant, but you still aren't due for a while…" Ianto felt his face burning as he bumbled his way through the speech. Tosh's smile grew as he listed all the thing he did for her and Gwen once a month.

"I never thought about it… But you really do look after us eh?" Tosh smiled, leapt off the table, and bent down to kiss Ianto on the forehead. "Thank you Ianto." She turned around and held her hand out to Owen. "Probably a false alarm then." Owen who still looked like 5000 volts had just been passed through him, stumbled to his feet and allowed himself to be led towards the main Hub. Ianto walked after them, deciding Owen needed a strong brandy from Jack's office, and Tosh needed green tea. Gwen, as usual, would have a latte. Smiling to himself, he popped into the kitchenette and began making the drinks.

Gwen tried again to focus on her work. It was very difficult, though, when she was suspicious that Jack and Owen were at that very moment having sex in Jack's office. They had been in there for twenty minutes already, and she was sure Owen was drunk. Ianto came over with a cup of tea, and she stopped him before he left.

"Ianto…" She wheedled. "What's Owen doing in Jack's office?" Ianto turned and frowned at her, tilting his head to the side.

"I think he's asking for some time off for him and Tosh… He wants to take her on a surprise romantic holiday…" Gwen's eyes widened.

"But he was coming onto Jack earlier…" She mused. "I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but this morning loads of parcels arrived for Jack, and they were from Owen, and there were all sorts of things like chocolate and flowers… And he sent love notes… And, what's worse… Sex toys…" Gwen expected shock. She expect revulsion. She even expected anger. What she didn't expect was hysterical laughter. "Ianto! It isn't funny. Jack was seriously considering the proposition. I think they're having sex." At this, Ianto physically collapsed to the floor, holding his stomach and laughing uncontrollably. After a few seconds, he managed to control himself, and in between giggles, asked,

"Gwen, do you seriously believe that Jack would do that? Also, that Owen would spend that much money on anyone? Or that he would send someone love notes?" Gwen looked very confused, so he continued. "I sent those notes. It was me. I used Owen's credit card number. It's a prank. And Jack is playing on your gullibility." Ianto laughed again. "Is that why you've been so funny all day? Oh, Gwen. Drink your tea, and give Jack a punch when you see him." He turned to go, still laughing and mumbling to himself, "Think they're having sex… God, one of these days I'm going to die of laughter…"

Gwen was left confused and feeling abused. Not much different to a regular day at work, then. Shrugging, she mused that it was one less thing to worry about, and went back to the hospital records. In time, she discovered the funny side of things, and by the time Owen and Jack finished their meeting at 4:30, Gwen was printing off a list of possible weevil victims, and laughing inanely. Owen glanced at her, noted the look she was giving him, and inwardly certified her insane.

"Right, Jack, I'll be off. Call me if you need me." He said cheerily, stepping through the iron cage towards the tourist office.

"Oh, Owen, Jack wants to thank you for your gifts." Gwen giggled. Jack paled and immediately padlocked the cage so that Owen was locked the other side, then checked that Ianto was as far away as possible. Owen looked confused.

"What gifts?"

"Oh, you know, the chocolates, flowers and sex toys that you paid for on your card…" Gwen smirked. "They were really thoughtful." Jack looked strained. Owen's face went through several shades of red, and settled on a purple colour.

"TEABOY!" He roared, lunging at the metal cage. "Let me out of here Harkness! I want to kill him."

"Ummm… No." Jack offered. "Go home… Cool off… Threaten his life tomorrow. I've already reimbursed you for the stuff." Owen growled one last growl, and turned on his heel, stomping up the stairs. Jack turned and frowned at the room. "Right, Gwen, go retcon the weevil victims then go straight home. Tosh, go calm Owen down, and have a good night. Ianto… With me." He grinned. Ianto nodded and followed Jack to the kitchenette, settling back into his nightly routine of making cocoa, and grinning smugly whenever Jack's back was turned.

***

By the time Ianto got to bed, it was already 1:30 am. He and Jack had been playing monopoly, and Jack had an odd way of being able to roll the dice so that he never once landed on Ianto's hotels on Mayfair and Park Lane. Ianto, however, seemed to be paying out practically every roll. He was certain that Jack was cheating, but he couldn't prove it, so he just played the gracious loser for the three hours it took them to complete the game. Jack, however, was extremely pleased with himself, until Ianto pointed out that he had, in fact, only just beaten a ten year old boy. That wiped the smile off his face, but only for a moment before he was scooping a now fairly heavy Ianto up and hugging him tight.

"Missed you." He mumbled, before setting him back down. "How 'bout I let you win next time?" Ianto smirked and offered him a raised eyebrow.

"How do you plan to do that? By not cheating?" He grinned.

"How dare you!" Jack gasped in mock offence. "I have never cheated at any board games we have ever played!"

"How about that time when we were playing snakes and ladders and you insisted on going up the snakes as well as the ladders?" Ianto asked, and Jack looked for a moment like he'd been caught out, before grinning devilishly.

"S'not my fault if you don't properly explain the rules of your boring 21st century games." He grinned. Ianto just laughed.

"Fair enough, I'll make sure to do it better next time we play." He began putting all the pieces back in the box, and Jack bent down to give him a hand.

"So… I've set you up a bedroom in the lower levels… You should probably get some sleep. Want hot chocolate before bed?" Ianto nodded.

"Yes, but I'll make it. Don't want you to have to replace the kitchenette again, do we?" He smirked and handed Jack the game to put away, before meandering off to make the drinks. "I'm assuming you want one too?"

"When do I ever not want one of your amazing hot beverages?"

"Point taken…"

Now, Ianto was curled up in the bedroom Jack had put together for him in one of the old store rooms. He'd even gone so far as to decorate it. The walls were still the same horrible stone grey, but there was a light-shade on the bulb in the ceiling, and a carpet of sorts on the floor. The bed was constructed of some storage boxes with a mattress on top, but it had nice, clean, blue cotton bedclothes, and a bedside table with a lamp on it. The room was warm, which was odd for the lower levels, and the bed was cosy and smelt like Jack. Ianto burrowed into it, forming a warm cocoon around himself, and drifted off to sleep.

Tosh wriggled around again to get comfortable, and Owen grunted his disapproval from beside her. She glanced at the clock, it was 6 am. There was no point fighting the queasiness and going back to sleep again, she'd only be up in an hour. Having already thrown up three times since 2 am, she wasn't really game for round four yet, so she padded into the kitchen and made herself a soothing cup of camomile tea, before settling at her desk to check out the readings from a system scan she had been running of the Hub's security systems. All was well, but she was still going to work on an extra layer of defence… just as soon as she stopped feeling so… nauseous all the time, (damn this stomach bug) and once they'd sorted this Ianto thing out.

Thinking of Ianto made her think of the device, and she wondered if her work computer, which had been meticulously reading every document in existence for her, had come up with any possible links to tell her a species, planet or even galaxy for the contraption. She would have to wait until she got into the Hub to check that, but she hoped she'd have a lead waiting for her. Not that Jack seemed so anxious to change Ianto back anymore, he seemed to be enjoying the whole experience. Sighing, she headed for the shower in the hope that the hot water would wash away her sickness.

Gwen smiled as she heard Rhys singing Tom Jones in the shower. He was just adorable sometimes. Feeling oddly elated, she decided to be lovely and make him breakfast, so she raided the fridge for bacon and set the hob to heat some oil. Bacon sandwich was Rhys' favourite, and he couldn't possibly be in a bad mood after his favourite breakfast. He'd been a bit of a grump lately, and she supposed it was because she was neglecting him, so she vowed to make him happy today by coming home early and cooking him a nice surprise dinner. She popped the bacon in the frying pan, hoping that the smell of it cooking would lure her hungry boyfriend out of the bathroom. It worked. By the time she had constructed the sandwich, he was sniffing around her, clad only in a towel, and inquiring as to the occasion.

"Do I need a reason to cook you breakfast?" She asked, with a smirk, and kissed him lightly on the lips. "S'got brown sauce in and all. Must be your lucky day!" She set the plate on the breakfast bar and he sat himself in front of it, reaching out to take the orange juice which she had just poured him.

"Mmmh. Thanks love!" He mumbled through a mouthful of food, and she laughed at him before fixing her own breakfast and settling at the bar beside him.

"Keep tonight free eh?" She asked with a mysterious grin.

"Why? What'choo planning?" He asked, mouth still full of sandwich.

"Not telling, just keep the night free. And be home ten minutes late." She winked, gulping down his juice and kissing him before he could protest to his new lack of drink. "Gotta go, work and all. Have a good day love." She called, grabbing her keys and blowing him a kiss as she headed for the door. He pretended to catch it, and she giggled before rushing out.

Jack glanced at the clock again, and wondered whether or not 7:30 was too early to wake Ianto. Admittedly, if he were in his usual state, he'd have been in work for at least an hour already, but he wasn't in his usual state, and they had finished monopoly very late last night… It wasn't so much that he needed to see Ianto, he had some small amount of patience for that, but rather that he seriously needed a coffee. To the point that he was getting the shakes. Just as he was about to give in and wake the child up, the cog door rolled open and Tosh wandered in. She looked fairly awful, but at least she was carrying Starbucks, and there were two cups on the tray. Jack approached her carefully and offered a simple,

"Hello." He smiled as she looked at him blearily.

"Been up since 6." She stated. "Traffic was shit. Got coffee… Feel like hell." She passed the tray to him and collapsed in her computer chair, groaning and clutching her stomach. Jack stifled a laugh. Tosh never swore, so hearing her do so was quite entertaining. He was, however, overcome with concern when instead of turning on her monitors and getting down to it, Tosh merely flopped onto the desk, letting her head rest there, and sighed.

"Tosh… You ok?" He asked gently, placing the coffee down next to her. He reached out to brush the hair out of her eyes. She was hot to the touch and her face was flushed.

"Apart from the fact that I got 4 hours sleep tops, and my insides feel like someone's been at them with a blender, yeah, I'm absolutely wonderful thanks." She practically growled. Jack decided that immediate action was required. Tosh. Was. Never. Ill. NEVER! So this was a major issue. He grabbed his phone and quick dialled Owen.

"Owen!" He said as the medic picked up, not giving him a chance to speak. "Get here. Now. Tosh is sick. Fix her." With that, he hung up, and went back to frowning at Tosh uncertainly. Mostly he was uncertain as to whether it would be ok to drink the coffee she had bought anyway, even though she was obviously in pain.

"Go ahead." She sighed, as though reading his mind. "Yours is the big one."

"Thanks." Grinning, and biting back a lewd comment for her sake, he took an experimental sip. "Oooh. They're doing the Christmas blends already?" He asked. "S'not even December yet!"

"Tell me about it." She grumbled. "I want to kill Christmas and everything associated with it." She banged her head against the desk and forced herself to sit up, turning on the monitor. "Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that my symptoms are very much like morning sickness?" She queried softly. "And why do I have a serious craving for Rees' Peanut Butter Cups?" Jack smirked.

"C'mon, just 'cos you're throwing up doesn't mean you're pregnant. And everyone likes peanut butter and chocolate together. Also, for future reference, we have these things, dunno if you've heard of them. They stop people from getting pregnant. Very rare and hard to come by, but well worth it. Think they're called 'condoms' or something…" He grinned, and dodged the fist she threw at him lazily.

"Thanks for the sex education talk Mummy." She growled. "Now go away before I start throwing sharp objects…" Jack didn't need telling twice. He swooped off towards the underground network to wake up Ianto.

Ianto was happy. He was warm and comfortable and dreaming about playing fetch with Myfanwy on a warm summers day. He was content. Until he was woken up rather suddenly by an over-grown toddler bursting into his room with all the energy of an excited spaniel. Jack burst in and jumped onto the side of his bed, making the whole thing bounce and shift a little closer to the wall. He then set about tickling Ianto in earnest.

First, Ianto groaned. Then he yelped in surprise. Then a string of expletives no child should utter poured from his mouth, and he kicked Jack hard, accidentally landing a blow in his crotch. Jack immediately stopped the tickling and bent double, making an 'oof' sound then keening like a dying animal.

"Ooops." Ianto managed through his giggling. "You ok?" He peered at Jack, almost a little concerned.

"Noooooooo." Jack whined. "I think you broke me." He collapsed onto the floor next to the bed, and didn't move.

"Jack?" Ianto leaned towards him, still on the bed. "Jack!" He was getting concerned, so he jumped off the bed and went to check his boss' pulse. And that was when Jack stopped playing dead and jumped up at him. Ianto started so hard, he fell over backwards and landed on his bum on the floor, shocked.

"Tooooo easy!" Jack taunted, laughing, and Ianto couldn't help but join in.

Once he'd stopped laughing, Ianto got to his feet and started making his bed, ignoring the disgusted face that Jack pulled at him, and his protests that making your bed was pointless when you could just leave it like it was and then crawl back into your comfortable position again the next night. Once he was satisfied that everything was tidy, he went over to the little dresser that Jack had provided him with, and grabbed his clothes.

"I'm going to have a shower." He said matter-of-factly. "Can I go home later to check my voicemail and stuff?"

"Sure." Jack drawled. "I'll take you as soon as today's briefing is over."

"It's ok, I'll go by myself."

"Er… After last time you went out alone and almost got eaten alive? No way am I letting a ten year old out on his own!"

"Well, I'll be eleven, so it's ok."

"No, it isn't young man!" Jack retorted sharply. "You do NOT leave this Hub alone. Understood?" Ianto grumbled and felt his anger rising.

"Who do you think you are? My father?" He growled.

"No, Ianto." Jack spat. "But I am responsible for your safety. You'll do as you're told. That's an order. Got it?"

"Got it." Ianto mumbled, glaring at Jack's shoes, before he trudged off meekly towards the showers. Jack ran a hand over his face and sighed. He Hadn't meant to come across so mad… Nor had he meant to sound suspiciously like his own father had sounded when angry. It was just that he was scared to death of Ianto getting hurt… He decided it was all in the past, and made his way up to his office, where he was greeted by an extremely bubbly Gwen.

"Morning gorgeous." She grinned, and gave him a wink.

"Morning Gwen." He couldn't help but smile back at her infectious grin. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm going home early tonight." She smiled.

"Oh? Says who?"

"Says the liquorice allsorts I put on your desk just now. Bertie Basset's authority cannot be challenged." She giggled, and Jack turned to check that there was indeed a liquorice offering on his desk.

"Everything seems to be in order." He said with a small smile. "I expect you in on time tomorrow though."

"Aye aye Captain!" She gave a salute, then left to do some work, and Jack looked through the glass of his office to watch her descend the stairs and go to her desk. Owen and Tosh were sitting together at her desk, and he appeared to be checking her pulse rate and temperature at the same time… and sitting a little too close for a professional too.

"Well, your pulse is fine." Owen frowned and dropped Tosh's wrist reluctantly. "You are hot though." He mused, pressing a hand to her forehead gently. "Come to the lab and let me take some blood samples and stuff… we'll see what's what." Tosh nodded sedately and followed him off towards the medical bay.

"The thing is, the symptoms are suspiciously like…" She began.

Morning sickness. Yes." Owen said rather too quickly. "But it can't be can it? I mean… you're on the pill, we used protection… It's just not possible…"

"Accidents happen Owen."

"Well, this accident is not happening." He growled. "We'll deal with the outcome when we know it. Let's not get angry speculating.

"No.. I suppose.." Tosh stopped mid sentence, a look of abject horror on her face, and promptly vomited all over the floor, and Owen's shoes.

"We could, however, got angry about the vomit on my expensive new sneakers." He noted grimly. "I'll call Teababy and he can clear this up…"

"No!" Tosh protested. "I'll do it, just… fetch me a glass of water?"

"Sure." He left her sitting on his bench and clutching her stomach and went to get a glass. When he returned, she was rinsing the floor, and took a gulp, washing it round her mouth before spitting it into the bucket she seemed to have conjured from nowhere. Who knew there was a storage cupboard in the medical bay? Owen certainly didn't. He frowned and moved forward to take the mop away from her, propping it up against a surface, before pulling her into a gentle embrace. "Whatever happens… We'll deal with it." He managed, before releasing her and making a hasty exit. Tosh looked at his retreating back, and smiled.

Ianto savoured the shower. It seemed that Jack was in a hyper mood today, and he suspected that there would be little peace for him before the night fell. A little quiet time in the shower made him feel a lot better, and he considered the way Jack was behaving towards him recently… He almost seemed to be getting gushy, which was just… icky… If icky was even a word which could be used by those with rational minds. Ianto considered that perhaps this was what Jack thought he wanted. In fact, it was the opposite. It was perfectly alright for them to feel upset when they were torn apart by meddlesome doctors, but pouring out emotion over it was… unnecessary and… untidy. Ianto hated untidiness. He resolved that he would make this thing he had going with Jack work on a non-gushy level. After all they could still l… no, not the L word… they could still care about each other but keep the atmosphere light, like it had been this morning. After all, sex with your gorgeous, charismatic, well endowed, sexually creative (as if that covered it) and charming boss wasn't fun if it wasn't… well, fun. Smiling to himself, he remembered when Jack had first made a move on him.

Almost a year earlier…

Ianto sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He'd only been gone for ten minutes, just checking on Lisa, and the Hub was a complete tip. It looked like Suzie and Owen had brought back that slime alien, only they hadn't bloody bothered with bagging it up, had they? Growling, he resigned himself to the fact that he wasn't going to be 'back in a minute' as he had told his girlfriend, he was going to be several bloody hours.

"Fan-bloody-tastic!" He murmured, padding over to the cupboard. "Oh no way!" He groaned as he opened it. It had been… raided- probably by Jack considering the sheer level of chaos. The supplies were all over the place instead of in their usual tidy stacks and colour-coded, alphabetised order. And his bucket and mop had been pushed right to the back, and the bucket was buried under piles of sticky notes, staples and ball-point pens. Sighing again, Ianto bent down, stretching out under the bottom shelf to reach for the bucket… And that was when someone pinched his arse. He jumped so hard he hit his head on the shelf above him, and recoiled so quickly he knocked the offending bum-pincher to the floor behind and underneath him. Squawking in a highly undignified manner, he twisted round, one hand clutching the back of his head, and came face to face with a rather surprised, but still very smug Captain Jack Harkness.

"Sorry I startled you." He grinned, purring every syllable. Ianto sighed, and was about to relax when he realised that he was, in fact, sitting in his boss' lap. His male boss' lap. Squeaking and blushing like a schoolgirl, he leapt to his feet.

"W...What were you doing?" He gasped, and Jack stood, leering at him.

"Weeeeell, I was on my way to my office…" He pointed in the direction of his office, and waggled his eyebrows suggestively, "When I came across a stationary cupboard with the most amazing butt sticking out of it." He grinned and licked his lips, and Ianto found himself reminded of a big cat stalking it's prey… A rather sexy big cat stalking his prey, but Ianto didn't go for men. He swallowed involuntarily, and Jack continued. "Naturally, I had to stop to pay attention to this unexpected and delightful phenomenon." He took a step closer to Ianto, who stepped back, closer to the cupboard. "And then, I decided that in order to truly appreciate the perfection of this butt which had been so efficiently presented to me, I would have to give it a little pinch." He leaned forward even closer.

"Er.. Oh!" Ianto had leaned back a little too far from Jack's advances, and tripped over a box of hole-punches in the cupboard. He ended up flat on his arse between the highlighters and the tip-ex. Jack laughed and offered him a hand, whilst simultaneously taking a step backwards. Ianto took the hand and stumbled to his feet.

"Sorry if I upset you." Jack winked. "I'll leave you and your alien slime alone." With that, the Captain was gone, and Ianto was left nursing his embarrassment, and a continuing crush for his boss.

Back in the present…

Ianto laughed as he towelled himself dry. The memory of his reaction to Jack, and his blatant denial of his attraction to the other man was priceless. But then, he had been with Lisa technically. It was odd how he'd gotten over her in so short a time, but he supposed that when you were in Torchwood, there was no time for letting the past fester within you, and no space… Too much bad shit happened. Funny though, how Jack seemed to get away with it but wouldn't let anyone else brood even for a second. Putting those thoughts aside, Ianto pulled on his clothes and bounded towards the Hub. As he arrived, he checked the clock; it was 9:13, and high time he started doing some work.

Gwen looked up as Ianto entered the Hub, and smiled sweetly in his direction. She was in a particularly good mood today, although she wasn't sure why. He looked cute in his slightly-too-big clothes, although he would fill them out in a couple of hours' time. Today he was wearing ripped jeans and an orange hoodie with some indiscernible logo on it. She waved as he passed her, and he waved back, grinning.

Tosh wandered into the main Hub just in time to see Ianto disappear into the kitchenette, and to hear Jack hollering something about meeting in the boardroom in 5... She rolled her eyes and steered herself towards said boardroom, groaning at the queasiness she still felt. Fortunately, the bathrooms were close to the boardroom, so if she needed to throw up, she could just dash out.

Owen was in the small section of his workstation which he had dedicated to alien greenery, watering the plants when Jack boomed out to the Hub that he wanted everyone in the boardroom for a briefing in 5. He was hoping to get a hothouse for them as soon as possible, but for now they could survive in the corner her had given them, under a nice, hot lamp. He finished watering his alien fern, smiled at it slightly, told it it was a good little fern, and headed for the meeting, not relishing the prospect of more work. He would have preferred to have spent the day with his plants. They weren't nearly so mundane, irritating or stupid as boring, healthy humans. In fact, they were his secret pride and joy, and he enjoyed working out what nutrients suited each one best, the amount of light it needed to thrive, and, most importantly, whether it could be trained to discard foul smelling pollen all over the Teaboy. Fortunately, three of them, it seemed, could, and Owen was going to take great pleasure in potting a couple of samples.

Jack paced the boardroom, looking up as Tosh walked in. He offered her a little smile, and pulled the chair out for her, bending down to speak quietly into her ear.

"I'm not going to say anything about this in the briefing, I don't want any panic, but I've had a worrying thought. Tosh, what if… What if the device doesn't stop ageing Ianto when he reaches his usual age? What if he keeps on growing older until he dies and there's nothing we can do to stop it?" Although quiet, his voice sounded tense, and Tosh glanced up to see genuine concern in his eyes.

"Jack, even if that is the case, we'll find a way to stop it." She promised quietly, but with determination. "I'll get to work on finding you a definitive answer to whether the effects will continue or not as soon as the meeting is over." He nodded, apparently satisfied.

"Thank you, Toshiko. I know I can count on you." With that, he was back in his usual place at the head of the table, and the others were meandering in and taking their seats. Jack gave Ianto a smile, which didn't quite erase the worried look in his eyes, but it was so faint that Tosh doubted even Ianto would notice. Fortunately, he was having yet another argument with Owen about whether or not TinTin was acceptable children's TV. Gwen was all smiles today… Tosh suspected she was getting some, but it was none of her business and she still felt sick, even more so with the new added worry of the possible danger Ianto was in. Swallowing down the bile, she put on her 'let's get to business' face, and opened a file on her hand-held computer to take notes.

"So, why are we here?" Owen asked in a particularly peeved drawl. Sounded like Ianto had won the argument again.

"Good. Good question." Jack murmured. "We're here because we all seem to have lost the will to live." He looked at them all closely. "I mean, the rift has been quiet for a few days, maybe a couple of weeks, and all of a sudden my secret alien-hunting organisation has turned into the set of Home and Away. There's sex everywhere, people are calling afternoons off willy-nilly… not that I mind, on a quiet day" He added, looking at Gwen, "But some warning would be nice. C'mon people! Wake up and smell the weevils! I want something doing. I want samples being analysed, I want tech being played with, I want Gwen working around the clock to find something, anything that will give us a lead on the device which has altered Ianto. I want us all to stop sitting on our arses just because nothing life-threatening has happened, and remember we aren't just here for the death defying stunts." He paused for breath and eyed them all like naughty school children.

"So, here's what's gonna happen. Owen, I want you to spend the day working with those alien plants of yours. If I'm right, several of them could have potential uses. One of them looks like an alien fern I've encountered which could boost our weevil spray to stop them becoming resistant. Find out everything you can, report it back to me. Gwen, I want you to do some digging. Start with our own archives, although don't mess them up too much, or you can do the babysitting." He winked at her and glanced at Ianto, a grin on his face. "If there's nothing in there which can help us, start searching elsewhere. Police records, local papers, national papers, hell, international papers. Anything at all about sudden age changes, I want it noted. There has to be something useful out there, I need it. Ianto, I'll take you home now, but when we get back, I want you to go back to cataloguing. There's a backlog of space junk which needs sorting, and then you can help Gwen to solve your problem. Tosh, you know what you're doing. Get down to it. Ianto and I will be out for a while, if you can deal with any disturbances without us, do, if not, I have my mobile, and my headset. Call me." He paused again, looking at them all intently. "Go!" He shouted, and there was a rustle of movement as they all scattered to their various workstations, leaving Ianto and Jack alone in the boardroom. Ianto watched with a smirk as Jack stretched idly, a smile playing on his lips. "Man, I love being in charge." He grinned, before ushering Ianto out of the room and towards the garage where the SUV was parked.

When they reached his flat, Ianto breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary from the outside. No break-ins, no vandalism. Pleased, he allowed Jack to open the front door, and they stumbled through, kicking off their boots and hanging their coats up. Everything was as it should have been. There was a little dust about, but Ianto decided he could clean that up later. Making his way towards the living room, he noticed that his answering machine had several messages on it.

"Who calls me except for you?" He asked, turning to scrutinise Jack. "Have you been leaving lewd messages on my answer phone again?"

"Only two." Jack grinned. "The other two are from someone else." He flopped down on the sofa, and Ianto shrugged before pressing the button on his alien tech answering machine. To anyone calling from the outside, it was just the usual 'leave a message after the beep' jobby, but when Ianto accessed his messages, it was pretty much a sentient being, which had named itself Albert.

"Good morning Mr Jones." Albert said, in a voice which always made Ianto shudder at first because it reminded him of a Cyberman. "How can I help you today?"

"Morning Albert." Ianto replied. "I'd like to access my messages please."

"You sound different today, Mr Jones. Is anything the matter?" The machine enquired politely, and Jack snickered from the sofa and murmured 'I'll say'.

"A few problems with some alien technology, Albert, but I'm fine, thank you." Ianto said with a slight smirk, astonished that his answering machine could be sympathetic.

"Very well, you have four messages, two from Captain Jack Harkness, which are not, if you'll pardon my assessment, to the best of tastes, and two from your mother, which I suggest you listen to right away."

"My mother?" Ianto arched an eyebrow in Jack's direction. "Right, well, put Jack's ones in my 'things to listen to when I'm extremely bored' folder, and play me the ones from my Mam."

"Right away, Sir." The machine replied, before switching to the standard feminine BT voicemail voice. "Message received yesterday at 11:47 am." And then, his mother's cross voice came over the line. "Ianto Jones, you promised you would contact me to confirm what's going on for my birthday tomorrow. Since I haven't heard anything to the contrary, I plan to arrive at your flat at 12:30. Someone had best be there to let me in, young man, or I'll have your guts for garters!" She paused momentarily, then continued in a much friendlier voice, "I hope you're well and feeding yourself properly, and you've gotten yourself a girlfriend. See you tomorrow, cariad, love Mam." The machine beeped, and the BT woman was back. "Message received today at 9:15 am." Mam was back, and her voice was cross again. "Ianto bloody Jones, you are just like your bloody father, he never replied to my messages either! Well, I'm just putting my overnight things in the car, and setting off, so I'll be there at 12:30 like I said, and if you aren't there, mark my words young man, there will be trouble! Trouble!" The machine beeped again, and fell silent. Ianto stood stock still, too stunned to move, until Jack broke the spell.

"Well, that's not good." He said with a frown. Ianto turned to him, a pained look on his face, and spoke in an extremely high-pitched voice.

"Not good? Not good? It's fucking awful! It's 10:15 now! She's always early so she'll be here in 2 hours. I haven't anything for her to eat, I haven't got her a present, and I'm going to be a fucking 11 year old when she gets here! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO DO?" He flapped his arms exasperatedly. "I cannot believe I forgot her birthday!

"Calm down!" Jack said soothingly, getting up and wandering over to him. "I'll sort it." He said, patting Ianto on the head.

"Wait… She said overnight things… She's planning to stay?" Ianto paled. "She can't stay!" He looked up at Jack. "Jack, you have to fix this. Please!"

"Hey, it's alright." Jack said soothingly, with a small smile on his face. "I'll call in some favours and make you favourite son of the moment, and you wont even have to see her." Hugging Ianto to his side, he picked up the phone. "Albert, could you get me the Cardiff Hilton please."

"Certainly, Captain." Albert replied, and within seconds, the phone was ringing.

"Good morning, the Cardiff Hilton, this is Thomas speaking, how can I help you?" Announced a posh-sounding masculine voice over the phone.

"Thomas." Jack exclaimed with a grin like the devil on his face. "It's Jack Harkness."

"Oh, God! Harkness, not while I'm at work, and not now. I've got myself a respectable boyfriend, and we're going steady." Jack listened intently, grinning like a loon, then chuckled. Ianto rolled his eyes and decided to ignore everything.

"Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, That's not why I'm calling…"

"Don't call me Tommy." Thomas snapped.

"Baby don't be like that!" Jack snickered loudly.

"Don't call me baby either…Are you laughing at me!" He asked in response to Jack's growing laughter.

"Never at you, Thomas, Never at you." Jack stifled his laughter and made shushing motions at Ianto, who was giggling inanely behind him. "Anyway, I'm not calling for your usual supply of outrageously good phone sex, I'm calling to… well, call in that favour."

"Oh…" Thomas' voice sounded a little disappointed that Jack wasn't going to try harder to persuade him into sex, but he got over it quickly enough. "So, what can I do to get rid of you?"

"Weeeeeell, A good friend of mine, and I don't use the term good friend lightly, has managed to.. Misplace his mother's birthday present. I want your best suite for her, and a full day of pamper treatments, and dinner included, and anything else you can throw in to make everything fabulous, and I don't want to pay for it." He grinned as he head the cogs turning in Thomas' mind.

"I can't, Jack. We've got some ambassador in the Royal Suite…I can get her the Grecian Goddess Suite?"

"Oooh, I always liked that one better, so many brilliant places to have a canoodle…"

"Yes, Jack, I remember…"

"Of course you do. Her name is Mrs Jones. I'll bring her over later. And thank you, Tommy."

"Any time, Jack… And don't call me Tommy."

"Bye, Baby." Jack grinned and as he put the phone down, heard Thomas protesting. He turned to Ianto with a triumphant smile on his face. "There, all done."

"Brilliant." Ianto smiled, determined not to feel jealous of this mysterious Thomas character who had apparently had several 'adventures' with Jack all over the Hilton. "But how are we going to explain the fact that I can't see her?" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, and Jack struggled not to laugh at the insanity of it all.

"Well, I could meet her and give her an excuse… Say I sent you on business abroad and your flight got cancelled and you're very sorry but you didn't want her to be put out on her birthday, so you arranged the Hilton…"

"My God…" Ianto murmured. "You really aren't just a pretty face, are you?" He grinned up at Jack, who pulled a face back at him. "But that doesn't solve the problem of a present… I suppose I can send it in the post in a few days and say I bought it abroad and sorry I couldn't see her…It's not perfect, but it'll do…" He breathed a sigh of relief and flopped down on the sofa.

"Great, and I'm sure she'll love me…" Jack grinned, seating himself next to Ianto.

"Oh God!" Ianto groaned, covering his eyes with a hand. "Now, Jack, if you do anything, anything at all to my mother, I will personally castrate you, and you can spend the rest of your days not enjoying your previous varied sex life."

"Me?" Jack asked with an 'oh, but I'm so sweet and innocent' face, "Do anything? I mean, with your mother? How could you even think something like that?" He chuckled. "At worst, I'll probably flirt with her, but I mean, it's not like I can help that…" He grinned again, and Ianto laughed.

"That's true… You even flirted with the automated ticket system at the cinema…"

"Whaaaat! She has a very sexy voice…"

"If you go for robots…"

"Now, now, I'm not the one who had a robot girlfriend…" Jack grinned, only to be rewarded with a swift, and fairly hard punch in the ribs.

"Not funny, Jack Harkness. Not funny at all." Ianto stood up and stalked towards the kitchen.

"Oh, Ianto, don't be all prissy with me. I was kidding." He sighed, and Ianto stopped on his way to the kitchen, and threw him a glare.

"Oddly enough, I'm still quite angry that you killed her." He growled, "Now I'm going to go make coffee and resist the urge to return the favour." With that he was gone, and Jack was left shaking his head and wondering when Ianto was truly going to forgive him. Sighing, he decided to leave Ianto to cool off, and picked up a book from the coffee table, flicking through it absently until he returned.

"Cappuccino." Ianto stated flatly, putting the cup down next to Jack. "Sorry I over-reacted." He murmured.

"No, I'm sorry." Jack said softly. "I shouldn't joke about it, not this soon. Not ever, really." He reached across to where Ianto had sat down again, and ruffled his hair affectionately.

"Well, it's behind us now…" Ianto sighed, trying his best to re-arrange his hair. "I just… I won't forget her, Jack." He smiled weakly. "Now drink your coffee before it goes cold." He said simply, taking a sip from a cup of his own.

"I'm not sure you're old enough for caffeine yet…" Jack mumbled, taking a long drink.

"Well then you can go fuck yourself." Ianto smiled. "Because I need a fix, before I commit murder."

"Well, we don't want that. And I find it quite amusing when you're hyperactive."

"So it works for both of us." Ianto chuckled. "So… What am I going to do whilst you sort out my Mam?" He frowned up at Jack.

"I'm sure you can find something to occupy yourself with, but you'll have to stay hidden." Jack smiled.. "And c'mere you!" He scooped Ianto into a bear hug. "Let's not argue. We'll see if we can set up some things for you to do in your bedroom."

"Alright." Ianto grinned, returning the hug. "I could play cards..." Jack released him and he wandered off into his bedroom, just in time to collapse in a heap on the floor, and become an eleven-year-old. Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he looked up to see Jack in the doorway with his coat and shoes.

"If she sees these, she'll get confused." He pointed out, depositing them on the foot of the bed. "Want some cards? How about a book?"

"Yeah, there's a book I've been reading somewhere… Probably in the bathroom, I like to read in the bath." He flopped onto the bed.

"Ok, and I'll get you some juice as well, you might be in here a while." Jack sauntered off to find the book, and Ianto lay back on the bed, and attempted to get used to the odd sensations of a nearly pubescent body. He had always been a gangly sort of child, legs too long for his body and an irritating habit of falling over them at inopportune moments. Sighing, he pulled the cover over himself and snuggled down into his own bed, feeling more than a little run down.

"I've found the…" Jack trailed off as he stepped into the room and saw that Ianto had already fallen asleep. He looked at the sleeping 11 year old, curled around the duvet and snoring softly, and smiled. He really was adorable. Then it crossed his mind that in a few days' time, he might not be quite so adorable, so he decided to sit and watch him sleep a while. Putting the book on the table, and the juice next to it, he carefully settled himself on the bed next to Ianto, and brushed some stray hair out of his eyes.

Next thing he knew, it was 20 minutes later, and the doorbell was ringing. He'd gotten lost in thoughts again. Ianto blinked awake at the noise, and grumbled slightly before rolling over. Jack chuckled quietly.

"Stay here, I'll be back later." Jack whispered, before hastening towards the door, which was already ringing for the third time. Putting on his best 'look at me, aren't I handsome, charming and loveable' face, he opened the door.

"Ianto Jones! How long does it take to…" Ianto's mother practically screeched, before trailing off and taking in Jack. "Oh." She smiled coyly. "Well.. Hello."

"Hello." Jack replied, and couldn't help making it the most innuendo filled 'hello' he'd ever uttered, and that was saying something. Ianto had never said that his mother was hot! Jack usually didn't go for women much over their thirties, and Mrs Jones had to be nearing 60, but boy had she looked after herself. For one thing, she'd kept a figure which most women in their twenties would kill for, for another, she had barely a wrinkle in sight, and then there was her hair… The same stunning black as Ianto's and pulled up in a bun on her head, but pieces of hair had broken loose and were tumbling down to frame her face. He realised with a start that he was staring at her, and extended a hand just in time to seem suave, and not creepy. "Jack Harkness, I'm Ianto's boss."

"Oh, really?" Mr Jones looked up at him. "He mentioned you, but he never said you were handsome…" She looked him up and down and smiled roguishly. "I'm Mrs Jones."

"Of course you are." He said, and it was true, because if he hadn't just left him sleeping in the other room, Jack would have sworn the eyes he was looking into were Ianto's. "And Ianto never said how gorgeous his mother was." He took a step back and gestured. "Come in, I'm afraid I have a disappointment for you."

"You wouldn't disappoint me, I'm sure." She practically purred as she walked in, and Jack detected a hint of Ianto's sarcasm there. He grinned, then reminded himself that Ianto Jones' mother was most definitely out of bounds, and checked himself before replying.

"I'm not sure that sentiment will last, I'm afraid. You see, Ianto is stuck in Brussels…" He flinched as she whipped round to face him, a stern look on her face, which reminded him all too much of Ianto when he spilt a coffee.

"Stuck?" She spat. "In Brussels? But he's supposed to be taking me to lunch for my birthday!" She sighed. "Oh, what will I ever do with that boy?"

"It's my fault really, Mrs Jones. You see, he told me about your birthday, but I sent him to Brussels anyway. He was due to get back early this morning, but his flight got cancelled, and we're not yet sure when he can fly."

"Oh, silly boy. Silly aeroplanes. Bloody Brussels." She shook her head. "Well, he could have phoned and told me, now I'll have to drive all the way home."

"Actually," Jack ventured. "That's why I'm here." He grinned. "Ianto felt terrible about breaking his promise, so he's arranged a surprise for you instead. He's booked you a night at the Cardiff Hilton and a day of pampering to go with it. I'm to take you to the hotel and get you settled." Jack smiled as Mrs Jones' face lit up.

"The Hilton? How much do you pay him?" She laughed. "Oh, how lovely! He's such a good boy." She grinned at him, and he laughed.

"Yes he is. Now, would you like me to drive you? Or would you prefer to take your car?"

"Oh, I'll take my car. You can lead the way in yours." She trilled, buzzing with excitement. He followed her out of the flat and locked the door, grinning because his plan had worked. He Jumped into the car and drove the relatively short distance to the hotel, careful to drive like a normal human being so that Mrs Jones could keep up in her tiny silver convertible. When they arrived, he pulled up and handed his keys to a bell boy, waiting for Mrs Jones to do the same, and getting the luggage out of her boot. Grinning flirtatiously, he offered her his arm and they walked together to the reception desk, where Tommy was sitting, looking like he was about to throw up.

"Hi, Thomas." Jack purred, making a big show of checking the name tag on Thomas's uniform. "You should have a booking for this lovely lady, Mrs Jones." Thomas frowned at him slightly, then looked at his list.

"Yes, sir, I do have a booking. The Grecian Goddess Suite, for one night, and a deluxe pamper package to begin tomorrow morning. Is that correct?"

"Certainly is, Tommy. You don't mind if I call you Tommy, right?" Jack asked with a wink. "I believe dinner should be included in that as well?"

"Yes, Sir, dinner tonight, and breakfast and lunch tomorrow. Will that be everything that you'll need, Madam?" He asked, addressing Mrs Jones for the first time. She flushed and smiled.

"Yes, that sounds wonderful. What time are the meals served?"

"Dinner is from 7 'til 10:30, breakfast from 7:30 'til 10, and lunch from 12 'til 2. Or you may order room service at any time." Thomas reeled off with a dazzling smile, and Jack decided he'd worked in customer service for far too long. "Can I get someone to take your bags for you?"

"Oh, no thank you." Mr Jones smiled. "I've got my big strong man here for that." She gestured to Jack, who found himself blushing a little, despite himself. Seriously, did the ability to catch him off-guard run in the blood of the Jones family? He nodded, and cleared his throat.

"So, we'll er… just be needing the keys…" He mumbled.

"Certainly. Here you are, Madam. The suite is on the 6th floor, you can't miss it." He offered the keys, and Mrs Jones took them and thanked him, before setting off towards the elevator. Jack picked up the two bags and followed her.

Tosh groaned and made another dash to the toilet. Her insides were churning, she'd already thrown up everything she had, and now all she could do was retch uncontrollably. The door to the bathroom creaked behind her, and Gwen edged in, holding a glass of water.

"Still no better, love?" She enquired softly, and Tosh shook her head, and bit back another wave of bile, taking a small sip of the water to wash the taste from her mouth, and spitting it out into the toilet bowl.

"I wish I was dead." She groaned, closing her eyes. "I can't do anything, anyway, not whilst the computer is running scans… Ask Owen if he has any good sedatives, would you?"

"Of course, love. I'll go now." She slipped out, and Tosh leaned against the cubicle wall, breathing shallowly, and willing her body to stop aching.

When Mrs Jones opened the door of her suite, she was greeted by the scent of jasmine. Strong enough to make her nose tingle, but not overpowering. Grinning like a teenage girl, she pushed open the door, and Jack watched as she took in the sight of the gorgeous room before her.

"Oh God!" She squealed. "It's beautiful!" She stepped over the threshold, and he followed, watching her take in the room. It was huge, with a full bar in one corner, a dining table and chairs, some sofas and a chez long, and floor to ceiling windows masterfully decorated to look like the arches of an ancient Greek temple. The décor was luxurious, and all in the style one would expect from the title 'Grecian Goddess Suite'. The furniture was rich purple, the walls a mock stone colour, and the floor carpeted in thick cream, and scattered with exquisite rugs. Two ornately carved archways led into a bedroom and a bathroom, complete with a Jacuzzi and a state of the art rain shower. The bedroom held one of the biggest beds Jack had ever seen, furnished in the same rich purple, and scattered with exotic flowers, and a chocolate on each pillow. The wardrobe was huge, and there was a marble vanity table next to yet more floor to ceiling windows.

"Think you can cope here?" Jack asked with a grin. "I mean… It's the best Ianto could do at such short notice…" She rounded on him with a look in her eye which made something inside Jack want to run away. Unfortunately, Jack had seen that predatory gleam before, and it usually preceded amazing sex… So he stayed where he was.

"Mr Harkness, you are a tease." She purred, taking steps towards him, and he instantly stepped back, remembering just exactly who it was.

"Well, I… Er… I should be going Mrs Jones." He mumbled, realising that she was backing him into a corner. If he hadn't been so worried that he was going to end up doing something he would seriously regret with Ianto's mum, he would have laughed at the fact that this was one of his preferred methods of seduction. Well, now he knew how the prey felt, and it was exhilarating. Exhilarating but terrifying! She was still advancing on him, a coy smile on her lips.

"Now, now. You don't have to be shy…" She purred, so close now that he could literally feel the heat coming off her. The scent of her pheromones was overwhelmingly strong. Mrs Jones was a sexy woman, and she had Jack Harkness right where she wanted him.

"I don't really think this is a good idea, Mrs Jones." He complained, feeling like an awkward teenager all of a sudden. "I mean… I'm your son's boss and…"

"Oh, come now." She drawled. "Ianto won't know a thing. I'm certainly not going to tell him. And even if he does find out, he'll get over it." She smiled, pushing her face close to his, and he felt a sudden need to escape.

"I somehow don't think he would." Jack said softly, gently pushing Mrs Jones away.

"Oh, really?" She laughed. "I can take rejection Mr Harkness, don't worry." She turned away and laughed again. "Honestly, don't think Ianto would get over it. Next you'll be saying that you're having a love affair with him!" Jack laughed nervously.

"I just don't like to mix business with pleasure." He tried, casually, and she rounded on him.

"Now I do not believe that." She said with a smile. "I suppose it's the age thing, eh?" He opened his mouth to protest, but she silenced him with a wave of her hand. "Never mind. I've been turned down before, and I'm sure I'll find some other way to entertain myself this evening. That young man on reception seemed like a nice boy…" She winked. Jack repressed the giggle which threatened to overtake him.

"I'm sure he is." He said with a twinkle in his eye. "Have a good birthday, Mrs Jones. If there's anything you need, just call." He scribbled down the number for the tourist information centre, and flashed her one last smile before he turned and left. In the lift, he glanced at his clock. It was 2:30 pm. Had time accelerated itself whilst he had been with her? It seemed like they'd only been upstairs for ten minutes. Obviously not.

Ianto woke up an hour after Jack left. He wondered what was taking so long, the drive to the hotel was only ten minutes. He was struck by the sudden thought that maybe his mother had come onto Jack. It would be beyond the Captain to refuse. Ianto had seen his Mam at work seducing men in pubs, and it disgusted him. All the same, he had to admit that she had a talent, and often ended up pulling men almost as young as her son. He hoped that it wasn't the case, but when Jack still wasn't back at 2:15, he lost hope. Sighing, he dropped the book which he had picked up from the bedside table, and padded towards the kitchen, intent on drowning his disgust and the small pang of despair he felt by drinking copious quantities of coffee. By the time he was sipping at his third cappuccino, the door was creaking open, and Jack was walking in. Ianto noted with disgust that he was humming the tune of 'Me and Mrs Jones'. He wandered into the kitchen looking pleased with himself, and Ianto felt the urge to vomit.

"Well, I'd say it was a success." Jack grinned. "Although, if you'll excuse me saying so, your mother is a minx." He set the machine to make him a latte, and turned to see Ianto looking thunderous.

"Jack Harkness, did you fuck my mother? Because if you did, I swear I will kill you a thousand times over!" He growled, looking as menacing as an eleven year old could.

"What!" Jack gasped. "No!" He looked appalled. "She cornered me in her room and tried it on, but it felt way too creepy. I mean… She's your Mother!" He stammered. "It would be… sick." He watched as Ianto's face relaxed, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yes." He said quietly. "It would." He rubbed a hand through his hair, slowly feeling the caffeine take effect. "I'm sorry, it's just… She's done that sort of thing before. Slept with people in my life and decided that my feelings don't matter."

"Well, she never stood a chance with me." He said soothingly, settling on a chair opposite Ianto. "You got anything else to do here?" He asked casually. "Because we should get back to the Hub."

"Nope, I did it all whilst you were gone." Ianto replied, draining the last of his coffee. Jack downed his mug quickly, and smacked his lips.

"Great. We'll pick up pizza on the way back." He quickly rinsed out their mugs, and Ianto tidied up, then they got back in the SUV and headed for the Hub.

Owen sighed. He'd sedated Tosh, and she was sleeping peacefully on the sofa. Gwen was doing Gwen stuff, he wasn't sure what, and he had been left alone with his plants. Unfortunately, his new technical dooda had decided to pack up mid cycle, spraying a viscous mixture of mushed up plant extracts at him. He would have to clean it up, he supposed. Sighing again, he went to get some cleaning stuff, and that was when Jack and Ianto arrived with pizza. Immediately, he abandoned his cleaning project and headed for the food.

Tosh woke up half way through the pizza, and attempted to eat half a slice. Owen had taken some samples from her, and they were busy being analysed in the lab (thankfully they hadn't been in the machine that had gone haywire). She promptly went to the toilets to throw it up, and declined to have any more. Apart from that, lunch passed uneventfully, and the team chatted amicably for the first time in a few weeks. Tosh fell asleep again at the table, and Jack lifted her like a child, tucking her under a blanket on the sofa, and kissing her forehead tenderly. He hoped that she wasn't pregnant. It would make things far too awkward around the Torchwood base.

He popped over to her desk, but her broad scan was still running, and there was nothing yet to report. Sighing at his feeling of uselessness, he went to see Gwen.

"Shouldn't you be going?" He asked with a smile. "Y'know, living your life and all that."

"Oh!" Gwen squeaked. "I almost forgot. Right. Nearly found a lead I think, but I'll take a look tomorrow. Gotta go do the whole romantic dinner thing. You should try it sometime." She grinned sarcastically, and winked before dashing for the exit.

"Have fun." He called after her. "Owen, you may as well go home too, take Tosh and put her to bed." He looked at the medic, who was reading the analysis sheet from Tosh's samples.

"Yes, I think bed would be best. She's not pregnant, she's got a virus. It's not alien, it's just one of those lovely winter vomiting things. She'll recover, but she might've passed it on to one of us. We'll have to be careful."

"Hmm." Jack sighed. The last thing he needed was for his team to fall ill when Ianto was possibly in mortal danger. Still, there was nothing eh could do. "Well, take her home. Do what you can for her. I'll see you in the morning. Tell Tosh to stay home if she wants to." He smiled at Owen, who gave him a look as if he were insane.

"Tosh, stay at home? C'mon, she's as likely to do that as I am to turn up on time." He grinned, and Jack laughed.

"Point made. Now, scram!" He shooed Owen over to Tosh, and smiled warmly as he declined to wake her, and picked her up instead. Owen was stronger than he looked, and Jack was sure he'd make it all the way to the lift before Tosh woke up. Grinning, he turned to Ianto.

"I know that look." Ianto said sceptically. "What are you up to?" He arched an eyebrow as Jack pretended to be all innocent.

"I want to go out for dinner." He grinned. "Fancy accompanying me to the pizza express on the seafront? We can go to the cinema first."

"Do I have to call you 'Dad'" Ianto pouted.

"No, Daddy will be fine." Jack joked, and Ianto swiped at him. He laughed. "Call me whatever you like." He trilled. "I'm in need of a good film, and some good cannelloni."

Gwen looked around. In the few hours since she had been home, she had transformed her living room into a romantic den. The table had been moved to the centre, the sofa and coffee table pushed to the side. On top of the table was a white cloth, several candles scented with ylang-ylang and her best silver cutlery, a moving out present from her parents. The room was filled with spices from the cooking she had done, using as many aphrodisiac ingredients as possible, and the lights were dimmed, barely casting a glow over the romantic setting. She had set champagne in a bucket of ice at one end of the table, and romantic music was playing from the stereo. In ten minutes, Rhys would be home, and she was going to spend this evening showing him how much she really cared.

***

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