Title: Crash
By: Vampbarbie
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I own nothing I merely play here. Rated for safety as there are a couple of swear words.
Note: I couldn't decide on a happy or sad ending, so you get both as chapters 2 and 3.
Summary: Post-Doctor Who season 2 Jack takes that last trip with the Doctor then returns to the Hub to find that his world has crashed around his ears.

***

Jack jogs across the plaza towards the hidden lift, having waved goodbye to the Doctor less than a minute before. He activates it and, grinning, descends into the Hub, all the while thinking about the surprise he would give them all. He pushes his coat back and steps off the lift. He is met by the sight of Owen and Toshiko standing at Owen's desk staring at him open mouthed, and a woman with a long blonde ponytail sat at Ianto's desk looking at him as though he is sprouting another head. Of Ianto and Gwen there is no sign whatsoever.

"Jack?" Tosh steps forward and Jack notices a few more lines beside her eyes. "Its really you?" Her tone suggests that she thinks she is dreaming.

Jack feels a finger of ice stroke his spine as Owen stares at him, still open mouthed. There is an ugly unhealed cut across his forehead. They look so very disbelieving at seeing him that he is suddenly terribly afraid.

"Who the hell is she?" He gestures to the blonde with an angry wave of his hand. "Where's Ianto and Gwen?"

"Gwen's on maternity leave."

Jack blinks in confusion. "What?"

Tosh and Owen look at each other.

Jack glares over at the blonde woman. "Then who the hell is she? And why is she sat in Ianto's seat?"

"That's Cecelia Hunter. CeCe to us. She works here."

"What? No she doesn't!"

Cecelia drops her eyes firmly to her desk.

"I just leave and you go recruiting people? Does secret mean nothing to you?"

"Jack how long do you think you've been gone?" Tosh asks gently.

"Errr two…maybe three months?"

Tosh and Owen look at each other again. "Jack, it's been seven years."

"What?" Jack blinks at them. "I knew the Doctor couldn't keep track properly! I knew it!" He suddenly looks fearful as he looks at Ianto's desk. "Where is he?"

Owen steps towards him. "There was an accident…"

"Is he…"

"No!" Owen shakes his head and gestures to his cut. "Ianto was driving the SUV…"

Jack interrupts. "Yan doesn't drive that."

"He does now," Tosh says, "and he's gotten pretty good. Nearly as hair raising as you on occasion."

Owen continues. "Well anyway, it was ten days ago. We hit a weevil. Somehow it was enough to…" he swallows. "The SUV flipped over Jack. I got off lightly. Ianto…well…he's in a bad way."

"Where?" Jack demands, voice rising.

"You're in no state to drive." Tosh grabs her car keys and heads for the door.

"Torchwood!" Jack scowls at the ward sister as he and Tosh rush past. Tosh offers up an apologetic half smile and hurries to keep up with Jack's long stride, his coat flapping around him.

"Jack, Jack wait," she calls out to him. "There is something you must know!"

Jack marches up to the private room at the end of the corridor and pauses with his hand on the door handle. "What Tosh? What is so desperate that I need to know it right now?" There is anger in his voice, masking fear.

"Ianto's married!" There. She has said it. Blurted it out to his face like she promised Owen she wouldn't. It had to be done, but the shock on Jack's face breaks her heart.

"What?" His voice little more than a whisper. "When?"

"Five years ago." She looks at him sympathetically. "I'm sorry Jack. I just thought it was better you knew. And…" she swallows.

"And?" He sounds horrified at the word. At the possibility of an and.

"He has kids Jack. Two girls."

Tosh had never before considered the possibility that Ianto could hurt Jack. The whole team, well she and Gwen, always used to worry that Jack would hurt Ianto, never the other way around. It never even crossed their minds that Ianto could break Jack. But maybe he has, without even trying.

Jack's hand drops from the handle and he stares wordlessly at her for a moment. He blinks. "I was stupid you know? To think that he'd just…just be waiting…" His voice trails off and he glances fearfully at the closed door. "Is he…awake?"

Tosh shakes her head. "No. He hasn't…really…since…Jack it really doesn't look good. If he survives, he might not be…he might not be Ianto anymore. The doctors said…"

Jack looks for a moment like he might be blinking back tears, and then he straightens. "I have to see him."

"I'll wait here." Tosh knows better than to try and explain anymore. Jack needs to see this for himself.

Jack opens the door and steps into the stark whiteness of the room. Quietly he shuts the door behind himself. He swallows hard and makes himself look at the man in the bed. Ianto's left eye is swollen completely shut and a deep crimson purple colour even after all this time. There is dried blood around the inside of his nostrils, but surprisingly little damage elsewhere, except for the shadow of what was once a large bump on his forehead. There is a slim tube into his nose and there is a drip in his left arm. His right arm is enclosed in a small cast. The steady beep of the heart monitor is the only sound.

"Hey Ianto," he says stepping closer. From here he can see the sick greenish yellow of old bruises beneath the other eye and down the side of his face. He moves to Ianto's right side, the one free of the hateful machines. Jack glances down at his hand, considers taking it for a second then decides he does not want to hurt him anymore. He leans over the other man and very gently rests his forehead against Ianto's. Jack feels the tears welling in his eyes. He can't change this. There are no monsters to fight here. "Sorry I wasn't here Yan." He closes his eyes.

"S'all…right…"

Jack jerks upwards at the sound of his voice, rasping from where ventilator tubes were pushed down it a few days ago to save his life. He stares down at Ianto whose good eye has slitted open.

"You're a complete bastard." Ianto's voice isn't his own. It is so full of hatred that Jack recoils. Ianto reaches over and yanks the drip out of his arm. A small spurt of blood spatters onto the white sheets.

"Tosh!" Jack yells, his voice cracking in fear as Ianto goes for the breathing tube in his nose. He suddenly feels immobile and doesn't know what to do.

Tosh appears in the doorway. "Not again. Nurse!" She hurries to the bedside. "Ianto darling please don't." She catches his hands. "Please don't."

Ianto quiets at her touch. "Are you my wife?" he asks, but his hand scrabbles inside hers to reach the plastic tube.

"No I'm not your wife." Tosh looks on the verge of tears. "Ianto, you'll hurt yourself."

"I think I'd like you to be my wife," he murmurs, while Tosh pins his hand to the mattress.

The nurse appears and brusquely shoves Jack out of the way and helps Tosh restrain Ianto.

Jack retreats to the relative safety of the corridor until Tosh emerges a minute or so later. "He's out again."

Jack is slumped on an orange plastic chair and looks smaller than he should. Like a child curled up inside an adult's coat. A little lost boy. Tosh has never seen him looking like this. Jack always looked in control, always seemed to be in control around them.

"What was that? I thought he hadn't…" Jack's voice wavers in fear.

"He didn't wake up Jack. That is the coma talking. He probably won't remember if he…"

"Wakes up," Jack finished bitterly.

"Jack please don't." She sits beside him and puts her hand on his arm.

He notices that there is blood on her blouse. Ianto's blood. Red against the cream.

"Where's his…wife?" his voice cracks over the last word.

"At home with the children. It's the first time she's left since it happened. Trust it to be when you arrive. Her name is Emily."

"I don't want to know her name."

"Yes you do. You need to. His children are called Lisa and Megan. They're four and two." Tosh moves her arm around his shoulders. "He waited for you for a long time Jack. He did. Then he started getting reckless. That's why he drives like he does. Why he carries a gun on every mission. Even now, even with them to live for, he still…" she licks her lips. "He's still lost without you. Emily is good for him."

"And I'm not." It isn't a question.

"I didn't say that Jack. But they're…they were, happy."

A door at the end of the corridor opens and a blonde haired woman comes towards them.

"Tosh?" she says surprised. "I didn't expect you."

Tosh stands and hugs her. "It was unplanned."

Jack stands up behind her and looks at the woman who surely must be Emily. She reminds him of Rose somehow. Long hair. No more than five foot three. A face that should be smiling. But she isn't. Her eyes are red rimmed from too much crying and she has no make up on. She frowns as she looks him over. "Who is he Tosh?"

Tosh swallows nervously. "Emily this is Jack Harkness."

Her face goes still for just a moment as the shock sinks in. "Harkness?" she looks at Tosh who just nods silently at the unasked question. Emily's face goes hard. "How dare you?!" she shouts at him. She pushes past Tosh and stands glaring up at him. Her blue eyes are chips of ice. "After all this time you think you can just waltz in here and…and…" her voice cracks with her anger.

Jack looks down at her for a long moment. He could tell her the truth. That it took him that time to recover from something no one remembers. That he did not know seven years had gone by. Tell her that he is in love with her husband. But what would it achieve? This poor woman is only fighting for what she loves. If Jack was her he would have thumped him. Jack steps round her and leaves without a word or a backwards glance.

Only Owen is still at the Hub by the time he gets back. He is talking loudly and urgently on the phone. "Yes! No I'm not bullshitting you! Cooper you are a moron!" He looks up sharply at Jack as he enters. "He just got back. I'll call you back." He puts the phone down. "How are you?"

Jack raises an eyebrow. "Owen Harper asking how I am?"

"Tosh called me. She was worried."

Jack shrugs off his coat. "Not running off to bed with CeCe?" he asks sarcastically. "Seems your type. You know, female, breathing."

Owen fixes him with a look. "I'll let that slide on account of your shock Harkness. I don't think Tosh would though."

Jack frowns as a realisation sinks in. "Are you and her…?"

Owen smiles. "Eighteen months next week."

Jack blinks. "That was unexpected."

"To you and me both mate," Owen laughs lightly. He nods towards Jack's office. "Exactly as you left it." He folds his arms. "How's Ianto?"

"He woke up. But Tosh says he won't remember."

Owen nods professionally.

"Why not you? No offence."

"None taken. And I got lucky. Ianto's airbag didn't deploy. He hit his head on the steering wheel."

Jack swallows. "And he's married."

"I told Tosh not to tell you. But she's got a big mouth."

Jack sits on the edge of Ianto's desk. "I didn't know…I thought…He…" He trails off without actually having said anything.

"I know," Owen says placing a hand on his shoulder. "He did wait Jack. Two years. Then one day he locked the door to your office, shut the key in the safe and hasn't set foot in there since. Three weeks later he met Emily. Six months later they got married."

Jack looks up at him and is disturbed at the compassion in the other man's eyes. "I don't know what to do."

The door opens interrupting them and Gwen strides into the room. Owen lets his arm drop to his side. She hurries as fast as she can to Jack and hugs him firmly.

"Gwen you're enormous!" Jack exclaims, holding her at arm's length.

Gwen pats her bump and smiles. "Twins. Real human ones. Not aliens."

"Congratulations Gwen," Jack says sincerely.

She suddenly slaps his arm, hard.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Seven fucking years Jack! Seven years! You just left us!"

Jack grabs hold of her hand so she can't hit him again. "It wasn't seven years for me. I can't explain why. But it…" he struggles for the words. "Things happened to me and I had to take some time before I came back."

"You disappeared into thin air! We searched for you…Ianto he…" she stops seeing Jack's face. "You've seen him."

He nods, a lump coming into his throat. He doesn't trust himself to speak.

"Oh Jack," Gwen says sadly putting her hand inside his.

All Jack can feel is her wedding ring, cool against his fingers. Like Ianto's, and his wife's. Mrs Ianto Jones. He looks up at Owen.

"Its already in the door Jack." He answers the question before he can voice it.

Jack carefully takes his hand from Gwen's. "I'll see you in the morning." He turns and walks to his office, feeling their stares boring into his back. He turns the key in the lock, opens the door and relocks it behind him. Leaning on the door he stares around his office. It is almost exactly as he had left it. Except Ianto has tidied. There are no half-read reports on his desk, no chewed pens scattered about. His clean coffee cup is beside the pen holder instead of in the kitchen. Out of sight, out of mind. On the centre of his desk is an envelope. Jack crosses the room in long strides and recognises the writing immediately. 'Jack', it says on the outside in Ianto's neat handwriting. He drops into the chair and rips it open and reads the letter inside.

'Jack. I don't know where you are or if you will ever come back to read this but I will write it anyway. I need to stop this sir. I need to stop sitting here in the dark just waiting. It will be two years soon and you still haven't returned to the Hub, and I've done nothing but wait for you. I have a life I should be living and I realise you're not a part of it anymore. Goodbye Jack Harkness. Yours, always. Ianto Jones.'

Jack crumples the letter in his hand before dropping it to the desktop. Ianto isn't his. He belongs to someone else. Jack leans down and fishes in the bottom drawer of his desk. He pulls out the half bottle of whisky and smiles grimly at it, before pouring himself a glass.

Jack creeps into his room at a little past two a.m., manoeuvres himself around the equipment, and sits himself down beside the bed. He knew that Emily was dozing on a mattress down the other side of the bed; Tosh had filled him in that she did not want to leave Ianto's side. Her mother was looking after the children. He slips his hand into Ianto's and stares down at him. In the near darkness, Ianto looks pale, almost dead. Jack feels his lower lip wobble.

"Yan oh Ianto," he murmurs, voice a barely audible whisper. "Please don't leave me." He wants there to be a reaction, even a flicker of an eyelid but there is nothing. He had fought so hard to get back to Ianto. And after everything that happened on the Valiant he had hoped to slip back into what they had before. But seven years later that wasn't a possibility. Too much water under too many bridges. Jack thinks for a moment about leaving, walking away and not looking back. Phoning the Doctor from somewhere out of town and leaving. For good this time. Let them keep Torchwood. They seemed to be coping just fine without him. They'd kept each other alive without him. But he dismisses the thought nearly immediately. He knows he can't just walk away. He would always wonder. Not until he knows for certain one way or the other. He kisses Ianto lightly on the lips and lets the tears fall. "I love you Ianto. Please hold on."

From the mattress comes the sound of someone stirring. Jack holds his breath but Emily does not wake, merely shifts her position and settles again.

"Ianto please..." He knows his whisper has become more of a whine. A desperate plea in one word to the man he loves not to die on him, to just wake up, to be the same man he knows and loves. But who no longer loves him. The man who gave up on the idea of them a long time ago. Somehow tonight that does no matter. Jack is free to love this man and he will for as many nights as it takes for him to wake up. He isn't getting any older. He will wait forever if he has too. Until the day that Ianto Jones wakes up and goes back to his family, his life, the one he has created without me, and on that day I will walk away and I will do it for him, Jack thinks resolutely. He blinks back the tears so he can see clearly and looks down at Ianto. He wonders where he is, because he isn't in there. It's like a shell. Ianto is somewhere else. He wants to shake him and shout at him to come back. Because he needs him, because he loves him...but Jack knows Ianto shouldn't come back just for him. He has children and he should come back for them. Jack has no say in this man's future. So he settles for another whispered, "Please," and lays his forehead down on top of their clasped hands and cries silently into the bed.

The phone rings sharply, shattering Jack's contemplation the next morning. He has not slept since he returned from the hospital sometime after four He dimly hears Toshiko answer it and strains his ears to listen. He doesn't need to. In moments the door to his office crashes open.

"He's awake," Tosh says breathlessly. "That was Emily. Ianto's awake!"

She already has her car keys in her hand. Jack leaps to his feet, snatches his coat from the stand and hurries after her. "Owen and CeCe took her car," she explains as they head to the garage.

The drive to the hospital is tense and silent. Neither of them knowing what to say to the other but the same thoughts going through their heads. Will he be Ianto? Will he remember me? Is he alright?

The ward sister warns them to be quiet and not to overtire him before they enter his room. Owen is twitchy and looks uncomfortable. CeCe is playing with the end of her ponytail and Jack realises he hasn't even spoken to this woman since he returned. Tosh is the first to put her hand on the handle and open the door. She pokes her head inside.

"Hey Ianto," she says quietly and hesitantly. "How are you feeling?"

He offers her a weak smile from his propped up position in the bed. The others all push into the room, except for Jack who hovers behind the doorway. He peeps through the crack at the hinge of the door. Owen goes straight to the medical chart and starts reading.

Ianto blinks as they file in. "Hey...are we having a party?"

Owen raises an eyebrow and looks up from the clipboard. "No mate, you're in hospital. You flipped the SUV."

"Did I?" Ianto asks dreamily. He smiles at Tosh. "Hey wanna go grab a beer?"

Tosh smiles back at him sympathetically, fidgeting with her hands. "Not right now Yan."

"But its a party, we've got to have some beer."

Owen touches his shoulder gently. "Later mate okay?"

Ianto nods and smiles dopily at all of them. "Party," he murmurs. "Everyone is here for a party..." He looks tired.

Everyone. Everyone no longer includes me then, thinks Jack from his place on the outside.

"Did you see Emily?" asks Cecelia gently.

Ianto's face breaks into a grin. "I love Emily...she's so pretty." He looks at her and Tosh. "Like you."

"I love this Ianto," CeCe says smiling, mostly with relief. "Its like when he's drunk."

Ianto brightens. "Has someone got a beer?"

"He's going round in circles," Tosh says worriedly.

Owen nods. "He'll do that for a while. The crash obviously affected his memory. Something will snap him out of it."

Ianto notices the healing cut on Owen's forehead. "Owen are you alright?"

"Just a scratch. And chicks dig scars," he says smiling while Tosh elbows him in the ribs.

Ianto frowns. "Why am I in here?"

"You flipped the SUV," Owen says with more patience than Jack recognises in the doctor. "Knocked yourself out."

He winces and touches his swollen eye gently. "Do I look like a weevil?"

"Weevils are better looking," Owen shoots back.

Ianto smiles and CeCe takes his hand gently. "We missed you Yan."

Jack baulks at the familiarity in her voice. He has not even spoken to this poor woman who did nothing wrong, merely became a colleague, a friend to the man he loves.

Ianto is now frowning at Tosh. "What's up?" he asks her.

"Nothing," she lies.

"Uh uh that's a something face Tosh. I know you too well. Can't be sad at a party."

Tosh gestures to Jack behind the door and hesitantly Jack steps into view. The two men stare at each other and for an instant it feels as though all the air has been sucked from the room.

"Jack," Ianto breathes softly, suddenly sounding so much more normal. He feels like someone has slapped him and brought him back to his senses.

"Hey Yan," Jack replies equally quietly.

CeCe looks between the two of them. "What's going on?"

Tosh takes her arm and steers her towards the door. "We'll be out here if you need us. CeCe it's a long story."

Owen looks at Jack once before he shuts the door behind him.

Jack takes a deep breath. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know I'd been gone so long...I..."

"I'm glad you came," Ianto says softly. "You were here..." he frowns. "I don't remember."

Jack nods and goes to sit on the chair by the bed. "I was." He takes Ianto's good hand. "God Yan, I've never been more scared than when I walked into the Hub and you weren't there."

Ianto smiles. "You just missed the coffee smell sir."

Jack's eyes well up and he tightens his grip on his hand. "When I saw you lying here..."

"Don't...please don't..."

Their eyes meet for a longer than they should and Ianto gingerly lifts his head towards Jack. Jack turns his face away at the last moment before their lips meet. "I know I'm too late Ianto. You're married. You have two little girls. I won't," Jack swallows the solid lump threatening to block his airway, "make this harder than it already is."

Ianto's fingers twitch against Jack's hand. "I missed you."

"Missed you too. You were the reason I came back." Jack looks down the drip in Ianto's arm. "I can't explain how or why Yan but I've been through some terrible things and all I could think of was you."

"Then what…" Ianto starts to say.

The door suddenly flies open. Jack and Ianto pull their hands apart instinctively. Through the door a four year old girl comes flying, her dark hair in pigtails. "Daddy!"

"Lisa!"

She bounces up into the bed and into Ianto's arms. He pulls her close into him and presses a hard kiss to her forehead.

"Be careful sweetheart," Emily calls entering behind her carrying Megan. "Daddy is still not feeling very well."

Lisa is staring at Ianto with concern in her eyes. "Are you still ill daddy?"

"Much better for seeing you," he says happily.

Emily has seen Jack and says nothing, merely sets Megan on the bed beside her sister. Ianto pulls her into the hug. "Have you been a good girl for mummy?"

The little girl nods, wide eyed. "Play ponies with me daddy?" she lisps.

"Maybe," Ianto says affectionately.

Emily rounds the bed and he tilts his head instinctively to her for a kiss.

"How you feeling baby?" she asks softly, gently running her hand through his hair.

"Better. I think." His face creases into a frown. "I have a feeling there should be a party?"

Jack stands up, his stomach tying itself into knots. "I'll go. See you later Yan."

"Don't go sir. We still need to talk."

Jack nods curtly and heads for the door. Emily fixes him with a look which makes him feel guilty as sin. He knows she saw him holding hands with her husband. He had no right to destroy their lives but he will, just by being here. He shuts the door behind him to find his team staring at him. Gwen and Rhys have arrived as well.

"Bloody hell, I thought Gwen was delusional when she told me!" Rhys says reaching out a hand to Jack. "You know pregnancy hormones going haywire."

Jack shakes it. "Pleased to be a surprise. And congratulations."

"Thanks," Rhys says with a smile.

"Was it rough?" Gwen asks softly.

Jack just nods. "I have to go," he says a moment later before hurrying away as fast as he can without running.

Tosh catches up with him outside in the car park, leaning against her car. "You okay?"

"No."

She leans beside him. "You at least owe him an explanation."

He shrugs. "Emily knows."

Tosh looks at her feet. "She's always known. Ianto didn't exactly keep you a secret. You remember that photo of you, Yan and Owen in the pub that night?"

Jack nods. Oh he remembers that photo. Drunk and laughing and standing way to close to each other before any intentions were declared.

"Well he has that up in their front room. And the one of you in your RAF uniform. He stole it out of your office." Jack raises an eyebrow as Tosh continues. "Emily has lived in fear of you coming back Jack, because she knows she'll lose him. He never stopped loving you. He just loves Emily too."

Jack stares at the toes of his boots. "I know."

His voice is so lost that Tosh slips her hand into his and squeezes. "I'm so sorry Jack."

He looks sideways at her. "Isn't your fault Tosh. These things happen."

"What?" she asks in confusion.

He offers her a weak smile. "People fall in love. Hell I should be an expert, I've had the time."

She looks at him like he is talking rubbish. He offers her a big smile. Faked of course but right now its his armour. He turns to face her. "Go home Toshiko Sato." He presses a firm kiss against her forehead. "Go back to Owen. Be happy."

She stares at him, a small frown between her eyes.

"I'll be fine Tosh. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

She nods and gets into her car. She gives him one last look over her shoulder as she pulls away.

Jack did not venture back into the hospital until Emily and the children, and the rest of the team had left. At first glance he thinks Ianto is asleep and turns to leave. Easier this way on both of them. For now at least. The betrayal will last longer.

"Sir?" The voice is sleepy.

He turns back and sees that Ianto has opened his eyes. Jack goes and sits down beside him, stiffly, keeping his hands in his lap. There is a flash of disappointment openly across Ianto's face.

"Hey Ianto how you feeling?"

"Been better sir," he replies looking at Jack intently, despite his tiredness.

Jack looks away, looking anywhere else in the room. "Your children are lovely." How pathetic, he thinks as he says it. "Beautiful little girls. Take after their father."

He can hear the pride in Ianto's voice as he replies. "They're my little angels."

"So ponies huh?" he can't help his mouth quirking into a half smile.

"No ideas sir."

For a moment the tone of his voice is pure old-Ianto, the innuendo instantaneous and the intimacy a given. Jack feels a stab in his heart. They can no longer fall back into that pattern. Jack looks back at the Welshman. "I lost you." His voice sounds hollow.

"What?"

"Yan," the nickname seems suddenly too familiar so he corrects himself, "Ianto, you're married. You have two beautiful daughters. You're a daddy Ianto. How can I do this? You haven't seen me for seven years. I have no right to say anything about how I feel about you Ianto and it's killing me."

Ianto manages to raise the ghost of a smirk. "You can't die sir."

Jack fixes him with a sharp look and the smirk fades.

"Sir I..."

"I know. Tosh and Owen and Gwen filled me in. You waited for me and I didn't come. I ruined your life. I made you take risks and I almost got you killed. I'm so sorry Yan I am."

The sincerity in his voice makes Ianto's eyes well up and he reaches over his good hand and takes Jack's. Jack's hand remains still within his, unwilling to make the move. "Jack..."

Jack looks him in the eye at the sound of pleading in his voice. He can't help himself and leans down and kisses him. Ianto responds, fervently kissing back, straining his head from the pillow to meet Jack's lips. Jack had forgotten how he tasted, how his lips would feel against his. He'd imagined, tried to remember in those long months aboard the Valiant but he had never quite remembered right. Not like this. In that kiss Jack makes what is possibly the most grown up decision of his life. A terrible decision that he will hate but will do anyway. Because it is right. After what seems like forever they break apart, stare at each other in silence, neither willing to end the moment. Jack tries to memorise the colour of his eyes, the shape of his mouth. Ianto smiles sleepily and contentedly at him.

Finally Jack speaks, "Yan I can't...you can't...you're married."

"Jack..."

"No Ianto. I will not be the other man in your marriage. Its not fair on anyone."

Ianto looks on the verge of more tears. "But I can't manage without you Jack."

"You did. You will." Jack lifts his other hand and gently strokes it through Ianto's hair. "You always could. The only other option for you is to quit." The aghast look that crosses Ianto's face is answer enough for Jack. "You're Torchwood through and through now Yan. I'll leave. It's easier this way. I can see how much you love your family and what you feel for Emily is real. You're going to be the best damn daddy in the world." Jack's voice wavers with emotion. "I have somewhere else to go now."

"No…please don't..."

"You've got CeCe and Tosh and Owen and Gwen..."

"They're not you!" Ianto pleads.

Jack keeps stroking his hand through his hair, the memory of so many nights laying beside this man coming to mind. "I'll always be watching over you."

"Will you say goodbye?" Ianto says, realising that the fight is lost. Jack needs to go. He loves Emily and he loves his kids. But he'd told himself that he was over Jack Harkness and it obviously wasn't true. He will break their hearts and his own and Jack's before this is over. Jack's right, this isn't fair.

"I am," Jack's voice cracks.

"To the others?"

Jack shakes his head. "Only to you."

Ianto bites his lip. "I love you Jack. I always will."

"I love you Ianto Jones." Jack carefully disentangles his hand from Ianto's and stands. He manages to smile. "You're an amazing man." He throws Ianto an ironic salute and then walks to the door. "Goodbye Ianto."

"Jack wait!"

Jack looks back over his shoulder and smiles. "'Til the end of time Yan."

***

ENDING 1:

Jack's smile faded before the door to Ianto's room clicked shut behind him. He bites down on his lip and leaves the hospital. As he crosses the car park he sees Emily Jones staring at him. He nods to her and carries on his way. He knows she is still staring at him. He can feel her eyes boring into his back accusingly. The man she has to hate without getting to know him because he is the one who will steal her husband away given half the chance. But Jack was given that chance and he didn't take it. Maybe the Doctor really is rubbing off on him.

"Jack?" he hears Tosh calling him from her car.

Damnit, he'd thought she had gone. Jack veers his course to avoid her and keeps walking.

"Jack!" she shouts behind him.

He keeps walking, dodging amongst the cars in the car park, heading towards the exit as fast as he is able. He doesn't look back. Ianto's voice echoes in his head until it makes him want to scream. He turns the corner out of sight of the hospital and the first sob explodes from his mouth. Jack drops into a crouch, his coat puddling around him. He sobs into his hand, trying to muffle the noise of a grown man whose heart is breaking at ten thirty a.m. on a Tuesday morning. He wipes furiously at his eyes and swallows several times and finally straightens. He turns to continue on his way and finds himself staring at a little grey haired old lady, leaning on a walking stick.

"Are you alright dear?" she asks concerned.

He wipes his eyes again. "No."

She touches his arm with such gentleness that he nearly weeps again. "Can I help you?"

He shakes his head. "I just have…have to…get away…"

She offers him a tissue which he accepts and wipes his eyes. "What was his name dearie?"

Jack starts, stares at her wide-eyed. She just smiles sadly at him.

"I can always tell. Don't look so surprised. Just because I'm seventy two doesn't mean I don't understand."

Jack swallows. "His name is Ianto."

"If its meant to be, it will be." She gives his arm a weak squeeze. "Go on your way soldier. Try to be strong."

"Easier said than done," Jack says stuffing the tissue into a pocket. "But thank you."

She smiles at him. "Don't like to see anyone lovelorn, darling." She reaches up and touches a soft hand to his face. "I think you'd be a hard face to forget." And with that she shuffles past him down the road towards the hospital.

Jack stares after her for a moment, before turning and walking onwards. The tears come again soon after.

"Jack?" The Doctor sounds puzzled on the other end of the phone. "I didn't think I'd hear from you so soon."

Jack sniffles.

"Jack?" There is sudden concern in the Time Lord's voice. "What's wrong?"

"Come get me. Please come get me." That is all Jack can manage to say before his voice cracks.

"Tell me what's wrong Jack," the Doctor presses.

"Please come get me...I...I need to leave..."

"Where are you?"

"Still Cardiff," Jack looks around him until he spots a street sign. "Newport Road apparently." He can't remember how long he has been walking for. He has sat down on a wall out of exhaustion, so suddenly and forcefully that he knows it can't be physical. He feels a bit dizzy and thinks for a moment about putting his head between his knees.

"I'll be there soon Jack," the Doctor says in his ear before the phone clicks off.

Jack pulls it away from his ear and stares at the phone for a moment before shoving it back into his coat pocket. He can't believe that he is leaving them all. Leaving of his own free will. He wipes at his eyes with his hand and a woman walking past looks curiously at the man in the long coat, crying on the side of the road. Jack notices her look and turns his head away, embarrassed. He wipes furiously at his eyes again and blinks back more tears. How can he leave him? He didn't realise how much he really did love Ianto Jones until he faced losing him. But that doesn't matter. Love is not enough this time. It should be so simple, you love someone and you are together, but this time it can't be that way. Seven years is too long to just go back to the way they were before.
He looks up again when a hand touches his shoulder.

"Jack what's wrong?" The Doctor stares at him, eyes looking worried.

"Ianto..." Jack chokes his name out thickly. "He...I...I'm seven years too late Doctor."

"Really?" The Doctor raises his eyebrows, rocks back on his heels and stares down the street. "Huh."

"That's all you've got to say? Huh?" Jack flies to his feet, a sudden rush of anger flaring inside him.

The Doctor regards him passively. "Well it wouldn't be the first time I've been a bit late."

"A bit late? A bit late!" Jack yells at him. "He's married Doctor. He forgot me and fell in love with someone else!"

The Doctor looks at him compassionately. "So that's what's wrong."

Jack shoots him a fierce look, which loses its impact because of his tears. The Doctor slings an arm around his shoulders. "Wanna talk about it?"

Jack shakes his head but speaks anyway. "There was an accident. Ianto was in the hospital, in a coma...they thought he might die..." Jack sniffles again. "I asked him to wake up. And he did...but he has a wife and two beautiful little girls…Ianto's a daddy, a dad…and I couldn't...I couldn't...Doctor...he told me..."

"Oh Jack," the Doctor says sympathetically. "I'm so sorry." The Doctor starts to lead him round the corner towards where the TARDIS is parked. "I know it hurts..."

"They're going to hate me," Jack whispers. "I left them."

The Doctor squeezes his shoulders. "They'll understand."

"I don't think they will." Jack looks at him, expression distraught. "I don't know what to do."

"We'll do what we always do Jack." His voice is even, but quieter, sadder than a moment before.

"What's that Doctor?" he asks before he looks at him and understands. The Doctor has been here far longer than he has and he hasn't crumbled. Its made him harder, darker, and Jack worries that that fate awaits him too. The capacity to carry that much darkness and still use it responsibly seems too much of a burden.

"We carry on. We live. Maybe we love." The Doctor forces himself to smile, but Jack can tell its not completely real. "Not each other though!" he tries to raise a smile from Jack but it fails miserably.

Jack frowns. "Maybe its better not to love Doctor. Look what it does to us. What do we do knowing that?"

The Doctor's smile fades and he looks a little lost for a moment. "Maybe we save the world."

***

ENDING 2:

Eleven Years Later

Ianto's black suit is immaculate but today it doesn't matter. He is nearly forty-five and today every year shows. Normally he can pass for a good few years younger, his hair still dark, his face unlined. Still energetic enough to fight weevils full time. But today he feels old. Wrung out from the last week. Car accident. Lightning isn't meant to strike twice. But it has to him. Too many people buried. Too many funerals.
He watches the mourners walk away from the graveside and looks to his two teenaged daughters at his sides. Their eyes are red rimmed from crying. Ianto gives their hands a tight squeeze. He looks to his mother-in-law who steps in to usher them away. He is barely holding on for himself, and he feels terrible that he cannot help them more. He's their dad and he can't help them. Not today. Tomorrow. He will start tomorrow. Today just let him collapse in peace.
In the distance he sees Rhys open the car door for Gwen. Cecilia totters across the grass trying to stop her heels digging in, and glances back once at him, her face blotchy from crying. Ianto can't even cry, he feels frozen. Owen walks to his side and gives his shoulder a sympathetic squeeze. He understands, having been in this exact position five years ago. They refused to have Toshiko Sato-Harper locked away, frozen in some drawer, protocols be damned. Owen fell to pieces for a short while afterwards, got more reckless than ever and Gwen even considered Retconing him for a while. Then one day he was fine. Sad but himself. He never explained what happened.
"I'll be fine Owen." He doesn't recognise his own voice. It's too controlled, too steady to be his.
Owen nods but doesn't move. They stay staring at the pile of earth and flowers until the cemetery is empty of mourners. Then Owen looks sideways at Ianto with sad eyes. "I promised I wouldn't tell you," he says softly, "but I have to now. He came to see me...after Tosh..." he stops, swallows. "After she died he came to talk to me."
That explains a lot, is the first thought that comes to Ianto's mind. "Who did?" Play dumb, starve off the disappointment if it isn't who he thinks.
"Ask him yourself." Owen nods towards the far wall of the cemetery.
Ianto's feet take him towards the strangely out of place blue police box where two men in long coats are standing, before he even thinks about what he is doing. He slows his pace as he sees exactly who it is, as if there was ever any doubt. The man in brown looks at Jack, gives him a brief but heartfelt hug and vanishes inside the box. Jack Harkness walks towards him. They meet about half way, stop six feet apart.
Jack offers a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry Ianto."
"I'm glad you came." Ianto's voice is the same stilted one that he used to Owen to tell him he was fine.
"I had to."
They stare at each other for a long moment. Each looking at the signs the last eleven years have left on the other. Jack doesn't look like he has aged much.
"You look good," Jack says eyeing him.
"Same coat?" Ianto wonders why he said that the moment it comes out of his mouth.
"The one and only."
They share a small smile. Ianto crosses the space and kisses him suddenly, sharply, his hand on the back of Jack's neck pulling him in. I missed you, the kiss says, every day; I remembered you, every hour; I needed you, every minute; I loved you, every moment. They rest their foreheads against each other's, unwilling to move further apart.
"Its the day of her funeral Jack, I can't do this. My girls..." Ianto tightens his fingers into the shoulders of Jack's coat even as he should be pulling away. Maybe this is his choice. To fall apart alone or fall apart with Jack. Neither of which his girls will understand.
"I understand. I'll give you all the time you need." Jack's voice is soft. "Your girls come first."
"Are you back? For good?"
Jack nods. "If you want me to be."
"Yes!" Ianto is shocked by the force of his conviction. "Stay Jack."
"Forever," Jack slips his hand into Ianto's and together they walk across the grass back towards the Torchwood SUV. "I think I'll stay forever."

***