Title: Blame it on the Christmas Fairies
By: sqyd
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, team
Rating: NC17
Warnings: fluffy smut
Spoilers: None
Word count: 2900
Disclaimers: I don't own Torchwood or any of the characters. If I did, I'd take better care of them.
Summary: It's Christmas and the rift is quiet. Naughty things are bound to happen.
Notes: I wrote this fic as Christmas present for the one and only fabulous rootesie, who also beta’d it.

"IANTO!" Jack's voice reverberated through the Hub.

Ianto sighed and headed for the source of the sound. Not fast enough, apparently.

"IANTO!"

"You bellowed?"

"Ianto, why is Janet wearing a red boiler suit?"

"It's Christmas?"

"Bah, humbug! Why would you make Janet wear a red suit?"

"Sir, I seriously hope you aren't suggesting that I play dress-up with our resident Weevil."

"Then who?"

"I have no idea, sir. Ask Owen. He is the King of the Weevils." Ianto turned and left in a huff.

************

Jack was in his office, sitting behind a pile of paperwork that refused to turn to dust, despite his intense wishes. Defeated, he swiveled his chair around to survey his kingdom, his team scurrying around the main Hub. At second glance, they were not scurrying at all, they were more like lollygagging. He knew exactly who was to blame.

It all had started a few mornings previously, when brightly colored Christmas lights had greeted them hanging from walls and railings, adding holiday gaiety to the customary "sewer chic" of the place. Myfanwy had somehow acquired a bell that was cheerfully jingling from her neck whenever she took a lap around the water tower. It was a disgrace.

Jack had been resolutely refusing to acknowledge the holiday season, and had let his team know that some made up holiday that nobody would remember in a few millennia was no reason to forget their responsibilities. Aliens didn't give a hoot about jolly fat men shimmying down chimneys. Even if the rift prediction software had been foretelling a few quiet days, that was no reason for slacking off. There was only one member of his team Jack knew to be capable of not only defying him, but to do it with such stealth. However Ianto Jones had steadfastly denied any involvement.

"It must have been the Christmas Fairies, sir." He had declared.

"That makes absolute no sense, Ianto. None of your demented Christmas traditions involve fairies - I know that for a fact."

"They could be alien."

"Alien fairies?" Jack had gasped at the preposterousness of it.

"Why not, sir? Stranger things have happened." Ianto's eyes had sparkled with the blue innocence of an April sky.

Jack knew better than to believe a word Ianto was saying, especially when he was calling him 'sir'. That night, after everyone else had left, he had put the young man under intense interrogation. Unfortunately, that had not turned out as planned. Somehow, in the middle of the proceedings Jack had found himself handcuffed to his own chair, wearing nothing but a red silk tie that wasn't his. He shifted in his seat at the recollection.

Jack was watching them: his team, hardened defenders of earth, guardians of the rift, mulling around like a bunch of kittens. He watched them perk up as Ianto appeared with a tray of coffee and biscuits. He might as well have given them catnip. Ianto looked up, smiling as he headed towards Jack's office with the blue striped mug. He was wearing his sexy dark suit, without the jacket, revealing the aubergine shirt, dark tie and the waist coat with the dark red back. Jack could feel the touch of silk beneath his fingers just by looking at it.

"Coffee, sir?"

"Ianto, I'm onto your fiendish plan of taking over the world with your coffee."

Ianto just smiled and put a plate of ginger biscuits on the desk. Jack could hear the silk rustling. He sipped his coffee for distraction. He tasted rum.

"Mm, different."

"Danish coffee. I'm experimenting with alcoholic coffee drinks. What do you think?" Ianto came around and sat on the edge of the desk.

"Are you planning on getting me drunk and taking advantage of me?"

"I'm appealing to your experienced palate. I'm afraid the others will drink anything I put in front of them, especially if it's alcoholic."

"So it's my mouth you are interested in. Why didn't you just say so?"

"You are incorrigible, sir." Ianto shifted his rump further down the desk. "...and I am."

"You are what?"

"Planning on taking advantage of you." Ianto took Jack's cup and put it on the desk.

Jack had to shift in his seat again. Suspicion hit him anew.

"It's not like you to ambush me in the middle of the workday, in my office." As matter of fact, it was more likely for him to ambush Ianto in the archives at this hour. He placed a hand on Ianto's knee and started slowly sliding it up along the thigh. "What is your game?"

"I confess." The the young man's pink tongue darted out and licked a lip. "I'm here to distract you." Ianto loosened his tie and slowly pulled it off. Silk swished on cotton; a sensuous promise. "They all have errands to run. Gwen needs to get a few last minute gifts." He was unbuttoning his waist coat. "Tosh needs to pick up a package at the post office." He spread his legs just a little as Jack’s hand reached his groin. His breathing quickened, but he went on. "Owen... I don't know. Needs to do undead things. Zombie support group, I suppose."

Jack caught the sound of a sharp intake of breath as his palm drifted over Ianto's cock. He stood up between the other man's legs, flush with his chest. He glanced out into the Hub and saw it deserted. He bristled at being manipulated (again), but was too aroused not to go on.

"So they sent you in? A lamb to the lion?" His hand, still on Ianto's cock, gave a little squeeze.

"I volunteered." Ianto's breath was hot against Jack's cheeks.

Jack leaned down and kissed him, slowly and thoroughly. He tasted coffee and ginger, bitter, sweet and spicy. Their tongues tangled. He slid his hands on the young man's bum, fingers digging in, pulling him off the desk. They were pressed together close. Ianto was canting his hips against Jack's. Jack nibbled on Ianto's neck, while his hands still had a possessive grasp on those shapely cheeks. Visions of things he wanted to do to them flashed through his mind. He rubbed his hands around the curve of the arse, dipping down into their warm valley. He made a sound that was between a titter and a groan when he realized there was only a single layer of wool between skin and skin. He gave an appreciative squeeze.

"You saucy minx, you went commando."

"Jack, where on, ah... Earth do you pick up these...  idioms? Ianto panted heavily while venturing to undo Jack's belt.

"Oh, no you don't." Jack laughed as he manhandled Ianto against the nearest vertical surface, which happened to be a brick wall. He was hard as rock, but a wicked plan was forming in his head. It was payback time, and Jack had Ianto where he wanted him. Yeah, against the wall was a good spot in more ways than one. He knew how to get back at the willful young man for the lights and jingling pteranodon. He pressed Ianto's palms against the brick and gave him a stern look.

"You keep them there, Ianto, or no cookies." For emphasis he pulled back, and the protesting whines of the young man let him knew he was on the right track.

"Jack, fuck..."

Ianto groaned annoyed, but his pupils were inky dark pools of lust. His hands stayed firmly against the wall. Jack rewarded him by pressing into him again, his thigh against Ianto's overeager erection. He chuckled as the needy rutting resumed. To make up for the loss of his hands, Ianto strained to nuzzle into Jack's neck. Jack let him, while his own hands got busy untucking and unbuttoning Ianto's shirt. He brushed the fabric aside. One of his hands slipped down to Ianto's cock, rubbing it through the fabric. He kneaded down the shaft, rubbed a thumb along the contours of the head. He could feel it throbbing through the wool. His other hand snaked behind Ianto, to the small of his back. He was raking his nails on firm flesh. He bent his head and licked the hollow of Ianto's neck. It tasted like the soft keening sounds the young man made. He nipped and nibbled his way down to one very pert nipple. He teased it with lips, tongue and teeth. He knew Ianto would not last long, and oh, he didn't.

"Jack, damn... I'm... Fuckfuckfuck..." Ianto's cries dissolved into and incoherent garble as Jack redoubled his assault.

Finally the spasms and tremors eased, and Ianto was leaning against the wall, legs trembling. He glowered at the large dark spot on his trousers.

"You bastard, you made me come in my pants!"

Jack chuckled and stepped back, despite his own aching erection, to survey his handiwork. Pitting his lover's obsessive neatness against his equally admirable sex drive was one of his latest kinks. Ianto looked so delicious like that; all untucked and half-unwrapped, mussed and messy.

"The price of self-sacrifice. The others owe you a dry cleaning. One for all, all for one, eh?" Jack felt his smugness was well earned.

"You realize that if we’re the musketeers, that makes you Milady?"

"Could I be Cardinal Richelieu instead? I always wanted to try on a robe."

"I'm sure he wasn't getting much action. Something that could happen to you." Ianto nodded towards the notable bulge in Jack's trousers. There was a flash in his eyes that could have been a real threat.

"You wouldn't do that to me, would you?" Jack gave Ianto the pouty look he knew perfectly well his lover couldn't resist.

Ianto rolled his eyes and headed for the ladder to Jack's room. He looked back.

"Come on you big dork, let's sort you out properly."

************

Jack, barefoot, shirtless, but still with his trousers on, sprawled on his bed, with a naked Ianto mouthing against his erection through layers of cotton and wool. Fingers slipped between his legs to tease his balls. He groaned distressed when the warm pressure left his groin.

"Patience Captain." Ianto chided him, while undoing his belt.

Jack lifted his hips as Ianto pulled his trousers and briefs off down as one. He propped himself up on an elbow to watch Ianto lazily licking a swath along Jack's shaft. Jack moaned softly as the warm, wet muscle twirled around the head, with special attention paid to the frenulum. Damn it, he was thorough. He brushed his fingers through his lover's dark curls, as his head was gently bobbing up and down over Jack's shaft. Jack marveled at Ianto's tenacity to excel in everything he did, from archiving to blow jobs. What really thrilled him though, was the wanton joy Ianto taken in their mutual debauchery.

Jack pulled Ianto up for a hungry kiss.

"If you keep doing that I'll come in any minute."

"Isn't that the point?"

"Mmm... and waste this?" Jack palmed Ianto's half hard cock. He pushed Ianto off him. "On your side." He reached under the pillow for the ever present lube.

Ianto was laying on his right side, left leg pulled up, knee up to his chest.

"Oh, you are beautiful like this." Jack purred, rubbing the ample cheeks. He slipped slick fingers between. Ianto's hip twitched as Jack pushed a finger inside him. He hummed into Ianto's neck. "So hot, so tight, so mine." Another finger was met with hips greedily pushing against his hand. "I'll fuck you senseless, Ianto." Jack murmured. His fingers curled, eliciting shameless moans. He pulled his fingers out, spreading the cheeks as he lined himself up. He pushed inside, gradually, inch by inch. His still slick fingers twined around Ianto's cock.

Jack fucked that delicious arse at a slow, but relentless pace. He was draped over Ianto, their bodies slick with sweat where pressed together, making obscene noises as they moved. Ianto's taut body shivered every time Jack sank his teeth into his shoulder. Jack's hips thrust into the hot, tight oblivion of Ianto till all he could think of was the immediacy of need, want, the grunts, groans, and the writhing of their bodies. His thrusts became erratic and he spilled himself into Ianto, shouting his name. His hand kept stroking Ianto's cock till he came a few seconds later.

************

Jack watched Ianto frowning at his crumpled shirt and soiled trousers. Ianto had always kept extra clothes in his locker by the communal showers, but the last few months he had started stashing spare suits and shirts in the back of Jack's closet too. He was anything if not practical and foresighted. Also, resourceful. That reminded Jack...

"Ianto, you should really get rid of those gaudy lights. It's not befitting a super secret alien fighting organization."

"Firstly Jack, if we were so secret maybe we shouldn't be driving around town in a SUV with a bloody giant Torchwood sign stamped on it. Secondly, I wouldn't dare. The Christmas Fairies would be displeased."

"Humor me Ianto, what do these fairies look like?"

"About five inches tall, translucent, with silvery wings, and very sharp teeth."

"Do they look like little girls?"

"Don't be silly. They look more like toads. With wings. And teeth."

"See, now I know you’re lying. There are no such things."

"Okay, mister know-it-all, you can remove the lights yourself. I won't be held responsible for alien fairies chewing through the electrical wiring, or taking a dump in the coffee machine."

************

One by one, Gwen, Tosh, and Owen filtered back into the Hub, shooting grateful looks at Ianto, who looked all prim and proper, wrapped in a fresh suit. Thankfully, the only person who could ever tell apart one of Ianto's dark suits from the others was Jack. Although his shirt changing from purple to blue was a little bit more obvious. After all, none of them were color blind. Still, not one of them uttered a word about it.

Once the whole team got back from their extra-long lunch, Ianto brought out the eggnog - spiked with brandy, of course. Jack watched from above, his alien fighting kittens purring and rubbing against Ianto as he doled out the latest round of treats. He donned his Cheshire Cat grin and joined them. The next few hours were spent in a haze of recollections of past adventures, and tales of tentacle sex. At half past three, Jack sent them home.

************

"Jack?" There was a hint of nervousness in the melodic Welsh tones, as Ianto leaned against the office door.

"Ianto!" A strange prickle at the back of his neck told Jack that something consequential was about to happen, and he was fated to blunder over some obscure 21st century etiquette, and upset his lover.

"Do you have plans?"

"Hanging out on some rooftops maybe? Unless you want to stay." He waggled his brows suggestively. He wondered if this was the wrong thing to say.

"Actually, I was thinking of taking you home, and spending a quiet evening, void of colorful lights, decorations, or festive music. I could make dinner, and we could watch a movie. Interested?" Ianto stood in the doorway like he was ready to bolt at the slightest hint of rejection.

"I'd like that." Jack replied with a relived grin.

Before they left, Ianto left out a glass of eggnog and a plate of biscuits "for the fairies". Jack thought Ianto was taking the charade a touch too far, but said nothing.

************

Jack didn't do domestic, he told himself. A quiet dinner with his lover, and then sitting on the sofa, watching an old movie was just a change of pace. Ianto looked relaxed and in a good mood, and a happy Ianto meant a happy Jack - and a happy little Jack. The end of the movie found them contently sprawled out, one of Ianto's legs draped over Jack's, who was absentmindedly rubbing the young man's knee.

"I’ve got a present for you." Jack broke the comfortable silence.

"Let me guess, it's in your trousers."

"You wound me, Ianto." He pushed himself off the couch and walked to his coat. He took a small box out of one of the pockets. Flopping back on the sofa, he handed it over.

"Open it."

Ianto's lips curled into a silent 'o' when he opened the box. His long fingers dipped into it and pulled out the antique silver watch hanging from a long silver chain. It was exquisitely crafted, with an engraving of the sun, the moon and stars on the back. Jack spotted it in an antique store while checking on one of their unofficial resident aliens.

"Jack... this is beautiful!"

"I thought after we destroyed the old one, the replacement was never quite up to standard."

"I got you something too. It's less personal, I’m afraid."

Ianto disappeared into the bedroom to return with a medium size box.

Jack opened the box and his eyes lit up.

"Is this what I think it is?"

"I'm pretty sure it is. The gift that keeps on giving."

Jack watched Ianto turn delectably pink. Clearly, he had no idea what he was doing to Jack, handing him such a naughty gift, then blushing like an English rose. Jack wanted to unwrap him, lick him slowly from head to toe, swallow him in whole. This was going to be the best Christmas ever.

************

In the darkened room, lit only by strings of colorful lights, small, vaguely toad-like creatures were gathering around a plate of ginger biscuits. The fluttering of their wings and the hum of the computers were the only sounds to be heard throughout the Hub.


Fin.