Title: The First Taste
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, letter100
Prompt: 60, Chocolate
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones, the Tenth Doctor, or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.

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Dear Doctor,

It's hard for me to sit here writing you a letter when you look so tempting asleep in our bed just a few feet away from me. But I felt like I had to sit down and write this, to let you know how I feel while it's still fresh in my mind and I can get the words written down.

Even now, right after we've made love more than once and I've laid there and watched you sleeping with that sexy little smile on your lips that tells me you're completely satisfied, it's hard for me to put just how I'm feeling into any kind of words that might make sense.

It's always been hard for me to translate feelings into words, especially when it comes to sex. It's easier for me to just show the person what I'm feeling -- but I've been doing that with you for hours already tonight, so it's time for me to try and use words instead of physical acts.

When I'm making love to you, it doesn't seem like words matter at all. The only thing that matters is what we feel for each other, the way our bodies react. All I have to do is look into your eyes to know that you want me -- and that you love me.

That was how I felt tonight, especially the first time we made love and I was tasting you with that massage oil. Right from the first taste, I knew that I was something you enjoyed; you didn't have to make a sound or say a word to let me know how you felt.

I've never had that kind of connection with anybody else. You know that I've literally been with hundreds of people; I might not be all that proud of the fact sometimes, but I'll never deny it. It's part of my past, and a big part of the life that's made me who I am.

But that's all behind me now. I don't want to be with anybody but you, and I never will. Other people don't interest me in a sexual way at all. I might flirt to get information from people if we need it, but that's as far as it would ever go, and I can promise you that.

Would you believe that I've never done anything like that massage oil experiment with anybody else? I've done some pretty weird things with other people, I'm not going to deny it. But there are some things I've never tried out with anybody other than you.

Tasting that chocolate on your skin was a sensual experience that I've never had before. I've never wanted to taste anybody else in the way that I do you. I've never wanted completely possess another person, to make them mine in every way. Never.

What is it about you that makes me feel that way? I don't know, Doc. I've never known .There's just this connection between us that I've never felt with anybody else, something that I can't put into words. I think the only way I can describe it is by calling it love.

"Love" just seems like it's not a big enough or important enough word to describe what I feel for you. Just saying "I love you" doesn't encompass everything that's in my heart and soul. I don't think there's any way that I can ever put those feelings into exactly the right words.

But somehow, I can't help thinking that you know what I'm feeling any time you look at me. It's not just because you're a telepath; there's just something in those beautiful dark eyes of yours that tells me you know those feelings -- because you share them with me.

That's another thing that I've never felt with anybody else. Other people have said they've loved me, and I don't doubt that they have. But nobody's ever loved me completely in the way that you do, and wanted me to become a better man.

Everybody else has just accepted me the way I am, and been ready to end whatever we had when I made up my mind that it was time to end. Some of them have tried to cling to me or change my mind. But you never did that. You let me walk away and stood tall on your own.

That gave me more respect for you than for anybody I've ever known -- and it made me realize just what I was giving up. I knew it the second I walked out the door of the Tardis, but I was too stupid and too proud to admit that I was making the biggest mistake of my life.

That's in the past now; it's all water under the bridge. We've moved beyond our mistakes, and I don't think either one of us is ever going to make that particular one again. We both know how much we need each other -- and how empty our lives are when we're apart.

I don't know how many nights I laid awake in my bed at the Hub, thinking about you and wishing that you were there beside me -- or that I was on the Tardis with you. I wanted you so bad that I could taste it -- and taste you, your body and your kisses.

I've never missed anybody so much, or had so much regret over ending a relationship that wasn't ready to come to a natural end. I ran away, Doctor. I ran away because I was scared of the strength of what I felt for you. I wasn't man enough to face those feelings and embrace them.

Last night only proved to me over again how much I love you, and how much I need you. From the first taste of that chocolate mingling with your skin, I knew that this was the only place I want to be, and that it's always been where I belong. Right here by your side.

I want to come back to bed tonight and wake you up and make love to you all over again. I want to taste you again, without the chocolate coating this time, taste your body and your kisses and breathe your essence and feel you surrounding me.

Why am I sitting here writing a letter when what I really want to do is to make love to you? Besides, I think that I've said all I can say in words. I hope they've made some sense to you -- and I hope that you'll know in your hearts that I've meant every single one of them.

Yours eternally,

Jack

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