Title: Ianto Jones' Five Stages of Grief
By: cameragirl
Pairing: gen & past Ianto/Lisa
Rating: PG13
Summary: Ianto Jones five stages of grief.

***

1. Denial

Denial started the night that Torchwood 1 had been destroyed. The same night that Lisa was turned into a cyberwoman. It was at that very moment that Ianto's mind turned only to hope and determination. He became a slave to the love that she no longer gave him. He was sure he could get the real Lisa back; they would live together and be free of anything Torchwood. It stayed that way until Lisa was finally shot to death by the team.

2. Realization

Realization happened the night Lisa finally died. The night he spent scrubbing the bloody floor, mixing cleaning solution in with his tears. Ianto had denied it but he realized that Lisa had been gone for a long time. He washed the floor all thru till afternoon, when he finally collapsed from exhaustion. The rest of the team had been watching him from the CCTV.

"20 hours." Tosh said quietly.

"He would have kept going if he hadn't been so tired." Gwen whispered, knowing the horror of the truth in what she had said.

"Sad Bastard." Owen muttered. They looked at Jack, the captain with his stone face staring at the unmoving Ianto.

"He stays. Ianto stays." He said firmly. The team nodded, Ianto had his own grieving to go through. He was sorry. They had seen it in his eyes, even when he was threatening them.

Jack averted his eyes when they saw Ianto regain consciousness and continue to scrub the floor. They had to let him be.

3. Anger

All of Ianto's anger was taken out on the floor. He wasn't angry at the team or Jack or Lisa. He didn't know who he was angry at. Whoever had started the war, perhaps? He didn't know.

The only thing Ianto was trying to do was get the stains out of the floor. Anger came in handy for that. He didn't know how long he had been in the basement. He hadn't left yet but couldn't feel whether or not he was weak or tired. Ianto knew he had collapsed at least 4 times before he heard footsteps. The last bit of his anger was resisting Jack Harkness' strong, firm hug. Then Ianto let go and his grieving began.

4. Grief

Ianto was still trying to fight off Jack's arms when the captain started to talk.

"Ianto…Ianto listen to me!" Ianto slowly stopped moving and began to listen. "You've been down here for almost 3 days… you probably don't remember a lot but you've passed out and gotten up quite a few times…Look around Ianto…It's clean." Ianto allowed Jack to pick up his head so he could see the basement. It was clean, unnaturally clean.

Ianto buried his head in his knees and slowly began to cry. He could still feel Jack's hands on his shoulders. Jack got up and brought Ianto upstairs with him. They all talked about Ianto as if he couldn't hear them. He couldn't really though, everything was hazy.

"Malnutrition, sores on his hands from cleaning solution, exhaustion, possible concussion from when he was thrown, made worse by no medical attention." Owen bitterly finished his diagnosis. Jack was only slightly listening; his thoughts were on the memories of that night. Thinking Ianto had drowned and hoping to revive him, one of Jack's life giving kisses.

"Is he going to be ok?" Gwen asked.

"He's strong. We saw him get thrown and survive." Tosh replied.

"Yea, but he has a lot of healing to do. Slow start on food, a lot of rest, I'd say a day or two. Need to check his head, make sure he doesn't pass out. Wrap his hands too." Owen finished and just stared at the open sores on Ianto's hands.

"I'll do it." Jack spoke up quietly, knowing none of the team was eager to stay another minute in the Hub. Within ten minutes, the team had cleared out; leaving Captain Jack Harkness to tend to Ianto, who seemed deeply captivated by the white-washed wall.

"Ianto." Jack tried once to grab his attention but the thought better of it. Let Ianto stay distracted while Jack took care of his sores. But when he started to apply the antiseptic Ianto started and tried to pull his hands away.

"Ianto" was all Jack said and Ianto stopped his struggle and willingly held out his hands to Jack. "Thank You." Jack smiled but it went away when Ianto sharply took in a breath in response to the stinging medicine.

"Sorry." Jack tightly wrapped Ianto's hands until they vaguely resembled white circle blocks of bandage. "How's your head?"

"Aches, sir." The Welshman whispered.

"I'm going to help you get washed and then I'm going you give up a minor sedative so you can at least get some sleep. Don't bother arguing about the sedative." Jack told him before he could open his mouth. "I've made sure it's dreamless." Jack said in a more quiet tone, knowing that's what Ianto was worried about. "You know Ianto, in the few times you've fallen asleep here, I've heard you moaning about Torchwood I and Canary Wharf and Lisa and I looked up her names and she was listed as dead. But, I never even imagined…"

"She's gone."

5. Acceptance

"She's been gone since that night sir. It was stupid and reckless endangerment of me to do that. When do you want my resignation, sir?" Ianto ended softly.

"We can't let you go Ianto. You know most out of the rest of the team. I can't let you leave. I won't let you leave. I'm sorry." Jack put his hands on top of Ianto's wrapped hands. "I've seen you here. You smile. You enjoy it. Your mind was vaguely off Lisa a little at the time. You were happy here and good at what you do. Not making tea or coffee. You know to work the equipment and figure things out and…to fall asleep while people are talking to you…" Jack smiled at the sight of Ianto, who had fallen asleep sitting up.

The captain carried Ianto to one of the bathrooms and carefully washed him down before giving him a sedative. Then he put Ianto in the spare bedroom where he stayed asleep for the next 16 hours. The next time they saw Ianto, he walked into the Hub, suit on, ready to work. He looked up at Jack, standing next to Gwen, and Jack nodded.