Title: The Here and Now
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5
Prompt: 26, Future
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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The Doctor stood by the console of the Tardis, absent-mindedly looking over the readouts. He didn't have any particular place that he needed to go; nowhere that he'd been called to, no place that he really wanted to see. He was just .... here, traveling, wandering aimlessly. As usual.

Only this time, he wasn't alone. Ianto was with him; the man he loved was by his side, not only his lover, but his companion. It was what he'd always wanted -- what he thought he might have had with Jack. But that hadn't lasted, and at this point of his life, he was glad that it hadn't.

He didn't want to think about Jack now. That was in the past, where it belonged. Strange that the man who should be come his lover, his soul mate, also had a past relationship with the immortal. Maybe Jack was destined to be a part of his life in some way, no matter whether they were involved with each other or not.

This was one of the few times that he'd been out here in time and space that he hadn't felt a core of loneliness within himself. Probably the first time, if he was honest with himself. Even when he'd had companions before, he'd always known, somewhere in his consciousness, that they weren't going to be with him forever.

But now .... now he had someone in his life who would be there forever. Well -- not forever, precisely. Ianto was human. He was going to age and die, as any human would. But the Doctor had known that when they'd bonded -- and it hadn't changed his feelings.

It was going to be incredibly hard for him to continue with his life after Ianto was gone from it. But the man he loved would always be a part of him, always be in his heart. He firmly believed that. He had to -- because if he didn't, he would go mad.

The Doctor pushed the thoughts of Ianto's eventual demise and his own gnawing loneliness out of his mind. That wasn't going to happen for a long time; Ianto was going to be here with him for years to come. Maybe he would even be the one to die before his young lover did. It was possible.

And if he regenerated when he was with Ianto? What then? Would Ianto be able to love him if he was in another body? Or would the young man who he'd fallen so desperately in love with turn away from him because he wasn't the same? Just the thought of losing Ianto because of something like that made him shudder. He didn't want to think about it.

But it was a distinct possibility, if something were to happen that wounded this body too much for it to go on. He didn't want that to happen -- not only for Ianto's sake, but because he'd grown used to this body. It was .... attractive. He liked this body. He wanted it to stay the same.

Of course, that wasn't going to happen. His bodies gave out, eventually. They weren't built to last forever. But hopefully, this one would stay with him during his time with Ianto -- and once his lover was gone from this plane of being, it really didn't matter what body he was in, did it?

No. He wasn't going to think about those kinds of things, not now. The Doctor sighed, looking down at the floor and scuffing the toe of one trainer across the surface. Why were these thoughts striking him now, when everything between the two of them was going well? Why would he be having thoughts of loneliness at this point?

Because he knew that it was eventually going to happen. He closed his eyes, trying to push the thoughts away, but knowing that he couldn't. He'd been too lonely for too long; he was used to having those kinds of thoughts assailing him. They were part and parcel of who he was.

Ianto assuaged that loneliness, in a way that no one else ever had, or could. They weren't merely lovers; they were soul mates, destined for each other from the moment of Ianto's birth, meant to be together. The Doctor was more sure of that than he'd ever been of anything. Ianto Jones had been meant for him. Their meeting had been no accident.

He had Ianto now; the loneliness wasn't going to attack him unannounced while his lover was by his side. But once Ianto was gone .... then he would not only have to cope with the crushing loneliness again, but also the fact that his soul had been ripped away from him.

How was he going to deal with that? He'd lost people who he loved before; that feeling of loss and regret was nothing new to him. He'd lost an entire planet; people who he'd loved, places that he'd thought would always be there. He'd lost his home, and managed to live through it.

But the thought of losing the one person in the galaxy who was closest to him, the one who had been meant for him from the moment of their conception -- that was something entirely different. That was a loss of such magnitude as to be almost inconceivable.

He didn't want to think about that eventuality. It wouldn't happen for a long time -- a very long time, he told himself, taking a deep breath and pushing the thought away. Ianto was going to be with him for years yet. Decades. It might not seem like a long time to him, given his life span -- but he was going to make the most of every second.

Where was Ianto, anyway? Somewhere on the Tardis, of course; probably still asleep in their bed. The Doctor hadn't been able to sleep, not with all these thoughts troubling him; he'd come into the control room so he wouldn't wake Ianto with his restless tossing and turning.

Perhaps wandering around the ship in his pajamas wasn't the best idea he'd had, he thought ruefully, looking down at himself. He wasn't exactly dressed to impress at the moment. Not that his lover minded, though; his lips curved into a smile at the thought. No, Ianto actually preferred him undressed. He'd made that very clear from the beginning of their relationship.

Hmmm. Should he go back to bed, slide under the covers next to Ianto and try to fall asleep again? He didn't think he'd be able to, not with all the thoughts that were pressing into his mind. And he didn't want to wake his young lover -- Ianto needed his rest.

He looked towards the corridor that led to the bedroom he and Ianto shared on the Tardis, catching his lower lip between his teeth. He really shouldn't bother Ianto; he was fully awake, and he doubted that he would be able to fall asleep again any time soon, even with the comforting presence of his lover by his side.

But .... he'd spent the last little while thinking about how lonely he'd always been. And when he was beside Ianto, that loneliness disappeared, as though it had never existed. It was swept away, banished to some far-off place, kept at bay by the reassurance of knowing that he was loved.

So why should he keep himself away from the one man who could make that loneliness go away? It was ridiculous for him to be standing here by himself when he could be in bed with the man he loved, held in those strong arms, safe and warm and protected.

A smile spread over his face at the thought of slipping into bed and surprising Ianto; he could close his eyes and imagine how it would feel to snuggle against that warm body, to nudge Ianto awake and feel those arms sliding around him, those soft, warm lips on his, those hands moving over his skin, removing his clothes ....

He shivered slightly, rubbing his hands along his arms. It wasn't usually chilly in the Tardis; maybe this was her way of telling him to go to Ianto, to crawl into their bed and give himself the pleasure of being beside the man he loved. It wouldn't be the first time she'd done something like that.

"All right, all right," he murmured, smiling as he looked around him. "You win. I should stop thinking about things that are beyond my control and start concentrating on him more. And I should probably listen to you more than I do."

The lights in the control room dimmed a bit, then became brighter than ever, as though the Tardis was agreeing with him. With a soft laugh, the Doctor headed for the corridor, hurrying to his bedroom, his hands working at the buttons on his pajama shirt as he went.

By the time he reached the bedroom, his shirt was off, discarded in the hallway somewhere. He didn't remember where he'd dropped it, and he really didn't care. The only thing he could think of at the moment was being in bed beside Ianto, letting his lover hold him, touch him, kiss him. He needed to be close to his love, to chase away all the thoughts that had been plaguing him.

The moment he pulled back the covers, Ianto's eyes snapped open; he blinked a few times, then a slow smile spread over his features as he held out his arms to the Doctor. "I didn't know you'd gotten up, love. You must be cold. Come here, let me warm you up a bit."

The Doctor slid beneath the blankets, pulling them up around his shoulders and gratefully burrowing into Ianto's embrace. "It is a bit chilly -- but I believe that's just the Tardis' way of telling me that I should be here with you, rather than wandering around aimlessly," he said softly, letting himself relax in his boyfriend's arms.

"And just why were you wandering around?" Ianto asked, his tone curious and a bit worried. "If there's something bothering you, then you should tell me about it, love. I want to know if there's anything on your mind that i might be able to help you with."

The Doctor didn't hesitate; he shook his head, closing his eyes and sighing softly in contentment. "I've come to the realization that a lot of the worries I have are things that I don't need to worry about. I suppose I needed time to come to that conclusion."

"Want to tell me about them?" Ianto asked softly, bowing his head to press his lips against the Doctor's soft mouth. "Or would you rather just let them fade away? If they're important, I'd like to know -- but only if you feel that you can tell me."

The Doctor shook his head, still smiling. "No, it's all right, love. They're things that have worried me for years before I met you -- things that became null and void when you came into my life. I don't need to think about them any more. Not now that I have you."

Ianto nodded, his blue-grey eyes still concerned, but not voicing what he felt. If the Doctor needed to talk about these things with him, then he would, the young man reasoned. There was no need to push him. Ianto already knew from experience that pushing the Doctor would only lead to them quarreling -- and he didn't want the past to be repeated.

"You know I'm here, if you ever feel like you need to talk about anything," he said, keeping his voice soft and reassuring. "Anything at all, Doctor. That's part of what I'm here for, you know. To listen, and to try and help you with whatever you need."

"You do enough just by being here with me," the Doctor told him, his dark gaze locking with Ianto's. "You take away the loneliness I've always felt, Ianto. Not just for a brief time, the way everyone else in my life has done. You sweep it all away as though it was never there."

He resolutely pushed away the thought that Ianto wasn't always going to be here. Ianto was here now, holding him, giving him the security that he'd always craved and never thought he would have. Maybe it wouldn't always be here. But for now, it was.

"You're never going to be lonely," Ianto whispered into his ear, pulling the Doctor more closely against him and molding the Time Lord's slender body to his. "Not while I'm here. That's a thing of the past, Doctor, a thing you won't have to contend with again." His hands were exploring the Doctor's body as he spoke, moving down his back, eliciting a soft moan from the Time Lord.

As long as he had Ianto, that loneliness would be held at bay. He wasn't going to think about the distant future, the time when he would be without Ianto and that loneliness would come around to crush him again. It was in the future. Far in the future. Too far to be of any consequence now.

He had to learn to take each day as it came, one at a time, and enjoy the time he had with Ianto. It might not be forever -- but as Jack had told him, forever was highly overrated. It was the here and now that mattered.

And he was going to start enjoying the here and now at this very moment, he thought as Ianto's lips came down on his again, those soft, gentle hands moving down his body. Oh yes, he was going to be enjoying himself very much indeed.

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