Title: Heroes Are Hard To Find
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: R
Table: 3
Prompt: 27, Hero
Author's Note: Continuation of Scream For Absolution.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

Some hero he was, Ianto thought, curling himself in the chair next to his bed. The Doctor was still sleeping, though Ianto couldn't blame him -- not after what he'd been through with the Master. He himself hadn't been through nearly as traumatic an experience, yet he still felt drained from it all.

The Doctor had suffered the most from those hours with the Master -- Ianto was surprised that he didn't still have the whip welts and bruises to show from the beating he'd received. He knew about the Time Lord's ability to heal himself at a rapid rate, of course, but the torture that the Master had inflicted on his body .... Ianto still shuddered to think about it.

And what had he done? He'd been forced to stand there and watch, be a witness to the Doctor's pain as the Master had alternately beaten and raped the man he loved. He'd been reduced to screaming, pleading, begging for it to stop -- giving up his dignity, his humanity, in a desperate effort to spare the Doctor more suffering. All in vain.

He'd fully expected the Master to sate himself with the Doctor, and then turn to him afterwards and do the same with him. He'd been fully prepared for the violation, almost feeling that he deserved it for his inability to help the Doctor. But it hadn't happened. Instead, the Master had left them there, after freeing Ianto.

His wrists still ached from the cuffs, from being chained above his head for so long. Hours? Days? He wasn't sure how long they'd been held captive there. He hadn't spoken to anyone in the time they'd been back. It had only been a day since he'd managed to get them back to his home, nearly collapsing more than once on the way there.

But now they were safe, behind locked doors in his apartment. The Doctor had slept through the day, the welts and bruises disappearing from his skin within a matter of hours. At least his body didn't bear the lasting scars of what he'd been through -- but Ianto was sure that there were scars under the surface, deeper wounds that couldn't be seen by the naked eye.

His own body would bear the bruises from his struggle with the Master for a while, and he hoped that the Doctor wouldn't question him too much about them. It was hard enough for him to admit that he hadn't been able to do anything to help his love, without the Doctor knowing that he'd been utterly useless in spite of his efforts to do something.

Ianto winced as he stretched his arms experimentally, feeling his muscles groan and protest the movement. He'd been beaten, but not nearly as badly as the Doctor had been, and he'd escaped the sexual violation. Still, it was strange that the Master had stripped him naked and not taken him ....

He shook his head, trying to clear away the memories. It was over, over and done with, and they'd both survived the encounter. No thanks to him, Ianto thought bitterly, wishing that he'd been able to do more than helplessly watch and beg the Master to stop hurting the Doctor -- and listening to the vile laughter of the monster who'd defiled his love.

At least the Doctor didn't seem to be too much the worse for wear, he told himself, looking at the Time Lord's face, pale against the dark pillowcases. He'd been almost too weak to walk, but Ianto had managed to get them out of the warehouse they'd been held captive in, using his cell phone to call a cab to take them back to his apartment building.

Appearances could be deceiving, an inner voice thundered in his head, making him want to press his hands to his ears and deny the words. He wanted the Doctor to be all right, wanted to forget about what had happened to them, wanted to push it all away. He wanted to let it go.

But that was impossible. It was something he'd have to live with -- what he'd seen, what he'd been forced to witness, and the bitter knowledge of his own inability to make it stop. The Master had taunted him with words, told Ianto that he could stop the Doctor's pain, that all he had to do was to say the words that the Master had wanted to hear.

And he hadn't known those words. Hadn't known what to say.

The Doctor's suffering was his fault. Everything that the Time Lord had been through was due to him. Hero? He ran his hands over his face, the word echoing in his head. No. Loser, that was more like it.

If only he'd known what the Master wanted to hear, had any inkling of what that psychopath had insisted that he say, then he could have brought it all to an end. But he'd only stood there, adding his screams and pleas to the Doctor's agonized cries, struggling in vain againt his physical bonds until he thought he would go mad.

The realization of what the Master had wanted crashed into his mind with the force of a train wreck.

Had the Master wanted .... him? Had he wanted Ianto to offer himself up in place of the Doctor? Could he have ended the Doctor's suffering by giving that monster free rein over his own body?

If that was the case, he would have done it in a second. Anything to keep the Doctor from being violated as cruelly as he had been.

It didn't matter that the Doctor had intimated that he'd suffered the pain and indignity of rape before. If it was something that he could have prevented from happening, Ianto would gladly have surrendered himself, body and soul, damn the consequences.

But there was no use castigating himself for what he'd done -- or, in this instance, hadn't done. It was over and done with, and they were safe in his apartment. The time for self-recrimination wasn't now, when they were both still recovering from the experience.

No, there would be time enough for that later, when he was alone and could take his self-hatred out on his body. He didn't need to betray that weakness in front of the Doctor, not now when his love needed him to be strong.

Ianto's fists clenched at his sides, his teeth sinking into his lower lip. He wasn't going to let the Doctor down again. The next time that the Time Lord needed him to be strong, he'd be there. No matter what it took.

He wouldn't be caught unprepared again. From now on, he would be on his guard at all times.

The next time the Doctor was threatened, he would be a hero. No matter what the consequences might be to himself.

***