Title: Hotdog
Author: bigtitch
Rating: PG
Pairing: gen
Disclaimer: I don't own these guys. And anyway, it's all RTD's fault. If he hadn't created Captain Jack I wouldn't be writing this.
Note: Take six fangirls, put them together for a weekend in Manchester, add alcohol, Collectormania, squeeing and sleep deprivation and what do you get? Crack!fic. We came up with the theory that there might be foods you didn't want Captain Jack to eat. This fic is the result. It's also Katja's birthday present, but she graciously said I could share it. Thanks to Katja, Faith, Margaret, Amanda and Chris for the original idea.
Summary: Gwen discovers there are some foods you just don't give Captain Jack Harkness to eat.

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Instant Messenger Transcript
[Ianto invites Toshiko, Owen to a conversation]
Ianto: Guys
Ianto: GUYS!!
Toshiko: Yes
Owen: Wassup?
Ianto: Gwen's on her way down.
Owen: So?
Ianto: She's got a hotdog. FOR JACK!
Owen: JEsus
Toshiko: OMGWTF!1!
Toshiko: Couldn't you stop her?
Ianto: I tried to warn her. But he asked for it special
Ianto: He is the boss, you know
Owen: I'm on my way up, I'll bring the brandy
Toshiko: Me too
Ianto: I'll switch off the cameras to Jack's office.
[Owen has left the conversation]
Toshiko: Good idea. Poor Gwen.
Ianto: I told her to just lob it in from the door. What else can I do?
[Toshiko has left the conversation]

+++

Five minutes later, in reception, a white and shaking Gwen was being helped to a chair by Owen, while Ianto poured out a generous measure of brandy and Toshiko hovered around looking anxious.

"Well, after seven years in the police I thought I'd seen everything," Gwen said. "But I have never seen anything like that! That's just wrong!"

"Tell me about it," Owen said. "I had three years in A&E and I had seen everything. But I didn't know I was naive 'til I saw Jack Harkness eat a hotdog."

"How much did you see?" Toshiko asked.

Gwen shuddered, grasping the glass of brandy like it was a lifeline. "Too much," she said. "It's not so much what he does with the hotdog. It's... it's..."

"How much he enjoys it!" they all chorused.

"I did try and warn you," Ianto said.

"You've all seen this before?" Gwen half-asked, half-accused.

"I made the mistake of bringing some in for all of us one night when we were working late," Ianto looked off into the distance at something traumatic and shuddered. "Never ever again. I still get flashbacks!"

"I took me three months before I could look at a sausage without blushing," admitted Toshiko.

"We had to take Suzie outside and hose her down with cold water," Owen said.

"Well, all I can say is, that it's going to be a long while before I can face tomato ketchup again," said Gwen.

Ianto patted her shoulder. "It'll take time, but we will forget eventually" he said, consolingly.

"I hope so," said Toshiko.

The End

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