Title: Images of Heaven
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: Buffet 2, fc_smorgasbord
Prompt: 20, Elusive
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.

***

Jack turned over in bed with a sigh, looking down at the man sleeping in his arms. The Doctor seemed to need more rest lately than he used to, but that was probably Jack had been physically wearing him out on a daily basis.

He couldn't help but smile at that thought; he'd barely been able to keep his hands off the Doctor since they'd been reunited and had left Earth behind. But then, he could hardly be blamed for not being able to stay away from such a gorgeous man.

How had he kept himself away for so long? He'd known within himself that he wasn't happy; but he had managed to lie to himself and everyone around him, saying that Torchwood was enough to satisfy him when he knew damn well it wasn't the truth.

He'd had enough of lying to himself. He should have faced up to the truth long ago -- that he'd made the biggest mistake of his life when he'd walked away from the man he loved. Well, at least he'd rectified that mistake now.

Thank goodness he had, thought Jack, pressing his lips against the softness of the Doctor's hair. If he hadn't, he would still be on Earth, an empty chasm in his soul, still lying to himself about his feelings for the man who now nestled safely in his arms.

The Doctor had been so elusive over the time they'd been apart; he hadn't come back to Earth, and Jack had been left wondering where he was, if he was safe, if he was happy -- and if he still thought of his former lover with the same regret that Jack felt.

It had been a surprise to find the Doctor again -- the most welcome surprise he could possibly have had. He hadn't really planned on leaving Torchwood so soon, but it was time. And he'd had no choice this time around but to follow his heart.

His dreams had given him glimpses of the Doctor over the time they'd been apart -- images of a heaven that had once been within his grasp, a state that he'd thought he would never attain again. And now that he had it back, he wasn't going to let go.

That heaven had somehow been given to him again; Jack didn't know just what he'd done to deserve it, but he was more grateful than he could say to have a second chance, even if it was unlike him to show that to the outside world.

He was used to smiling and acting flippant, being nonchalant about any kind of disappointment that might happen to come his way. He never let people see how he felt inside; if they did, he was quick to cover up those emotions with his characteristic gruffness.

But the Doctor knew differently. This man had seen inside his soul more than once; that was why he'd felt that he had to turn and walk away from the Time Lord, even when everything in him was screaming that he should stay.

He'd only been given a brief glimpse of the heaven he could have with the Doctor when they'd been together before; he hadn't let himself focus on just how happy he'd been. He'd always been striving for more, not content with all that he already had.

Those images of heaven had flickered before his eyes every night when he'd gone to bed looking up at the stars and thinking about the Doctor; there had been so many times that he'd had to press his hand to his chest to stop his heart from aching.

He had known almost as soon as he turned to walk out of the Tardis that he was making a mistake. If only he hadn't been so damn proud and had turned around and admitted to his mistake, then he wouldn't have wasted so much time that they could have been together.

Time was something they had a lot of, wasn't it? Jack smiled to himself, his arm tightening around the slender man curled up at his side. He wasn't going to waste any more of it; from now on, he was staying right here, where he belonged.

Maybe it was for the best that he'd left for a while, a voice piped up in the back of his mind, trying to assuage the guilt he felt for abandoning the Time Lord. Maybe he'd needed that time away from the Doctor to really appreciate all that he'd had.

Or maybe he'd just done it as a kind of twisted revenge, to pay the Doctor back for leaving him so long ago. True, the Time Lord had been in a different body then, and he'd had other priorities. He'd been a different man, more secretive, more elusive emotionally.

Jack hadn't really known him as well then, even though he'd thought differently at the time. The Doctor had still been eaten up by misery and guilt; he hadn't really come to terms with the destruction of his home and the fallout from that tragedy.

He still felt that guilt; he'd still been riddled with it when he and Jack had been together. But he was slowly learning to get past it, and he seemed to be making his way out of the maze that pain and guilt had trapped him in for so long.

Now they had a chance to start over -- no, not start again, but build on the relationship they'd had before and make it better, Jack told himself, his inner voice firm and strong. He wasn't going to be stupid enough to throw away everything he'd been given. Not this time.

That elusive heaven that he'd ached for when he was on Earth and pretending that Torchwood was enough to satisfy him was finally his. He'd been an idiot to walk away from it; he'd spent far too long hating himself for that folly.

He'd grown a lot in the time that he'd been away from the Doctor. He'd learned more about compassion, softness, being human. Funny how an alien had taught him that he had to explore that side of himself; it was because of the Doctor that he was letting his humanity come to the surface.

Jack looked down at the man in his arms, a smile crossing his face before he realized it. This was his paradise, his image of heaven. The image that he'd kept in his head and his heart ever since he'd walked out of the Tardis on that fateful day.

Fate had brought him back to the man he loved. And this time, he was going to stay right where he was. He'd learned the folly of throwing away his happiness, and he wasn't going to let himself be such an impulsive idiot again.

The images of heaven that had played through his mind for all the time that he and the Doctor were apart were now in front of his eyes, and he didn't want to lose sight of them. If he did, he was sure that he'd never have another chance to recover them.

He was lucky that he'd been given this chance, Jack thought, feeling his heart seem to swell in his chest. He'd gambled that he would get lucky, and fate had smiled on him. But he knew that this chance wasn't going to be granted again.

He'd had enough of trying to convince himself that he was some kind of stone statue who didn't have a heart and desires that went along with that heart. He'd gotten fairly good at doing that, but it had always been an act, not who he really was.

Now, he could let the facade fall; he could be himself and be loved and accepted for exactly who he was -- no more, no less. No more holding himself aloof, trying to ignore the ache in his heart, the emptiness that formed a yawning chasm on all sides.

That emptiness wasn't there any more. It was filled by the presence of the man at his side -- the man he wanted to spend eternity with. And it would be a very long eternity, Jack told himself with another inward smile. He'd make sure of that.

This life he led with the Doctor might not look like much to anyone on the outside, and it might seem like the furthest thing from heaven to most people. But to him, all of his elusive images of heaven had burst into glorious life -- and this time, he was never going to let them go.

***