Title: He is Captain Jack Harkness
By: goetterdaemmerung
Pairing: Jack/(real)Jack Harkness
Rating: PG
Summary: When the past meets one's future, what do you do?

***

To the fading strains of the orchestra, I look back into the eyes of him, the eyes of the strongest man I have ever met, the man I wished I could be, the man I want to be…

Sitting there with Tosh's hand in mine, her unquestioning support clear, her confusion submerged by the dawning realisation of me. Of him.

I glance across the dance floor seeking those eyes. His eyes that promise so much, permission given regardless of what his body and mind may say. I know him, or should I say I know his history, his entire life to this point, but I don't know the man. It is tonight that I see him and know that he and I are meant to be one.

Looking back to Tosh, I feel his eyes bore into the back of my head, needing to know what our connection is. He will never know my name, he can't, it is simply not possible. I am him and fortunately for him, he is not me.

I look back into his eyes, haunted by the unknown and guilt ridden with the knowledge that he has led his girl on. I cringe internally at this, I sent him after her even though I knew, Christ I knew.

That poor girl who thinks that Jack is hers, thinks that Jack will always be there for her, thinks that his heart will be for her alone.

I snort at this, I'd even find pity for her, that is if it wasn't for the fact that I am competition, well for tonight anyway. If he was to live through tomorrow, I wouldn't be the competition, but other men would be. She'd never stand a chance.

One thing about this god forsaken century, well not only one thing but still, how can people live within these dogmatic strictures, imposed from an external source, denying the simple human fact of sexuality. Things were much easier back in the good old days, the fifty first century that is.

I tune back into Tosh and I know that we have to return back to the twenty first century, but a part of me wants to stay until the morning. She knows that I am tuning her out; the girl is not stupid, not stupid at all, although she does need to get a life, well, as much as any of us have one.

He looks back over here and I can see what he wants and his intentions a split second before the telltale miniscule shift of his body indicates movement. Out of my peripheral vision I note everyone dancing cheek to cheek and I know he has made his mind up. Jack is coming for me.

Looking back to Tosh, our hands still intertwined, I sense before I feel his hand on mine as he slowly breaks Toshi's grip from my hand and places his in it's place. His nervousness is clear from the slight sweat on his palm and the miniscule tremors passing through his hand to mine as he lifts our hands and gently pulls me up and out onto the floor.

He is one handsome man with his angular jaw and aquiline nose, hair that begs to be mussed and lips slightly swollen from him biting them in his indecision to act. I'll give him this though, once he makes up his mind to act, boy does he. In the middle of The Ritz dance floor in 1941 and in front of his squadron he has the balls to take another man by the hand and lead him to the dance floor.

THIS is the strength of man, THIS is the measure of all men, he who dares and he who does and by god he dares and does for me.

It has been many years since I have felt anything remotely resembling the faint stirrings of a heart and it has been many more years since those stirs were of my own lump of flesh. Lust, well of course, but this time there is lust, respect and admiration on both sides. I don't want to go back, not yet, not now.

Feeling his arms wrap around me I know this is not only his need to try this once before he goes, he is making a statement, to me, to himself and to every other person in this room.

"This is me, this is Captain Jack Harkness." Little does he know that he is speaking for both of us.

I stretch my hand along his shoulder and softly caress, revelling in the sheer physical closeness of him. He has broad shoulders, maybe even broad enough to support me and the knowledge that I have of him. I am Captain Jack Harkness and this man here before me is the original mould.

Cheek to cheek we dance. Slowly revolving on the dance floor, slowly clearing of others as we continue to move caught between time. He has incredible eyes, eyes that catch you unawares and trap you there with their gaze. His breathing is becoming more ragged as we continue to stare at each other, everyone else forgotten as we move our lips closer together. His breath hitches and he turns his face upwards towards mine.

I can feel the rift activate behind us and can hear Tosh calling me to hurry before it closes.

"I have to go, it's my duty" I say as I let my hands drop from his face and slowly step back towards the rift. Looking at Tosh waiting impatiently from me I step towards the rift, one step, two.

I have to look at back Jack and I freeze. I can't leave without acknowledging his strength, I can't leave without tasting his lips, tasting the man he is and the man I will be known as.

Reaching out towards Jack I close the distance between us and hold his face within my hands and draw him into a kiss.

Calling it a kiss is like calling a Monet painting pretty, does neither justice. There is no desperate mashing of lips or exhaled words of love. It is simple and complex all at once, I can taste his essence and it is as pure as the time stream itself. It is not a ferocious attack on each other nor is it a childish peck. It is a greeting, a farewell, it is everything you can experience in a lifetime compressed into one shared moment of physical expression.

He is Captain Jack Harkness and he lives on within me, as me, for me.

***