Title: A Matter of Life and Death
By: Jessie Blackwood
Pairing: Jack/Ianto & Ianto/OFC
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: het, angst, out of character Ianto, AU
The Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters (wish I did), or anything else to do with Torchwood, I have no intent to infringe any rights, etc. If you recognise it, I don’t own it…
Spoilers for CoE, well, sort of anyway, and not that it matters now anyway, who hasn't seen it?
Summary: I wrote this ages ago, right after CoE actually. Hated the end of that. So, this is an AU version of events contemporary with CoE but certain characters are not dead, because they shouldn’t be, so here’s my take on things. If the procedures, etc., are not quite accurate, please feel free to advise as I am not a doctor, but if the tv can get away with it, then hopefully so can I. It’s a bit of fluffy relationship stuff anyway, so what the heck… I really am not sure about this one, I think its not my best but here goes anyway.

His deeply in-drawn breath shocked the people who surrounded his bed, sufficient to bring them closer. All, that is, except one, who probably couldn’t get any closer if he tried. Eyelids fluttered. The light was too bright, it hurt his eyes. Several rather horrible smells assailed his too-sensitive nose, making him feel sick. He was dizzy, disorientated, his ears felt as if someone had stuffed them with cotton wool. He caught a brief uncomprehending glance at a mass of wires and tubes attached to his body, a drip attached to the back of his left hand. He was hooked up to beeping monitors with alarming flashing lights. Ohmygodwherewerethechildren…?!

“Ianto! Can you hear me? Ianto…?” a man’s voice, very far away.

“Jack, don’t distress him” the voice was female, calm, gentle, cutting through Jack’s panicky urgency “Ianto love, we’re here, you’re not alone, wake up when you’re ready, ok?”

It was such a struggle to open his eyes. Where the hell was he…? Oh God, the children! Were the children safe?

“Did…did you…?” his voice lacked strength, came out as little more than a whisper. Someone caught his flailing hand and held it firmly.

“What? Did we what?” Jack asked, concern etched on his face.

“Jack?” he knew who it was now, the voice, the hands “Are they…are they…safe?” he started to cough, a hard racking cough that shook his whole body. He dragged in a desperate breath, looked around wildly, then moaned “Ohhh God…” and clutched at his stomach. Jack grabbed a bowl from the bedside table and shoved it under Ianto’s nose just in time. Gwen pursed her lips, trying not to show her distaste, as Rhys let out a sigh.

“Well, what can you expect?” he demanded “He’s ill, poor bugger”

Pragmatically, Jack held Ianto’s head until he was sure he had finished throwing up, then removed the bowl and laid him back against the pillows again.

“Ianto, who are you talking about? Is who safe?” he felt Jack’s fingers gently brushing his damp hair, then those same fingers laced through his, desperately wanting to give him some of his own strength.

“The children…did you save them?” this time, his voice had just enough strength for them all to hear. Non-plussed, Jack looked at the others but everyone looked as blank as he. Gwen shrugged, glanced at Rhys who shook his head. Andy, who was standing by the door on guard duty, frowned and said “Well, don’t look at me, how would I know? You never tell me anything anyway” He had been the one to bring them the news when Ianto had been brought into the hospital.

“Ianto, who is in danger?” Jack asked again, trying to keep his voice calm.

“The children…” Ianto began to sound desperate.

“What children?”

“All of ‘em, everybody’s…” how could Jack not know? It made no sense!

“Its OK, you rest easy” Jack patted his shoulder gently “They’ll be safe, I promise” he looked at his stricken lover and frowned, having no clue what he was talking about.

“He’s delirious Jack” Gwen said softly, laying a comforting hand on her boss’s shoulder “The nurse said he might be confused when he came round”

Jack covered her hand with his own and nodded “Just wish I knew what he was so upset about. Why are children in danger?”

The noise of hurrying feet reached them from the corridor and Andy’s “Oh, there you are” was followed closely with the door opening to admit a breathless Toshiko with Owen in tow. They took in the room at a glance and Tosh’ said “Sorry we’re so late, we only got Gwen’s message an hour ago” Her expression on seeing Ianto was almost as worried as Jack’s.

“Held up on the M4” Owen admitted “Bloody traffic. How’s our Tea Boy?” he stepped to the bedside and began a rapid series of checks on his vital signs.

“Not good, he’s rambling” Jack told him “Something about children being in danger…”

At that moment the door opened again and they all looked around as a doctor came in, a woman in her late thirties, dressed in a long white coat, looking worn and tired. There were grey streaks in her dark hair, lines at the corners of her eyes. She took in the scene in one glance – Jack sitting on one side of the bed holding Ianto’s hand, Tosh on the other side holding his other hand, Owen close behind her checking the monitors, Gwen and Rhys arm in arm near the door. “What the hell are you all doing here? You shouldn’t have been let in”

“I’m sorry, we’ve a tendency to ignore barriers” Jack said gently “especially when a friend of ours is involved”

“That’s as maybe but we haven’t yet established what’s wrong with him” she sighed, exasperated.

“Whatever he has, we’ve all been exposed anyway” Jack told her, ignoring the worried looks the rest gave him, apart from Owen who was nodding in agreement “We were working with him all last week”

When she looked at Ianto, Jack noted the compassion that softened her features. She walked across to stand beside Jack and looked down at her patient “Hey there, Beautiful” she said gently “You had us worried there for a while. How do you feel?” She took hold of his wrist, feeling for the pulse. Ianto didn’t answer, his blue eyes blank. Jack looked up at her and said “he’s awake, he’s just been sick and he’s not making sense”

“Just now? Well I won’t say I wasn’t expecting it”

“He was asking about children” Jack said.

“Hmm, he’s been rambling about children off and on since he was brought in. He wasn’t specific about them, just that they were in danger, but we had a deal of trouble reassuring him. His temperature was off the scale”

“That can cause confusion, even hallucinations” Owen offered and the doctor glanced at him and nodded, then asked Jack to vacate the bed before proceeding to examine her patient thoroughly, listening to heart and lungs, probing his belly with gentle fingers, looking into eyes and ears and taking his temperature and blood pressure. She talked to him all the while, explaining what she was doing, calmly and firmly. She checked the monitors, noted all the results down on the chart at the end of the bed, then turned her attention back to Jack.

“So, you work with him, yes? What can you tell me about his behaviour last week”

“His behaviour?” Jack frowned “Normal, for Ianto”

“I sent him home early on Friday” Owen said “He had flu”

“Well, the good news is he began to get better yesterday, although he had no symptoms other that the temperature. We’ve done the blood work and that came up with nothing, no virus, no infection, nothing abnormal” she shrugged “It looks like he’s continuing to recover on his own now. Although he’ll no doubt be very weak, very tired and probably confused and disorientated for a while yet, so don’t expect too much. If he doesn’t know who you are, don’t worry. Just reassure him, OK?” she took in all of them with a glance “But I don’t want you exhausting him, am I clear?” she received nods all round “Good” then she lowered her voice and drew Jack and Owen to one side of the room, away from the bed “I have to say he’s probably going to take quite a while to recuperate fully. Tell me, are you in touch with his family?”

“Why?” Owen asked but Jack cut across him.

“We’re his family” he said firmly.

The doctor glanced at him with an assessing look then said “You ought to understand that there’s a chance he might not recover fully”

“What do you mean?” the concern in Jack’s voice deepened “I thought you said he was recovering on his own”

“Oh he is, and very well too. We put him on antibiotics just in case of secondary infections, but you must remember he’s been though a tough time. It was touch and go for a while” she took a deep breath and said “I’m afraid we nearly lost him, he flatlined on us. His temperature was so high he had a seizure” Jack flinched on hearing that piece of information “I just want you to remember his brain has taken a hammering from the fever, even if we don’t know what caused it. Its really too soon to tell how well he’ll recover” She shrugged “He was unconscious when they brought him in and the paramedics said he looked like he lived alone. At least they said there was no evidence of anyone else living with him. He must have just got worse and been unable to call anyone. That’s why we were confused about the children, we wondered if he was talking about his own kids but that didn’t fit with the paramedics’ observations. Does he have any children? Is he divorced?”

“Jack is Ianto’s partner…” Gwen offered. She had sidled over to find out what was being said. Jack looked guiltily back in Ianto’s direction and Gwen added “Jack is head of our…department. We’re very understaffed…” she defended “Owen sent Ianto home with the flu’ on Friday, but he seemed to be getting better…nobody thought anything of it. We work very long hours and we didn’t have time to check on him.”

“I have to admit, we’ve tried every test we know. We still don’t know exactly what caused it” she said “Its lucky he has a vigilant neighbour and he obviously wasn’t lying ill for too long if you say he went home on Friday. However, he’s going to need 24 hour care when he does go home, at least for the first few days. Has he anyone he can stay with?”

“Me, I’m his partner, I’ll look after him” Jack said hastily “this time, I won’t leave him alone, you can be sure of that”

The Doctor smiled “I’m sure you won’t” she said confidently.

Owen frowned “I think I might know what caused this” he said into the silence “I didn’t fucking see it! We’ve been so wrapped up in chasing…” he stopped, remembering where he was “…troublemakers… I never thought we might be attacked by something so…normal!”

Jack looked at him “Well?” he prompted “you going to let us in on the secret?” Owen was looking distinctly uncomfortable.

“Sorry, yes, er… well…” he said, then made exaggerated eye movements towards the doctor.

“Retcon” Jack said pointedly “Just share, Owen, we can worry about that later”

“Vektoan Influenza” he said succinctly “Remember that slimeball of an amphibian that came through the Rift a few weeks ago? The one that washed up in Cardiff Bay, scared everybody into that panic about radiation causing mutations?” he shook his head “We had to retcon so many traumatised kids that day…” he dragged his attention back “Where was I? Yes, well, when you, Gwen and Tosh were all at that conference last week, you left me running tests. I realised it was carrying some kind of viral infection so I cross-matched samples with all known samples from Torchwood archives as usual, came across a sample from Torchwood 1 with reports about the flu outbreak in ‘98. The effects are a like ordinary flu, but its incubation period is fast, three days or so and it goes away in less than 48 hours. Good news is it goes away on its own, most humans don’t know they’ve even had it. Trouble is, its fatal for Vektoans, hence the body in the Bay. In humans it causes a soaring high temperature but it isn’t fatal. Causes almost no other symptoms. Why Tea Boy there had to go and be the exception to the bloody rule, I don’t know”

“So how come Ianto got it?” Jack wanted to know.

“Hang on, I’m saying this is a possibility, not an actuality. I haven’t done any tests to confirm or deny it yet”

“OK, so how might he have caught it then?”

“We had an accident in the medical bay” Owen sighed “Ianto brought me coffee, he put it down in the wrong place, I knocked it flying, it caught a pile of paperwork, that slid into the samples I was working on, they hit the floor. He went for a cloth and started to clean up the mess before I could stop him. He must have breathed it in then. Don’t worry, I ran a decontamination procedure and cleaned the place up, I’m not totally stupid”

Jack’s expression said otherwise “You didn’t think to run tests when Ianto looked like he had the flu though, did you?” He snapped “Owen, why the hell didn’t you put 2 and 2 together? He might have died!” worry made Jack angry.

“I’m sorry Jack, truly, but even if I’d thought about it, I wouldn’t have been bothered. As I said, there’s no indication for this type of reaction. What’s more, I’m at full stretch here” Owen said, gathering steam “You have to understand, I’m doing my absolute fucking best! I’ve got a backlog of bodies to complete post mortems on, you left me with that weird cult stuff to sort out, then we had that infestation of weevils to clear out, you three buggered off for three days and I’ve got no help! I’m working 18 hour days here. Ianto’s been off sick and with no archivist to do the filing, I can’t find anything…” a note of desperation entered his voice. Tosh got up and came over to him, her expression concerned and not a little fearful. Jack opened his mouth to reply when a quiet voice cut through the agitation.

“Can I ask you to remember where you are?” the doctor said gently, a hint of steel behind the words “You’re adding to my patient’s distress and unless you are pulling Torchwood rank and removing him, which, I might add, I would consider a very poor idea right at this moment, he is still my patient. So keep it down Gentlemen, you can discuss this in private” Sobered, Jack fell silent and glared at Owen who looked at the floor “I think” the doctor added “you’ve all been under some stress recently. Your job must be high stress at the best of times, without this. Now we know he’s recovering, I’ll give you the samples and you can cross check them just to make sure that it is what you think it is” The doctor smiled “I guess when you work for Torchwood you don’t expect your enemies to come from such an ordinary direction” she said, looking straight at Jack. He nodded, one eyebrow raised in curiosity, and she added “I have a cousin in UNIT, believe it or not. Captain Frances Wintringham? You can check with them when you get back to base. And before you ask, no, he doesn’t tell me anything. He doesn’t need to, you’ll find my name on their list of official consultants and it doesn’t take a PhD to work out that you’re the local sheriffs where alien activity in Cardiff is concerned”

“We weren’t aware of any UNIT personnel in our vicinity” Jack commented dryly.

“That’s because I’m not UNIT personnel, I’m only a consultant they bring in occasionally so I only have level three clearance. I don’t know all Torchwood’s secrets, but I know you exist, the same way that everyone in UNIT, the Government and the Police know you exist. Second, I’m only on temporary assignment here for a couple of months and I’ve only just arrived. So” she grinned cheerfully “before you decide to wipe my memory with Retcon I suggest you access UNIT’s records first”

“Pitched well and truly in at the deep end with this one, eh?”

“Just my luck. But, let’s face it, I might have gone through my whole two months here and never once seen any of you. Anyway I can’t say I envy you, but you perform as essential service”

“Not everyone shares your opinion” Gwen said gently.

“Isn’t that the age old cliché?” came the dry reply “The heroes who fight for the world are vilified by their patrons and hated by the very people they try to protect. It’s a recurrent theme in plenty of folk tales” She sounded as though this was a recurrent rant “These days the world is so stuffed with reality TV and tabloid journalism, I wonder what else can we expect? Look at the unpatriotic reactions of some folks to our troops returning from Afghanistan? Fifty years ago such a response would have been unheard of”

“Hear, hear” Andy said from the door.

“People are free to speak their minds, but they are too gullible to suggestion at the same time. The majority don’t think for themselves any more. For what its worth, I appreciate your efforts” she said with a warm smile “Everything has changed since the turn of the century, we need people like you” she surveyed them for a moment before becoming brisk “Now, its plain you’ve all been in contact with him, so, even if you’re right about this thing and it doesn’t have much effect on humans, it still had some kind of dangerous effect on Ianto. Now, you might be the law when it comes to telling aliens to behave but when it comes to the spread of disease, that’s my job. Viruses don’t recognise Torchwood ID’s so I think it would be a good idea if I take blood samples from all of you then if they show positive we can get you on a course of antivirals, as soon as possible. Assuming that, what did you call it…?”

“Vektoan Influenza” Owen said

“…Vektoan flu responds to our drugs” she finished.

Owen looked at his boss “I should have thought of that too Jack, I’m sorry”

Jack sighed and grabbed Owen into a hug, he had calmed down considerably “We’ve all had a lot to think about lately” he said amicably, clapping the smaller man on the back “You and Tosh kinda have an excuse…They’ve only been married a few weeks” he explained.

“Congratulations” the doctor said with a grin.

“Well, come on, we can hardly refuse” Gwen glanced at the others, but, receiving no reply and seemingly having been promoted to spokesperson, she added “Sooner the better”

“It’s a bit late for introductions” the doctor said with a smile “but my name’s Jess Wintringham, by the way. You’ve obviously got a doctor already” and she grinned at Owen “but anytime you need help, let me know”

“Thank you” Jack could recognise a genuine offer when he heard it and held out his hand. Her answering handshake was firm “Captain Jack Harkness” then he pointed to each of the others in turn “that’s Dr Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper, Rhys Williams, Toshiko Sato, sorry, Toshiko Sato-Harper, PC Andy Davidson and you know Ianto Jones already” he turned back to the bed, smiling at Ianto who still looked distressed, Tosh by his side, holding his hand “Can’t you give him anything to calm him down?” she asked.

“I’ll call back to see him later and we’ll review his progress then. Right now, Captain, your presence will do more for him than drugs. As well as the stuff about the children, he was calling for you too. I think he needs you now. If he’s still upset when I come back I’ll sort something out then” she turned to the others “right, lets get this sorted out and leave them alone for a while. I’ll see to you when I get back” she said to Jack “Dr Harper, I’d appreciate it if you would assist me. We may as well take more than one sample, then we can each run tests and compare results. Come on everyone” and she lead the way out “you too” she said to PC Andy as she passed and with a bewildered look, he followed.

A few hours later Ianto woke up to bright sunlight pouring through the curtains. His mind was clearer, calmer, the bad dreams receding into memory. He surveyed the mess of wires attached to electrodes on his bare chest, leading to the bank of monitors nearby. Tubes were attached seemingly everywhere, an oxygen line was taped across his face, running under his nose, a drip lead to a canula taped to the back of his hand, a near-empty bag of clear fluid suspended above it. It made him feel slightly nauseous. His head was aching annoyingly. Jack was sitting in a chair close to the bed, the familiar coat thrown gracelessly across the chair back. His upper body was slumped over the bed, head pillowed on his arms near Ianto’s side, eyes closed. Sleeves rolled up, shirt neck open, he was snoring gently. Ianto tried to lift his hand to rest it on Jack’s hair but he was appalled at how weak he felt. He settled for the merest touch of his fingers against Jack’s arm. He didn’t wake.

“He was up all night with you” said a quiet voice from the doorway. A white-coated doctor stood there, a smile on her face, eyes alight with cheerful good humour “wouldn’t leave your side. How do you feel?”

“Very tired, aching” Ianto replied economically, taking stock “slightly sick”

“Not surprising” she put down the metal dish she had been carrying and came over to the bed, captured his wrist in her cool fingers to check his pulse “I met your friends yesterday, Dr Harper told me what he thought it was, some kind of alien flu”

“Alien flu?!” Ianto muttered in disgust, of all the things…

“Your friends thought you went home with ordinary flu”

“So did I” ironic really, he thought. Of all the things to lay him low it had to be a bloody virus “Thought it was getting better as well”

“Your neighbour called 999. Happened to see the post still tucked in the letterbox and the milk on the doorstep. She knew something wasn’t right, you didn’t answer the door and you’re apparently too methodical to ignore things like papers and milk?” her tone was tinged with disbelief.

“Yes, I am” he admitted “sad, isn’t it?”

“It saved your life” she answered “so ‘sad’ it isn’t. Let him sleep” she added “I can examine you without disturbing him. He arrived in the small hours with the rest of your team, then spent the rest of the night holding your head. I’m afraid you’ve been rather sick”

Ianto grimaced “How nice for him” his recollections were vague but disturbing, moments of lucidity between flashes of dreadful sickness. His throat felt raw and his mouth tasted like something had crawled in and died there.

“You’ve a good one there” she said unexpectedly “he really loves you. Anybody can see that” she said as she shone the pencil light in his eyes. Ianto blushed and she ran through the rest of her thorough check up of him without making further comment. Satisfied, she said she was pleased with his progress, updated the chart on the end of the bed, then checked the monitors again. As she did so, Jack suddenly sat bolt upright, blinking sleep from his eyes, hair tousled and clothes rumpled. He looked around blearily, shook his head to clear it and grasped Ianto’s hand “You OK?” Ianto nodded “When did I fall asleep?” Jack asked.

“You expect me to remember?” Ianto replied “Don’t worry…I’m OK”

“What time is it?”

“5.30am. Don’t worry, I think he’ll be fine now” Startled, Jack looked round, registering the doctor’s presence. “How about you?” she asked.

“Me? I’m fine…” he hugged Ianto to him carefully and the younger man allowed the caress, leaning in to the body of his lover gratefully. Jess watched with a smile. She did like happy endings. The next thing Jack felt was his sleeve being pushed further up. Startled, he pulled away. “What are you doing?”

“I need a blood sample, remember? We had an emergency last night and I got called away. I need to do it now, soon as possible”

“But I don’t need it…”

“That’s what Gwen said you’d say”

“It’d be a waste. I’m probably immune…”

“That’s what Owen said you’d say, but he wouldn’t say why”

“Owen can do it when I get back to work”

“He asked me to do it. Said you wouldn’t listen to him, besides, the sooner the better, especially with an incubation period of three days”

Jack looked at her, unable to find a suitable argument “You’re like Owen, you know? You don’t give up easily, do you?”

“No, I don’t. So tell me, why are you being so evasive?”

“It’s a long story…”

“I can’t believe its something as simple as not liking needles”

“That’s my problem” Ianto muttered “Not his, he’s not afraid of anything”

Jack grimaced “So not true” he said firmly “but its not that, its….” he hesitated, then sighed in exasperation “…complicated” He gave in and offered his arm. Wrapping the tourniquet round his bicep she smiled, gave his muscle a little squeeze and said “Do you keep yourself in shape or is this from chasing aliens?” Jack was suddenly on home ground, the inveterate flirt in him unable to resist “beats a workout” he said “although it’s a while since I had an MOT. Do you do private consultations Doctor?” Behind Jack’s back, Ianto rolled his eyes.

“That depends” she replied, tapping his arm to raise the vein “on whether you can afford me” She arranged his arm to a better position. Standing so close to him, he could smell the scent of…roses on her skin, as well as something spicy and warm.

“Surely you’re not in it for the money?” he murmured “Someone as dedicated as you…”

“A girl has to survive” She grinned and, lifting his hand in hers, she curled the fingers over “Just make that hand into a fist for me, that’s it” he felt the cold as she swabbed the skin.

“I know you’ll be gentle” he said and she had to bite her lower lip to stop herself laughing. He winced only slightly as the needle went in, catching Ianto’s infuriatingly amused smile. He glared at him but if anything the smile broadened. “Still here you know, I might be ill but I’m not deaf!” the patient murmured.

Jess grinned at him, releasing the tourniquet “There, nothing to it” she said, brightly, jamming a puff of cotton wool over the wound and drawing the needle out “Just press hard over that will you”

“Whatever you say Doctor” Jack managed to make anything sound like an innuendo.

“That’s not the only thing you like to press hard…” Ianto muttered but only Jack heard him. Jess replaced the cotton wool with a plaster and Jack rolled his sleeve back down. He caught her eye and winked.

“Now, Mr Jones” she was back to being the professional medic, finishing labelling the sample before dropping it back in the dish and facing her patient again “I think you can come off those monitors tomorrow, maybe go home in another couple of days, how would that be?”

“Already?” Ianto sounded a little alarmed.

“Yes, you’re doing fine. I think you’ll be alright now. You’re alert, your vision is clear, temperature is way down. Just to be sure, we’ll keep you another day, remove all this spaghetti” she grinned as she lifted the wires “then see how you’re going on without it all. If you’re ok by the weekend, Jack can come take you home. OK?”

“OK” Ianto didn’t sound convinced but Jack was clearly overjoyed.

“I’ll look after you” he said enthusiastically “You’ll see”

Jess smiled and left them alone.

“Jack?”

“Ianto?”

“Did I really nearly die?”

“Apparently” the reply was gentle “You flatlined on them for nearly two minutes”

“Oh”

“Does it bother you?” Ianto felt gentle fingers stroking his hair. It felt good, soothing.

“I don’t know” he admitted “but I’m glad I didn’t know anything about it really” he sighed “I wouldn’t have wanted to know I was dying, if you see what I mean. I wouldn’t want to leave you…like that”

“Tell me, if you can, did you…see anything, when you were…?” Jack struggled for words.

“When I was dead, you mean?” Ianto said helpfully.

“Mmm”

“Can’t remember. I don’t remember a tunnel of light, if that’s what you mean. No heavenly choir or pearly gates. Nothing really. Bit disappointing”

Jack laughed softly “Don’t worry Yan, if there’s a heaven, you’ll have no problem getting into it. You’re an absolute angel if ever there was one”

“Ianto?”

“Yes?” he was dozing, comfortable and warm and drowsy. He wished this could carry on forever, especially because Jack was at his side, lying along the bed next to him, an arm around his shoulders, stroking his hair again. Every now and then he felt Jack’s lips on his hair, his breath soft and warm as he kissed him gently.

“Do you remember anything about all this?” Jack ventured to ask “Do you remember being brought in?”

“No, nothing really. I remember going home Friday, I felt awful but I took some paracetamol, made myself a coffee and went to bed. I snuffled my way through Friday night and into Saturday, then I felt better so I got up. I had a shower, watched some tv and had some cereal…then I remember going to the bathroom, then nothing after that. I remember the kids though, but that’s all”

“What kids, what about them? You kept asking about children”

“They were in danger, from an alien race we called the 456”

“The 456? Who were they?” Jack asked, non-plussed.

“They’d been here before, in 1965. We called them that because of the radio wavelength they broadcast on. Back then, you gave them 12 children…”

“I what? I would never…”

“Jack, it was a nightmare, I was delirious, dreaming” Ianto said reassuringly “the 456 apparently needed human kids and took them over so they could send us messages. They would all stop what they were doing, in playgrounds, in the street, every one of them, all over the world too, and stand there chanting “We are coming” and then “we are here”, it was freaky” He stopped, trying to recall the finer details, letting the general memories of the dream come back “They wanted 10% of the worlds’ kids, I dunno what for, never found out. The government was trying to get rid of us all, you particularly, trying to cover up when the 456 visited before, when they took the first kids. They knew if people found out about it that there’d be rioting in the streets. They put a bomb inside you Jack, you blew up the hub”

“Did I survive?” Jack was intrigued.

“Oh yeah, they collected all your bits though, some kind of black ops, the ones who planted the bomb in you in the first place. They were lead by one Agent Johnson, a woman, scary”

“Who did she work for?”

“I’m not sure. Just shut up and listen or I’ll forget the story. Gwen was pregnant, she was using the scanner. That’s how we found out you had the bomb in you, with the scanner. You put your hand on hers and then the alarms went crazy! Because of that we got away while you stayed and blew up, but we got separated so I didn’t know what was happening. Gwen and Rhys went to London to try talking to someone in Government” he warmed to the tale “The Black Ops folks took you to some abandoned airfield, locked you up. They’d got rid of a contact of yours too, some doctor you made friends with. You told us they shot you and you woke up next to him and he was dead as well, and you assumed whoever had got you had got him too. You told us that when you got back to the hub in Cardiff before you blew it up. You were right, but it was a covert mission, he was undercover for the black ops, and they got rid of him so you’d think you’d both been targeted. Anyway” Ianto paused to catch his breath, he was still not feeling very strong “after the Hub was destroyed they took you to this airfield place. When they decided to release the doctor’s body to his family, unbeknown to me Rhys and Gwen were pretending to be undertakers to go collect the body and get into the site so they could rescue you. They waylaid the funeral director and tied him up, nicked his gear and his van. They got in but you’d been encased in concrete to hold you”

“Concrete?” Jack shivered at the thought, alive, encased in concrete, yugh.

“I nicked a JCB thingy and rammed the cell you were in, dragged the block out with you in it and then dropped it over the side of a nearby quarry” he sounded rather pleased with himself “We all met up in a stolen car, collected you, you were in handcuffs, stark naked, covered in concrete dust…” his voice sounded thoughtful, reliving the image, he blinked and continued “…and we got the hell out of there, to one of Torchwood London’s abandoned warehouses. Then we had to nick all sorts of stuff, laptops, cars, mobiles, just to equip us again”

“Some story” Jack agreed, eyebrows raised “so you enjoyed the part where I was handcuffed and naked…?”

“Yeah, well, course I did” A faint flush crept up Ianto’s neck “But that’s not the end of it” he added, gathering pace again “Gwen and Rhys had gone on the run since the Cardiff Hub blew and they ended up in London. They’d got a girl from the Government to help, a PA for John Frobisher”

“Who was he?” Jack asked, curious.

“Oh, he was the Permanent Secretary to the Home Office, he was left in charge of the 456 visit. Lois Habiba was the girl’s name. She'd not been working for him long. She’d been looking at your files since she’d heard mention of you in the office, and when she heard Frobisher give the order to have you eliminated, she didn’t know what to do. Then Gwen rang wanting to speak face to face with Frobisher, but instead of him she got Lois. Lois met them in some café or other and explained it was Frobisher who was trying to get rid of them so talking to him wasn’t a good idea. She gave them the plans to where you were being held, gave them cash, told them about them releasing the body, as much as she could anyway but she was scared, poor thing. Gwen got her to wear those contact lenses that transmit pictures of what the wearer is looking at. So we saw everything in the room in MI6, floor 13, where the 456 was contained in this glass cabinet thing with its own atmosphere” he paused for more breath.

“We’d captured it?” Jack asked

“No, it was visiting” he said "We built the case for it from its instructions, or rather, the Government did. Torchwood knew nothing about it. It was filled with gas for it to breath and it kept throwing up all over. We were using the lip-reading software cos the contacts only have visual so we knew what people were saying. They asked for 10% of the world’s kids and said they’d get rid of everyone on the planet if we refused. Lois wrote down what the 456 said in shorthand, which apparently only I can read out of all of us, so I read what it was saying as she wrote it on her pad. Gwen recorded everything that was said in the room and everything said in the cabinet office where Lois went with them all. She was PA to Frobisher or something, which got her in everywhere he went” he paused again, shifting his position for comfort.

“And?” Jack prompted.

“Well, they were all trying to cover it all up, agreeing that the kids belonging to everyone in the room would be exempt from the selection process. They were deciding to choose kids from failing schools, leaving the clever ones, the ones they considered worth keeping, alone. They were deciding to make up some lame story of mass vaccination, to explain it to the parents. Then we threatened to expose it all to the media, unless they allowed us - you and me - access to the 456 so we could try to end this. And…well, that’s what we did, we faced it down”

“What, just like that?”

“You were very heroic Jack, but it all went wrong. You tried holding the 456 to ransom threatening to tell everyone in the world so they would have a fight on their hands in order to take the kids but the 456 wouldn’t take the threats seriously and released some kind of deadly virus into the air of the MI6 building. It sealed the exits so no one could leave. Then I…” he paused, a catch in his voice “I’d breathed the air, and you, you were so desperate for me…but I died…in your arms…” he sounded subdued, felt Jack’s arms tighten their grip around him in reassurance “so that’s all I remember. I didn’t know if you’d saved them you see, I wanted to know if they were safe, the kids…”

“I see” Jack said “Doctor Jess said you were asking for me as well”

“Was I? I can’t remember” he frowned “I remember the dream, that’s about all” He sounded exhausted by the telling of it. Jack looked down at him and asked “The people in the Government, Frobisher, Lois, did you know them when you worked in the London Hub?”

“No, Lois said she’d only just joined. Maybe they’re a figment of my overactive imagination…” Ianto yawned “God, I’m so tired”

“Tell me though, who was the Prime Minister, do you remember?”

“Same one we have now, Brian Green. One thing I do remember, I even dreamed Owen and Tosh had been killed. It was horrible, not having them with us”

“Hmm, well, that’s the fever talking. They’re very much alive and you know that so you can rest easy. Get some sleep, I’m right here with you”

“I know” there was a pause as Ianto closed his eyes and relaxed “Jack?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for being here”

Jack smiled, kissed his hair again “any time”

“I’m telling you, something weird happened there” Jack said to them as they gathered in the hub that evening. They were sitting round the table eating a take-away, but it seemed odd without Ianto there. Jack had left the hospital for a while, Ianto was asleep and there was nothing he could do for him so he had decided to check in at the hub to make sure things were ok. He had filled them all in with the story of Ianto’s dream.

“Why weird?” Gwen asked, twirling her fork round her noodles “Ianto was only dreaming, hallucinating.”

“Yeah” Owen agreed with a grin “Our Tea Boy was tripping.”

Jack glanced at them, his expression quite serious, “Well, you might be interested to know, I checked some things out. Frobisher’s real but he kinda goes without saying. He might have been known at the London Hub, he’s been in Government since the 60s after all. Ianto says he doesn't remember him but that's not conclusive. I vaguely remember the name from back then but I certainly didn’t come into contact with him. However, there is a race called the 456 on record. Torchwood 1 dealt with them in, yes, you guessed it, 1965. They demanded children then too, but, get this, Torchwood sent them packing, destroyed them with a sonic wave reflected back on them. I don’t know how Ianto knew about that, but there’s a chance he read the old records. He says he doesn't remember them but he was an archivist in London, he might have just forgotten he read their file. What I want to know, though, is how did Yan know about Lois Habiba? She’s Frobisher’s new PA”

“How do you know Ianto hasn’t been looking at the Government websites and files, he does it all the time” Gwen said “checking up, he calls it. Anyone else would call it Hacking”

“I can answer that” Tosh said firmly “he hasn’t. I checked his computer log and he hasn’t been on it since two days before he went home. Probably couldn’t concentrate. I know I can’t when I’m feeling ill. I know he can cover his tracks well but it didn’t look like he’d been accessing Government files for at least two months”

“So can you explain to me how he knew about her then, considering that she was, in reality, only appointed three days ago? He was in the hospital by then” Jack said “It may be nothing but it sure as hell feels like something strange is going on here. I can’t explain it and, somehow, he’s also dreamed a dream that makes coherent sense. He told me the whole story, scene by scene. It was more like a memory than a dream. How often do we dream like that, even when we’re not ill?”

“It happens, sometimes” Gwen said defensively. “Doesn’t it?”

“Not often” Jack insisted.

“Look, its not much to go on.” Owen said “Spooky it may be but people often have ‘oobies’ when they’re unconscious”

“And what is an oo-bee?” Gwen asked.

“O, O, B, E?” Owen sighed “Out Of Body Experience?”

“Ah” Gwen applied herself to her noodles.

“Well, you might like to know, I checked out Dr Wintringham and she really is on UNIT’s list of consultants.” Tosh threw into the conversation “Frances Wintringham is a Major, he’s also a Doctor which is why she’s probably been consulted.”

“Keep it in the family eh?” Owen commented.

“Her father is also on UNIT’s list of consultant experts. Professor James Wintringham currently lectures in Experimental Quantum Physics at Oxford.” Tosh added and Jack whistled “Frances is the only son of the Professor’s late brother who died ten years ago, brain haemorrhage, was a Detective Inspector in the Metropolitan Police. Her mother is alive, there are no siblings, she’s 42 and lives alone, divorced, no children.” Tosh read from her notes.

Jack frowned “As interesting as this is…”

“Before you dismiss it Jack” Tosh interrupted “You might like to know what she has been consulted on?” with a sigh he raised an eyebrow and she continued “She’s an epidemiologist, with expertise in immunology. UNIT consulted her last year about that localised plague outbreak.”

“The one they decided was of extra terrestrial origin?”

“That’s the one. Apparently, she was part of the investigating panel that tested the disease and came up with the findings. She also worked on the cure.”

“Is it me or does anyone else find it coincidental that she just happens to be here?” Owen said into the silence which followed.

Jack threw his fork into the box, leaned back in his seat and stretched, then he sighed and ran a hand through his hair “Well, I’m going back to the hospital. If you need me, you know where I am.”

Ianto was asleep when he got there, propped in a half-sitting position against a pile of pillows. He looked younger, peaceful, although he had lost weight, looked gaunt and there were dark shadows under his eyes. Wearing nothing but a blue hospital gown, the plastic tag on his wrist with his name on, he looked very vulnerable. The tubes that lead everywhere, feeding him oxygen and saline, and the wires that lead away to monitors, measuring heart rate and blood pressure, all added to his vulnerability. Jack’s heart twisted. How must it have been for me to watch Ianto dying in my arms, he thought, unable to do anything. He shuddered, horrible even if it was only a fever dream, unthinkable even.

He collapsed into the chair by the bed and watched his lover sleep. Before meeting Ianto, he would have said that watching someone sleep must rank along side watching paint dry but not any more. He could watch Ianto for hours. At least it was his intent to watch him for hours but he must have dozed off because the next thing he knew was Ianto’s voice talking to someone. He opened an eye and saw Doctor Wintringham on the other side of the bed. A nurse had arrived and was helping Jess to switch the machines off and disconnect the wiring. Jess noticed Jack was awake before Ianto did and smiled “hello again” her voice was pitched to be reassuring, melodic, gentle. Jack found himself very attracted to that voice.

“Hello, sorry, must have dozed off.” he scrubbed his face with both hands.

“No need to apologise. You must be tired. You’re never away from here.”

“I said I wouldn’t leave him alone,” Jack replied, grinning at Ianto who gave him a tired smile in return “not for too long anyway.”

“Well, I was just telling Ianto, I definitely think he can go home tomorrow. I’ve come to unplug him.”

“Great” Jack moved to sit on the bed, reaching for Ianto’s hand again, not sure whether it was for his comfort or Ianto’s. The nurse wheeled the monitors out of the room while Jess carefully removed the elecrodes from Ianto’s chest. Then she disconnected the drip but she insisted the canula be left in place for now, just in case. Finally she removed the oxygen line from his face, allowing him more freedom of movement.

“You need to get up as soon as you can now, I want you moving about as soon as possible. Jack, you’re strong enough to help him.”

“What? Now?” Ianto was startled, uncertain.

“Yes, now, its as good a time as any. Only take it slowly, we don’t want you going light headed” and she guided her patient to sit, pulled back the covers, let him swing his legs over the bed and try, slowly, to stand, using Jack as support. Ianto threw his arms round Jack’s neck, something Jack was not going to object to, and the Captain held him carefully. Shakily, he stood.

“Take it easy Yan” Jack murmured as he steadied him.

“God, this is harder than I thought” he gasped. He had no strength in his legs.

“Just stand still, don’t move just yet.” Jack said gently “Get used to it” Ianto nodded, swaying. Gradually, he felt things begin to return to normal. He still felt weak, but ceased to feel as if he was about to collapse.

“That’s right” the doctor said encouragingly. She stepped up to stand beside Jack and Ianto flickered his gaze to her. “Now, one step at a time. Jack, you step back, and Ianto, you step forward”

That one step was the proverbial giant leap for Ianto. It took more strength than he realised to move his foot even one step. It left him gasping. Jack held the younger man firmly against his chest “Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall” and encouraged him with his touch and his words. It wasn’t long before he had made a round of the room and back to the bed, all the while with Jack holding on, supporting him.

“Sit down Ianto.” the doctor said “You deserve it.”

Jack released him enough to let him sink onto the bed, not letting go completely. He sat down with a groan.

“That was a good try. You need to do that a couple of times every day, no sitting on your backside. You need to get moving” she placed her stethoscope on his chest and listened to his heart rate and breathing. Satisfied, she smiled and said “No problems, but your recovery may well be slow going. Take it easy at first, but don’t shirk, understand? I’ll have a word with the Physio and see if I can get someone to come and talk to you about exercises before you go home”

Ianto nodded “Right Doctor. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, you can thank this hunk of a boyfriend of yours.” she grinned, slapping Jack on the back “Look after him,” she ordered “and no bedroom athletics for at least a week.” she smiled at Ianto’s blush and Jack’s wicked grin “Then, when you feel ready, I prescribe as much as you want, it’s good exercise.” She helped settle the patient back in bed, then she left them alone.

As she was leaving, Jack followed her out and stopped her in the corridor “Doctor?”

“Please, call me Jess, I really don’t want to stand on ceremony.” her smile was as warm as ever.

“Jess, I wanted to thank you. If I’d lost him…”

She held up a hand “You didn’t, but like you, I’m just doing my job. I can’t claim credit for his recovery, he’s done that mostly by himself.” she seemed a little uncomfortable accepting his praise.

“I could use a doctor like you…” he smiled, disarmingly “but we have Owen so I’m not going to ask you to join us. The life expectancy isn’t great…”

“I know. Torchwood goes through operatives faster than flu spreads.”

“And you have a job already…Look, I have to ask, Why are you here?”

She paused, uncertain of his manner. “As I said…”

“Yeah, I know, but your record is on file. You did suggest we ought to check it out. You just happen to be the epidemiologist, with expertise in immunology, that they called on to ID that case of alien plague last year, so tell me, isn’t it a coincidence you being here when Ianto is ill?”

She smiled and pursed her lips and shook her head with a grin “Would you believe me if I told you it really was a coincidence? I’m really only doing a favour for a friend, despite what it looks like. You can check, UNIT has no record of this job and the hospital has. But I’m happy I was here” she smiled “and no, I’m not offended that you want to know, I know you check everything, you’d be strange if you didn’t.”

He had the grace to look slightly embarrassed at that “Being suspicious is my area of expertise.” he said wryly.

She laughed “Typical policeman. Sometimes coincidences are just that. ‘When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth’ or did Sherlock have it wrong?” She looked at him, matching stare for stare, then said something that surprised him “Whether you believe it or not Jack Harkness, you make sure you treasure what you have, you hear me? Treasure your Ianto” she said vehemently “For as long as you have each other, be happy.” He continued to stare at her, the blue eyes dark and unfathomable “And if any of you need any pieces picking up, no questions asked, call me. I mean it, day or night. I’ll give you a number you and your people can call. Its mine, nothing to do with UNIT or anyone else.”

He nodded “I know you mean it, that’s why people like you are like gold to people like me.” he said gently “I just wanted to say…I’m not doubting you, I just don’t trust UNIT. Never have. And I am grateful, so if there’s anything I can ever do for you, you let me know, you got that?” He engulfed her in an appreciative hug, which, he was happy to note, she returned warmly.

“Yes, thank you Jack, I will. Now get back to that bonny boy of yours and take care of him.” Jack grinned again and nodded, squeezed her hand and went back into the room.

At work the following day, Gwen was late. Jack paced the floor and watched the clock, wanting to get back to Ianto’s side at the hospital. Eventually, not just Gwen but Rhys as well, turned up, suppressed excitement visible in the both.

“You’re late”

“I’ll ignore that” she said, grinning stupidly “We have something to tell you all…”

Jack stopped short, studied both of them, wondering “no…” he murmured inaudibly “you can’t be….” just as Owen and Tosh came through to find out what the announcement was. “Well, everyone’s here who can be, so what do you have to tell us?” there was a pause as they glanced at each other.

“I’m pregnant”, “She’s pregnant” they both said it together, words tumbling into the silence, suppressed excitement bubbling over.

“Wow” Jack said, then “WOW” more enthusiastically and grabbed Gwen, twirling her round in a hug. Tosh and Owen both erupted into congratulations, shaking Rhys’ hand and hugging Gwen by turns.

“You don’t mind?” she asked, watching Jack’s silly grin.

“Mind? Its wonderful news. Who’s the lucky guy?” and he dodged Rhys’ attempt to thump him, even as he knew the man expected such a jibe. Jack stuck his hand out an shook Rhys’s hand, offering profuse congratulations.

“Look, I’m going to see Ianto, why don’t you come with me, tell him the good news?”

“You go Love, got to get to work” Rhys said but Gwen was adamant.

“You’ve a right to be late this morning Dafthead” she objected “We’re both going to tell him”

“What about names?” Jack asked as they drove.

“I thought about Rhys Owen Ianto Williams” Gwen giggled.

Jack grinned, pretending to be offended “You’re not leaving me out, surely?”

“It might be a girl, then where will you be?” Rhys pointed out reasonably.

“It’ll have to be Jacqueline or Jackie? I defy you to make a girl’s name out of Ianto or Owen”

“How about Toshiko Jacqueline Olwen ?” Gwen giggled and set everybody laughing.

Ianto was asleep again when they arrived but he was aroused by all three of them tumbling in through the door, still arguing about names. They stopped short, seeing him looking sleepy and confused.

“Oh sorry, Ianto” Gwen said in a hushed voice, her arms full of gifts. She had insisted Jack stop at a shop so she could buy flowers. She placed the huge bunch of chrysanthemums on the table, then presented him with a bunch of grapes, a box of chocolates and a get-well card. She hugged him warmly and kissed his cheek, saying “Its so nice to see you looking better”

“How you doing mate?” Rhys asked.

Ianto nodded “Fine actually, going home tomorrow.” he sounded far from fine, but nobody said anything.

“That's great!” Gwen exclaimed “Ianto, we’ve got something to tell you.”

“Well, I know you’re getting married soon, so it can’t be that. Can’t be divorce before you’re married, so go on, surprise me” he settled back against his pillows to wait, but he already knew the answer.

“I’m having a baby” Gwen grinned.

Ianto smiled “Well done.” he said, summoning up some enthusiasm from somewhere “I’m happy for you.” he hugged her and shook Rhys’ by the hand.

“Thank you, so much... OK Love, you can go to work now. I’ll get back to the Hub Jack. Bye sweetheart” she said to Ianto and then she packed a protesting Rhys off with a kiss and pushed him out the door.

“In Italy, Chrysanthemums are given at funerals” Ianto said, eyeing the flowers.

Jack laughed and said “Only you would know that” he regarded Ianto for a moment then said “You knew, didn’t you?” and Ianto nodded “Since the dream?” and Ianto nodded again. Jack sighed “I don’t know how but I get the distinct feeling you managed to tap into something there, but I don’t know what.”

“Alternate reality? Another dimension maybe?” Jack whirled at the voice. Jess stood in the doorway “Sorry, I just got the good news, they passed me in the corridor”

“Jack, we’ve been talking, Jess and I, about the dream” Ianto admitted.

“You…why?”

“Don’t start getting jealous!” Jess ordered “He said you might react this way. I was just listening to my patient, that’s all. He wanted to talk and I was here, you weren’t. We were discussing possible theories” she smiled “its not like I’m not already part of the team. Think of me as a sort of peripatetic support. However, as a paid up consultant for UNIT, I would think I’d be allowed to be consulted by Torchwood too, wouldn’t you?”

Jack sighed again, swallowing his reaction “So, what did you come up with?”

“I was explaining what you told me about Lois” Ianto said “about her being a real person but not being able to know that because she was hired while I was in here.”

“He told me about the dream, about how clear it all was, about how it all made sense, rather more like a memory, a real timeline, than a dream at all. I’m tempted to put it down to the high fever but certain factors don’t add up. Ms Habiba for one. Ianto tells me he doesn’t remember reading the file on the 456 either. However, we can all forget things. I can’t remember every medical theory paper I’ve ever read. Then it struck me, something my father has been working on, he sent me the papers to read only recently - the theory that all times run parallel and that there are other dimensions with different events - same people, just different decisions made and different choices. Quantum theory in relation to alternate dimensions. However, if you’ve done your research on me, you’ll know all about my father”

Jack nodded “Sounds like my kinda guy." he said with a smile.

"As he has often pointed out, quantum theory states that if these other dimensions exist, they cannot interact with each other, so there’s no way of proving they exist at all. It could be that in his delirium, Ianto was somehow able to tap into another dimension, or simply to see an alternate reality? It takes a bit of a leap of faith, I agree, but so does agreeing with Einstein or Hawking, or my father for that matter” she chuckled “Up until a few short years ago we had no proof we weren’t alone in the Universe. Now we know for certain that we’re not. Miracles do happen, the several-million-to-one-shot chance-of-a-lifetime, and…” she paused “…I have a confession to make.”

“What?” both men said together.

She paused, for the first time feeling uncertain of her ground “I honestly expected you to die, Ianto.” she said gently “No word of a lie, I thought we were looking at a no-win scenario. You had a seizure. When your heart stopped, you didn’t come back for a little over two minutes. Your temperature was over 106° at the time. Now, firstly, 106° is not a temperature the human body can survive for long without there being serious side effects, brain damage for instance. I have no explanation for this, but I saw your eyes, you opened them as we were working on you. Now I may be an incurable romantic…” she ignored Jack’s smile “…but I’m also a doctor, I’ve responded to lots of crash situations. You were not seeing this world, that’s for damn certain. You went into v-tach, ventricular tachycardia, that’s when your heart rate is too fast. We attempted de-fib” she paused “defibrillation” she explained “We tried to shock your heart back to its usual rhythm, but you deteriorated into ventricular fibrillation. Am I bothering you talking about this?” she asked abruptly.

Ianto shook his head “no, just…” he paused, uncertainly “I’m not sure really, fascinated but not in a good way” he said grimly.

She smiled “Just tell me if it disturbs you too much and I’ll stop.” she reassured him, then continued “Where was I? Yes, ventricular fibrillation, that’s when your heart muscle starts to tremble rather than contract properly. We tried de-fib again, but you didn’t respond. Next thing we knew you were asystoling, your heart stopped beating. That’s when there’s no cardiac electrical activity at all. OK, I know that you’ve probably seen all those medical dramas on tv and the movies, they just love using the padels, but in reality, in asystole, the heart will not respond to defibrillation because it is already depolarised, there's no electrical activity to try stimulating. The only thing you can do for the patient is to inject epinephrine and atropine and start chest compressions. We got the drugs into you, then I saw you look at me. I know you did, I saw your eyes move and your pupils focussed. Don’t tell me I imagined it, I saw you look right at me. Seconds later, your heart started again” she fixed them with a look “In layman’s terms, you were clinically dead for two minutes, ten seconds. Both your heart and your brain had ceased to function. Both lines on the monitors were flat. A dead man is not able to look at someone like you looked at me though. Not without brain activity, so far as I know its impossible. Your temperature dropped dramatically, levelled out at 101°, and then you started to ramble about the children. They had to be saved, you said, Jack would save them. You had to find Jack, the children were going to be taken. I have never, in all my years as a doctor, seen anything quite like it. The change was beyond dramatic.”

“That was it Jack” Ianto said. He sounded subdued, sad “I remember. I remember seeing you above me.” he looked at the doctor with a frown “I had just died…in the dream. I was looking up at Jack, then it became harder to breathe, and Jack was holding me, pleading with me not to leave him…but I…I died, I couldn’t help it, and then... I opened my eyes and instead of Jack looking down at me, you were there, you and the others. For a moment, I was terrified. Then I remembered I wasn’t in that other place any more, I wasn’t dead here.”

“Others?” Jack queried “What others did you see?”

“The nurses and other medical staff. I remember staring up at the ceiling with everyone buzzing round me, sticking things to my chest, the light cover was cracked, I remember thinking someone would need a ladder to get to it”

“He’s right about that at least, one of the covers on the fluorescents is broken. I’ve asked three times now for it to be repaired…”

“So if it’s true, and I did see another world, there’s a world out there somewhere where you just lost me” Ianto said sadly.

“Well I haven’t, not in this world.” Jack reassured him “This would also explain how you knew Gwen was pregnant. That was in your dream too”

“I dare say there are a lot of unexplained occurrences here that I doubt we’ll ever get an explanation of.” Jess remarked “The whole damned thing could be one long coincidence but whatever happened, I have no explanation for what happened to you Ianto.” Jess admitted “I’ve never seen it before and I’ve seen plenty of crashes like yours in my time, believe me.”

“Well, whatever the reason, you’re OK now” Jack said “Jess is right, we may never get answers to this so its going to be no good spending time trying to find out. You’re alive, you’re well, you’re coming home tomorrow and when he’s better, Doctor Jess, you are coming to dinner, agreed?”

She laughed “agreed. It will be my pleasure”

Going home felt odd. He was taken to the hospital exit in a wheelchair. They wouldn’t let him even try to walk, which, under the circumstances, was probably a good idea. Jack helped him into the SUV (which was turning a few heads) and drove him home. Jack took him back to his flat, not to the Hub, insisting he needed to stay away from work. Jack's bunk would have been too uncomfortable, never mind inaccessible. Inside the flat was warm, Jack had already been by to turn the heating on, but Ianto shivered anyway. The bedroom was waiting for him though, the bed freshly made, curtains drawn, a bedside lamp the only illumination. He sat down on the sofa, unsure what to do.

Jack came back moments later and knelt in front of him “I put the kettle on” he said, easing Ianto’s shoes off his feet. “Stand up.” He managed it, with help, and Jack eased his coat off and threw it on the chair. The bed was kingsize, dominating the simple room, covered invitingly in a large soft duvet. He guided Ianto carefully through the door and sat him down on the edge of it. Then he went about divesting him of the remainder of his clothes and seeing him between the covers. “Warm enough?” he asked, after pulling the duvet up. Nodding, Ianto’s eyes slid shut. The journey had exhausted him already. It felt really good to be back in his own bed and he murmured something to the effect. Jack smiled thoughtfully and went out of the room.

“Ianto? I made coffee,” a wheedling voice whispered in his ear. Groaning, he rolled over, trying to bury his face in the covers and escape “and its time for your medication.”

“Go away.” he moaned, the words muffled in the pillow.

“No can do, you need to take your medicine, like a good boy.”

He opened an eye to see Jack smiling at him, kneeling on the floor next to him.

“Come on, wakey, wakey, you need your meds.” he was holding a tray with two steaming cups of coffee on it, a bottle of pills and a glass of water. Ianto sighed. No escaping the boss. He sat up, accepted two of the capsules and swallowed them, swilling them down with a gulp from the glass of water.

“There…”

“Call me a good boy again and I’ll thump you,” Ianto interrupted him grumpily “in a week or so…”

Jack laughed, handing him his coffee “Never say I don’t do anything for you.”

Ianto accepted it grudgingly and Jack sat on the bed nursing his own mug.

“You need a bath.” he said abruptly.

“Thanks.”

“You stink.” Jack commented gently “You know, you can’t have a fever without working up a sweat. You need a shave and your hair is lank…”

“Well, you really know how to make a guy feel better about himself…” Ianto retorted

“Don’t worry, I said I’d look after you and I will.” Jack added mildly “I’ll help you.”

“You just want to get me naked again.”

“Well, there is that.” came the reply “Being your body slave does have its perks.”

Ianto huffed down his nose in disgust. Jack went into the bathroom, rolling his sleeves up as he went. Ianto heard the taps turn on, listened to the everyday sounds from the street outside the window, sipped the coffee, surprised to find it wasn’t too bad. He still felt so damned weak. It had taken all his strength to get up the stairs to his flat, even with help. He was looking so concerned when Jack returned to say the bath was ready that the older man paused, then asked him what was wrong.

“I’m just so tired, it doesn’t seem to be getting any better”

“Hell Yan, you gotta give it time! Doctor Jess said it would be a slow process.” Jack reassured. He had taken to referring to her as Doctor Jess, never by her surname “and its only your first day out of hospital!”

“God Jack, what if I don’t get better? What will I do?”

“You’ll calm down,” Jack ordered firmly “right now. Its early days, you shouldn’t be worrying about that yet. We’ll take things easy, it’ll be fine, you’ll see.” and he smiled with a confidence he didn’t feel but he was damned if he was going to let Ianto see it “Come on, let’s get you clean.” and he threw back the covers, pulled Ianto to his feet and threw an arm around him. He guided him into the bathroom, lowered him into the hot bath and proceeded to wash him gently and thoroughly, ignoring any protestations that he could do it himself.

“You just lie there and that’s an order.” he snapped “Why don’t you relax and enjoy it?” he said, exasperated “I know lots of people would give their eye teeth for me to bath them.”

“Yeah? Like who?”

Jack merely grinned and splathered the shampoo on his hair.

“You shouldn’t have to do this…” Ianto muttered.

“Ianto, I want to. Its what people who love each other do for each other, so shut up.”

“Jack…?” the blue eyes regarded him cautiously “Thanks. I do love you too, you know that?”

“Hell, I should hope so or why am I wasting my energy?” he grinned, chasing the soap.

Jack had been more alarmed than he wanted to admit on seeing just how weak Ianto was. He was thinner, he had lost a lot of weight, he looked gaunt and there were still dark shadows beneath his still red-rimmed eyes. Jack cursed inwardly that he had been so enmeshed in the job again that he had not had time for Ianto, and nearly lost him as a result, his inner voice reminded him.

Dried off and dressed only in sweat pants, Ianto lay on the sofa with his head in Jack’s lap. He was a better colour now, he had looked positively grey when Jack got him back home. The radiators were going full blast, the television was showing a movie, Jack was gently drying his hair with a towel. Despite his weakness, Ianto was, at that precise moment, as happy as he could ever remember being.

The movie finished and Ianto looked up, into Jack’s eyes. What he saw there left him speechless. A depth of love he had never seen before, would have seen if he had been conscious however, for it was a look Jack had possessed while he anxiously sat at Ianto’s beside in hospital, wondering if it was all too late. Gently, with infinite tenderness, Jack’s arms wound around him and lifted him, bringing him closer. Ianto responded willingly, his hand finding its way behind Jack’s neck, their lips met in a kiss, neither taking, just giving. It wasn’t passionate, it had no desperation in it, no desire even, just love, infinite and eternal. Ianto felt something wet on his cheek, thought it was his hair dripping, opened his eyes and saw the tears welling in Jack’s eyes. “Hey” Ianto whispered “I’m still here.”

Jack’s voice was raw as he pulled reluctantly back and said “I thought I’d lost you” fresh tears welled and Ianto hugged him fiercely, as hard as his strength would allow which, he had to admit, wasn’t very hard “I’m not going anywhere, not yet anyway.” and he held on to Jack as the tensions of the past week were released with his tears.

“Hey” Ianto said, a smile in his voice “Look at this, will you?” the next movie had begun, a classic starring David Niven, A Matter of Life and Death. A World War Two RAF pilot was in limbo between life and death after being shot down. Ianto grinned and Jack laughed. He must have seen that film dozens of times.

It took Ianto a week to get back on his feet sufficiently to be able to walk unaided. When he made it to the bathroom on his own he felt like cheering. He hated feeling like an invalid, even if he was one, and it made him irritable and snappish. Recovery was slow, too slow for Ianto. Jack was patience itself, he never left Ianto alone, making sure one of the others was there to sit with him if Jack was called away for very long. Ianto felt guilty about it, but nobody seemed to mind. Rhys was even drafted in one night, and they sat companionably on the sofa watching a rugby game one evening. Ianto even enjoyed his company. Jack got back in the early hours to find them both asleep on the sofa. Jack had carried Ianto back to bed and then given Rhys a lift home in time to shower and change for work. Ianto had insisted Jack send him a six pack of his favourite beer via Gwen to say thank you.

The nightmares had begun on the second night home however. Ianto awoke in a sweat. He had been trussed up, threatened with a shotgun by a Welsh Cannibal…

“Ianto? What’s wrong?”

“Jack? Did we ever investigate some Welsh cannibals?”

“What? Cannibals? In Wales? Feel sure I would have remembered that one…”

“Right…God, it seemed real…”

“What did, are you dreaming again?”

“Yes, definitely, no worries…just a dream” Jack had wrapped a warm arm around him and pulled him close, whispering reassurances in his ear until he fell asleep again.

The next night, it was Owen dying, shot by some mad bastard who ran a pharmaceuticals company. Ianto woke in fright, tears streaming down his face. Jack had grabbed him, hugged him, soothed the fright from him.

“Oh God, it was so real!” he moaned into Jack's shoulder.

“Tell me about it” Jack said “Share, nightmares always go away if you share them” so Ianto had relayed the events, shakily.

“Martha was there…”

“Martha? Who is Martha?”

“Oh God, no, Martha isn’t real?” Ianto murmured “She’s the Doctor’s companion...” he looked at Jack “Tell me he’s real, don’t tell me the Doctor doesn’t exist!”

“Of course he does, the doctor is real, that much is true” Jack said “I ought to know, I travelled with him” Ianto visibly relaxed and Jack held him, soothingly rubbing his back “but Owen is very much alive…”

“The Pharm, they called themselves, using a drug to reset people’s bodies to cure them of disease, but the drug had alien lavae in it and they were using the bodies of the people who took the drug to incubate” he shuddered “Martha went under cover for us…” he looked at Jack “We’ve never come across the Pharm? Have we?”

“Nope, not that I know” Jack stroked Ianto’s hair and hushed him. He was concerned for his lover, he looked terrible. The nightmares were only slowing down his recovery.

“It was like something out of Alien, you know, the movie? Those things were bursting out of people’s chests…” he laughed weakly and clung to Jack, yawning “Sorry” he murmured “Didn’t ask for this…”

“Probably just the after effects of the fever” Jack said soothingly and tucked him up again. “You get some sleep, I’m not leaving you” and Ianto had closed his eyes again.

A couple of nights passed and Ianto slept in Jack's arms, dreamless and peaceful. Jack had asked Owen for sleeping pills but the third night, Ianto had forgotten to take them. Then it was the mysterious Night Travellers, the Ghostmaker and his accomplice, trapping people’s souls and leaving them comatose in hospital. Ianto had woken in a flat panic as he was reliving the confrontation as the sinister beings had emerged from the old movie of the Carnival. Suddenly Jack stiffened “What carnival?” he asked, his voice tight.

“You were in it. You told us you were under cover there…The Man Who…”

“…Couldn’t Die…” Jack finished, Ianto’s eyes locking on his as he said it. “Ianto, I have never told any of you that story. How could you know?”

“You mean…that bit is true?”

“Yes. Yes, it is” Jack was looking dumbfounded which would have been comical if it hadn’t been so troubling. “Ianto, I have no idea how you knew. Do we have the film in the archives? I thought all the copies had been destroyed”

“I’ve never heard of it before. Check the archives if you want…”

“No, I believe you” Jack soothed “But we need to get to the bottom of this. First the 456, now the Carnival. Its like you’re reliving somebody else’s life…”

“Jack…why? Why is this happening to me?”

“I don’t know, but we’ll try to find out. Maybe it is a parallel universe thing…”

“I wish it would stop” Ianto said forlornly.

“Take the pills, they seem to stop you dreaming.”

“Yes Sir” he replied and Jack made him take a couple there and then, not caring if it meant he would sleep late.

It was two weeks after Ianto had come home, the sleeping pills seemed to have done their job and he had not suffered the nightmares since. Jack began to drop hints, some of them non too subtle. Ianto knew he wanted to make love but the thought repelled him somehow. Ianto was feeling guilty at how long Jack had waited for him, at how patient he had been. Yet eventually, after Jack had managed to get a little too close and nuzzled his neck in that suggestive way he had, Ianto snapped. He told Jack in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t interested and wished he could just be left alone. Jack tried not to be hurt by the fierce response but it didn’t work. Ianto immediately regretted his anger and apologised but the damage was done. “Jack, I’m sorry” he said softly “but it’s too soon. Look, if you want to find someone else…”

“Damn, Ianto, its you I want! Don’t worry. I can wait…”

“Jack, that isn’t what I meant! Look, try to see it from my point of view will you? I’m still so damned tired I want to sleep all the time, I haven’t got the strength of…of a puppy! I feel so horribly weak still…I haven’t got the energy for more than kissing, and even that takes it out of me. Those damned nightmares didn’t help…”

“Ianto, I’m sorry” Jack’s voice was quiet, contrite “I…I just miss you…I want…” he took a deep breath and let it out slowly “I need…” he paused, blinked “…you, I guess.”

“Look, Jack, I know you. You’re finding waiting for me very hard. Go find someone else. Seriously, I’m giving you permission. I won’t mind. I won’t get jealous, I promise. I know you’ll come back to me” he tried to smile “Truth is, I know you’re suffering…you know…” he shrugged “…some tension.” he paused, considering his next words “To be honest its making life difficult for me. I’m trying to heal Jack, I’m desperate to get better, but wishing won’t make it happen any faster. Having you roaming round the place like a ghost because you can’t shag me isn’t helping!”

Their eyes met but Jack looked away first. He sighed “If you feel like that…”

“I do. I’m sorry.”

“I’ll leave you alone then.”

“Jack…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get Tosh to come sit with you…” the bitterness in his voice was like a blow.

“You don’t have to…” but it was like talking to a brick wall. The door slammed shut as he left.

Jess was just coming off shift when she saw the familiar figure striding down the corridor towards her, the tail of his RAF greatcoat flapping out behind him. She stopped, waited for him to catch up, concern on her face when she saw his expression.

“I’ll gather this isn’t a courtesy call” she said “What’s up? How’s Ianto?”

When Jack didn’t say anything Jess frowned and said “Wait here” She checked her watch “I’ll be back in ten. I’m off shift soon.” She went to sign out then headed off to her locker. When she got back, he was sitting on one of the seats in the corridor, head in his hands. At the gentle touch of her hand on his shoulder he sat up, scrubbed at his face with both hands and stood. She looked at him “Come on, you can give me a lift home.”

“So, what’s wrong?” she asked as they drove through the gathering dusk

“It’s Ianto. I don’t know what to do or say any more…”

“U-huh”

“U-huh?”

“Yes, all doctors have to perfect that sound before they can pass their exams, didn’t you know?” He laughed at that and some of the tension eased “Good, that’s better.” she said “Laughter is a good panacea for most ills. Now begin at the beginning and tell me the whole story. Turn left here by the way.”

As she navigated them back to her house he told her the whole sorry tale.

“I think” she said carefully “that you’ve got a bad case of love sickness my friend”

“Yeah, right, like I’m not an adult here…”

“Jack, Ianto was trying to get you off his back in a thoughtful way. He’s not ready. It might be days or even weeks, you’ve got to be prepared for that and be patient.”

“I know” he admitted, following her into the three storey Victorian terrace, admiring the decor as they passed through the hallway and into the big kitchen beyond. “Trouble is, I’m not the most patient of people.” he admitted.

She dumped her bag and put the kettle on, threw her coat on a chair and faced him. “So what do you want from me?”

He shrugged “I don’t know, advice? A friendly face?”

“Well, you got my advice, such as it is. I’m not exactly the best when it comes to guidance counselling though. I’m divorced, so I obviously didn’t take my own advice…” she regarded him as he prowled the room, studying the things on display - family photos (though non of herself), a collection of small oil paintings (mostly landscapes), a bowl of stones and shells (distractedly turning one over in his fingers, feeling the smoothness), a rambling houseplant of indeterminate origin, two Victorian floral patterned plates, a large bronze sculpture of a hare on the tiled hearth, its nose tilted heavenward, and a smaller ceramic of a galloping black horse on the mantelpiece. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked out the back window onto a small garden bordered with high walls, overgrown with apple trees. It began to rain, fitting his mood perfectly. She handed him a mug and he sipped the coffee. Not as good as Ianto’s but not bad. The thought depressed him. “Go home.” she was saying “and make it up to him, you can’t go wrong with adding roses and chocolates either. Tell him you love him and then lay off him. Don’t even mention sex. Wait for him to initiate it…”

Jack snorted “Wouldn’t blame him if he went off me. Those nightmares are throwing him off balance, he’s still very tired all the time. He thinks I’m pushing him too fast.”

“Well, aren’t you?” she retorted “Even if you find it hard to remain faithful, he doesn’t, and before you say anything, Jack Harkness, Ianto told me about you, all the gory details.”

“So how bad is it then, your opinion of me?”

“You don’t deserve him.” she said gently “He told me you’d shag anything with a pulse.” She giggled “Ianto is your died-in-the-wool romantic hearts-and-flowers kind of guy. Loyal and faithful to the hilt. He sort of indicated he didn’t expect you to wait for him.” She saw his downcast eyes and relented a little “You’re just needy, you love the guy and you nearly lost him. Wanting to affirm he’s still alive is only natural. Wanting to be intimate, well, that’s hardly a surprise either. Nearly losing your lover is bound to affect you but, don’t forget, its affected Ianto as well. Coming so close to death, it’s usually a life changer.”

“I should be able to care for him though. He’s my partner, I love him.”

“Since when did that make it easy?” she said, her tone full of understanding. They looked at each other. She could see him mulling things over. “You said he’s still got nightmares?” She asked “What, like the dream he had about…what were they called?”

“The 456, yeah. But he’s not having the same nightmare twice. Its different each time. Owen prescribed him some sleeping pills and they seem to have worked. He doesn’t dream when he takes them. Freaked me out the last time he did it though. He dreamed something he couldn’t possibly know.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Believe me, I’m sure. He knew something about me…” he paused. How to tell her without giving too much away? He folded his arms across his chest and regarded her with wary eyes “Its something I haven’t ever shared with anyone, those who knew are now dead and there’s nothing on file as far as I know.”

“So, like Lois and the 456, Ianto has dreamed something else he couldn’t know beforehand, something about you now?”

“Yup, that’s it.”

Jess sipped her coffee and gazed out of the window “Have you asked the rest of your team what they think?”

“Yeah, well, I broached it with them when he was still in hospital.”

“And?”

“Not much. Owen mentioned out-of-body-experiences, but beyond that, there wasn’t much…”

“I think maybe you should get your team involved in this. It sounds like something they should be working on. He can’t keep taking the pills forever” she frowned “If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was accessing someone else’s memories” She looked at Jack where he stood, looking out of her window again. “Have you any records of this type of thing happening before?”

Jack paused “You know when he said he died, in the dream? He was dreaming about dying in my arms.”

“Yes, I remember.”

“You don’t think…?” Jack frowned “The Ianto who died, you don’t think he might have crossed over into the mind of our Ianto, from this world? How crazy does that sound?” he asked “If he has, how the hell do we solve this one?” Jack sighed “I wish the Doctor were here. He knows all about other dimensions and alternative universes…”

“Which one, Owen?”

“Hmm? No, sorry, its somebody you won’t know…”

“Oh, that one?” she said sagely and Jack belatedly remembered her UNIT status.

“You’ve met him?” Jack asked.

“Good God no, but I’ve heard about him. Most folks who come into contact with UNIT know about The Doctor” she said “and you’re right, he would probably know if anyone would”

“Would you come to the Hub with me?” Jack asked, out of the blue.

“What, now?”

“Yes. In your capacity as a UNIT consultant, I would like to consult with you on this, please. You and the rest of the team, together. I think we need to pool our resources on this. When we spoke in the hospital, before Ianto came home, you sounded as if you knew something about all this sort of thing.”

“Well, only what I’ve read and talked to my dad about. You’d probably be better talking to my dad about parallel worlds than me.”

Jack's phone rang and he swore “Damn, its Owen.” He answered it and she could hear the volume from across the kitchen. Jack held the phone away from his ear as the medic’s voice ranted on about unexpected visitors and would Jack get is arse down to the Hub now please, like yesterday? Jess laughed but Jack wasn’t smiling as he turned to Jess and said “He’s here. The Doctor, he’s arrived at the Hub, just this minute…”

The cog door rolled back with its usual alarm noise and Jack and Jess walked through to be greeted by Owen and Gwen who were surprised to see Jess but welcomed her warmly “Jack roped you in, has he?” Gwen asked.

“Seems that way.” Jess agreed and turned to see Jack and Owen exchanging heated comments. They all went up to the board room where a slightly-built man with black spectacles and brown tousled hair was lounging in a seat, a pretty dark-skinned girl sitting next to him. On seeing Jack he shot to his feet and lunged at him, throwing his arms around the Captain “Jack! Its so good to see you!” Jack hugged him back with a smile “Good to see you too Doctor, how are you?”

“Oh, fine, fine, thought we’d drop in to see how you were all doing…Jack, allow me to introduce…” he paused “…your replacement I suppose” he smiled that manic smile again and said “Jack, this is…”

“Oh God…no” Jack breathed, hardly daring to even think it “…Martha?” he asked.

“Oh” the Doctor said, frowning “Martha? I thought you said you’d never met him?”

“Why are you here, right here, right now?” Jack asked the flummoxed man in front of him “And no, Martha and I haven’t met.” He added as an afterthought.

“Well, how did you know her name then? Are you turning psychic, Jack?” his smile died when he saw the other was somewhat troubled.

“No, I’m not. We’ve got a problem, that’s all. Its Ianto.”

“What, that nice quiet young man from Torchwood 1? What’s he been doing now?”

“He’s been ill…look, I don’t know why you’re here but I need your advice…”

“As I said, we just decided to check in on you all, you know? Say ‘Hi’ and all that?” he patted the chair beside him “Come on Jack, sit down and tell me all about it.”

“I see” the Doctor said. Jack had taken half an hour to fill him in, referring to Owen to tell the Doctor what had happened at the Hub and to Jess to tell him what had happened in the hospital. “Well, parallel worlds are usually not readily accessible otherwise we’d be popping into them willy-nilly” he said with a frown “but it has been known for people to visit or ‘fall through’ into them. The laws governing their existence…” he made tutting noise and put his head on one side “…very specific…not to be messed with really…” he sounded as if he knew more but wasn’t prepared to comment.

“Could he be accessing the memories of another version of himself?” Jess asked.

“Possible I suppose” the Doctor looked at Jack intently “and you say he knows things he couldn’t possibly know? Are you completely sure about that?”

“He dreamed about Martha being your assistant.” Jack pointed out “How else do you think I could have known who she was? He dreamed about the 456 and Lois Habiba and the last time, it was me, undercover at a fairground. He could not possibly know about that. I never told anyone, it was Torchwood’s business and there are no records. All the film footage was destroyed to prevent the threat re-occurring.”

“Quite a co-incidence we came then.”

“Is it?” Jack and the Doctor exchanged a glance. “What are you not telling me Doctor?” Jack's voice had a hard edge to it. “I didn’t think you believed in coincidence.”

The Doctor squirmed a little while Martha kept her eyes on the table, then capitulated and said “Alright, alright, I admit it.” He fixed Jack with an apologetic look and said “There’s another reason we’re here, but it hasn’t got anything to do with your Ianto. Promise. We're refuelling."

“Refuelling?”

“Yes, the rift is perfect for it, as well you know.”

“That’s all?”

“Yes, but I could hardly set the TARDIS down without saying hello could I? I mean she’s right on your doorstep. On your lift anyway. It would have been very rude of me…”

“Yeah, right. Since when did that stop you?”

“Jack, I’m hurt” the Doctor said with a wounded expression.

“OK, OK, I’m sorry!” Jack glared at him, sighed and sat down opposite Martha. “So, how are you enjoying travelling with him then?” Jack asked the girl.

“Its…incredible, isn’t it? He said you’d travelled with him for a while.”

“Yeah, seen some sights in our time.”

“I’ll bet” she flashed him a grin, then her face grew more serious “I’m sorry about your…friend, Ianto. I’m sure the Doctor will have a solution. He seems to find the way round most things.”

Jack had to smile at that “Yeah, he does.” he looked across at the Doctor who seemed to be deep in thought “Can take him a while sometimes though.” and he grinned back at her.

“Look, I’m training to be a doctor, if I can help…” Martha began but Jack help up a hand “Thank you, but Jess here is qualified and so is Owen. Nice to know you’re on our side though.” he flashed a trademark grin, showing teeth, and she smiled back.

“I think the solution might be simple.” The Doctor said suddenly.

“Glad somebody does.” Jack grumbled.

“Technically they were both vulnerable for the same reason.” The Doctor suggested “They were both ill, only one died, the other didn’t.”

“Actually, that was the ultimate result but not quite true.” Jess said “Our Ianto did die, for all of two minutes, right at the same point that the parallel Ianto died. Only…”

“Only our Ianto came back and the other didn’t.”

“I’m sorry to say this Jack, I don’t want to hurt you,” Jess watched Jack wave away her protest “but in my opinion our Ianto shouldn’t have come back either. He was too far gone. I do not care what anybody else has to say about it, that man was looking at me when he should have been dead. His heart and brain had ceased to function. Yet I saw his eyes focus on me, he was aware. His heart started again after that, even before we’d really begun the resuscitation procedure.”

“And I don’t think that there’s much we can do.” The Doctor said thoughtfully “If what I think has happened has happened, then they both should have died but somehow they’ve combined instead. If you try to send away or stop the other consciousness that is the parallel Ianto, then there’s a chance you might lose both of them.”

“There’s another consideration too.” Jess said softly and Jack's eyes fixed on hers “If the Ianto who died is really inside the memories of your Ianto, do you have any right to deny him the chance to be with the person he loves…?”

Jack looked exhausted. He sat in his office while the Doctor took Martha on a tour of Torchwood with Owen acting as guide. Gwen had gone home to Rhys.

“I ought to get home too.” Jess said “It’s late.”

“No rest for the wicked, eh?” he tried to smile.

“Actually no, I’m not for a couple of days now, but I still need sleep and so do you.”

“Jess, would you…?” he paused, a sudden thought occurring to him “Is there a Mr Jess? You said you were divorced.” he asked abruptly “Boyfriend?”

“No, why?” He was looking at her intently and she returned the look, her delicate brows drawn together in a frown, then, eloquently, one eyebrow rose “You wouldn’t be suggesting…? Oh, my God, you are…you’re propositioning me!” she was incredulous.

“He gave me permission!” Jack defended “He actually gave me his permission to find someone else. I think it was his way of saying he didn’t want me to suffer because of him…typical Ianto.”

“Well if it was me, I’d be happy to know I wasn’t under pressure to perform before I was well enough to,” she said honestly “but I might question your fidelity even so.”

He stood up from behind his desk, coming up behind her “”We have an open relationship…”

“No Jack, you have an open relationship, Ianto just takes what he can get as far as I can see!” she retorted, suddenly annoyed with him.

“Is that what you think? Is that how it looks to you?”

“Jack, how it looks has nothing to do with it. Ianto has needs and from where I’m standing, you just ignore them if they don’t fit with what you want. You act like a selfish little boy sometimes and Ianto suffers for it.” She saw the anger just below the surface, a drawing together of his eyebrows, hardening of his eyes, stiffness in his stance. Jess faced him down. “I’m sorry if you don’t like the truth Jack, but if you love Ianto, you’ll listen to me. You and he both need to talk to each other, really talk and really listen too. If you don’t, you’ll lose him.”

Instead of losing his temper, Jack took a deep breath and said “He meant it when he gave me permission. He knew what he was doing because he knows I’m his, that I’ll come back to him. Jess, Ianto understands me better than I understand myself. He’s intuitive in ways I cannot comprehend. Now, you may not believe this but I don’t want to go home just yet because Ianto will see what’s wrong and he’ll try to help me, he’ll try to initiate sex before he’s ready because he sees the need in me. That’s how he is. Jess, please…would you…?” he paused.

“Would I what, Jack?” she asked bluntly “Anyway, I thought you were gay?”

“You people and your quaint little categories. If its attractive…” he shrugged “He got it wrong though. Some things don’t have a pulse…”

She thought about that, realising that this was Torchwood and they did come into contact with alien life “You mean you’ve…you know, done it with aliens?”

He laughed, a deep, rich and infectious laugh that made her smile along with him.

“Oh Jess, yes, I guess you might say that, only they weren’t little green men you know. There are some attractive humanoid life-forms out there.”

“Like you, you mean?”

He grinned “I’m human, through and through. Let me prove it. Come to bed with me, please? Help me?” he grinned and his eyebrows flicked up in a suggestive gesture “Why not give me that MOT I was asking for?”

“Oooh, you charming bastard.” She grinned at him “You don’t need one, you’re ridiculously healthy. And how do I know you’re not feeding me a line? If I find out Ianto didn’t give you permission to go shag anyone else I’ll take you apart, bit by bit…and without the benefit of an anaesthetic.”

“Ouch.” Jack smiled “But he did, honestly. You can ask him. Help me to help Ianto then…please?”

She sighed “And if I don’t want to?” She looked up at him standing behind her. He might be a rather intimidating presence if he wanted to be, he was bigger and taller than she was, an imposing figure “I couldn’t fight you off, you know that?”

“Then I’ll respect your choice, I would never force you.” He sounded aggrieved she should even suggest it. Jess sighed. He was a charming and attractive man, offering something she had missed for such a long time, and if Ianto agreed…knowing she would probably regret this, she made a decision. “Jack, no, I couldn’t” She said firmly “Sorry but…no.” He stepped back, holding his hands away in a non threatening gesture, a regretful smile on his face.

“OK, I can’t say I’m not sorry, would have liked to get up close and personal” he grinned again “But you’ll still come for dinner with us?”

“Wouldn’t miss it” she said with a smile “Now take me home.”

The short drive was accomplished in silence. Jess went in to the house, trailed by Jack, a reassuring presence behind her in the empty dwelling. She flicked lights on and went to switch the coffee machine on again in the kitchen.

“Wish you’d reconsider.” he murmured, coming up to her for a hug which she readily supplied. He traced a gentle finger along her cheek, down her jawline “Feel like I’ve known you forever. Oh Jess, if the Doctor’s right, what the hell do we do for Ianto?”

“Well, you said the sleeping pills curtail the nightmares.”

“Seem to.”

“Well, for now, we seem to have a solution. Lets take one day at a time, eh?”

She followed him as he went down the hall to the door. “We’ll sort this out Jack, don’t worry.” She could feel the tension in him, he was carrying himself like a tightly coiled spring. Trouble was, tightly coiled springs had a habit of shattering sooner or later. He nodded, grim-faced, and she watched from the front door as he quickly covered the distance to the car with his long loping stride. Then an idea struck her.

“Jack?” A car drove by and smothered her voice. He didn’t hear and had the SUV’s door open “JACK!” she yelled above the traffic noise. He turned “Jack, come back a minute.” and she waved him over. He paused, then loped back, taking the steps two at a time.

“What did I forget?”

“Ianto’s phone number.”

“What?”

“Give me Ianto’s number. I want to call him.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.” She said and he flipped out his mobile and brought up the address book.

“There.” He held it out to her and she took it, but instead of writing the number down, she pressed the call button “Hey, what are you doing?”

“Calling Ianto…” she evaded his attempt to take his phone back just as she got an answer “Tosh? Yes, its Jess, Doctor Wintringham, from the hospital. Sorry, just borrowed Jack’s phone…”

“Jess? Jack’s with you then?” Her voice sounded tense.

“Hmm, he gave me a lift home. Look, is Ianto there? I need a word.” Her eyes met Jack’s as she spoke and he paused, uncertain.

“Sure, he’s been…well, frantic,” and she lowered her voice “since Jack went…I’ll call him.” Jess heard her as she went in search of him. “Here he is.” Jess heard her explaining to Ianto and he came on the phone very quickly. Jess walked away from Jack as Ianto said “Jess, is that you? Tosh said you had Jack with you…can I talk to him?”

“Ianto, yes, he’s here but please listen a moment, will you? Look, I need to ask you something.” She moved further away out of Jack’s earshot and said “He’s asked me something and I need to find out if its OK with you.” Ianto listened as she explained, then she said “He said you’d given him permission? I didn’t want to hurt you if that wasn’t true.”

There was a pause, then “Yes, its true.” he sounded subdued “Is he alright?”

“Yes, we’ve had a long talk, he told me what happened. I hope I gave him the right advice. I told him I think he needs to give you space, and to take the pressure off. Are you OK with that?”

“Yes, yes I am…Look Jess, I’m glad he’s with you. At least he’s with a friend…”

“Thank you Ianto, I’m honoured you look on me like that.” there was a small chuckle at the other end.

“You looked after me.” Ianto said “I’m sure you’ll look after him too.”

“Yes, you know I will. I’ll take care of him. I’ll try to sort him out for you but I think he’s suffering a terminal case of love sickness.”

Ianto laughed and then said “Can’t you immunise him against that?”

“Wish I could. Look, I don’t plan on having sex with him, just releasing the tension,” she smiled “He did ask, although what he sees in me I cannot understand.”

He actually chuckled at that “Can’t say I’m surprised. You didn’t see the way he was looking at you in the hospital, but you were flirting with him too.”

Jess laughed at that “Flirting is not serious, at least, not to me.”

“Jack is a serial flirt.” Ianto assured her “He takes it very seriously, its like a hobby.”

“Ianto, he does love you, you know that?”

“Yes, I know.”

“You still want to talk to him?” “OK, if he’ll have me.”

She held the phone out and Jack frowned “Go on.” she said “He wants to talk to you. Tell the man you love him and we’ll see him in a couple of hours.”

Jack took the phone back “I’m supposed to tell you I love you and we’ll see you in a couple of hours apparently.” he said dryly, knowing Ianto would have already heard. There as a brief exchange which she couldn’t hear and then Jack lowered his voice and walked off a little way. She heard a distinct apology, a small silence, a soft laugh, what sounded like two more murmured words and then the phone snapped shut. He turned to her. “A couple of hours? So the answer is yes?”

“No” She said firmly “I wanted to know that Ianto really approved, but I don’t plan on letting you take me to bed. I have another idea…”

“He told me to take care of you, you know? Said you were worth your weight in Welsh gold.”

“That’s a complement.”

“Its deserved.” he said, reaching to caress her cheek with his fingers “I agree with him. So, what have you got planned for me then?”

“Come with me.” And Jess lead the way across the hall.

The room on the other side of the hall from the sitting room was fitted out as a clinic, neutrally painted walls in dove grey, framed certificates hung up here and there, an obviously hand-crafted but modern-looking oak desk, black office chair, two chairs opposite and a comfortable arrangement of informal sofas nearby. There was an examination couch on one wall, partially hidden with screens, and a treatment bed in the bay window, yoga mats and cushions nearby but not in the way. Jess turned the up-lighters on and the room was filled with a restful glow.

“This is…nice.” Jack prowled around the room, hands thrust into the pockets of his coat, and Jess smiled at the hesitancy in his voice. He was reading the certificates “Impressive” he commented.

“Welcome to my office.” she said by way of explanation.

He paused, pivoted on one heel to look back at her “I thought you said you were on temporary assignment at the hospital…?”

“Yes, I am.”

“But, this is your home…”

“Yes?” she gave him a quizzical look.

“When I said I wasn’t aware of any UNIT personnel in the area, you said…”

“…that I wasn’t UNIT personnel, yes. I also said that I was only on temporary assignment in the hospital for a couple of months and I’d only just arrived. True, I’m doing the favour for a friend. Never said that I didn’t live in Cardiff though. I wasn’t really lying, just being economical with the truth. I had only just arrived back home. I had only just arrived at the hospital too. Only been there two weeks. OK, so I might have made it sound like I was new here…” she grinned apologetically “…but I actually have two homes, I’m here like eight months out of twelve, my flat in London for the other four, but I travel all over. I am a consultant, I’m an epidemiologist with expertise in immunology. I work for UNIT, for other hospitals, labs, you name it. I’m also a university lecturer at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine.”

“Busy girl” he said.

“Too bloody right.” she replied. “It pays the bills. What else would I do, get married again? Hair’s going grey, the body isn’t what it was, things are not as firm as they once were…” she laughed, self deprecatingly. “Hell, I’m probably menopausal too.”

“Don’t” Jack said gently, his expression serious “Don’t put yourself down like that.”

She looked at him curiously, shrugged but said nothing.

“So” he continued “What’s in store for me?”

She fixed him with a professionally cool look, helped him off with the heavy coat, then said “Well, Mr Harkness, I want you to go behind those screens and get your clothes off.” she smiled. He gave her a look, part way between curious and cheeky but did as he was told.

Jack's POV

I don’t believe this woman. She’s unreal. Intelligent, caring, sexy as hell…and she doesn’t see it. God, how I hate this place sometimes, so bound up in categorising and pigeonholing and negative reinforcement. A woman reaches her prime of life where experience and knowledge should matter and, because she hits her mid-forties and her figure starts to go a little, she’s no longer desirable? What the hell is that? This one is special, like Ianto is special, and I wish I’d met her years ago, even though I feel as if I’ve known her for decades. What now? She really is going to give me a medical now. Maybe I can still persuade her to play ‘doctors and nurses’…No? Shame, but there’s still time. No idea what she’s got planned but I’ll run with it for now.

Firstly, she really did give him a check-up. Eyes, ears, mouth and throat, reflexes, heart and lungs, blood pressure, temperature, the works. He submitted to her gentle prodding and poking, a half-smile of amusement on his face. There was no way in hell he was anything other than fit and healthy. He had died so many times and always his body seemed to reset itself. Factory settings though, not even back to how he had been when he had died the first time, the time before Rose pumped pure vortex energy through him. Back then he had possessed several scars, some internal, nothing too large, but he had them. They had gone, swept away in the rejuvenation. He knew he was perfect, abnormally so, and that was not his ego talking either. Every time he died it took with it anything that had happened between times, because, even though he healed faster and usually with no scarring now, he still got hurt. Injuries which didn’t kill him still did damage and could still leave a mark, however faint. He could almost wish to die every time, rather than suffer the healing process. However, dying hurt too.

There were no two ways about it, dying usually did hurt. Shot through the heart, momentary pain before blackout, still pain. Shot through a lung or the stomach, very painful, long time dying, nasty but not worth six hours plus in surgery to repair the damage. Stabbed, burned (now that was agony), poisoned (very unpleasant unless it was fast acting), beaten, they all still hurt. If the injuries were non fatal, they seemed to hurt more, although he wasn’t sure that wasn’t his imagination. So did coming back, that first great gulp of air to starved lungs, that hurt too, as if needles were being shoved through him. And the head ache, boy, that was a killer. If the death had been slow, the return was more uncomfortable and took longer. A single shot to the head, he was back in no time, minutes sometimes and, ironically enough, no headache either. The quicker and cleaner the death, the easier the come back. Conversely, the harder the death, the longer it took to return and the worse he felt.

He did wonder if his libido was part of it, his sex drive was as strong as a young man in his prime. Maybe that had reset too. Hormonal levels perfect, just as they should be, firing on all cylinders… He grinned at that thought.

“Its true you know.” she said.

“What is?”

“That men think about sex every seven seconds.” She was smiling.

He laughed “How did you know what I was thinking?”

“Because your expression said it all Harkness.”

“I was just thinking…” he paused “I can’t tell you what I was thinking, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Pfft” she huffed dismissively. “So, I have worked with UNIT, I have identified an alien plague, I understand we have alien visitors, I’m dealing with a potential case of parallel universes, and now you’re telling me I wouldn’t understand something about you?” She grimaced “Maybe I don’t want to know. After all, how bad could it be, considering I don’t think the rest of it is strange any more?”

“You can’t find anything wrong though, can you?” Jack said, smug smile in place “I’m perfect.”

“Ordinarily I would put that down to an over inflated ego but I would have to say, in my medical opinion, you’re damn near right. Without benefit of any scans I cannot say for certain but I can’t find anything out of place, you are fit, healthy and one damn fine specimen of manhood.”

Jess’s POV
Why is it the good ones are either Gay or taken, or both? Why, after all this time, do I find a guy who is sexy as hell, wants to be more than just a friend and find he already has a partner? He really is too good to be true. There’s nothing whatever wrong with him, not even a scar. He’s beautifully built, quite literally your ‘tall, dark and handsome’ type. Trouble is, he’s unnervingly healthy, almost like the 'Stepford Wives'. Too perfect. If it hadn’t been for the cracks in his confidence, the vulnerability that is obviously just beneath the surface and, yes Jack, I do know its there, despite your best efforts to hide it, he would probably creep me out. Trouble is, he’s stressed and hurting and needs comfort and that is something I can deal with. And because its Jack, I can probably deal with it in a more intimate way.

“The only thing wrong with you is that you’re under stress and you’re very tense as a result but there are remedies for that.”

“I know a good remedy myself, Doctor. You still don’t want to reconsider?”

“No, you’re the one who needs this, Jack, not me. I’m doing this for you, and Ianto too. Now, go and lie face down on the other bed over there.” He sat up, sighed melodramatically and padded over there, lying, as she instructed, face down.

He felt her cover his legs and lower back with a large towel “Just to keep you warm.” she said. He knew what she was about to do before her hands, slick with warm oil, contacted his muscles and began to smooth the tension out of him. A sigh of contentment escaped as she kneaded his shoulders, working deep into the knots she knew were there. He might be physically perfect but his muscles responded just like anyone else’s to tension and stress. She worked carefully, covering almost every inch of him. “Is the pressure OK?” she asked and smiled when he murmured a barely intelligible affirmative. It was always gratifying to hear the small noises of enjoyment and contentment coming from her subject. Massage was a secondary skill for her, although she certainly advocated it as an aid to healing and stress reduction. It was a satisfying practice knowing that she was able to relax and de-stress someone who needed it and Jack definitely needed it right then.

Having him turn over, she proceeded to work on each arm, stroking downwards, even paying attention to his hands and his fingers. Then she worked on each leg, including his feet and toes, then worked across his chest and abdomen. His eyes were closed, her gentle sweeping strokes across his belly soothing.

Jack's POV
Oh God, she’s good. Didn’t expect this. Full body massage. Just what the doctor ordered, literally. She’s well trained – ooh, yes, just there, yes, yes, yes, ow, yes – I hope she knows I could get off on this. It wouldn’t take much. Ahh, that’s good, soothing, very comforting…

He woke slowly, slightly disorientated. He was covered with a light fleece blanket, warm and relaxed.

“Hey, feeling ok?” she asked, standing over him. She held his wrist, pressing her fingers across the pulse beat “Nice and relaxed?”

“Yeah, thank you.”

“Not at all, now take it easy, not finished with you yet.”

“There’s more?”

“Oh yes…” she murmured near his ear, her breath ghosting over his neck “There are other things I know how to massage as well, you know.” She felt him shiver and their eyes met “You trust me?” she asked, one delicate eyebrow raised questioningly.

“Implicitly.”

“You sure?”

“You took care of Ianto, why should I not trust you?”

“You hardly know me…”

“I know enough.” he said firmly and reached out to grasp her hand, squeezing her fingers reassuringly.

She smiled her appreciation and said “Ever done any Tantric exercises?”

“Some. Spent sometime at Torchwood India once…”

“There’s a Torchwood in India?”

“Yeah, the Empire and all that, you know?”

“Then you know what I’m talking about. Spent some time in India myself, worked in a clinic there for a couple of years. A girl I knew there introduced me to her teacher.”

“Hmm, always a fan of girl on girl…”

“You are impossible Jack. Her teacher was a lovely woman called Surina and she taught me a lot. If you agree, I’m going to share some of what she taught me with you.”

Jack's POV
This is amazing. I cannot believe she knows Tantra…scratch that, she’s trained. Ianto would give anything for this…I can imagine him now…no no no, so not a good idea to think of him right now…breathe, damn you, breathe…calm down…

“Breathe deeply Jack, come on, deep breath in….and out, that’s it, and again…”

He had so nearly tipped over the edge there, he was trembling. Jess had pulled back for the second time and waited, one hand pressing down onto the pelvic bone, the other hand pushing into the perineum, encouraging him to breathe and to relax. She wasn’t going to allow him to climax just yet. Besides, orgasm wasn’t the point of the exercise, although it might be a side effect. She was performing the ‘Lingam’ massage, stimulating the muscles in and around his genitals in order to relax him and release the deeply healing Kundalini energy that was said to be stored there.

Jack was sitting propped against the wall on a pile of cushions, legs parted, watching her as her hands were gliding across his skin. They maintained eye contact, each watching the other, seeing reactions and reflections in each other’s eyes. He felt the broad firm strokes of her fingers as they worked into the tops of his thighs and lower abdomen, then the flat of her palms stroking up and down his shaft. She alternated her hands, sweeping up, then down, gently swiping her palm and twisting her grip across the head as if she were squeezing an orange on a juicer. She lavished attention on what she referred to as the ‘sacred spot’, a point on the perineum just behind his balls, pressing into it. All the time she was reminding him to breathe deeply, breathe into it and relax.

Jess’ POV
Going better than I hoped, he’s responding well. He loves this, revels in it even, yet his control isn’t bad either. Harkness isn’t big on self control after all. Maintains eye contact well too, I can see the tension ebbing out of him. Have to keep reminding him to breathe deeply though. He’s too used to achieving climax rather than emphasising the exercise itself. Wonder what he’s going to think of phase two? Not like he won’t be used to such activity…

Tantra required a deal of trust on behalf of the receiver, a willingness of the naturally controlling male to allow himself to be placed in an unaccustomed submissive role. Of course, where same sex partnerships were concerned it usually wasn't such an issue. Likewise, the action of the man putting himself voluntarily into such a vulnerable position should be appreciated and cherished by the giver. Trust was hard won and easily lost and, as such, something to be honoured. As powerful as the physiological stimulation might be, the mental high was immeasurably greater though and that was what Jess hoped to achieve.

Gradually, he quieted, his breathing returning to deep steady breaths and she resumed what she was doing. This was relaxing him, preparing him for her real intent and for that he would need to trust her completely.

Jack's POV
Oh God, watching her do this, she’s giving so much and, apart from the opportunity to watch me which she’s obviously enjoying, she’s not taking. I have to make it up to her somehow. This is such a gift she’s giving me. Properly done, and boy, is she doing this properly, Tantra is a deeply healing thing. I cannot believe she’s doing this for me…

“Ready to take things a little further?” she murmured.

“Further?”

“Not without your permission though.”

“For what exactly?”

“Sacred spot massage.” She said “internal though, not external.”

“Ah, I see.” The blue eyes regarded her thoughtfully, then he smiled “I trust you completely Jess…” he paused “What is that short for, Jessica? Jessie? What?”

“Jessalyn actually” she said “My mum was American - half Lakota, half Welsh - and from New England…”

“Wow, now that’s a heritage.” He chuckled.

She smiled “So, that’s a yes then, is it?” and he nodded.

No matter how many times his lovers had penetrated him, how many times he had felt either fingers or cock fucking him, this was entirely different. She had put latex gloves on, not because of cleanliness, although that was important, but because, as she explained, they protected the delicate internal membranes from her fingernails as well as gliding more easily across the skin. Sufficiently lubricated, there was almost no friction.

Jess' POV
Cannot help but smile, holding his gaze as I do this for him, he’s so open. Even so, Jack's not used to this amount of stimulation on his prostate. A few quick thumps and bumps from fingers or cock isn’t the same thing. This is massage, pressure and manipulation, gentle and stimulating
and must take it slowly…

Jack's POV
Ohhh, God, must remember to breathe! Actually the breathing bit deepens the sensations. Ohmygod, to watch Ianto having this done to him…damn it, no, don’t think about that yet…she’s doing this to me, now, and fuck, this is so damn good…the eye contact is amazing. To see her watching me react…breathe…remember to breathe…

“There we go Jack, breathe into it, deep as you can, that’s it…”

“I’m going to…come, not give birth…”

Jess laughed softly and grasped his cock in her other hand as she rubbed gentle circles inside. Rather like patting your head and rubbing your belly, some part of her thought with a smile. She watched him, holding those blue eyes with her brown ones, varying the pressure she was using inside, deliberately prolonging the exercise. She was in control, able to choose her moment with care to bring things to an end. Her fingers moved, Jack's breath huffed out and he came, the intensity of it reflecting in his expression, in the dark depths of those blue eyes.

Jack's POV
“There we go Jack, breathe into it, deep as you can, that’s it…” oh god, what does she think I am, I can’t control it like this… “I’m going to…come, not give birth…” Just like me, ready with the witty quip. That seductive chuckle… does she realise what that does? Auditory erotica. Probably not…ahhh, she definitely knows what she’s doing with her fingers though. Here it comes…no? Damn, how many times…? Yes, please, now…yes, ohyesyesyes…don’t make me wait again…yes, yes, yeeessss…

“Hello? The light’s on but is there anyone at home?” Jess smiled, sitting cross legged beside him. He opened his eyes to find her sitting watching him.

“Hey there.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Amazing.” he took a deep breath and sat forward, stretching. “That must have been the understatement of the century.” he muttered. “‘Amazing’ doesn’t even come close.”

“Shower?” she suggested.

“That would be good.” so she helped him stand slowly, making sure he didn’t go light headed, threw him a soft robe and lead him upstairs.

Jess insisted on being the one to drive them back to Ianto’s flat, although Jack was feeling amazingly good. The whole experience had effected the desired result and he was no longer feeling frustrated and needy. He still needed Ianto but the desperation had gone, replaced by a deep sense of wellbeing. Hell, it might not last forever but he was damned if he wasn’t going to enjoy it while it did.

As they drove, Jack’s phone rang. It proved to be Owen, informing him of rift activity and could he get his arse down to the hub as fast as was humanly possible? The Doctor and Martha had agreed to help but as he was boss of Torchwood, Owen wanted him there, like now. Oh, and would he pick up Tosh’ on the way as she was with Ianto? Jack told him that he had Dr Jess with him, she would ‘babysit’ and he’d pick up Tosh when he dropped Jess off. Owen was satisfied with that and rang off.

“Sorry, can you stay with him? Just until I get back?”

“You know I can.” she said with a smile. When they arrived, she leapt out, grabbed her bag as Tosh ran down the steps, flashing her a smile as she jumped in and then they were off, at high speed. She watched the tail lights of the big black vehicle disappear round the corner and then climbed the stairs, wondering just what Ianto would make of her.

He was waiting at the door, talking to his neighbour.

“Thank you Mrs Davis” he was saying “No, I really do appreciate it, honestly, if you hadn’t rung I might not be here now.” she liked the way that the welsh lilt in his voice was more pronounced when he was talking to another countryman.

“Noooo” she said in that way Welsh women have of emphasising the negative, drawing the word out “Well, I knew see, I just knew. You ne-ver leave the paper in the door, e-ver” the Welsh lilt in her voice was lovely.

“Well, I’m getting better but it’s a slow process." he smiled bravely and added "Not feeling too well tonight as it happens.” He looked up as Jess appeared and Mrs Davis cast an eagle eye at her “Ah, Doctor Wintringham, hello” he smiled a welcome and said “Sorry to call you out so late" he looked at Mrs Davis "Got to go, can’t keep my doctor waiting.”

Mrs Davis seemed to approve on hearing who Jess was “No, off you go love.” she agreed, adding “Just wish I could get my doctor to do housecalls. Dunno what the NHS is coming to these days…”

He stepped back to let her in and she said as she passed him “Now Mr Jones, how are we feeling?” in what she hoped was a loud enough voice to reach Mrs Davis ears.

Ianto laughed as he closed the door “Well done. Thank you.” he sighed “She’s a bit of a busybody but I can’t say I don’t owe her. If she hadn’t called 999…” he showed her into the lounge, took her coat and hung it up “She’s already suspicious of me, having Jack stay for so long…”

Jess smiled “Well, she’s old school, she’ll probably be listening for me leaving.” she put her bags down “Were you as frantic as Tosh seemed to think?”

Ianto shrugged defensively “I was a bit worried. He went off without telling me where he was going.”

“I know.”

“Do you know what’s wrong at the hub? Tosh just said she had to get to back there and Jack would pick her up when he dropped you off.”

“Rift activity?” Jess said “I think that’s what Owen said.”

“Ah, right, yes, yes, it would be.” Ianto murmured “Rift activity.”

“And you’re not going to tell me about it, are you?”

“No” he agreed.

“Classified alien stuff?”

“Yes, you got it.”

“Right, well…UNIT doesn’t afford me that much security clearance.”

“Is Jack alright?” he cut across her thoughts “Do you mind me asking? Tell me to piss off if you like.”

She looked at him and laughed “Come on, make me some of that coffee everyone says you’re so good at and I might give you the details.” she grinned as he nodded and lead the way to the kitchen.

“I gave him a thorough massage and…” she smiled “…relief of sorts.”

“If that means what I think it means, I owe you one.” Ianto sighed “Its worth it to get him off my back. I’m just…I wonder, sometimes, whether he’ll come back…”

“I'd lay bets that you’re not as secure in this relationship as Jack likes to think, are you?” she said shrewdly and he shook his head, handing her a steaming mug of coffee. They went into the lounge and sat on the sofa “Look, I’m no analyst” she admitted “but I see patients every day and I have to judge their mood, their condition, their mental state…” she paused “I guess I’m used to making spot assessments of what I’m facing, and what I’m facing here seems to be two people who love each other very deeply, but who can’t communicate that very well. Jack isn’t a very patient person but he’s honourable. He wouldn’t hurt you intentionally, but you’re both men. You have an added disadvantage of not being very open with your feelings in the first place.” Ianto was looking at her as if seeing her for the first time “Look, Jack is experienced, older, more worldly. Not that you’re innocent,” she added hastily, seeing his expression change “but Jack seems to have more self confidence, a bigger ego. The bigger the ego, the harder it falls.” she smiled, sipped the coffee, raised her eyebrows “That really is good.” she said appreciatively.

“Its my own blend.” He smiled “Are you saying I ought to have more patience with him?”

“Not at all. He needs to have more patience with you. Just remember from time to time that he’s probably scared of exactly how much he does need you. And this little episode has probably shown him how painful it would be to lose you. I think, although he probably doesn’t even realise it, its knocked him sideways.” She put her coffee down and patted her bag “I’ve brought my kit, I thought it might help if I gave you the once-over to check your progress, if you don’t object, that is?”

Ianto shook his head “Of course not. I’m a bit worried about it really, I seem to be getting nowhere fast. The nightmare’s haven’t helped to be honest. If I don’t take sleeping pills, I dream…”

“Then you have to take them. At least for now. Look, the Doctor arrived at the hub, with…” she paused “…his new assistant.”

“Her name’s Martha, isn’t it?” he sounded resigned about it.

“Yes, you were right.”

“Oh God, what is happening to me?”

“We have a theory about it but nobody is sure of the accuracy yet.”

“Will you tell me?”

Jess looked at him “You and the parallel Ianto both died at the same time. In a nutshell, the Doctor seems to think that you both should have died but instead, you combined. So you lived even if he didn’t, because you have him inside you”

“Inside me? How? I mean, can he take me over, make me do stuff…?”

“Ianto, calm down. Effectively, you are you. You and he are the same person after all. His memories are coming out in your dreams, your subconscious, that’s all.”

“Oh God, now what? Can you get rid of him?”

“The Doctor feels that if we tried, we might kill you both. We don’t know how anyway so it’s a bit of a moot point, but my concern is simpler. Have we the right to throw him out, even if we find a way? He only wants to be with the man he loves after all.”

Ianto lay back against the support of the sofa. He seemed to be considering the possibilities. Eventually he sighed and sat up.

“Do you feel any better physically, at all?” she asked, concern in her voice “Has Owen not had a look at you?”

He shook his head “Been too busy, we’re effectively two people down, me and jack, when he’s here. Besides I think he’s feeling guilty that I caught that damned alien bug and he didn’t realise. I am feeling better, I know I am, I can walk around the flat without having to lean on anything any more, but I still tire out too quickly. Jack still insists on doing everything for me!” He suddenly burst out “Please don’t tell him this…” his eyes closed as if he was trying to prepare himself, exhaled slowly, then opened his eyes and said in a rush “I walked to the shop the day before yesterday. I got myself dressed and went to see Dai in the newsagents across the road. I wanted to find out if I could do things for myself.” he sighed and looked regretful “I almost didn’t make it back…”

“Then you’re not ready, you’re pushing yourself.”

“Yes, but Jack won’t leave me on my own. If he’s out, somebody has to stay with me. Its getting embarrassing. I only managed to go out because Tosh couldn't make it for a half hour. She found me leaning on the wall in the street and had to help me up here but I can look after myself in the flat, its just that I want to know I don't need to rely on anyone else to look after me. Then in the same breath as insisting someone babysits me he keeps dropping hints about how he can’t wait for me to be well again…”

“Sounds to me as though he’s feeling guilty.”

“Guilty?”

“Yes, guilty. I saw his expression when you were in hospital, he felt guilty that no one, least of all him, had checked on you. I think he’s going a little over the top because he’s feeling like he should have known you weren’t well. I think he feels it was his fault you were so ill. More to the point, I think he’s frightened that you believe it too.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Ianto scoffed “I cleaned the mess up, I breathed the stuff in, I would have been ill anyway. Should have been more careful.”

“Yes but the fact that you were so dangerously ill altered things. I think he feels that if someone had managed to check on you earlier, you wouldn’t so nearly have died. As your partner, he feels that person should have been him, or at the very least, he feels he should have sent someone to check on you. He was very angry with Owen when he confessed how this might have happened.”

“Pah, they were busy. When Torchwood is busy, everyone is at full stretch and everything goes by the board.”

“You know that, I know that, and Captain Jack Harkness, the Jack that is Torchwood’s boss, also knows that, but the Jack who is in love with you has a blind spot. Plus the fact that we have this problem of somebody else’s memories cluttering up your head and that is an added concern for Jack. He desperately wants to find a solution to this. I think you need to talk to him when he gets back.”

“Too bloody right. You can start by telling him to leave me alone.”

Jess laughed at the chagrin in his voice “Oh Ianto, the course of true love never ran smooth,” she stood up “but we’ll deal with Jack later. Right now, I want to see how you are doing, come on.” and she picked up her bag and lead him through to the bedroom. “Lie down.” she ordered.

Obediently, he lay on the bed and she loosened his dressing gown.

The stethoscope was cold. “Damn it, you’re as bad as Owen for that” he complained.

She grinned “Sorry, just take some deep breaths for me…that’s it.”

Her hands, though, were warm and gentle. She then shone the pencil light in each eye, asking him to look up, down, left and right, she looked in each ear, took his temperature, blood pressure and finally, pronounced him as fit as he could be.

“There’s nothing I can find to hinder your progress except that over-active boyfriend of yours and I am afraid that he cannot be surgically removed.” Despite himself, Ianto smiled “That’s better” she said, sitting next to him.

“So, how was it then, what did you do to him? You said you’d tell me if I gave you coffee?” he reminded.

“I said I might tell you.”

“Cheat.” he said grumpily.

“Jack’s Jack, how do you describe him?” she said, exasperated “he’s passionate, intense, he loves stimulation…His voice goes husky when he’s aroused.” she smiled and Ianto nodded. “Ianto, we didn’t…well, we didn’t make love exactly. I wouldn’t do that to you. All I did was help him relax and release some of the tension. Gave him a massage and…well, when I was in India I learned some Tantric techniques.” she blushed but Ianto smiled.

“I’ve read about that” he said “On the internet, I was researching…” he went quiet, thinking that it was something he had wanted to try with Jack. “I’m glad it was you, not some stranger he picked up in a bar.” He added, trying to cover his embarrassment.

“I know one thing.” Jess said gently.

“What’s that?”

“You are a very lucky man, Ianto Jones.”

“I know” he admitted, his voice husky. He sat up, suddenly close, the gaze from his blue eyes holding hers. He reached out, tentatively - he didn’t have Jack’s confidence - but he curled his hand gently behind her neck in a gesture reminiscent of Jack. His lips met hers, soft and warm. He drew back, studying her. “Sorry” he whispered, his own voice had turned husky “It’s the closest I can get to him at the moment”. The pain in his voice was raw. Wordlessly, she took him in her arms, held him close “Its OK, I don’t mind.” she whispered into his hair.

It was late when the car drew up outside the block of flats. The engine died and Jack got out, looked up at the window above and saw it was in darkness. He mounted the steps two at a time again and used the spare key to let himself in. There was no sound from the lounge, the television wasn’t on, two coffee mugs sat abandoned on the table. He shed his coat, thinking Jess must have gone home, but saw her coat hanging up as he went to hang his in the hallway. Frowning, he retrieved the mugs and walked along the hall to the kitchen, then backtracked as he passed the bedroom. He stood in the doorway, looking at the scene before him. The room was dark, the only light coming in from the streetlights outside. Jess was curled on the bed with Ianto in her arms. They were both asleep, he still in his dressing gown, she fully clothed although Jack wouldn’t have been surprised to see them in bed together. He didn’t know whether to be jealous or not. She had managed to get close to Ianto, that was sure. He felt sure something must have happened between them, only he wasn’t sure what. On impulse, he picked up a fleece blanket and unfolded it, spreading it over them both. Then he went into the kitchen and put the kettle on to boil.

The smell of coffee reached her nose. Then she remembered where she was. Startled, she sat up, the blanket falling away from her. Ianto was still asleep. The beside light was on, a steaming mug of coffee next to it. Jack suddenly appeared in the doorway, bearing another two mugs, one of which he placed on the table on the other side of the bed. He gently shook Ianto awake, then sat down in the armchair by the door.

“Jack? When did you get home?” Jess asked.

“About a half hour ago. May I ask what you’re doing in bed with my lover?” there was amusement in his voice, she was glad to hear.

“I’m not in the bed” she said “I’m on it”

“Same difference” he said, his voice flat “Did you know you sound like Gwen?”

She yawned, ran a hand through her unruly hair, looked at him sitting in the chair by the door “Jealous?” she asked, amusement tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“Uhn” Ianto dragged himself awake “What…who?”

“Its Jack, we fell asleep” Jess said, reaching for her coffee.

“Jack, you’re here?” startled, Ianto sat up, the sudden movement making his head spin. He groaned, clapped his hands to his head and Jess quickly put down her coffee and turned to help. Jack, meanwhile, covered the distance to Ianto’s side and took him gently, and possessively, in his arms. Surprisingly, Ianto shrugged him off.

“Ianto?” Jack was flummoxed.

“Sit down Jack.” Jess said firmly “We need to talk to you.” Speechless, he sat down “Jack, Ianto and I have been talking” Jess began “I think there are some things that need airing here, before both of you lose something precious.”

“Like what?” Jack asked warily.

“Each other?” she said “I’m not going to cushion this Jack. As I said to you before, things need airing here, for both your sakes. I told Ianto about our theories, about what's going on in his head. I have told him that for now he is still to take the sleeping pills, why we try to work things out. Non of it will be helped by your inability to communicate what you both feel. Now, open your ears and listen. What you and Ianto have is special but your relationship is under strain. You need to appreciate what is going on with him and with yourself. Understand?”

Jack nodded “Perfectly.”

“So, I want you to be honest. Are you feeling guilty about Ianto being in hospital?”

Jack paused, stared at his mug, then sighed. “Yes, I guess so.”

“And tell me if I’m right, you think maybe Ianto blames you as well?”

That brought him up short. He blanched as he stared at Ianto “You think that?”

“Jack, that’s not what I said” Jess corrected “Do you think that he blames you?”

“Well, no, I’m not sure…maybe…Ianto, do you blame me?”

“No Jack, of course I don’t!” Ianto said vehemently “Torchwood was busy. When Torchwood is busy everything takes second place.”

“Do you blame yourself?” Jess asked.

“Yes.” the answer was quick and sure “Of course I do. I run Torchwood, I should have sent someone to check on him, or gone myself…”

“Its affected you, the fact you could have lost him?”

“Of course it affected me.” Jack admitted “I love you.” he said to Ianto “Why wouldn’t it scare me to almost lose you? I don’t think I realised exactly how much you mean to me Yan, but seeing you lying there…I didn’t even know if you would wake up and remember who I was! How do you think I felt?” Ianto avoided his eyes, looked down at the fleece. Jack sighed heavily “What’s the matter? Have you had enough of me? Do you want out?”

Ianto looked up at Jack, desperation rising to the surface “NO! No Jack, you…you’re everything to me, its just…I need to do stuff for myself. I don’t need you always there. I want you to trust me. I don’t need a baby sitter every time you go out!”

“I wanted you to feel safe.”

“I do feel safe, you idiot!” Ianto snapped “You make me feel safe! But I need to know I can rely on myself too. I’m a grown-up Jack, or hadn’t you noticed? You may be older, more worldly, more experienced but I’m not as green as you paint me!”

Jack looked at him with a smile on his lips, then he sighed “I must have been a pain in the ass.” he came over to the bed and sat down beside him “I’m sorry Ianto, truly. I want you to feel looked after, cared for, cherished…I love you. I just wanted to show it” Ianto reached for him and held on, engulfed in Jack’s strong arms.

“I’m sorry too. Look after me Jack, take care of me by all means. Just give me a little space now and again. I’m not throwing this back in your face. You taking care of me, its nice, I’ve not had anyone do that for such a long time.” He sat back, looked at Jack and said “but…”

“But?”

“I meant it about the pressure…”

“What pressure?”

“You making hints about how you couldn’t wait for me to be well again. About how you missed the sex and how nice it would be when we could get back to it.”

“That’s not pressure” Jack said “I was being…”

“an ass.” Ianto finished for him.

“That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it? See it from my perspective for a moment will you? All its doing is putting pressure on me to try to get better as soon as I can, to push myself faster than I can go. These bloody nightmares haven’t helped. Well, that’s why I gave you permission to go find somebody to do it with.” Ianto said huffily “I know how hard it is to wait Jack. After all, I’m the one who is suffering this, not you. Oh and by the way, I miss the sex too! I know very well how nice it will be when I’m back on my feet again. I’m the one living with the uncertainty that I might not ever be the same again!” His face crumpled, the anxieties crowding in, the unspoken fear that he would never get back to normal finally overwhelming him. He buried his face in the pillow, his shoulders shaking. Jess looked at Jack who was sitting there looking helpless and said gently “I examined him tonight. I can’t find a reason why he shouldn’t make a complete recovery but he’s frustrated at how long its taking” she sighed “Comfort him, he needs it.” and she laid a hand on Ianto’s shoulder and rubbed it gently “You’ve both been though the mill. We still need to get to the bottom of these dreams too. Its stressing him more than he’s admitting.”

Jack pulled Ianto into his arms, held on, rocking him, soothing with hands and voice. Jess looked at them enviously. Their closeness was infectious. She had never had that, with anyone. She got up and left them alone, allowed them their privacy. She was not part of their relationship after all. Taking her cup into the kitchen, she washed it out and put the kettle back on. The clock said 3.30am and she swore. Well, she wasn’t in work tomorrow, she had a couple more days grace. She washed the cups and filled the coffee machine again, then felt his presence behind her and turned. Jack smiled as he peeled himself away from the door frame and wordlessly took her in his arms for a hug. She yielded to it and stood there, letting the tension drain out of her body.

“Thank you” he whispered in her ear “Above and beyond again…”

She smiled “Doing my job.”

“You heal people, body and spirit,” he said “it’s a rare gift. I’m glad to know you Jess, Ianto is too.”

“I should be going. Its late.” she sighed “You need your privacy, you need time together…”

“Stay.”

“Why? You’ve got each other.” for answer, he smiled and towed her back down the hallway and to the bedroom. Ianto was properly in bed, his dressing gown thrown on the chair. He smiled, sleepily, patted the bed invitingly with one hand. Jack was taking his shirt of as he said “Ianto and I were wondering, would you stay the night?” Jess did not know what to say. Some part of her was terrified (she had never dealt with two men in close proximity before), part of her was deeply touched and another part yearned for the closeness they were offering. She opened her mouth and no sound came out. Jack looked hard at her “Jess? Are you OK?”

She nodded “Think so. I…don’t know what to say.”

“Then you’ll stay?” he asked “Say ‘Yes Jack’” he said when she stayed silent.

“Or ‘Yes Ianto’” Ianto added hopefully.

She sighed “Not very ethical is it? Ianto was my patient and…well, God knows what you were.”

He laughed “But Ianto isn’t any more, Owen is his doctor and you…look, we both just want to say thank you.”

“Most men would manage to say that with flowers and chocolates.”

“I think you can safely say, without a shadow of a doubt in fact, we’re not ‘most men’…” Jack commented.

“Look, if it makes you feel any better” Ianto added “It was my idea.”

Jack took her hand and lead her to the bed, then, ignoring her protestations, gently undressed her, taking care over it, as much care as he took with Ianto. Ianto pulled the duvet back and she slipped underneath, into his waiting arms. Jack joined them and settled in, an arm draped over both of them as she lay cradled in Ianto’s arms, her head on his shoulder. Jack was the last to fall asleep, the soft breathing of the others reaching his ears. He wondered briefly what the morning would bring, then smiled. He hoped he was right. Jess had not agreed to his request to go to bed with him, but with Ianto’s permission, his desire for her to stay, she would have a hard time refusing. Jack grinned, anticipation settling gently inside him.

Ianto was still asleep when she woke. She had that momentary disorientation from waking in a strange place, wondering briefly where she was before opening her eyes to focus on Ianto’s peaceful face. He was peaceful. No dreams. Had he taken a pill last night, she wondered.

Jack was gone, although she could hear someone singing…. He appeared with toast and coffee for the three of them not long after, waking Ianto with a kiss before sitting on the bed. He was bare-chested, dressed in sweat pants and, Jess had to admit, looking gorgeous. His hair was untidy but his eyes sparkled.

“Good morning.” he said happily “How are we feeling?”

“Shouldn’t that be my line?”

“Sorry” he said with a wide smile “I feel fine Doctor, thank you.”

“Good, still sickeningly energetic then?”

“Morning.” Ianto murmured and she turned with a smile and said “Morning to you too. How are you feeling?”

Ianto frowned “Fine, I think. Can I smell breakfast?”

Jack passed him the toast and his coffee and he muttered something about Jack’s coffee getting slightly better for the practice.

“Ianto, did you dream last night?” Jess asked out of the blue.

Ianto paused, mouth full of toast, before resuming chewing thoughtfully. Then he shook his head “No, I didn’t. Didn’t take a sleeping pill either.”

“Wonder why that happened?” Jack speculated “This would be the first night you haven’t dreamed about something.”

“We can worry about that later.” Jess said. “There’s a lot of unanswered questions here, we need to take things one at a time.”

“Are you in a hurry to go home or can we relax a little?” Jack asked her.

“That’s a leading question” she said with a smile, “but I’ve nothing planned. I’ve a couple of days off. Usually catch up on the housework.”

“All the better. I’ve been thinking that Ianto might benefit from that therapy you gave me last night? Would you be up for teaching me what to do?” he asked.

“Jack, Ianto probably isn’t ready.” Jess insisted.

“Ready for what?” Ianto enquired, curiosity peaked.

“What we talked about? You said you’d read up about it, Tantra…?”

“Ah, yes, that.” He smiled thoughtfully.

“You know about that?” Jack looked at them both “Did you tell him?”

“She told me, but I already knew what it was. I looked it up a while ago, thought you and I might try it …”

“Its quite…intense. Gentle, but intense.” Jack murmured reminiscently.

“I actually feel up for that” Ianto agreed, surprising them both “I think I could handle something gentle.”

“I can be gentle.” Jack leaned over and kissed him softly. “you could handle me…” Ianto laughed and swatted him, while at the same time responding willingly, deepening the kiss. Jess watched with a smile as the kiss escalated to an attack on Ianto’s neck and shoulders. The young man sat there quietly, eyes closed, willingly submitting to Jack's assault on the soft skin beneath his ear. “Finish breakfast.” Jack said softly, pulling away “There’s no rush. We have all day.”

One the breakfast things had been cleared, Ianto looked at them both in anticipation.

“You need to be relaxed first” Jess said, leaning over and fishing the massage oil out of her bag.

“Lie face down.” Jack whispered huskily and Ianto turned over, Jack adjusting the pillows underneath him for comfort. Then both he and Jess worked in tandem, Jack copying her moves, mirroring her hands with his. Every so often she would correct his posture or the position of his hands, laying hers over his to guide them in a particular way. Jack was a good pupil, attentive and adaptable, watching and copying carefully. Jess enjoyed having a student and Ianto had no complaints either. He sighed contentedly. Having two people work on him was bliss, more so because he knew they were both friends. He was being cared for and it felt good.

As with Jack, Jess eventually had Ianto turn over and lie back against the pillows. She worked on an arm, Jack copying her carefully, matching stroke for stroke down to the wrists, hands and fingers. Then she moved down to his leg, finishing with ankle, foot and toes. His eyes were closed, deep relaxation etched in his features.

“Officially in Heaven.” he murmured when she asked how he felt. He was so relaxed, he didn’t register the slight shift in consciousness in his own mind. Felt only calm and relaxed. So this was Heaven, Ianto thought, although Heaven without Jack would be hard…he opened his eyes.

Jack was sitting on the bed, talking to a woman he didn’t recognise. Something was definitely not right. Jack was…different somehow. Yes, OK, he was half naked and talking to a stranger, but that wasn’t it. Oh God, he was alive. Ianto’s mind screamed at him, YOU’RE ALIVE!

“Where am I?” he said, his voice quavering slightly.

Jack and the woman turned simultaneously and looked at him.

“What?” Jack said “Ianto, are you OK?”

“What just happened?” Ianto asked “And who are you?" He looked at Jess "More to the point, why are you here and where the hell am I?”

“Ianto, calm down” Jack said, coming close and gripping his shoulders gently.

Ianto shied away “You’re not him!” he cried “Who are you? Where am I?” Why were his muscles so weak and why did he feed so tired?

“Ianto” Jess’ voice was calm and gentle, dragging him back from panic “Ianto, listen to me. Keep calm, I think I know what s going on here.” and as an aside to Jack she murmured “It’s the other one.” Jack frowned at her and Jess added “The parallel Ianto? Right, Ianto, keep calm. You are OK, trust me. We think we know what’s going on here.”

“Then tell me, bloody well explain it to me, please.”

“Ianto, take a deep breath and let it go slowly, that’s right. Panicking won’t help” Jess said gently, keeping her eyes on his “Were you trying to help the children, against the 456?”

She knew, thank God, he thought he was going mad. “Yes…”

“Right. Now I want you to listen carefully and to trust us, right? We’re not here to harm you, we’re here to help, got that?” Ianto nodded and she kept going. “First, there’s a couple of things you have to understand and take on board, OK?” he nodded again, fearful eyes riveted on her. “OK. Right, we think we have a case of parallel universes going on here." OK, so that may not have been the best thing to say to begin with, but she pressed on "You are Ianto, there’s no mistaking that, but our Ianto and you, well, you're both inside the same body..." He looked alarmed "We think that both of you died at the same time in two different time-lines, does that make sense?”

“In a worrying kind of way, yes.”

“Good, now, we think, because we don’t exactly know for sure, that you and he, both of you, combined into one person.”

“Oh God…” he breathed, eyes wide and frightened.

“You chose, probably because there was nothing very wrong with this Ianto, to occupy his body, not the one you left behind with the 456.”

“Then my Jack…”

“…has lost you, yes, I’m sorry. But this one hasn’t.” she reached out and took his hand, cold fingers in her warm ones. “I’m Jess Wintringham, I was the doctor who looked after you while you were in hospital, recovering from an alien virus you reacted badly to. I’ve worked with UNIT before so I know about Torchwood. I was there when you died…”

“You brought me back?”

“Yes, well, my team did. Our Ianto flatlined on us about the time you died in Jack's arms. Both of you chose to come back, but you could only occupy one body, you probably didn’t have enough strength for each of you to return to your respective bodies. Its taken you weeks to recover from this. I was beginning to wonder why it was taking so long, even though you don’t have anything physical stopping you from making a complete recovery.”

Ianto turned sad eyes on Jack “I’m so sorry” he whispered and burst into tears. Jack gathered his sobbing lover into his arms and held him, rubbing his back and soothing him. “Its OK, its OK” he repeated the words like a mantra, glancing at Jess with a worried frown “You came back to me. You’re here, you’re with me now. Its OK.”

“Must have been relaxed enough to alter his perception and let his other self through.” Jess speculated “Although, I’m not sure what we do now.”

“Why?”

“Well, there are two people where only one should be.” Jess said, “I have no experience of this. I have no idea how they are going to live like this.” She reached out and rubbed Ianto’s back soothingly. “I don’t think they thought this through before they did it. I think this was done on reflex and reflex alone. I think this might have happened because we made it possible.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, look at it. The parallel Ianto dies because of an alien virus, a fatal one. Nobody to resuscitate him, no antiviral drugs, no treatment, he’s dead, end of story.

Our Ianto reacts badly to an alien virus that usually causes no more than mild flu symptoms in humans and usually disappears from the human body’s system in hours. He’s in resus’ in hospital, he’s on an IV, he’s given drugs to combat it, he’s weak but otherwise OK. Which body would you use? Our attempts to revive him gave them the way back, both of them. The other Ianto didn’t have that chance.”

“So they chose this one, ours.” Jack said “I think we’ve got to get him to the Hub, see if the Doctor can do anything for him. If the parallel Ianto is here, where’s ours?”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“I wondered if this might happen,” The Doctor was saying, “but I’m not sure what we can do. What were you doing?”

Jess looked across the boardroom table at him and smiled “Full body massage, trying to relax him. We managed.” She said ruefully and received an answering smile.

“So his consciousness slipped and let the other one through. Riiiiiight,” he drawled “I think that hypnosis might help here.”

“To do what?” Ianto looked worried. It had taken a deal of coaxing to get him to come with them. He had looked around the Hub warily on their arrival and had looked at Owen and Tosh as if seeing ghosts. He was, Jess thought sadly, if what their Ianto had told her was right, that in his nightmares (the parallel Ianto’s memories) Owen and Tosh were both dead and the Hub was a write-off.

“To bring the Ianto from this timeline back.” The Doctor said gently “Somehow, you two have to learn to live together inside your mind. It might be more than you can cope with…”

“And if we don’t?” Ianto was looking desperate.

“You could very well suffer psychosis of some kind, schizophrenia, disassociative identity disorder, even simple paranoia. You have to understand, humans were not designed to have two personalities occupying the same space, the same brain, even if they are the same personality. Some symbiotic relationships have developed along the same lines in some alien species, but they have perfected the technique over hundreds of years. Usually neither is dominant for very long and they can talk to each other inside their head, you don’t seem to be able to do that.”

“Could we learn?” Ianto asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Look, Doctor, I don’t want to be selfish here but what about the other Ianto who is in there, the original?” Jack asked.

“Ianto, will you trust me?” the Doctor asked, ignoring Jack.

Ianto looked at him and glanced at Jess and Jack. Jack nodded “You can trust him.” he insisted “I trust him with my life.”

“But you want your Ianto back, I understand.” Ianto said softly. Jack engulfed him in a hug and held him close “You have to understand something.” He said looking deeply into the younger man’s eyes “If by combining with him, you kept yourself alive for me, that’s a debt I cannot repay you. You both joined to keep yourself with me and I don’t know how much you sacrificed to do that. It was a brave and wonderful choice to make.” He hugged Ianto hard. “I want you to know how I feel so you understand that I am going to help you, as much as I can. If I want the other Ianto back its only because I think he can cope with this existence better than you for the moment, because its familiar to him. Until we figure out how to help you, I think he’s best placed to be here, don’t you?”

Ianto nodded and tried to smile “I understand and you’re right, I just…I don’t want to lose you a second time…” Jack hugged him again and patted his back.

“Yeah, likewise” he said gently and looked at the Doctor “Well, what can you do Doc?”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The spinning watch on the chain flashed splinters of light off its brass surface, its curiously etched designs. Ianto was back in his own bed, in his flat. They had gone back there as a precaution, because the Doctor said that if Ianto woke somewhere strange it would disorientate him and would unnecessarily disturb him. The Doctor’s voice was soothing, Ianto’s eyes were on the watch, concentrating on the spinning, glittering thing in front of him.

“Your eyes are getting heavier.” the Doctor was saying “Its so hard to keep them open now. You want to sleep, you want to relax. Close them Ianto, let your eyes close, that’s right.” He watched the eyelids droop close and said “You can still hear my voice. Keep concentrating on my voice. Now, I’m going to count backwards from three and when I reach one, you’re going to let the other Ianto come back again. You are going to sleep while he comes back, is that understood? Just say yes if you understand.” He put the watch away.

“Yes” came the soft whisper.

“Right, relax and concentrate on my voice…three…two….one. Ianto, can you hear me?”

“Yes Doctor.”

“Good. You’re in your own bed, you’re quite safe. I’m going to count to three. When I reach three, you’ll open your eyes and remember who you are. Do you understand me?” a nod “Right, here goes. One…two…three.”

Ianto’s eyes opened. He looked from the Doctor to Jess then to Jack “OK, what just happened?” he said slowly “Was I asleep?” he looked at the Doctor “What are you doing here?”

Jack was at his side in moments “You feeling OK?”

“Yes, why?”

“We had a small problem” the Doctor said gently “We think that the massage relaxed you so much that the parallel Ianto was able to come through.”

“What? I don’t remember…”

“You won’t, very likely, but this is serious.” The Doctor looked troubled “Ianto, you have two consciousnesses in your head, occupying space only meant for one. No human was designed to do that. Unless we can figure out how the two of you can co-habit successfully, you might be heading for serious psychological problems.”

Ianto looked understandably worried on hearing that and looked at Jack for support. The older man put a reassuring arm round his shoulders and held him close.

“We’re doing everything we can Yan” he said “We want to work this out as much as you do. Hell, I can’t lose you again, I won’t.”

“I think this is going to be something they both have to work out for themselves” the Doctor said.

“How? If I can’t talk to my other self, how are we going to do that?”

“I’m not sure. I think matters will probably come to a head on their own, they’ll have to. But we’ll try to work something out and see if we come up with anything in the meantime. Don’t worry, we’re here for you. You will be taken care of Ianto, you won’t be left alone. I don’t think it’s a good idea that he is left alone from now on Jack, just in case.”

“Right, you hear that? I’m not hearing no for an answer this time” he looked at Ianto and said “You need a ba…companion, someone with you at all times.” He had been going to say baby sitter and changed his mind. Ianto wasn’t a child after all.

“Jack, that will severely limit the team. We’re stretched as it is.” Ianto complained.

“Oh I think Martha and I can stay for a while, if it’ll help?” the Doctor said with a smile “No rush to be anywhere after all.”

“Thanks Doc’, I appreciate it.” Jack said.

“I’ll have a word at work, I can maybe reduce my hours a little.” Jess suggested. “For now, I think we need to eat, rest and think things through. This is just the beginning of what might be a long haul. We need to take care of ourselves or we’ll be no use to him.”

Between them all, Ianto was not left alone for long. The baby sitting routine returned, but this time he felt better about it. They were trying to look after him, to show care and concern for him as a member of the team. It made him feel both valued and wanted. It warmed him, his confidence grew, actually grew, as he watched their efforts, made willingly on his behalf. He and Rhys shared a couple of evenings cheering Cardiff on in televised rugby matches, Gwen and Tosh came round for coffee and stayed all morning. Even Owen took his turn, bringing horror movies round. They spent all evening verbally tearing each movie apart in friendly rivalry. And every night there was Jack, trying his hardest to act contrary to his nature and curb his lustful desires where his lover was concerned.

When it was the Doctor’s turn he indulged Ianto in his thirst for stories about Jack and what they had got up to when Jack was travelling as one of the Doctor’s companions. Some of those were fantastical but, more often than not, it seemed as if the Doctor were trying his hardest to put Jack in a good light. Nine times out of ten he made him out to be the hero. Jess’ came around least due to her work but, when she did make it, she stayed the longest. He felt relaxed around her and they talked like old friends, as if they had known each other for years. Ianto found he was able to talk about Jack quite freely to someone who didn’t mind, who wasn’t a rival and who was aware of the man behind the smile, of his attraction, his personality, his magnetism. Those talks lasted for hours, common ground between them. Given free rein, Ianto talked about the thing dearest to his heart and voiced his fears about the condition he was in as well. It gave him much needed time to work things through.

“I’ll be leaving the hospital in a couple of weeks time.” She said one evening as they were sipping coffee. She had come round to see them both but Jack had run out on them as soon as she was through the door, apologising profusely but dashing off to meet up with Martha, Gwen and the Doctor who were engaged in chasing some kind of alien gaseous form.

Ianto looked at her and frowned. “I know you said you were only there for two months. What happens then?” he asked.

“I’ll go back to London.” She said “But I’ll be back in a couple of months. I dot about between jobs. I sometimes come back here for weekends too.”

“Need someone to look after the house?” he asked. Ianto wanted a reason to keep in touch. He liked the older woman, he valued her friendship and found he wanted it to continue.

“You know, that would be good. The neighbours are good but I can’t rely on them all the time, I hardly know them and they're quite old too. You wouldn’t need to check every day, not as if I’m leaving a cat to be fed or anything. Once a week would be nice, water my plants, that kind of thing.” She paused “You’ll need a key. I’ll get one cut tomorrow.” She looked at him. “Feel free to use the house if you want to as well. I won’t mind. I’d prefer if it was being used for something while I’m gone. You know, if you need to put someone up or something, or if you need a bolt hole.” She fixed him with a look “If you ever did need that, Ianto, I hope you know you can count on me as a friend.” He looked at her with an odd expression in the blue eyes and then smiled.

“I appreciate that Jess’, thank you.”

“Remember it.” She reassured. “Any time, day or night. If I’m there or not. And you can phone me anytime as well”

He nodded “Thank you, that means…a lot, an awful lot actually.”

She smiled “Just remember it.” She went back to sipping her coffee.

“Jess?”

“Yes?”

“I’ve learned a lot through knowing Jack…” he paused, looking at her over the rim of the mug. She put her head on one side and looked at him, expectantly. “its just…Jack's taught me not to put labels on anything…” She smiled as he pressed on “The thing is, I…really like you…Jack does too but I…was wondering…if when you next get back…could we meet up again, just you and me?”

“Sure.” She rested a hand on his “and if you like, we can do more than talk…”

Ianto just looked at her. “Sorry, have I got the wrong idea?” she asked. "The three of us got quite intimate before... we just never got very far. It didn't put you off, did it?"

“Er…no…” he breathed. "Just feels a bit odd initiating it without Jack..."

She smiled at him “We don’t need to wait until I get back if you don’t want to. No strings Ianto.” She said gently, leaning forward. His breathing quickened, his heart began to thump in his chest.

“No, OK. No strings.” He said. Their lips met in an experimental kiss, chaste and gentle.

“You don’t think Jack will mind?” Jess asked, half knowing he wouldn’t.

“Hope not. He’s not going to have to. I want this, just us, you and me. I want to say thanks…” she smiled almost as broadly as Jack and her arms wound around his back, hands flat against the warm fabric of his shirt.

“Bedroom?” she suggested and he nodded, taking her hand.

Making love to her felt like the most natural thing in the world, although he had never been with a woman of her age before. He drew upon Jack's uncluttered attitude to sharing his body with someone he fancied, upon his disregard for age or gender. Attraction was attraction, no matter who, how many or how old, providing they were all consenting adults. Ianto smiled inwardly at the easy way Jack's habits and considerations had rubbed off on him.

They shed each other’s clothes, peeling cloth away from skin and kissing every inch of flesh revealed. Tumbling into bed, he held her close, feeling her nails rake delicately over the skin of his back. His whole body trembled at that, his hand finding and stroking that soft bud of flesh between her legs. She moaned and lifted her hips, seeking the touch. He found that incredibly erotic and slipped his fingers lower, dipping into the heat of her body. That moan reached his ears again, bringing him sharply, almost painfully to full erection. He pushed his hips against hers as he lay alongside her, allowing her to feel his hardness. She met his eyes and smiled, letting her hand find him to stroke and caress. He gasped as her fingers closed round him, massaging, coaxing. He found himself curbing the natural aggression that came to the surface when he and Jack were together. Two men can throw each other against a wall or use their strength in other ways and where he and Jack were concerned, they were matched for size and strength. Not so with himself and Jess’. Making love to a woman meant the strength and aggression were curbed, restrained. It was different, gentler, in some ways more erotic.

“I’m not sure I can wait…” he murmured, hand palming her breasts and massaging them, thumb and finger rolling each nipple, pinching gently.

“Then don’t.” she gasped, reaching up to pull his mouth to hers. He deepened the kiss, tongue exploring, rubbing against hers. She nibbled his lower lip, suckling on it. He covered her neck with kisses, his mouth fastening onto her shoulder and biting. She groaned and arched her back, pressing against him. Her hands kept up their assault on his cock for as long as she could reach but then he moved down the bed, tongue licking and teasing along her stomach. His grin was pure mischief and he kissed the soft mound of flesh before parting it with his fingers and using his tongue. She moaned again and lifted off the bed. He nipped and suckled the tender flesh and his teeth grazed, tongue lapping out to taste her.

Eventually it became too much and he surged back up the bed, covering her body with his own. He propped himself on an elbow so as not to crush her, aware that he was both bigger and heavier than she. His head bent and his mouth found the peak of her nipple and he sucked it into his mouth, tongue and teeth teasing it mercilessly. She writhed against him as he lavished attention on her breasts, willing him to take it further.

Eventually, he reached into the drawer of the nightstand for the condoms and grabbed one. She took it off him and insisted on being the one to put it on him, taking her time, rolling it delicately down. He kissed her again, a little more aggressively, and she responded by opening her mouth to him. As he kissed her, he slid inside, filling her with his firm heat. She looked at him, watched his face as he entered her body, saw the pleasure he was receiving as the tight warmth enveloped him. Not as tight as Jack but very, very good never-the-less. His soft groan of satisfaction made her smile. She began to move and so did he, they found a mutual rhythm and lost themselves in it. Maintaining eye contact, each seeing what the other was doing, seeing what the other was feeling.

“Ianto, I won’t break…” she whispered in his ear, her hand behind his neck, fingers carding through the short hair at the nape, drawing lazy circles. She heard him growl at that. “You can go faster, harder…” she grinned “I know you want to fuck me, Ianto, so go on. Show me what you’ve got…”

“Oh Jess…” he groaned, his hips snapping forwards, driving deep. She cried out at that, her own hips bucking up, meeting his stroke for stroke. She wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling him in. The rhythm deepened, quickened, she felt his stomach muscles contracting against her own as he thrust. She felt the sensations building at the base of her spine, felt her own imminent climax and clung to him, crying out, as he too tipped over the edge, emptying himself, unable to stop the almost brutal thrusts as he came. She clung to him, riding his orgasm, feeling him come down slowly, as she herself descended again, coming down from the almost overwhelming high.

Jack let himself into the dark flat at 1:45am, wondering who he would find asleep on the sofa, acting as guard dog. Maybe Jess had called Owen or Rhys. He kicked off his boots and hung up his coat, slipping his braces off and flexing his shoulders. It was good to be home. They had needed to clean up three deaths, they had managed to rescue one person and contain an alien gas that needed the energy of either human sex or aggression to survive. It had possessed a girl, goaded one person into having sex with it and another to murder someone before it killed him, and eventually the team had killed it, trapping it in a containment field long enough for it to run out of energy. Jack sighed heavily. It had entailed his death, yet again, in order to provide the aggression required to bait the thing into their trap. But the deed was done and the mission accomplished.

He paused in the hallway, flicking the light on. Peering into the living area, he was surprised to see that there was no one on the couch. Slightly worried, he went to the kitchen to see if there was any left over coffee he could heat up. The place was clean, tidy, nothing out of place. He went to their bedroom and opened the door. The scene before him was illuminated by the streetlight outside. Ianto was asleep in bed with someone else.

“What the Hell…?” Jack switched the overhead light on, hurt and anger rising.

“Hmmph, what…?” Ianto opened sleepy eyes. “Shit, Jack, turn it off.” And he reached to turn the side lamp on instead.

“Ianto? What the Hell is this about?” he gestured to the bed. Ianto looked and saw the duvet covering Jess’ form almost completely. He laughed softly and pulled it down, revealing her identity. She turned over, blinking in the harsh light and groaned. “Turn it off Jack, please?”

“Jess?” Jack couldn’t believe his eyes. Hurt and anger both dissipated and were replaced by a kind of relief as he closed the distance to the bed and sat down, engulfing Ianto in a hug. “Hey there, thought you were cheating on me for a minute there.”

“Bastard!” Ianto uttered, slapping him. It wasn’t very hard, but it was hard enough to make a point. “After I gave you permission!” he snarled “I would never…” he wasn’t allowed to finish the statement as Jack's mouth closed over his, swallowing the protest. When he parted for air, Ianto glared at Jack who was grinning all over his face. “Can you blame me? I just got killed again, trying to contain a murdering gas from Alphera Prime. I get home, hoping to find coffee, sympathy and a warm bed and look at you, debauched and cosy, in my bed!”

“Our bed!” Ianto corrected, rolling out of it and grabbing his bathrobe “I’ll go make you coffee, but you don’t deserve it!” he swatted at him again in passing, catching him a glancing blow across the back of the head. “How dare you imply I would cheat on you. You’re the one who cheats…” Jess was laughing, knowing he wasn’t too serious. There was a fondness in Ianto’s voice underneath the frustration and the angry retorts.

They watched him go, then Jess said “Sorry Jack, kind of happened naturally…”

“Jess’, of all people, I’m not jealous of you. I’m glad it is you, not someone else. Nearly gave me a heart attack there for a moment.”

“Did you really believe he would do that to you?” she asked seriously, the worry plain in her voice. “After he gave you permission, it’s a bit rich to get angry about him.”

Jack hung his head and sighed “I’ve not been thinking straight since this whole business started. Still not. I couldn’t blame him if he did find someone…”

“Well, he’s not about to. I think he asked me because…well, with you two its more aggressive, harder… I don’t give it out like you do. You’re a guy but, with me, Ianto has to temper the force and strength. Its gentler on him.”

“And did he?”

“What? Temper it, oh yes.” She smiled.

“He’s good, isn’t he?” Jack had a certain amount of pride in his voice.

Jess’ smiled at that. “He’s good alright. You take care of the man Jack. I want you both in one piece for when I get back.”

“You’re going?”

“Contract comes to an end soon, job done. I’ll be heading back to London, couple of weeks or so. I’ll come up for weekends, but Ianto suggested you look after my house for me, while I’m away. You could use the place if you need somewhere, you know, if you need to put someone up or anything.”

“That’s kind of you and yes, of course we’ll mind the place.”

“Here you go Cariad” Ianto said, handing Jack a fresh cup of coffee. He gave one to Jess and put another for himself on the bedside table and got back between the sheets. Cradling his cup, he looked at Jack who was sipping his appreciatively.

“Am I forgiven?” Jack asked “I’m really sorry Yan. I really wouldn’t have blamed you for looking for someone else at the moment. I’ve not exactly been the best person to live with…”

“Well, you should know I wouldn’t and no, you’re not forgiven, I just know you. Now drink your coffee, you can sleep on the couch!” Jess and Jack looked at Ianto in surprise. He looked at them both “What? You expect me to be sweet and forgiving after that?”

“Well, maybe a little more…” Jess’ shrugged “…understanding? You’ve both been through it…”

“If I die, God help you if you don’t tell me you love me!” he said suddenly, his eyes fixed on Jack’s “I personally think, although I understand it, that was appalling of you Jack. You couldn’t even say it to his face.”

“Woah, where has this come from? Who are we talking to here?” Jack demanded.

“Me, Jack, its me, your Ianto.” He said, “The dreams haven’t stopped completely you know. I know more now, I know him.” And they all knew to whom he referred. “But I realised something about you just now. You still don’t trust me, do you? You don’t trust me not to betray you…After Lisa, you never really got your trust back in me did you?”

“Hey, look, its late and I’m tired. We’ve talked this through a hundred times. You did that for love. You were wrong but we had to take a measure of the blame, we allowed it to happen because of how we treated you. We know all that. Trust is a hard won thing and I’m questioning everything that’s going on right now. I trust the Ianto I knew before this happened. At the moment, you have another Ianto inside of your head who I don’t know. He’s done different stuff, I don’t know if I can trust him…”

“Jack, he’s me.”

“He’s you from a different universe Yan, different events, different choices. He’s a different you, you have to realise that.”

“I know, but he’s still me.”

“You think I don’t know that? He's you and he's not you.”

“Ianto, I think I know what Jack is trying to say.” She looked at Jack and met his eyes “Its not that he doesn’t trust you, he doesn’t trust the other Ianto in your head yet. Look, I've been doing my research from my father's papers. He's written loads about this. I’ve read some, although they’re a little over my head, they do illustrate clearly that alternate dimensions have no necessity to follow the same history as each other. The people in them have no necessity to be the same. One world might yield a Nobel Peace Prize winner, another may yield a serial killer, out of the same personality. OK, that’s a bit extreme, but it’s a set of circumstances, environments, choices and events, and they have no necessity to be the same. You heard of Schrodinger’s Cat?”

“Oh God, not that again.” Jack groaned.

“Isn’t that the cat which has been sealed in a box which may or may not be dead?” Ianto asked. He tried to recall what he knew. “Because of a random happening, which might or might not have happened to kill the cat, theoretically, to the outside world at least, the cat exists in both states, alive and dead, at the same time?” Jack looked at Ianto with incredulity and Ianto said simply “I read.”

Jess laughed at that and tried to pull her mind back to the theories. “One theory states that the actual state of the cat only comes into being when the observer, the person who opens the box, sees it. Prior to that, it is both alive and dead. When the box is opened, then the cat’s actual state becomes reality. However, the theory is that when the box is opened and the cat’s state becomes reality, all those other possible states, all the possible outcomes for the cat, split off and become separate realities, each one a different world, branching off from that common beginning. So the cat dead is one existence, the live cat is another, the dead cat in different states of decomposition as well as the starving cat because one possible outcome is that it hasn’t been fed. The number of worlds is just about infinite. Yet these separate worlds can not interact. There is something called quantum decoherence which ensures that all the outcomes don’t interfere with each other, ensuring a consistent history, to prevent two states existing at once, as in the cat can’t be both alive and dead in the same universe. Can’t happen in our reality.”

“Wouldn’t be too sure…” Jack muttered

Jess ignored him “There are other theories that counter that one of course. It always seems to me as if there’s a quantum theory for every quantum physicist, there are so many. My point being, the Ianto you are and the Ianto from the other place are different products of their own consistent histories, you have both been subject to different choices and Jack doesn’t know this other man you have in your head yet because he is the product of a different set of outcomes.”

“He’s OK, feels OK, even though he seems to have had a shit time where he came from.”

“Do you appreciate where Jack stands on this though, and Jack, did I explain it well enough?”

“You explained it fine, better than I could have.”

“Yes, I see what you’re saying but why can’t you take my word for it that he’s safe?” Ianto asked “He is in my head after all. I think I’d know if he was a serial killer.” Jack laughed at Ianto’s deadpan reply and grinned at him.

“Sorry Yan, you’ve been wrong before…”

Ianto opened his mouth to complain and shut it again, smiling at what was obviously a shared joke between them.

“Sorry Ianto. Look, I’ll try not to distrust you but I can’t become complacent. Not after all that’s happened to us over the years.” He shrugged “I am the leader, I have the shitty job. I have to be objective.”

“I know that.” Ianto responded. “All I can say is I’ll try not to overreact.”

“Can’t say fairer than that. Now, make room you two, I wanna come to bed. I am not sleeping on the couch! I’m tired and I’m aching and I want company. Can you two deliver?” and as he shed his clothes, Ianto and Jess made room for him in the big bed.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The whole chaperoning thing brought Ianto closer to the whole team all over the next week. Martha decided to take part too, but a large part of her visits were taken up with Ianto lending her a sympathetic ear as she talked about the Doctor. She was clearly in love with him and Ianto hoped he wouldn’t hurt her. He didn’t seem the type to either settle down or to love anyone, although Ianto knew Jack was fond of the man and had told him the Doctor seemed to inspire people to love him. Jack had said the closest he had come to that was with Rose, who had been lost at Canary Wharf. Like him, Ianto thought, lost to an alternate universe.

The team met the threats from the rift as they usually did, Jack admiring the way Martha took part in her practical, no-nonsense way. They were following the doctor as he tracked something down with one of his scanners, walking over a junk pile, hunting something that had come through the rift. Jack caught the look on Martha’s face and said sympathetically “You too, huh?” She glanced at him and shrugged, a little shy. Jack smiled and put an arm round her shoulders. “He does that to all of us.” He admitted and they continued after the doctor in silence.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“Jack, I need to return to work.” Ianto said firmly.

“What? But…”

“Please, don’t ‘but’ me Jack. I’m not ill and I’m going crazy.”

“Is that a good idea?”

“Going crazy? No, I don’t think so.” Ianto attempted to joke “Look, Jess and Owen have both examined me and they both say I’m fine. I’m still a little tired, so I promise not to overdo things, but I need to get back to the archives. The longer I leave it, the bigger the job will be and the harder the work will get.”

Jack sighed but realised the truth of it. Ianto was ready to get back there.

“OK, but you promise, no overdoing it. Go home as soon as you’re tired. Got that?”

“I promise Jack. Thank you.”

“And light duties at first, yes? You need anything lifted, you shout.” And Ianto nodded dutifully.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“Well, we have to be off, you know? Allons-y and all that.” the Doctor was standing by the TARDIS with Martha the following morning, under the fountain in Roald Dahl Plas. “Its been…good to see you again” he said and walked a little way with Jack while Martha said her good byes to the others.

“Take care of him Jack” the other man knew to whom he was referring. “I mean it. They both should have died that night, one of them did, they both did, but somehow, they contrived to come back to you. I just want you to know…”

“Doctor?” Martha called behind them.

He paused, looked across and waved “Won’t be a minute!” he reassured, then he turned back to Jack. “You could still lose him, them…if you lose one, they both go. If one of them decides its time to go... I’m sorry Jack, I wish I could be more positive but I can’t tell it like it isn’t…” he looked into the other man’s face, saw the unspoken anguish there and pitied him “Look, take heart from what it cost them to stay. They joined forces Jack, joined so at least one of them could stay with you.”

Jack looked at his feet, tears in his eyes. “I’m just…not sure I’m worth that.”

“Its not up to you though, is it? The choice was his, well, theirs, not yours anyway. Its about time you realise the effect you have on people Jack.” The shorter man tapped the front of Jack's coat with the end of the ever present sonic ‘screwdriver’ “You need to make it worth his while, don’t take his sacrifice for granted.”

“What sacrifice? You don’t go anywhere after you die, there’s nothing to go to. I’ve been there, there’s only blackness, nothing.”

“Ever thought that might be because you don’t properly die?”

“What?”

“Heaven’s above Jack, for someone from the 51st century you can be incredibly short sighted sometimes.” The Doctor grinned, his whole face lighting up “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” He looked back at the TARDIS and muttered “That was one of my better lines…”

He patted Jack on the arm “You don’t need a degree in philosophy to appreciate what somebody's given up for you. Just don’t take it for granted, that’s all I ask. While you have it, cherish it. I have to go” and he squeezed Jack's arm, the next second finding himself engulfed in a familiar hug.

As they approached, Ianto came over to stand by his Captain and the Doctor looked Jack in the eye and said “Remember what I said, eh?”

Jack nodded and suddenly put his arm round Ianto’s shoulders, giving him a squeeze. “I won’t forget. Take care of yourself.” And he watched as the door closed and that unique sound of the temporal engines shivered in his eardrums as the TARDIS vanished into thin air.

“Come on people, the Rift awaits” Jack brought them all back to reality and they descended back inside the Hub. Ianto went off to make coffee and Jack went to his office, Owen disappeared back into the autopsy room, Tosh and Gwen went to their respective work stations. From his office, Jack looked across the Hub and watched them working. His team. His friends, hell, his family, they were all closer than friends. Tosh felt like a sister, Owen a younger and more wayward brother, sometimes even a son. Gwen, well, she felt like his mother sometimes…he smiled. They were all things to each other. Ianto came in, bearing coffee. They exchanged a glance.

“Anything wrong…Sir?” he added, smiling. They had long since got past the ‘Sir’ thing at work, he only did it to tease.

“No, nothing” he smiled. Ianto was his lover, maybe it was even time to ask him if he wanted to get married, make it permanent. He would make a good dad too. The fact he was even thinking about that came as a shock, he had vowed he would never do that again. He wondered briefly what Jess would think, and then decided she would be the prefect doctor to see them through it. Her and Owen both. Once they had both gotten over the shock…

That night their lovemaking was gentle, intense and satisfying, their first real coming together since Ianto’s illness. Tinged as it was with Jack's own feeling of how transient it was, it was also bittersweet. Ianto was human and mortal and vulnerable, as he had not long ago shown. Jack did not want to sleep that night. He lay there listening to Ianto’s soft breathing, the warm body beside him, relaxed and peaceful. Somehow though, sleep got the better of him, drifting him off and away to safe oblivion. Beside him, Ianto shifted and moaned, so softly Jack didn’t hear…and stopped breathing.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ianto was aware, aware of not being where he ought to be, of no longer being in his body, curled up beside Jack, asleep. Conscious realisation of this momentarily panicked him until he saw blue eyes staring right back at him, his own. It was like looking in a mirror, no, that wasn’t right. A mirror image shows you a reverse of yourself, not what other people see. You go through life seeing only that mirror side of yourself, a shadow side nobody else sees unless they look in the mirror with you. This, well, this was seeing yourself in reality, no mirrors involved.

“Oh my God” he breathed, looking at himself. This other self was him, subtly him and yet not.

“Hello” said the other. It was so typically a ‘Ianto’ thing to do, to say hello to his other self, that he laughed, nervously.

“What just happened?”

“We seem to be experiencing an ‘ooby’, if you want to put it in Owen’s parlance.”

“I’m not sure I do” his other self laughed at that.

“That much is no different then. Out of Body Experience I think you’d call it.”

“Right. How do we make it stop?”

“We need to decide I think.”

“Decide what?”

“What we’re going to do, about this, about us.”

“That’s normally what I keep asking Jack.”

“We should both be dead, you and I. We both chose to stay. But I think…I feel, its time to make the choice properly.”

“Is there a choice?”

“Yes, there is, otherwise we wouldn’t be here.”

He couldn’t argue the logic of that and said “How do we do it?”

“We both have to agree to stay.” blue eyes met and held.

“Don’t you want to?”

“If one of us goes, we both do. Look at him, sleeping…”

Ianto turned and looked at his Jack, lying there in the bed, blissfully ignorant of the path Ianto now had to choose, the decision he had to commit to.

“When I died, he couldn’t say it.”

“He couldn’t tell you he loved you?”

“I told him I loved him and he said ‘don’t’. He couldn’t say those three simple words, he couldn’t tell me…” Ianto heard the slight bitterness there.

“If your Jack was like my Jack, he’d be telling you every day, but not in words. He doesn’t put it into words.” Ianto said “It isn’t what he does. It’s like a coping mechanism, so he can do the job he’s here for.” Ianto considered his next words carefully “Jack carries the burden of time.” He explained gently “How do you think he feels, knowing he’s going to live not for hundreds but for thousands of years? Hundreds of thousands even, I have no idea how long the universe lasts…”

“He will die one day, one day he’ll spend his life force to save others. That’s my Captain…”

“Not yet…”

“No, thousands of years to go yet…”

“How do you know?”

“I just…know” and when he thought about it, Ianto realised he did too.

“We’re just a blip in time for him, less than a single drop of water in all the earth’s oceans…”

The alternative Ianto sighed heavily “I can’t be with him any more…”

“But if you can’t then that means I can’t either…” he could not hide the undisguised fear in his voice.

Blue eyes met and held gazes “Sorry. I mean I can’t be with mine. In that place, its too late, I’ve left him. I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t know why…”

“Maybe it was just chance but maybe we died at exactly the same time, the same second, who knows? Maybe our…souls collided and…” Ianto sighed, he felt like he was fishing for a reason when maybe there wasn’t one. “Maybe there are other worlds out there where we died, maybe more where we lived, only to die some other time. Maybe there’s one where we never met and one where Jack isn’t immortal or even from the 51st century. Maybe, just maybe, there’s one with no Torchwood, no aliens, just us, just us and happiness and old age and love…” he was crying, he knew, tears falling silently down his cheeks, crying for lost chances and grief, hope too, hope that he was right and that somewhere, the chances were not lost at all and there was a place where they got their chance of happiness…

Jack stirred, knowing something wasn’t right and not knowing why. He reached out, laid a hand on Ianto’s cold arm. Cold…so cold. Cold? Oh God, why so cold? Jack shot up, fully awake, pulled Ianto over onto his back. His body was slack, eyes closed, not breathing. Not breathing! Oh God, no! Jack panicked, shaking him, tapping his cheek, pinching an ear, trying to make him come round. Nothing happened. He sat back, knuckles of one hand shoved painfully between his teeth to stop himself from screaming. He had no idea how long…too long and he knew it was no use trying CPR, oxygen deprivation would have resulted in brain damage…the logical part of his brain told him it was no good, but a kiss had worked before… desperately, he bent down and locked his mouth over Ianto’s cold lips, breathing life into him, hoping, desperately hoping, it wasn’t too late.

A touch on Ianto’s arm startled him. His other self was staring back, watching his tears. “I always did cry too easily.”

“Is it so hard, to share with me?” Ianto reached out and held his own hands, trying to ignore how weird it felt. “He’s Jack, no matter what world or universe or anything. He tries so hard…”

“And not hard enough at some things.”

“He’s human. I think we forget that sometimes. He hurts, he has to make the hard decisions, he fights when no one else will.”

“Just because he’s from the 51st century and immortal…” there was irony there.

“He still dies. He still suffers. He still loves.”

“Why couldn’t he say it?”

“Because of what it meant” Ianto smiled “and if it was me - which it was, God that is so weird – I wouldn’t expect it of him. We’re a blip in time, but he can’t stop loving people, he’s only human. Would we be so selfish that we’d expect him never to love again? That wouldn’t be Jack and it would be too cruel and too…unlike us. Once we’re gone, either right this moment or in 80 years or so, we’ll still be gone. He’ll be the one left alone, not us. Yet, every time he loses someone, he loses a little bit of himself. How many bits can he lose before he has nothing left and then what? What does he become then?”

“But saying it wouldn’t change that…”

“Probably not, but its his way of coping. Saying it would maybe break him. If it means the difference between him surviving and breaking, I’d prefer it if he didn’t say it. I don’t want him to be broken after I’m gone and I know he will be, at least for a while. If everything he says is true, he’s never going to forget me, us, whatever…” this was beginning to do his head in.

“I know that” the other self admitted “Because you know it, so do I. So, I guess, in the long run, I don’t want him broken…I’ve left behind a broken man where I come from and now, now I can help stop another one from breaking. If you don’t mind me sharing…?”

“Well, its not, really, is it? After all, you’re me and I’m you…” Ianto smiled “But would you just stop the nightmares…”

“Nightmares?”

“When I sleep, I dream your memories. It’s…not very nice sometimes.”

“Sorry, I was a bit disorientated. I think, if we choose this, they’ll stop.”

“Look, I don’t want to be pedantic here but if I can’t tell what are your memories and what are mine, I’m in trouble. We might be in trouble.”

“You’re you, I’m just hitching. Seeing him through your eyes, your hands, your lips.”

“You do see and feel then?”

“Yeah, I’m in you, part of you. I am you!”

“I’m sorry this isn’t…you know, I’m sorry you had to lose him, back where you come from.”

“Don’t be. If I’m doing something for yours, I’m also still with him, in a way. Its more than I had.”

“Share some good times then. Show me the good stuff sometimes eh?”

“We’re really going to do this, aren’t we?”

“Were we ever going to do anything else?” the eyes said it all.

“Now all we have to figure out is how…”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“Ianto, Ianto, please…wake up, wake up Dammit!” Jack shook him, held him, rocked him in his arms. There was no response. “Don’t leave me, please!” Ianto couldn’t be dead, couldn’t be. Jack hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye, to tell him the man how much he loved him, to tell him he would always be more than a blip in time, he would never, ever be forgotten. He buried his head in Ianto’s hair and wept.

Incredibly, arms came around him, strong arms, a hand stroked his cheek, soft breath whispered in his ear, the broad chest moved in his arms. Jack sniffed and drew back, hardly daring to breathe. Ianto’s eyes fluttered open. Jack's strangled cry was deafening as he pulled the young man close and sobbed, unable to believe the body in his arms was alive. He was still cold but he was breathing, his heart was beating, his eyes were open and for a fleeting moment, Jack saw something…

“Sorry” Ianto said and it seemed for a fraction of a second that two voices spoke, like one overlaid the other, a faint echo. Jack shivered but Ianto’s next words were back to his normal welsh lilt “Didn’t mean to scare you. Couldn’t help it…”

“What just happened?”

“Had a choice to make…a decision to take…sorry, bit unexpected.”

“You were dead…”

“Not again? Oh Jack, I’m so sorry.” The arms hugged him hard.

“What now?” Jack was frightened, that much was plain.

“I…we…we made our choice. We’re here for good, we chose to stay, both of us.”

“The Doctor said…he said I might lose you…didn’t realise it might be so soon. Yan, I never tell you how much you mean to me. He told me I shouldn’t take you for granted, that you’d both made sacrifices to stay.”

“We could only save one of you, not both of you. If we could have, we would have, believe me. It was either both of us go and that would mean leaving both of you broken, or both of us staying and just saving you. So, here we are. Cannot guarantee for how long, shit happens, but for now…” he found himself pulled into a hard hug, Jack's face buried in his neck and he mumbled something.

“What?”

“I said thank you, to both of you, thank you so much. I don’t deserve this.”

“So you’ll have to make it up to us…somehow…?” Ianto was sure he heard an echo of laughter in his head, then it was gone.

Jack kissed him then, hard and passionate and…loving.

“Do us both a favour Jack” Ianto said, his eyes locked on the older man’s.

“What?”

“Say it now.”

“What?”

“Say it. Tell me.” they both knew to what he was referring. “I love you Jack.”

“Don’t.” Jack was breaking but Ianto knew without a doubt, despite what he had said to himself about preferring it if Jack didn’t say it, this needed to be said, for both their sakes. If the man didn’t say it aloud, didn’t at that moment acknowledge it, Ianto had no idea if their decision to stay would hold.

“That’s what I thought you’d say.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s what I told you he'd said, your other self, the one who lost…me, in the other place. And we need it Jack, he needs to hear you say it because your other self couldn’t. Please…if you really want me to stay, please say it.”

There was a long pause and Ianto could see the struggle going on within. Finally he looked at Ianto and saw the weight of love there, his acceptance and strength. He, they, had chosen to stay, for Jack and he didn’t feel worthy.

“I love you Jack” Ianto said firmly “I made my choice because I love you. I don’t ask you to love me back. This was my choice, whether it was the right one or not, it was mine. Even if you don’t want to acknowledge it, you cannot stop me loving you because you cannot control how I think or feel. I am myself, I know what I want and right now I happen to want you. I’m not looking at whether I’m a fool or a genius, I’m not looking at how this came to be, I just know, this is what I want. I know you love me back, I know you want me, just as much, more so maybe. It frightens me how much I need you sometimes, so God only knows what it does to you. But the fact remains, you cannot change it. You can accept it, you can reject it, but you cannot change it. And we’re together in other worlds too Jack, not just this one.”

Jack just looked at him, speechless. Then he took a deep steadying breath and let it out, slightly shakily.

“I love you Ianto Jones” Jack's voice was almost a whisper. The words were weighted with meaning beyond their definition. His eyes were fathomless, Ianto felt he could drown in them. In his head, an echo, an acknowledgement. ‘Thank you’. He smiled and squeezed Jack's fingers. “And we love you Jack Harkness” he said, leaning in to kiss the lips of the one man in the world who could have done this to him. “Let me tell you something” he said and then began, haltingly, to put into words what Jack had done for him, what made him want to stay so badly.

Ianto spoke about how, at first, he had tried to resist this charismatic monster who had killed the woman he loved, straining to maintain the feelings of hatred and anger, trying, and failing, not to fall beneath the spell of the man who took his life away while letting him keep it. This was the man who had proceeded to give him back everything he had lost and more. This was the man who had single-handedly rebuilt the shattered image that was Ianto Jones into the feeling, loving and passionate man he deserved to be.

Jack had unlocked something within him he thought long dead, lost to a previous life. After Lisa, there had been his inevitable denial that there could be anyone else, that his heart would ever be able to love again, to ever encompass another human being. To see her destroyed like that had almost destroyed him. Lying to people who had become, if not friends, then certainly people who shared his life, that had been abhorrent to him, even as he knew they wouldn’t understand, they wouldn’t forgive. He had done it anyway, because he loved her. Love in any form always beat the dark. Jack said that and Ianto believed that every word of it was truth and Jack understood what love could drive a person to do.

Ianto knew he wasn’t the same person any more. He wasn’t the person he remembered, not the shy and awkward Junior Archivist nor the quietly anonymous receptionist nor the heartbroken wreck he had been when Lisa was killed. He could no longer remember who he had been, the person he was before he knew Jack didn’t exist any more. Life before Jack didn’t exist any more. He was stronger with Jack. He was braver, gentler, he was just…more. When he finished, Jack was looking at him strangely. Ianto knew now, parallel universe or not, that much had been the same for both of them, both Ianto’s who had melded together to allow one of them to stay alive. He was speaking for both of them.

“I did that?” Jack asked.

“Yes Jack. You did all that, for me.”

“I never realised…”

“Well, you do now.”

He grinned suddenly, a bright flash of those teeth and the sparkle in his eyes.

“Thank you Jones Ianto Jones” he said and engulfed the young man in an enthusiastic hug, planting a kiss on his mouth that took his breath away. “Thank you so much.”

They curled up together then, winding their arms about each other, holding on as if they would never let go again. Warm and safe, choices made, they let eyes close on much needed sleep.

The door swung open squeakily as they walked through into the open plan office beyond.

“Oh yeah, loving that officey feel.” Jack's voice was anticipatory “Always get excited in these places. To me they’re exotic, office romances, photocopying your butt, well, maybe not your butt, although as we’re here why don’t we photoc…”

“The Rift was active at these co-ordinates approximately 200 feet above ground” Ianto interrupted him firmly before he could finish the suggestion, “that means this floor…or the roof…” he stood there, hands on hips, surveying the desks and shelves around him.

Jack paused in the doorway “How are you Ianto?” he asked cautiously.

“All the better for having you back Sir.” Ianto replied lightly, somewhat evasively.

“Can we maybe drop the ‘Sir’ now? I mean while I was away I…I was thinking, maybe we could…when this is all done…dinner, movie…?”

“Are…you asking me…out on a date…?” Ianto seemed slightly baffled by the question.

“Interested?” Jack lifted his chin in that challenging way of his.

“Oh, well, as…long as its…not in an office,” Ianto scoffed “Some fetishes should be kept to yourself…” he added, crossing to look at one of the work stations.

Jack sighed, looking round him “Looks like we’re going to have to go through every drawer, bin and plant pot..”

“Right, OK.” Ianto was suddenly decisive “I’ll do this floor, don’t want you getting over excited.” He said dryly “You take the roof, you’re good on roofs.” He paused as Jack nodded and called “Jack, why are we helping him?”

“He’s a reminder of my past and I want him gone….” Jack pushed at the door, then he paused “By the way” he said, “was that a yes?”

Ianto, hands on hips, looked round and said quickly “Yes, yes…” in a rather offhand manner, avoided meeting his eyes. He looked up very briefly in time to see Jack raise his eyebrows and smirk as he went out.

Ianto woke and stared at the bedroom ceiling, trying to orientate himself, then he smiled. He had shared another dream/memory but this time, as he had asked, it was a good one. Typical Jack, getting hot under the collar about such an ordinary environment. Ianto wondered where he had gone off to for his alternate self to be so glad to have him back. He just had to ask Jack about the office fetish. If that was true…maybe he needed to rearrange the Hub…

“Hey” Jack murmured in his ear. Their eyes met.

“How are you Jack?” Ianto asked candidly, very like Jack had asked him in the dream.

“All the better for having you back, Ianto” Ianto should have known that was coming. “What are you smiling about?” Jack asked him as he took his very-much-alive lover in his arms and hugged the man.

“Nothing” Ianto replied then added “Just glad to be alive.” Then he smirked, thinking back to the dream “Jack,” he fixed him with a look “May I ask…do you have a thing about offices…?”

Fin.

Next story in series - Marry Me A Little

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