Title: Lonely Tonight
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, 10_hurt_comfort
Prompt: 2, Lonely
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor glanced up at the clock in Ianto's flat for what must have been the hundredth time that night -- or, at least, felt like the hundredth time to him. Ianto usually didn't come home this late, and he couldn't help worrying about the young man.

Had something happened at Torchwood that the team had to go out for, and Ianto had been caught in something that he might not be able to get out of? The Doctor's hearts both seemed to stop beating for an instant at the thought, to clutch in his chest and cease to work properly.

No, that couldn't be the case. He would somehow feel it if something had happened to Ianto. He would know. They had such a strong bond between them that it would be utterly impossible for Ianto to fall victim to some situation without him knowing.

Or was that just a way for him to calm himself? Suppose something did happen to Ianto in the line of duty with Torchwood, and he didn't know about it?

He could imagine now what it would be like -- Jack coming to the flat, his voice compassionate yet firm and steady, those eyes avoiding his when he was told what had happened. He could even picture the look on Jack's face, pitying and regretful.

The Doctor shuddered, pushing the thought away from him and locking it down. He didn't want to let himself think like that. Of course nothing had happened to Ianto. He was just working late, and had forgotten to call. Or he'd stopped off somewhere on the way home. That was all.

He was worried in the way that a housewife worried, the Doctor told himself, with a mental snort. If anyone had told him that he would feel this way about someone -- and a human, at that -- he would have assured them that they were crazy.

He'd never expected to fall so deeply in love with Ianto when they'd first met. Nothing had prepared him for the force of his feelings for this quiet young man.

And he wouldn't change those feelings for anything in the universe, he told himself, taking a deep breath and glancing up at the clock again. Ianto was nearly half and hour late. What in the world could have happened?

Why was he so worried? It was ridiculous, really. Ianto wasn't suddenly going to just disappear out of his life. He wasn't going to turn his back on the Doctor, tell him that he couldn't be a companion and travel with him any more. He wasn't going to walk away.

That was because Ianto was so much more than a companion. He was the Doctor's lover, his soul mate, the man he wanted to spend eternity with. He might not have known that at their first meeting, but it hadn't taken him long to discover how he'd felt.

Ianto wasn't going to leave him lonely, like every other companion had. This was different from any friendship or relationship he'd had in the past. This was .... forever.

He frowned at the thought, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them. Ianto couldn't give him forever, of course. Ianto was mortal; his life expectancy was short, compared to a Time Lord's. But they'd make the most of the time they had together.

And who was to say that something couldn't happen to give Ianto more time with him? Look at how Jack had become immortal .... He shook his head, pushing that thought away, too. No, he didn't want things to go in that direction. There were things about Jack now that .... frightened him.

But the thought of a future without Ianto was almost more than he could bear. He'd go back to the never-ending loneliness that had seemed to be his lot before this young man came into his life, always searching for what he knew deep inside that he could never have.

He'd gotten used to being lonely, really. It had become as much a part of him as the suit he wore constantly, his favorite music or books. It was something that was in his spirit, his soul.

Something that he hated. That loneliness always seemed to be personified, in a way; it was a devil that never seemed to stop whispering in his ear, telling him that this was all he had, all he ever would have. That no one would ever stay with him.

He couldn't go back to that kind of loneliness. The Doctor sank his teeth into his lower lip, the pain almost surprising him. With a sharp exclamation, he touched his fingers to his mouth, expecting to find them bloody and relieved when they weren't.

Besides, didn't he feel loneliness of a sort, even though he was in a committed relationship with a man he loved and who loved him in return? There were times like this, when Ianto couldn't be with him all the time, when the loneliness would come creeping back in.

But this time, it wasn't for good. Ianto would be home soon. He just had to be patient and wait, even though patience had never been one of his virtues.

That kind of loneliness had been excised from his life when he'd found Ianto. He'd sworn to himself that he'd never deal with it again, that he would hold his feelings for Ianto as close as he possibly could and never let loneliness overwhelm him again.

He steadfastly pushed aside the thought that tried to scratch its way into his mind, that Ianto was human and wouldn't always be there. What would he do then? Would he search for another lover, someone else to fill the empty, aching gap that would be left behind?

No. Of course not. No one could ever replace Ianto in his hearts. Ianto was the man he'd been meant to be with from the moment of his birth -- even though the young man had been born several centuries later. He was convinced of that.

He had no idea what he'd do when Ianto was gone. But hopefully, they would have a long time to be together before he'd have to contemplate that eventuality.

This wasn't the time to think like that. That loneliness might be waiting to jump on him whenever it could, teeth and claws extended, ready to take him by surprise. But he wouldn't let it. He had a way to combat it now, and he intended to do so.

Before he'd had Ianto in his life, he hadn't had the weapons to fight away the loneliness with. He'd had to make do with companions, with people in his life who were destined to be transitory. There had been no one there who he knew would have a permanent place in his life.

Or in his heart. Oh, people had tried. But they'd always failed, even as much as they'd wanted to be there for him. No one had ever been quite right. They'd never really fit into his life, and even though he'd cared for them as friends, he'd never let himself completely love them

With Ianto, it was different. It wasn't just love he felt for the young man -- it was something much, much stronger than that, something that he couldn't put a name to.

He'd spent plenty of time before the advent of Ianto in his life making defenses to keep that aching loneliness away from him -- defenses that had also kept people out. Maybe the loneliness was stayng away more than usual now because he was no longer afraid to let people in.

The revelation startled him. If that had always been the way to stave off the loneliness, then he'd spent far too many years -- too many centuries -- doing exactly the wrong thing. It was certainly an idea that bore thinking about.

Ah, there it was -- the sound of Ianto's key in the door. The Doctor leaned back against the couch cushions with a sigh, letting out a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding. Ianto was home. The loneliness he'd been feeling would go away the moment he walked into the room.

He could almost feel the loneliness scuttling away into a corner, then dissipating into nothingness as his lover entered the room and they held out their arms to each other.

***