Title: Matters of the Heart
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 2, 50episodes
Prompt: 28, Heartache
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.

***

Jack entered the control room of the Tardis, a letter that the Doctor had written to him and left lying on his pillow that very morning clutched in one hand. Striding over to the console, he stood there, staring at the Doctor, not saying a word.

The Time Lord looked up, a slight frown on his face. "Jack, what --" he began, then broke off abruptly as he realized what the other man was holding. his gaze moving from the piece of paper in Jack's hand back to the immortal's face.

"You can't mean what you wrote in this," Jack said, his voice flat. "I'm not restless. If you think I am, then you're imagining things. You're creating a mountain out of a molehill. Or else you're looking for reasons to feel like I'm pushing you away until I actually do."

The Doctor straightened up, his jaw dropping at Jack's words. "I'm making a mountain out of --?" he spluttered, unable to believe what he was hearing. "If you're so anxious to look for another reason to leave, then just do it. Don't waste my time."

"Don't --" Jack's eyes narrowed, his voice turning cold and implacable. "Fine. If that's how you feel about it, then maybe I should never have come back. I didn't think I was a waste of your time, but if that's what you think about me, I shouldn't have wasted my time."

The Doctor didn't answer; he only turned away, busying himself with something on the console and not looking at Jack again. After a few moments, the immortal sighed, letting the letter fall to the floor and approaching the Time Lord.

"I don't want to fight, Doc," he said softly, reaching out to lay a hand on the Time Lord's shoulder. "I could have approached that better, couldn't I? I just don't want you to feel like I'm going to get restless and leave you again. I'm not. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep -- or that you don't intend to keep," the Doctor snapped, shrugging off Jack's hand. "I've seen this before. I know the signs all too well. First you'll cheat with anyone you find attractive, then you'll make an excuse to leave."

Sighing softly, Jack moved closer to the Doctor, pulling the Time Lord close against him. The Doctor's slender body went rigid in his arms, but Jack ignored that; he wrapped his arms around the other man's waist, nuzzling his cheek against the Time Lord's soft hair.

"Do you really think that all the time I spent away from you didn't teach me a lesson about who I love and where I really belong?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. "All I wanted the whole time I was away from you was to be with you again."

"That's not what it seemed like to me," the Doctor finally said, his voice muffled against Jack's shoulder. "All I knew was that you wanted to leave. You never acted like you wanted to come back to me all of those times that we saw each other at the Hub."

"Because I didn't know if you wanted me back," Jack told him, his voice soft and soothing. "I always wanted to be with you, Doctor. I was just scared that you would have decided that you'd moved on and you didn't have room in your life for me any more."

"Not have room for you in my life?" The Doctor raised his head, his gaze meeting Jack's. "How could I not? The only thing I've ever wanted since we first met was for us to be together. But it wasn't like I could tell you that. I tried, but you didn't want to hear it."

"I know I didn't, and that was wrong of me," Jack admitted, sighing. "I was so sure that you'd be better off without me, and that I needed to do something to prove that I was worthy of you. Yeah, believe it or not, I had an inferiority complex when we were first together."

"You?" the Doctor scoffed, shaking his head. "I find that hard to believe, Jack. You couldn't have put me through all of the heartache you caused me if you felt inferior. You always acted as though you thought you were larger than life, and expected everyone else to think the same."

"That was how I overcompensated for what I really felt," Jack corrected him. "I felt like I had to do things that made me seem larger than life, if I wanted to keep up with you. I never felt like I could quite measure up to who you were."

"Why didn't you ever tell me that you felt like that?" the Doctor murmured, his anger forgotten. "If I'd have known that, I might have been able to talk you into staying, and neither one of us would have had to go through all of that loneliness and soul-searching."

"I couldn't have told you then," Jack said gently, shaking his head again. "I wanted to be with you, but I felt like I had to get away and be my own person at the same time. I felt as if I was always in your shadow -- and I knew that I'd never be happy feeling that way."

"But you weren't in my shadow!" the Doctor protested. "You were always by my side, Jack. I never thought that you were inferior to me -- not in any way. And I certainly never wanted you to feel that you were. I wish you'd have told me."

"I couldn't," Jack said softly, brushing the Time Lord's hair back from his eyes. "Believe it or not, I felt about half an inch tall when I thought about telling you how I felt. I couldn't admit that I had those feelings -- even though they made me walk out on you."

"That was the worst day of my life -- even worse than the day I had to destroy my own planet," the Doctor murmured, looking away. "I had thought that you were the person I would spend my life with -- and to have you walk away from me meant that my life was crumbling down."

"I shouldn't have left the way I did," Jack told him, placing a finger under his chin and raising the Time Lord's face to his own. "It was cold -- and I'll admit, it was cruel. But I felt like I had to get out there really quickly -- or I wouldn't have been able to go at all."

"I wish you hadn't," the Doctor told him. "If you'd stayed, then neither of us would have gone through all that heartache, and all of those lonely nights. We'd both have been a lot happier, Jack. At least, I know I would have. And I think you would have, too."

"That's probably true," Jack admitted, a wry smile flitting across his features. "Look, Doc, I'm not good with matters of the heart. I never have been. And I'm sorry I hurt you so much. I just wish you could learn to trust me again, the way you trusted me when we first met."

"When we first met, I didn't know you well enough to be sure that you were trustworthy," the Doctor told him, his brow furrowing slightly. "I may have been in a different body then, but I remember exactly how I felt about you -- besides being attracted."

"And just how was that?" Jack asked with a smile, tilting his head to the side and raising his brows in question. "I'm guessing that you were bowled over by my good looks and charm. Because I know you wanted to sleep with me even then."

"I'm not going to deny that," the Doctor said, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. "But even though you might say you aren't good at dealing with matters of the heart, I think you are. Because you captured both of mine, right from the beginning."

"Even though you were the first one to leave me behind," Jack said, the words spoken softly and obviously not meant as a rebuke. "I understand why you did. That's water under the bridge, Doc. You're a different man now -- and I know you better. A lot better."

"I shouldn't have left you then -- and I'd never leave you now," the Doctor murmured, resting his head on Jack's shoulder again. "I'm sorry that I got so angry a few minutes ago, Jack. I just -- I guess I'm scared that you'll leave me again, and I won't be able to handle it."

"Doc, listen to me." Jack put his hands on the Doctor's shoulders, clearing his throat and speaking slowly. "I'm not going to leave again. If you think I will, then you're being paranoid. I'm right where I want to be -- and I don't have any intention of going anywhere unless you come with me."

The Doctor sighed softly, nodding at Jack's words, a smile curving his lips. "I believe you, Jack. And I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions. Maybe I'm not all that good at dealing with matters of the heart, either -- even though I have two of them."

"I think you're a lot better at matters of the heart than you give yourself credit for," Jack told him, his blue eyes sparkling. "After all, you own mine." As their lips met, both of them gave themselves over to what was in their hearts, the joy of being together sweeping away all the heartache of their past.

***