Title: The End Has No End
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3
Prompt: 85, Betrayal
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones, the Tenth Doctor, or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.

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Dear Jack,

I've no idea why I'm writing to you. Perhaps because I feel alone, out here in the universe without my Ianto by my side. In a different world, a different time, missing his presence acutely. I'll return soon; I know that. I count the days, the hours, the minutes. I can feel each second that slips by with nothing but impatience, chafing at the responsibilities that keep me away from him for even a millisecond.

It's funny, isn't it, that I should be so impatient and eager for time to rush by. You and I have never looked at time in exactly the same way as others do -- perhaps because we both know that we have a surfeit of it. I've thought nothing of giving away ten years of my life in the past, and may not again in the future, if the moment calls for me to do so.

But now .... time seems so much more precious to me than it ever has, since I've had Ianto in my life. You of all people should know what a treasure he is, how he can make every moment of life worthwhile. I was cynical and jaded about love when I met him; he's lifted me out of that, given me a new perspective on everything around me. As many worlds as I've seen, I never truly opened my eyes and looked at them until I knew him.

Is that what love does to people? I've loved before; I won't deny it. I loved you, Jack. And a few other companions, as well -- but never, never with the intensity and completeness that I love Ianto with. I don't want to hurt you by saying those words, but you know it's true. You've known of our feelings, our inevitable rightness for each other, even before we did, I think. You could tell at our first meeting.

To be perfectly honest, I was still hurting over our parting when you first introduced me to Ianto. I'd come back to the world you've chosen to insinuate yourself into so that I could see you again, perhaps with the thought in my mind to fall on my knees and beg you to resume what we'd had in the past. I was lonely, you see. No one had been able to compare with you -- and I felt that in my hearts, no one ever would.

And, in some ways, I was feeling vengeful. Betrayed. By you, Jack. Betrayed by your leaving, after you had, at one point, promised me forever. If you only knew how many people have said that to me -- that they would stay with me forever, and then turned their backs and walked away. There have been so many, so many that I can barely remember them all. Faces and even names have become hazy in my mind, fading into the ether of memory.

That isn't really a betrayal, I know. Humans have such a short life span -- I couldn't expect my human companions to spend their entire lives with me. I thought that I had long ago given up on expecting that sort of sacrifice from anyone. But I suppose that I expected it of you -- because I knew that you had the years, the centuries, to give. And I was feeling hurt and betrayed that you hadn't chosen to give me those years, after what you had promised.

I don't hold you to that promise, Jack. For a long time, I wanted to. That was why I turned to people who were as unlike you as possible -- even people of a different sex. Though I never actually formed a physical relationship with any of them as I had with you, I tried to make them the focus of my life in the same way that you had been, and found it impossible to do. No one could have replaced you as a companion. No one.

But as you know, Ianto is so much more than a companion to me. He is my soul mate, the other half of my hearts and soul. He's the one I've been searching for all of my life, ever since I was very young and knew in my hearts that I would always be alone until I found my other half. You knew that on our first meeting, too, didn't you? From the way you looked at the two of us, that half-smile curving your lips, I could tell that you knew.

If I still felt that you'd betrayed me -- which I don't, by the way -- all would be forgiven. You've given me more than I could ever have asked for, Jack. You've given me Ianto, led me to the one being in all the worlds I've existed in who can fulfill me. If you had chosen to take him back, to make him a part of your life again, I don't know that I would have stood a chance against you. I wouldn't have fought you for his heart.

I'll always care for you, Jack. There will always be a part of me that loves you -- desperately, hungrily, in the deepest part of my soul. What we had will always be a part of me. You know that it can't touch what I have with Ianto, but then, what we shared was something very different. I can only feel grateful to you for giving me the companionship and the warmth -- and yes, the love -- that I needed so badly then. It's meant more to me than I can put into words.

If I hadn't had that love in my life when I most needed it, I wouldn't have been able to embrace my feelings for Ianto. I doubt that I would have had the emotional strength to open my hearts to him, no matter how much I wanted to. I would have been too frightened, too afraid of being left again. I suppose a part of me is still afraid of that -- but if it comes to that, then I'll face it in the only way I know how.

You didn't betray me, Jack. I might have thought so at one time, but no more. You've led me to the greatest revelation of all my lives -- and I hope that one day, you'll find someone who can mean as much to you as Ianto does to me. As I know he meant to you in the past. As you meant to me in the past, and as I believe I meant to you. Love like that is the greatest gift anyone can have, Jack. I hope you'll be able to reach out and take it when it does come your way again.

Always,

The Doctor

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