Title: until death parts us
Author: ratinthehole
Pairing: Jack/Inato
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: euthanasia and character death. AU, characters are somewhat OOC
Summary: When some one you love dearly is critically ill, what would u do to make the passing over easier? This is the story of Someone's untimely death.

***

Prologue

The night was inky and little silver pinprick stars could be seen just in the dark, the street lights created an orange hue on the wet streets, in a small house on the right of a street, a figure moved threw the room at the front of the house, their movements slow and measured, the figure ran their hands across a shelf, the dust catching the light from the small lamp that was near the door, the shape moved to an old worn chair and sat down, after a few moments another light flicked on next to them casting shadows over the gaunt face, a slim hand reached out to pick up a leather bound book, bringing it to their lap. After messing with the pages it was open on a blank one, the person started to write.

Life, Life is something that's very important to everyone, but why doesn't anyone realise that until its too late, or it gets threatened. Everything that people ignored while they where too busy living their lives suddenly become so important when that life is slipping away like the sand that is grasped in you clenched fist.

The small things that never stood out to me are now standing out like neon signs and I want the time to sit, watching them for as long as I can, but I don't think I have the time. The one thing that stands out to me tonight is the stars, the gas balls above us that can stand for so many things.

Stars can been seen as souls, everyone becomes a star once they pass on, but it must be awfully high up there, I don't think I would like that. I much prefer the idea of them being peoples dreams and hopes, that everything people have dreamt about or hoped for all clasped together, I like the idea that with one knock all those dreams and hopes could become true.

I should say something about myself but I don't really want to, if you're going to read this I'm hoping its someone that knows me, that knows who I was, and not what I have or have become.

I want to be remembered for all the good I did in my life, even if it was just to raise a smile on someone's face or saving the world because someone or something attacked, I want to be remembered for me! Not for being this illness, for being a skeleton. A burden.

Yes I see myself as a burden to my loved ones, I have no family left but my friends, and my lover, I am a burden to them, I can see it when I think I'm not looking the pity and tiredness that hides behind there eyes. Eyes that's another thing I am going to miss, like when you go blind you miss seeing, I'm going to miss seeing them I think, seeing the cheeky smiles or the shy looks. Eyes the windows to peoples souls, you should take more care of them the slight pain should make you run to the nearest hospital because it could be a warning. There you go my lasting advice, don't be scared to get something looked at because you might save yourself and your loved one the heartache.

And now I'm at a loss, I don't know what to write in this, it might never get read, might just be locked up in one of our vaults, a holding cell for my earth possessions, never thought I could be this deep, I'm seeing a new side, maybe I should write a poem but I know I'll just get stuck, staring at the page for hours.

Actually I think its about time I wrote my last goodbyes, as He'll be coming soon to take me to another country to try and help me, but I don't think its going to help. I can't tell him that though as its all the hope he has, and I don't want to break that for him. He's been my tower over the last few months, but even he can't stop the tide of this.

I love him and I'm saying my good-byes to him in person, though he wont take them, saying that there is no full good byes. He's a wonderful character and holds me together, I hope that he doesn't fall apart without me.

Another figure entered the room and smiled at the other occupant.

"Time to go" the rich accented voice broke the silence that surrounded the house, before the owner moved to take the book of the smaller person. Tiredly the smaller person rose from their chair, holding onto the other shadow to get their balance, before they headed to the hall. The lights where turned off as both left the house into a dark car, heading off into the night.

***

Torchwood above the government, that was true but every week Jack had to give a formal briefing to the head of the government at the time, telling them all about what they had been doing. The American hated them, having to be pleasant to the current leader, he sighs and tried to look interested as some new bloke droned on and on about there being nothing reported to him about this Alien problem.

" Look we're here so that it doesn't get to public attention, so you wouldn't know if it happens. Don't think that I am disrespecting you Sir, but Torchwood Business is nothing to do with you, I just have to make sure that you are informed of the basics and that we are still active" Jack said interrupting him, he was finally losing patents. " This is what happens, Aliens land Torchwood reacts and sorts the problem out before any civilians are even affected, get it, got it good" he turned the video lead off and sat back in his chair, slumping his head into his hands, he went into a world of his own until a heavenly scent and voice got his attention.

"Coffee Sir" came a Welsh voice as Ianto walked into the room, carrying a blue captain mug, placing it on a coast in front of Jack.

"Nothing sounds better at the moment" smiled Jack easily flashing his white teeth at the young welsh man, flirting slightly but he didn't need to because the welsh was his.

"I'm sure I could suggest some other things that could be better sir" he looks into the Jacks eyes a mischievous look in his eyes, before he moved to the office door, closing it. Moving around to close the blinds casting the office into a dull hue, he moved back to Jack and kissed him deeply.

+X+X+X+XX+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X

Owen looked up at the closed blinds.

"I'm telling ya Tosh, they're doing it" his cockney accent splitting the silence that him and Tosh had fallen into.

"Owen I don't really care" she looked over her glasses at him, a slight pink blush over her cheeks " its up to them what they do, they are both old enough"

" you still owe me a tenner" he said putting his hand out as he lent over the desk towards her " he's gay" Tosh shook her head and looked at him.

"He's kissed both boys and girls Owen, that makes him bi, though he doesn't like being put into box's so neither of us have won" she pointed out before going back to the alien devise in front of her.

After that conversation the Hub had gone into silence, in fact for many weeks it was silent, nothing really coming to the earth, there had been a few weird colour lights that had ended up being some alien fire works, and then a few U.F.O's in the sky. All of that had come to nothing but had ended up in paper work a lot of it, and it always was pushed to the side, they never wanted to do. So it just piled up more and more.

X+X+X+X+X+X+XX++X+X+X+X+X+XX+X+

It was a miserable day in Cardiff, the rain landed heavily on the ground giving the streets a shiny coating and rushing down the drains, the world was peaceful for once, below the streets lay the hub which was silent, every one was deep into their work, but the silence was one of comfort and companionship, as for once everyone seemed to be getting on. Ianto was busy making coffee for everyone doing his usual chores as he waited for the coffee to finish brewing, once the dark liquid finished dripping he poured them all before starting the journey around the hub.

Jack was deep in concentration as he continually tried to ignore the paper work that was piled beside him, it wasn't his strong point paper work, he would rather be out fighting acid throwing rabbits than sit here all day staring at paper, they where a secret organization, surly they didn't need to do such things, but the nagging that Tosh gave him and the disapproving looks Ianto send his way as he left it in a mess on his desk. He stood from the desk trying to shake the looks from his mind as he headed to this door, looking down at the hub, Toshiko was currently working on some machine which looked far more exciting that the paper on his desk, but she would just say.

"Do your paper work then I'll explain it to you" she would have that long suffering look on her face, but a kind twinkle in her eyes like a mother to a child, Jack smiled at the memory and hoped he never forgot that look. He turned to look at Gwen who was talking mile to a dozen into her hands-free set, the American leant forwards over the metal railing to see what it was about, but it was just talking to the police to ask them for their reports on something. Sighing boredly he turned to Ianto to see if he could inspire him or keep him busy in someway, but the Welshman had his focus firmly on the task of handing out the coffee. Owen, Owen was always doing something fun or exciting so he turned to find the Doctor, to find him staring back at him just as bored as Jack was, letting out a breath a little louder than he intended made the girls look up.

"finished then Jack?" came Gwen's voice as she looked at him, he went to nod his hair, before shaking his head and looks down, but the look Tosh was giving him was enough for him to head back into his office and pick up the first piece looking down at it pondering over the piece of paper work in front of him, he sighed and picked up his pen, pushing it down to sign, when a loud crash made him jump and scribble across the page, with a few choice words Jack ran out his office rattling down the metal staircase to ask 'What the hell was going on' but stop short when he sore Owen, who seemed to be in shock, staring at something. Jack reached for his gun thinking something had escaped he turned and froze himself, on the floor was Ianto in a puddle of Coffee and tea, which luckily cooled down, he looked like he was fitting. Jack looked at Owen expecting an explanation.

"Buggered if I know mate, I swear its not on his medical records, and there's nothing I can do, I can't get near him till he stops or if he does stops" said Owen looking horrified and for once didn't look like his cocky self.

" What in Gods name happened? " Jack look terrified but he tried to get his voice to sound commanding as his eyes resting on all the team that had come to the noise, hoping someone, anyone had an answer for what was happening in front of him, he watched helplessly was Ianto's young body jerked and shook, his head nearly hitting the floor several times, he wanted to go to him to hold him, say everything was going to be alright, but this was something he couldn't be sure about, something that he didn't know what to do, For once Captain Jack Harkness didn't have the answers. Owen broke his train of thought.

" He was standing there one moment, before He just went down, the seizure started instantly, I can't tell you anymore until I run some tests " the English man told Jack the facts that he knew, before he moved over to Ianto, stepping carefully to try and make the younger man comfortable, but there wasn't much he could do without causing himself harm or Ianto, so he let Ianto fit as he had to, he just watched closely.

" you don't think its normal then" said Jack slowly, but he knew it wasn't, he had been on Earth long enough to know a human just fitting for no reason didn't bode well. Owens voice once more brought him back to the matter hand.

" Its weird and I can tell you now. that some one that's had no history of fitting, suddenly starting is a worry, I'm sorry Jack I have nothing else I can tell you " he said seriously as he looked at the older man.

Jack and Owen stopped speaking as Ianto stopped fitting, the young welsh man gave one last shudder before he lay still,the coffee seeping into his coat, his eyes closed, his face smoothed of any lines, he just lay there, he was unconscious now. Tosh moving forwards to try and help him up, spurred Jack and Owen into action, Jack nodded to Tosh to say 'thank you' but he would do it with the English man.

" I'll move him" said Jack picking up Ianto and holding him tightly to his chest, he was really scared of losing him as he was just starting to get to know the enigmatic young man, he walked into the hospital wing and set him down on the cold metal bed, really wishing he could have put him somewhere better, he stood beside the bed, watching Owen.

"Look mate I know you want to be here with him, but can I call u back in when I'm done" said Owen knowing he could need to concentrate and Jack staring at your back wasn't gonna help in the slightest. Jack looked at him determined, before he saw the look in Owens eyes, he was just as worried about Ianto, the captain nodded slowly before turning around.

"Call me as soon as you have found anything or need any help" he said sternly, before heading back up to his office, but his eyes where fixed on the door to the Dr.'s room, he couldn't even attempt to look at the papers, he closed his eyes and prayed, he always said he didn't believe but he hope to every god and Goddess that he had heard of that Ianto would be alright.

Once more the hub was silent with nothing happening in the hub, no-one could concentrate on their work apart from Owen, who was racking his brain for every test he could remember to try and help.

***

Owen spend hours in the room, taking bloods and doing scans, he couldn't believe what he was seeing, so he did them all again, getting the same results he rubbed his eyes, he couldn't believe this, he did it again and again, doing new scans and getting information for anything he could have missed on the medical records, he may be a Dr but he didn't want to believe this, he knew his friend side was over ruling his professional side but he couldn't stop it, but after hours of starting at the results he knew he was fooling himself, he knew what he had in front of him, and he couldn't kid himself any longer.

" Oh Christ no" he whispering to himself, rubbing his eyes hard as he looked at the latest scan in front of him, he jumped at the question, the American voice was unmistakable.

" What's wrong with him?" Owen turned to look at him, he held his breath at the sight, Jack looked like a normal human, there where worry lines over his face, he was ringing his hands, waiting for anything any news Owen could give him, Owen looked away and cleared his voice, trying to get his professional Dr.'s voice on, but it was hopeless.

" I'm sorry" he started clearing his voice as it choked slightly " I've done the tests over and over, trying to prove myself wrong but I can't He's got a tumour, a large and very aggressive tumour"

Jack looked at him, his eyes starting to take a glassy look " tumour, can't you remove it, can't we get someone to get it removed?" the questions flying out of his mouth, he needed to help Ianto. Owen looked away unable to look him in the eyes.

" No Jack, there's nothing I can do, in his brain, in the central Cortex, the place is to sensitive and to remote to reach, it is classed as inoperable, I've done as many scans of it and taken blood to try and determine away, I really have Jack" Owen choked on his words and couldn't speak, he turned to his table, his hands spread wide, his head bowed as he tried to summon the words " the fact that the last scan that I did over 5 months ago on him, didn't show any sign of this amorality, its gown to fast and to big, this means that the size indicates, and from what I can get from his tests, is that…" once more his voice broke, he never liked giving news to loved ones, it was harder when he was giving news to his friend about another close person, he coughs and looked at jack "He as about 5 months to live tops"

Jack stared at Owen, taking all of it in, he's prayers hadn't even been listened to, they had been turned against him, he opened his mouth then closed again, he couldn't think of anything to say, his eyes closed and he rushed to meet the floor as he slumped down, in those few minutes his whole world was falling apart, everything that he had taken for granted was being flashed in front of him, he was losing the one thing that was holding him to this small backwards planet.

" He's dyeing," he gasps finally finding his voice, he stood and rushed to Ianto's side, taking the warm hand in his own larger trembling one, " he's only 26, we where just starting to be a proper couple, this can't be happening to him, we where finally being happy, he was finally starting to smile again and now he only has 5 months to live" Jacks voice croaked and broke as he talked, not really to anyone, but himself, he rubbed his thumb over the slender hand in his own, he usual tactless Jokes and one word quips where not going to help him now. Owen placed a hand on his Jacks shoulder, trying to help the taller man come to terms with what was happening, but how could he help when he was as emotional as Jack.

" I'm truly sorry, I will keep doing what I can but there's is nothing professionally I can, we'll " he stated before shaking his head " I'll miss him hell we all will, He was only just starting to let us into that small world of his, We only just managed to get him to come out with us all, to go drinking, and field missions, all with help from u. we got to know him better and his coffee is next to nothing, No-one will ever make a better brew we'll miss him" He hoped that his words could comfort the older man, but he didn't think that Jack was even listening to him as the American carried on speaking to the unconscious Welshman.

" I'll look after you Ianto, I'll stay with u till the end like I promised you" Jack leant forwards and kissed Ianto's lips softly, pulling back at the small moan that left them, he looked up at Ianto as the young mans Blue eyes flickered open, a little confused to where he was.

" What happened?" He started his voice thick with under use, his accent more pronounced as he looked around, no-one answered so he moved to his next question " why am I in here?" he tried and looks up at Jack to see the tears that where lining the American's eyes, he was confused, Jack had been crying or was about to "what's going on Jack? why are you so up set?" Ianto looked both scared and confused, he wanted answers but Jack was just looking at him, seeing the urgency in Ianto's eyes, Jack snapped out of it and looked up, swallowing trying to gather all his thoughts.

" Ianto, you had a seizure" He put his hand up to stop Ianto interrupting otherwise he wouldn't finish " and Owen did some tests and the" he coughs and holds Ianto's hand tighter" out comes not good" he finished looking into Ianto's eyes.

" what does that mean jack?" Ianto looked up at him, terror in his eyes at what Jack could be talking about, he was hoping it was one of Jacks jokes, that he would suddenly say – that you fainted because your tie was to tight- he pushed again "I'm not dying am I? please tell me I'm not?" His voice got panicky, as Jack wasn't even looking at him" Please jack look at me! please tell me"

"I'm sorry Ianto I'm so sorry" Jack choked, tears started to pour down Jacks face, following the age lines that could now be seen, he reached forwards and held Ianto close, Ianto looked at Jacks chest before looking around the room, looking at Owen, who wouldn't look at him, he could see tears in the DR's eyes as well.

" Jack…please tell me" he whispered and held onto his American lover. He felt the muscles in Jacks arms clench before he caught the quiet words.

" you have a brain tumour,…I'm sorry there's nothing I can do" came Owens quiet voice as he glanced up at Ianto, looking briefly into his eyes before turning away. Ianto stilled, he felt so numb, He was dying and it was obvious from the way that both Jack and Owen where acting, there was nothing that could be done, he closed his eyes, wishing it was a dream but as he opened them the numbness melted away and emotion filled every pour, his eyes filled with tears and he started to shudder as he sobbed, he clung to Jack, and they both cried, Owen left them alone to talk, the DR walked from the room into the main hub, ignoring the looks from the girls he just wanted a stiff drink.

After a long while, Ianto pulled back from Jack wiping his eyes, his mind turning back to the practical things in life, and realising he wanted to live the part he had left.

" How long do I have ?" he said as he moved and sat on the edge of the table. Jack cleared his throat and sat beside him.

"Owen can't be sure, but he said about five months tops" Jack said slowly his arm around Ianto's waist holding him close " I'll take care of you, I love you, I will do the best I can to help you threw this. I really do love you" He brushed his lips over Ianto's temple. Ianto looked at him thoughtfully and leant against his chest, letting him indulge in the touches, that usually where ruled out in work time.

***

A few days and passed, Ianto was still in the numb stages of his life, it was as if nothing could hurt him, everything was not happening to him. It was happening to someone else as he seemed to look threw other peoples eyes. He was sat looking out of the window of his house, Jack had told him to have some time off, but he wasn't sure he wanted it, being at home gave him to much time to think, he liked the numb feeling and being busy stopped him getting time to think on his illness, but recently he was coming to terms with what was happening to him. The days drew one more and seemed longer, Jack came over wen he could but there wasn't much Jack could say or do to make him happier or feel good.

One night Jack had taken Ianto out for a meal at one of his favourite restaurants, they had walked threw the park, the moonlight had made the place look silver and blues, Ianto watched and looked around him, enjoying the breeze threw his hair and the touch of Jacks hand in his own, but something had been playing on his mind and it was going over in his mind ever since.

" Are you alright?" came Jacks voice as he looks at him, smiling lightly as he saw the slight redness of Ianto's cheek. " your very quiet"

Ianto shook his head and smiled lightly " I'm fine, just thinking" he moved into Jacks arms, leaning against his chest and closing his eyes. Jack ran his hand down Ianto's back and up threw his hair.

" thinking is a dangerous thing" chucked Jack as he looked into the deep eyes in front of him.

"Yes I Know" whispered Ianto as he leant against Jacks chest again, a shiver going threw his body at the chill he felt.

"come on time to get you home, You shouldn't be out in the cold to long" Jack said gently, concern in his voice, Owen had given him all the information on how Ianto could be more susceptible to illnesses so not to put him at risk, Jack took Ianto home and made him a warm drink, before getting them to sit on the settee, Ianto leant against Jacks chest as he looks into the steaming tea coloured liquid. His brows furrow as he thought deeply again.

"Jack, I have a question for you."

Jack looked down at him and saw the look on his face "sure shoot kid" he said teasingly, Ianto smiled lightly at the kid reference, but didn't respond with his daddy thing, he was being serious for once.

"If I was to ask, near the end, for you to help me pass over. would you help me?" his voice was soft as he held Jacks hand, watching the muscles in his arms for reactions. Jacks arms clenched and he held Ianto closer, his voice came.

"Jesus I was expecting something sex related man." Took a breath, the question had shocked him, he looked at the Welshman hard " I- I don't know Ianto. I love u. I really love you but I couldn't do it I'm sorry but I couldn't do that to you" whispered Jack, holding tighter, thinking that Ianto could just disappear

" Its ok " Ianto smiled slightly as he looked up into Jacks eyes and held jacks hand tightly " You do love me and u wont leave me when I need you the most?" he closed his eyes and listened to Jacks breathing, he needed to know the answer to this question.

" Yes Ianto, I love you body and sole, I love you more than anything in this universe, I will never leave you, I love you far to much" Jack pulled Ianto into his lap so he could be closer to him. " You should rest Ianto. maybe I should move here, that way I can look after you 24/7. And look after that sexy body of yours" Jack tried to lighten the tone, but it felt dull to his own ears."

" Are you sure? I'll probably become pretty dependent on you ,what about the missions?" Ianto looked into his eyes and cupped Jacks cheeks, " its not something that will be easy"

" I'll get around that part when the time come but till then just rest" Jack said slowly, kissing his forehead as he thought of how he could work this, he wanted to be with Ianto from now on, but he was also the one that defended the Earth. Ianto smiled and looked at him.

" Yes Jack I'll rest, you go and do your paper work" he said pushing his shoulder lightly, as he moved back to the settee. " I know that you have to do it, cus I saw you bring it home"

" No, that can wait your more important now" Jack tucked him closer as he spoke, running his hands threw Ianto's brown locks. Ianto looked disapprovingly at him.

" don't let me get in the way of your duties of saving the world Jack" said Ianto as he rubbed his temples slowly as his eyes closed in a slight pain.

" Are u in pain?" Asked Jack, placing his own hand on Ianto's temple, trying to help if he could.

" its just a headache, I've had them for months now, didn't thing any thing of them" Ianto looked up at him " I wish I had now, then maybe I wouldn't have got this far along without having some warning, I wouldn't have to die" Ianto was beating himself up, because he didn't take a something seriously " I wouldn't have to leave every one behind, all the people that I've started to get to know, I'm starting to get on with my life and…I'm going to die, I don't want to die" cried Ianto, his eyes filling once more " I'm only 26, I want a life, I want to be with u till I'm old I know that you can't age, but I wanted that time with you, more than the small amount of time we've had, I wanted to die by your side happy. I don't want to suffer" Ianto finished his speech as he looked at Jack, seeking and pleading for comfort.

"Ianto I want let you suffer" Jack said. Firmly taking his hand and kissing the back "I'll take care of you, I will make sure that your happy" looked into his eyes and cupped his face, running his thumb over Ianto's cheek bone, he leaned down and kissed him sweetly and lovingly "I love you" he whispered, his eyes darkened as his emotions swirled inside them, Ianto could see that Jack truly did love him.

"Love you too Jack." He whispered as he closed his eyes.

***

The talk between Jack and Ianto had hung in the air for days, it tainted some of their conversations, though neither would say that they had been upset by what had been said, Ianto still had the days off but there wasn't anything he had left to do, yesterday he had drawn up his will. Jack had come back in the middle of him doing so and went quiet the tension back up.

Ianto tapped his pen on the desk as he looked at the computer screen, he was trying to do some of Jacks paper work before it took over the house, Ianto had chuckled at the scene in the spare bedroom where Jack had hidden all the papers, he would have to talk to his lover about that. He reached up to his eyes and rubbed them as they blurred slightly, he blinked as they came back to themselves and he stared at the screen, but he was going to have to finish for the while, the glare off the monitor was starting to make his head hurt, shutting the computer down he rose and held the chair as the world span, slowly the door stood still enough for Ianto to head threw it, the young Welshman walked into the bedroom, nearing ending up head over heels as he tripped on Jacks army shoes, then he remembered he had warn his trainers because they where expecting to get muddy at the hub today.

He sat down to get himself together again before he threw them against the wall, but the bang they had made, made the pain in his head worse and he groaned holding it in his head. He sat there his head in his hands for ages, trying to stop the lights from hurting his eyes and the pounding in his head. After a while he was able to crawl around to reach his beside table, he scrabbled for the painkillers and looked at the packet to find it was empty, he tried to focus on the time to see that it had been only an hour since he had last take the pain killers, they had slowly stopped working over the passed weeks and he had told Owen grudgingly, Owen had said he could up the dose but that could cause other side affects, and Ianto wasn't quiet sure he wanted to see that just yet. He had been given a computer file by Tosh with a fair few ideas of what he could take or do to replace his painkillers, but the idea of sticking small needles into his head didn't seem that pleasant, so that mean that acupuncture had been ruled out, and the Japanese scientist had looked all pain relievers, and she had written all the information about them all, a few illegal painkillers, some Owen had vetoed at the very thought of them as they caused more problems than they cured, but one that Ianto had said he wasn't interested in was Cannabis, though Owen had suggested that he could get it for him if he had needed it, it was making Ianto think about Owen's past slightly as he said it was one of his old Uni. Friends.

The welsh man had said that he would think about it, but he wasn't so sure about it, it was illegal. His thoughts went back to the American that had come into his home, frowning he suddenly remembering that the American had some painkillers in his draw, he moved slowly towards the other side of the bed, pulling at Jacks draw, his hand touching the cold metal of a spare gun, his fingers ran over the metal as he pulled it out as he looked at the way the light caught the blackened metal, he shook his head as his mind started to go dark before he slipped his hand in once more pulling out the painkiller, he sighed happily as he took them dry, he could just imagine the journey they took down his throat, he closed his eyes and leaned back letting them do there trick, even if it was just for a few hours. He opened his eyes slowly as he heard his phone going downstairs, not feeling ready to get up yet he let the answer phone get it, he listened to the message one it, it was him giggling and Jack was tickling him as he tried to be serious, a small smile crossed Ianto's lips as he thought about his love.

Jack Harkness, had pretty much moved in with him to look after him, to tend to all his needs, but Jack was a little too caring, it was good to see that Jack had a softer side, and the fact the American was willing to give up his nights drinking to be with Ianto, but he treated the young Welshman like he was a fine porcelain doll, Jack wouldn't do anything to sexually incase he was to hard and he broke. He wanted that from Jack but didn't want to ask, just incase Jack took it the wrong way, what if Jack just thought that is all he wanted, but being wrapped up in cotton wool and as if he was weak, he wasn't that weak yet, he had the headaches but he could still hold his own, he had been thinking about his last few days, and he didn't want to end up dyeing without Jacks touch, or the fact that Jack might think he was a burden.

The dark thoughts went darker as he looked up at the ceiling, the shadows of the fading lights making the orange hue of the street lamps show strange shapes and creatures on the white ceiling, he was thinking about his last days, in his head he had pictured the moment, laying in Jacks arms after a loving session of making love, Jacks callus fingers running threw his hair as he closed his eyes for the final times, Jacks arms holding him close as he slipped away. But he knew it wouldn't happen like that, the shadow grew in his mind as he remembered the pain that he had been in just 10 minutes ago and he knew that was going to increase, he was going to feel every nerve in his body screaming, and he wasn't going to slip away peacefully and Jack would have just made gentle love with him before he went, he would be in a bed, most possibly a hospital bed with tubes coming from every vein and he would hardly be able to move, let alone touch Jack. The face of the smiling American came into his mind, he could see the look change to that of when his lady friend had been killed by the fairies, Jack had been so upset, would he be that upset when Ianto went.

Ianto blinked and came back to himself when a car alarm went off he sat up as he looked at the bathroom, slowly he pulled himself upright, giving himself a few seconds to settle down, once he could walk he moved into the light bathroom, which now had a dimmer switch incase Ianto had a headache and wanted a bath, he got into the room before sitting on the side of the bath, looking at his pale face in the mirror, a note from Jack written in lipstick on the side, Ianto wondered where that stick had come from but Jack just laughed and said that was a long story, once for a rainy day, he looked again at himself, he could see he was losing weight, he had been for a while but now it was showing as he hadn't bothered to try and hide it, he touched his pale skin and a determined look came into his eyes as he spoke to himself.

"No" he said his voice sounding hollow in the room "Jack shouldn't have to see me die, he shouldn't have to face the pain its going to cause, and I shouldn't have to wait, I should die peacefully" he stood and grabbed the cupboard door and yanked it open looking at all the pills, searching for something that would make it quick and painless, he rummaged threw all the various bottles and boxes, trying to find anything, his hands shook as he pulled out a bottle of painkillers, he read the label to see they where Jacks, a special mix, that would do it, he pulled at the lid, but his hands where trembling to much and he had to put the bottle down before he dropped it, he held his hands against his chest to try and calm them before he realized he was shivering all over, then the cold of the room made him realize that he hadn't put the heating on, Jack would be annoyed at that as Ianto could get ill, he moved to go a do it, before he realized he should warm himself up, he turned on the shower and stripped himself slowly, before stepping into the warm spray, the water was soothing his muscles and he started to feel better, the warmth was seeping into his fingers and toes as he hadn't noticed just how cold he had gotten.

he washed his hair, he pulled at the slightly longer hair thinking that he might need to shave it, Owen had said he was going to look at all types of chemotherapy, but he had seen the look in Owens eyes, the doctor was just grasping at straws, while he waited for information from other men in the neurological sector of medicine, he ran his hand down his neck and massaged lightly, a small smile graced his lips as he remembered the night after the brecon beacons, they had made love in the shower, while Jack massaged down his neck to make sure that his headache was released, he let a tear run down his face as he wished that it was as easy as that now, he tried to stop the tears from bursting out, before he couldn't and he let them fall, mixing with the water from the shower, he let some of his emotion wash out, and it seemed to release some pressure, he washed his face before looking back at himself in the mirror, he turned the water off and dried himself off, he jumped when once more his phone rang, he didn't rush down, he could ring whoever it was back, but soon that sunny American voice came out of the speaker.

"hey my Welsh lovely, do I get to hear those lovely Welsh vowels or are you sleeping?" he paused for a few seconds before speaking again "Guess that you are sleeping, well hope I haven't woke you, just a bell to say I might be a bit late so I'll get take out so don't worry about cooking" he voice stopped before coming back "…Love you Ianto, see you later"

Ianto smiled at the tones in his lovers voice, he could sound so worried over the phone and he could see the small lines in Jacks face as he frowned, he looked down at the bottle, shaking his head as the writing became blurry slightly before clearing, he couldn't do it, he couldn't just leave Jack. Jack had been his rock as he had been the one that brought Jack back from his traveling, he shook his head and pushed the pills back into the cupboard, he didn't even want to imagine what Jack would be like if he was to lose the Welshman before it was time.

He pulled his trousers up, but moved to quick, pain ran threw his head as he jerked, he closed his eyes to try and stop the pain before it took over, but it was to late, opening his eyes everything was shrouded in mist before it got darker, those blue eyes closed, the body fell onto the floor slamming down hard.

***

Beep… beep… beep… beep… beep… beep

Ianto groaned as something was beeping beside his head, he reached up, thinking it was a phone or he had forgotten to turn his alarm off, his hand felt heavy and there was a sting in the back of his left hand, slowly he opened his eyes, letting them adjust to the dim light, he looked around to find that, there was the pungent smell of disinfectant, looking around more he saw the stark white walls and the medical equipment around him. He closed his eyes once more as the light became to much, he realized that he was in one of the hubs medical rooms, his breathing became heavier as he tried to think of how he got here, he didn't remember, how could he not remember.

right think Ianto, what happened, what where you doing? Did you get into a fight, did you get ill?

Ianto racked his brain and memories to try and come up with why he was in the medical rooms, surly it was time for him to die, he had months left he knew that, Owen always made sure that he knew that, he shook his head slowly feeling a sick feeling in his stomach as he moved, he groaned lightly but his throat was raw and it hurt, Ianto looked for some water but he couldn't find any, the young Welshman looked up at his drip to see what it was, it was the solution containing vitamins and fluids to keep his body active, closing his eyes he lay back trying to calm himself down, if he was in the hub Owen was looking after him, meaning that Jack was just the level up from him, the thoughts of Jack not being far from him settled him back down, the soft trickle of the water tower soothed his mind, and the growls of the Weevils where oddly comforting, soon he was back to sleep, his breathing evening out and soon he was back into his dreams.

A few hours later Ianto jerked awake as he heard a noise closer to his room, he slowly opened his eyes to the slits as he looked at the door to see Owen appeared in the room, holding a tray, Ianto could just glimpse the shape of a needle on the top, the young doctor was dressed in his white lab jacket. Ianto watched as Owen checked the drip to make sure that it was flowing and that everything was running okay before adding the liquid inside the needle into it, Ianto gave a slight flinch at the pain, moving his hand as he mumbled lightly making the English doctor look up, seeing that the Welshman's eyes had opened.

"Ianto you awake" Owen seemed relieved as he moved up to check Ianto out, he looked into his eyes to check that they where dilating properly and working all to order, Ianto flinched at the light entering his eyes and tried to move away from it. "Well you movement seems okay, but try not to do much, you will need to rest"

Ianto opened his mouth to say something but his voice wouldn't work and his mouth felt furry, he sent a pleading look at Owen. The doctors seemed to get the idea, rushing out of the room, coming back with some small ice blocks.

"You need to use this, your throat will be a little slow at the moment" he placed the cup near Ianto's mouth, once he had got the Welshman to sit up. Slowly Ianto took one of the slivers of ice into his mouth, his eyes closing slightly at the feeling of the cold water running down his throat, he frowned when he looked up as he felt his pain lessen in his head, but his painkillers had always been tablets, he opened his mouth to talk to Owen, but Owen stopped him " you need to let the water work or you'll hurt yourself"

Ianto nodded in agreement but he need to know what Owen had put into his drip, he moved his hand waving it towards the tray, but instead he hit of off the table it was one and he winced at the clatter it made. Owen walked over and picked it up, before he looked at Ianto, seeing the question in those expressive blue eyes, he looked at the needle before he found the floor very interesting, he seemed to fight within himself before he looked back into Ianto's eyes, he decided he had to be straight.

" It's just morphine" he said watching the emotions play across the younger mans face, he waited patently for Ianto to take in what he had just said. "it arrived this morning from America" he carried on slowly and looked into those expressive Blue eyes and he signs " its for the best Ianto, it will ease the pain for lounger periods of time" He finished almost trying to convince himself as well as Ianto. He tried to believe that this was the miracle cure, that was going to clear out the illness inside Ianto and some how it was going to make him well again. But Owen knew that it wasn't, it wasn't going to make everything to go away but there was always the hope.

Ianto looked into Owens eyes before he looked away, he hated the thought of it, he know what morphine was a form of and had told Owen that he couldn't use it unless it was extremely necessary, it sickened him that he had for his hole life stayed away from drugs and now he had to depend of it to get a reprieve from the pain. If Owen had resorted into using it, it meant that he was getting closer to the end, now he was wondering how close he was now. Sure the pain had been getting worse and maybe his dizzy spells had been worse, but surly he wasn't that close. He slowly turned to look at the ceiling, he could feel the pain seeping away from his head, he slowly closed his eyes and went into a light doze, his eyes flickered open as Owen left, he was in his own thoughts, he considered pulling out the drip, but what would that achieve, he remembered the pain he had been in before he woke up here. He shuddered before trying to find his phone or a calendar, how long had he been out of it. He sat up slowly and opened his eyes, how long had he been out, had it been a while. He needed to know, he had to. He swung his legs around slowly to hang of the edge of the bed, he slowly tipped himself to stand on one of his feet, hissing as the cold tile made him jerk back slightly, he slowly moved his foot back onto the floor and let himself get used to the cold. Carefully he started to rise but his head started to spin and he started to feel sick forcing him to sit back down, he took several deep breaths he slowly started to sit back up but he had to stop as his muscles protests and he closed his eyes, pushing himself future but his eyes started to get heavy, and he was starting to get tired, his need to know what time it was and what the date was, but his body started to protest to much, forcing the young man sit back down, he slowly pulled his legs back up onto the bed and he lay his head back against the crisp white coloured pillows as he looked at the ceiling, he counted the cracks in the ceiling, thinking how he had always meant to get it re-done in here, he closed his eyes, opening them once more tears outlining the blue eyes. Was this finally the end of it all, was this what his life was gonna be, stuck in a medical room staring at the ceiling, until the end, till he finally gives up the will to carry on.

***

The young Welshman stayed staring at the ceiling, Owen had come in and out, and sometimes he could hear the voice of his lover above them, he sighs and closed his eyes slowly.

"That ceiling really needs repainting" he mumbled, not sure if he said it allowed or in his head.

"I'm sure I can get some good looking painter in to do it" came a very welcome American voice, Ianto turned to look at his lover, letting a smile grace his tired face " I mean it I'll get some painting stuff on, I think I'm good looking enough"

Ianto smiled a little wider and reached his hand out for Jack, the American took it and kissed the back of it, he looked into those deep blue eyes and smiled.

"How are you feeling?" he said softly his fingers threading threw the shorter hair of his lover and ran a finger down his cheek, but there was something in his eyes that his smile could hide.

"I'm okay" whispers Ianto his voice cracking and rough, he reached for Jack pulling him down to kiss him gently, but Jack took control and made it almost feather light, Ianto wanted to scream he wasn't a china doll, but he kept quiet, thinking Jack was just being careful as they where at work. They sat looking at each other for a while in a comfortable silence, well it was kinda comfortable, Ianto was looking into Jacks eyes and he knew his lover was hiding something.

Yes, Ianto could tell when his time traveling lover was hiding something and lying, though he never told Jack that, his power had its uses.

He slowly sat up and tugged at Jacks hand.

"Sit with me" he said his voice still rough, Jack stood and got his some ice to sooth it.

"I am sat with you" smiled the American as he retook his chair, but the tugging on his hand stopped him sitting down, and then he finally clicked what Ianto wanted and he moved to the hospital bed, he helped Ianto move over slowly before he slipped onto the bed beside his young lover. He smiled sadly as Ianto curled up to him and held on as tightly as he could, Jack could see the muscles in his arms where tense, Jack could also feel the lack of strength that should have been there.

Ianto lay his head on Jacks chest and listened to his heartbeat, he was hoping the soothing sound would make him sleep, but it was just reminding him that he wouldn't have a heartbeat soon, and that Jack would be alone, and that he was hiding something and that something was starting to bug him.

"Jack?" he said as he looked up at the America, Jack made a noise to say he was listening and tilted his head slightly to see his lover better.

"What are you hiding from me?" he said whispering slowly and carefully, he looked deeply in to Jacks eyes, seeing the emotions play threw them, slowly deep sadness and sorrow filled them.

Ianto watched Jacks expression change also making him think that there was something wrong, what had changed? Was this really going to be his last view in his life, being stuck in this room?

"I'm not sure whether I should tell you" whispered Jack, uncertainly showing in his voice " its usually the Doctors place"

Ianto sat up a little and looked down at Jack " Tell me Jack, what is it?" he sounded almost harsh, but seeing the tears welling up in Jacks usually guarded eyes where making him wish he hadn't been so hard.

"please Jack I need to know, please" he begged. Jack turned to look away for a moment, gathering himself.

"Its…not" started Jack slowly, Ianto reached a hand forwards and turned Jack back to face him, he had a look in his eyes.

"Its not good news is it?" whispered Ianto, there wasn't surprise in his voice and he could see the look on Jacks eyes change as he pulled Ianto closer to his chest.

"No Ianto" he said and tucked Ianto's head against his neck comforting himself as well as the young Welshman, as Jack could feel Ianto's breath ghosting over his skin. "I'm sorry I-" he started again, but soft lips pressed against his neck stopped him.

"Its okay" came the voice, the accent stronger, showing a slight struggle in emotion "I'm not afraid anymore, not of the illness, its going to end soon right?"

Jacks breath hitched as Ianto said that to him, he was more upset than when Owen had told him the news, and that had because he had seen the medical report himself, he bit his lip a tear running down his face.

" the tumors increased" he hiccuped and pulled his lover as close as he could, feeling the slight tremor in the smaller body "its attacked some of the other parts of your brain" he stopped and took a breath " its cut your time down" he waited for the news to sink in, he felt the man shift in his arms and take a few shuddering breaths.

"How long?" he asked, glancing up at his older lover.

"Its….its….we can't be certain, its…it's a waiting game" choked out Jack as he kissed Ianto out of the need to know he was there, and to comfort him "I'm sorry Ianto, I'm really sorry"

Ianto shook his head and cupped Jacks cheek " what is there to be sorry about" he said softly as he wiped a tear from the Americans cheek,

"I….We…..I wanted more time with you" he confessed "There are so many things that I wanted to do with you before you left me, I love u so much" He pulled Ianto carefully into his lap and held him close the tears where threatening to start again, he tried to hold them back, a hand touched his shoulder and got his attention, Ianto was looking at him and a small smile was on his pale face

"Its okay Jack, let it out" he encouraged and that was all Jack needed, his body started to shudder as he held on to the warm body on his lap and he cried onto his short spiky hair, he had wanted to break down for a while, ever since he found out that Ianto was going to die, and even more so when he found out how long Ianto had left.

Ianto looked at the wall, letting his lover cry, it was the one thing he could do at the moment and that was let Jack cry and be there to hold him, because he never knew if he would get to do it again, it was a waiting game now, Ianto looked at his fingers, his own tears welling up, he could die at any moment, no he hadn't lied to Jack about being afraid of death, because he wasn't. He was afraid of being stuck in this hospital room and this being the last thing he ever saw. If he was going to die he wanted to have some fun before he went, he let Jack finish his tears and he could hear his ragged breath starting to settle down.

Owen moved into the room to check, when Jack had moved Ianto one of the wires had come out and sent an alarm threw to the Doctor, seeing that the two where having a moment, Owen waited before he moved over.

"I think I can remove these now" said Owen slowly as he unhooked Ianto from the wires and drips, careful to cover any wounds

"Jack?"

" yes?" answered the American, looking down at his lover, seeing him struggle with what he wanted to say.

"Jack, I want something before I die" he started, his pink tongue darted out to lick his now dry lips, Jack's blues eyes watched the movement, pushing down the feeling that arose within him, but he couldn't stop himself leaning down and capturing the tongue in his own mouth and turning it into a passionate kiss, he tried to keep control and keep it from becoming to much, but something seemed to spur Ianto on as he deepened the kiss, exploring Jacks mouth like uncharted territory, his tongue sliding over Jacks, before he pulled back so that his forehead leant against the Americans as they panted slightly. Jack could feel his breath ghosting over his mouth.

" make love to me" whispers Ianto looking into his eyes, determination in his own blue orbs as he pressed a finger against the protest that Jack was about to come out with.

"Like we use to please. I want u to love me. Make me feel loved and alive again. Jack I want you to make me feel human again, please Jack" he was almost begging, he wanted it one last time.

"Ianto" started Jack as he captured the Welshman's hand in his own "We can't your not strong enough, I might hurt u. I don't wan-"

Ianto didn't want to hear the case against why they shouldn't, he could hear that Jack wanted to but he was unsure, Ianto shook his head slowly before he crushed his lips against Jacks, his tongue once more exploring the caverns as his hand snaked down to slip between Jacks trousers and shirt, his heated fingers grazed over the soft flesh he felt there, slowly but surly he moved his hand inside the cotton trousers and traced the outline of Jacks manhood, before he applied pressure, he could feel the organ harden beneath his Hand and he let a small smiled let slip, against Jacks mouth. He knew how to turn Jack on, when Ianto wanted something Jack soon learned he could be devious and forceful, not that the American minded, Ianto could feel Jacks resistance wane, before he spoke, his voice a little strained but there was humor within the words.

"Okay Okay" he chuckled and held Ianto's hand still so he could gather his breath, a glint in his eyes "I get the idea" he chuckled and ran his own hands down to cup Ianto's backside smiling at the smooth flesh he found as Ianto had one of those lovely easy access hospital nightgowns on "Owen could we have some time alone please" he said looking at the young doctor, he could see the smile in Owen's eyes as he chuckled.
"Sure" said Owen as he slipped Jack some supplies " gay porn is not my thing you know"

Ianto and Jack waited until the doctor left the room before they broke out into a carefree laugh, they both knew that Owen was lieing, Owen had once caught them on the CCTV camera's, when Jack and Ianto had got a little careless and done it in the office's on Owens desk, But they hadn't realized the camera's where one until a few weeks later Jack had been using Owens computer for something and stumbled across the cctv file, he had deleted it there and then and then destroyed the dvd copy he had found in Owens medical desk, the American had talked to Owen, he wasn't angry that Owen had watched him, it was more the fact that he had seen Ianto unclothed, and no one did that other than Jack himself .

Once they where sure that Owen was gone they kiss softly before they started to put more passion into the kiss, need and want, filled every pour of the pair, there hands moved in a hurried fashion to feel flesh on flesh, Ianto pawing at Jack and moaned as Jack went to the spots that he knew would send Ianto wild, and he held Ianto's hands in his own, this was about Ianto and Jack did all the work, soon both cried out their lovers names as they descended into oblivion.

A few hours later Jack surfaced from the sleep he had fell into and looked down to his lover, seeing the peaceful look on his pale face, he ran his thumb over his forehead and kissed his nose lightly.

"Ianto" he called as he looked at the eyes, but they didn't even flutter, he moved slightly and ran his hand up Ianto's side, knowing that would make the Welshman jerk or at least move as he was ticklish, but there was still nothing, hesitantly Jack reached Ianto's neck and pressed his finger on the place where the pulse should be, the American held his breath, soon releasing it slowly as he could feel the slow pulse beneath his fingers, he moved his hand down to Ianto's heart and held him close, Ianto had gone back into his coma, Jack couldn't help but think that maybe it was for the best.

is this the end? well we have to see peeps keep reading.

***

Weeks had past from that night, and Ianto had show sighs of improvement, but now Jack watched the pale face of his lover as he had turned sharply, he was deteriorating, and quicker than Owen expected, the young Doctor had been trying everything but all to soon Paralyses had set in. The American listened to the hard breath of his lover, tears once more lining his eyes and running down his cheeks, he had never felt so helpless.

Owen had called a doctor from Japan, a man well educated in these cases, together they had tried surgery to help Ianto's chances but there had been to many compilations, and now out of Ianto's mouth was the clear medical tube helping him breath. Owen had been sat at his desk in tears when he had to tell Jack he was running out of options, everything he tried was being thrown back at him. Jack had patted him on the shoulder and gave him a small smile saying he had faith in him. But stood in the now repainted room of his lover he was losing it, running a finger over the sunken face of Ianto he could feel every bone, he knew all the rest of his lover was just the same. They where feeding food to Ianto through a tube through his nose but it wasn't putting anything on his bones, he was like a skeleton.

Jack had started to realize that Ianto was going to die, he had spoken to the young Welshman once when he was awake, the younger man had made Jack promise that he wouldn't let him die in the hospital room, so Jack had headed out looking for a place, he had found a small flat that over looked the bay, Owen had gone and set up all the things that Ianto would need, saying that it would be a better place for him away from the busy hub.

The sun shone down on the moving waters in the bay, up in a window Ianto looked down at it, watching the boats sail in and out, he wished he could be out there, but he was stuck, sighing deeply he closed his eyes making the view up in his head, as it could be the last time he was well enough to see it. He had heard Owen giving him hope, saying he had months, but Ianto wasn't so sure he wanted that time. The pain was so very real to him and would hit, crippling him from doing anything, he had to rely on Jack for the most basic things. Looking at the bay once more he put his hand on the glass that separated him from the real world, he had not accepted that he couldn't be part of it, but he had accepted that he was going to die, that had sunk in months ago when he had come out of his second coma, he just didn't want to linger around, being a burden on the one he loved. Jack…Jack the American time traveler that had burst into his life and swept him up, he saw the love in those blue eyes, but he could see that hidden feelings that had been building up, every time Jack came back to see that Ianto was a little paler or thinner, he could see his heart breaking, sorrow filled those eyes and Ianto wished so much that he could reach out, make it all better but he knew he couldn't. Tears ran down his sunken cheeks as he sobbed quietly for his lover, he could see the heart was bleeding and Jack wouldn't admit it, he was frightened that once Ianto had past on then Jack would just cease to live his life as well, leaving the rest of the world to fend for itself against the unknown threats, it had already done so, an attack on London, Jack had almost arrive to late because he had been helping Ianto with something that could have waited.

Pushing against the glass to open the window he slipped his pale hand out the window to feel the wind pushing it back, he smiled his mind settled on something at last, he had decided it was time, he didn't want to drag this out any longer, he wanted a death that was quick, almost painless and most of all to be in the arms of the man he loved when he finally left this world, jumping at the sudden coldness on his fingers made him look up, a small smiled moved across his face to see the soft white flakes of snow starting their decent from the clouds. He remembered back to Christmas eve, Jack had made a point of making it a day for them, Ianto had always wished it would have snowed that day but as always it was late. He closed his eyes remembering the day.

The smell of cooking came from the kitchen, Ianto smiled as he could hear Jack singing the Christmas carols from the radio loudly as he moved cooking. Ianto looked around the room seeing the decorations and small tree, also was the burning log fire that Jack came in now and again to check was still working or warm enough. They sat at the table to eat the large meal, before Ianto reached forwards taking Jacks hand in his own, he wanted to say something but it was hard, but it needed to be said.

" Jack" he started as he ran his thumb over the other mans knuckles. "I've decided, I don't want a physical present this year, I just want to be with you and I want some thing else" he paused taking a breath " well for you to do some thing for me I...I- I want you to do something for me... when I'm ready that is... would you-" he stopped and tried to swallow, he closed his eyes and told himself sternly to get it out. " help me to die?"

Jack's eyes had widened as he choked on his drink, Ianto had talked about this before but he had never expected it to come up again, he looked into the emotional eyes of his younger lover and went to his own thoughts, beliefs and what he could see in the future, either letting Ianto die a slow death filled with pain so that Jack could hold onto him for a few months longer, or to let him go, to see that Ianto was happy. He looked at the table before looking up his decision made.

" Yes" he started his voice wobbling slightly but strong " I'll help you…. but- only when you think its the right time and that u are 100 sure." Carried on the American, kissing the back of Ianto's hand " I will help you"

That night they had lay in each others arm.

Ianto smiled at that memory, yes the conversation had been sad but the day had been a good day for him, he looked back out the window, seeing the people moving around heading to new years parties, New years eve, he had always had the day off and gone out with some mates, drinking and singing, but tonight he was thinking of something completely different, he shifted to look up at the time, he had been in his thoughts longer than he realized it was approaching midnight, his hand moved on the ball of fur on his lap as the puppy wiggled, Ianto looked down at the black puppy that Gwen had brought then, he tickled it behind her ears getting a lick in return, he looked into the loving brown eyes. He nodded to himself, he turned to see his lover walking towards him, the chimes struck as the cheers from outside rose up, he reached a hand out weakly.

"Happy New Year Jack" he whispered, his hand was taken and lips pressed to his own as the American returned the seasonal wish, he watched the American kneel beside him, taking the older mans chin he lift it up. "..its time"

Jack's heart stopped for a moment at those words, he saw the acceptance in the blue eyes, his own was a wild mix of emotion, the day he had been dreading ever since he had made the promise had arrived and he was seriously considering backing out, but he saw Ianto hold his stomach as a cramp hit him and the whimper that the Welshman gave out made his resolve strengthen. He held Ianto's hand and looked into his eyes.

"do…do you want it here, or somewhere special?" he asked, his voice hitching once as he waited for his answer, though he had an idea where it would be. Ianto smiled a little.

"at the bay, not far from the hub, where we first kissed" he whispered lacing his fingers with jacks, "it will be fitting don't you thing, to be the pace where I have one of my best memories."

Jack nodded as he rose, heading to get the coats but a hand on his arm stopped him going to far.

"I have something to first, could… could you get my laptop and headset please" the younger man asked. Jack nodded as he moved off, wheeling the desk over with it all on, so Ianto could use it easily.

"here you go" he smiled and clicked it on for him. Ianto reached out his hand again to hold Jacks hand. "Promise me something Jack"

Jack looked at him to see what it was.

"Promise me that you will move on, I will always love you Jack, but I want you happy" he said softly, Jack shook his head as he kissed Ianto softly.

"No.., I can't promise that, I will never be able to forget you" he stated strongly as he tipped Ianto's chin up, "you have tort me so much, that their was more than the physical side of a relationship, you have done to much for me to forget"

Ianto blushed at the words, his cheeks finally getting a small shade of colour, he smiled "Jack, I didn't do anything, I just opened the right door" he said as he pulled back from his lover. "now shoo for a while, go take Spike for a walk" he said fondly, Jack looked at the weather and rolled his eyes, before he headed towards the door, getting the puppy ready to go out in the snow. Ianto watched them go before he started to work on what he wanted to do, it took all his concentration to stick on it and not look out the window.

Spike bounded in the snow, taking Jack for a walk, she was taking Jack the way she wanted to go, and that was to see Tosh.

***

After the constant pulling of the little puppy that in Jacks opinion was far to small to have this much strength, he found himself at a familiar blue door, in a small apartment complex just off the road from the new flat. He looked down at the dog and shook his head at the look the dog gave him. The –ring the bell then you moron-, Jack swore the little fuzz ball had been picking up the looks of Ianto, he sighed, reaching his hand up to ring the bell, checking the light was one to see if she was awake, light filtered around the door and it opened revealing Toshiko.

"Jack?" she blinked slowly as she opened the door fully. "Whats the matter? Has something happened to Ianto?" she started as she looked his face for sighs of anything, but there was just confusion and the usual worry in the males blue eyes. He shook his head and waved her off.

"No, no nothing like that, he hasn't, not yet" he stuttered as he picked the puppy up to remove its lead. "its…I need to talk to you about something, can…we come in its kinda cold out here"

Tosh nodded as she opened the door "oh yes I'm sorry, come in" she lead the two though the hall way into the sitting room, it was very modern in design, place was neat apart from her desk which was over flowing with Computers and gadgets, she sat down in one of her overstuffed chairs.

"Sorry about the mess" she apologised picking up her drink, glancing to Jack "would you like one?"

Jack declined as he sat on the settee pulling the puppy onto his lap, running his fingers thought the soft fur, just being quiet for a few moments. Tosh blinked.

"oh yes…so what was it that you wanted to ask me?" she said as she took a seat on the chair looking at the older man. "the way you look, it can't be good"

Jack stared down at the puppy for a while before sighing his voice hitching before he cleared his thought "…he…he asked me again" he whispered. Tosh leant forwards.

"Again?" she questions trying to remember.

"to help, He asked me to help him die" he whispered, his fingers stilling in the puppy's fur, his breath coming sort. Tosh rushed over and took Jack into her arms, rubbing his back.

"Jack, what are you going to do" she asked softly after a while, concern lining her face. Jack looked up his blue eyes expressing all of his pain but in those blue depths was determination.

"I can't refuse him" he whispered carefully "I love him to much not to help him, I can see how he is becoming someone else"

Tosh was shocked but none the less she was going to stand by Jack decision.

"Toshiko." Jack said softly "…I … I need your help, you can help me find the best way, painless, and a way that wont hurt anyone"

The Japanese woman's eyes widened at Jacks word, she hesitated, but Jack carried on his speech.

"I want to give him what he wants, to let him go while he still has his dignity, I was thinking if was me, if finally I could die, then I would want to die still with dignity, so I want him to have that chance, and to let him die looking over the bay, where he wants to be, watching the water."

Slender fingers worked through black silk hair as the woman thought what the other man was saying, her mine thinking about what she would want, how would she like things to happen.

"I can see the point of it" she said slowly, she put her hand on his knee and squeezed lightly "and I will help you out anyway I can think of, I'll do some research"

Jack let gratitude show though his eyes but he stopped "I…I thought you might be angery with me, for even saying I would help"

Tosh thought about what she was going to say "where as I can see both sides of the arguments for this, I would rather help you make the best of you decision than for you to face this alone, Jack we might not always see eye to eye on some of your rash decisions but I for one will always be there. In the past there are times that I wish I had the strength to do what you are doing for your love." She looked down "my grandmother"

Jack pulled her into his arms and rubbed her back "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to drag up old memories, you did all you could for her"

The Japanese woman pulled back and shook her head "it was a long time ago, we have to deal with the here or now" she stretched and moved over to her computer and started to tap away, looking at all she could. Jack left her to do her thing, he looked down at the puppy in his lap, tickling it behind his ear.

The fur ball whimpered before getting off and wondering to the warm area that Tosh had left. Shaking his head Jack got up heading to the window to look over the city, watching the many people below rushing around in the snow going to and from Clubs. It felt like an age before one of them spoke.

"Jack, why don't you head home for a while, Ianto will want you" Tosh said softly, bring him back into the room, "I'll keep looking"

Jack opened his mouth to say he would say before he realised it was getting on, nearly 3 in the morning, he nodded and picked up the puppy who was fast asleep.

"thank you" he whispered before kissing her forehead, before he headed back home, leaving Tosh to work though her things as she was happy doing.

-6am-

"right Jack, I have to method's" came Tosh's voice over Jacks ear piece, the American was watching his lover sleep, the puppy on Ianto's chest, jack shifted to look at him more.

"what is there?" he asked hushed.

"Injection or oral, I would suggest oral, the chemical is almost undetectable after death" she said sadly, her voice hitching slightly "we have it at the hub, if….if you are sure about this"

Jacks eyes lay back on the sleeping face of his lover, seeing him there shook his resolve, his heart was screaming that he shouldn't do it, but then a pained whimper left the thin lips and a tremble went down his body, tears started to gather and run down his cheeks.

"yes….I'm sure" he whispered choking slightly his fingers running down Ianto's spiked hair.

"when?" came Tosh's soft voice again, almost scared to ask the question. Jack thought about it as he glanced outside.

"tomorrow, he'll want to see the sunset, its his favourite time, on the bay, he loves it there" he rattled off thinking about all this.

"I'll get it for you….see you later Jack"

"Tosh" Jack asked quickly before she could go "….be there tomorrow. With me, please…I want to help him but….I cant do it alone"

"yes, I'll be there with him, its understandable that you don't want to be alone, it will be okay" she sounded more confident than she actually felt

"Its not until now you relies how fragile you human's are" he said sadly, "I wish I was something more than immortal, that my power could help him live longer, but for my curse I can not help him anymore, I'm cursed to watch all those I love fade away"

"Jack" Tosh said sadly, wishing now she had gone over and not on the end of the phone "Jack it will get easier in time, don't give up on us now"

The American came back to himself as he looked at the blue eyes of his lover who had woken up. A small frown crossed Ianto's face before his eyes started to slide shut again and he slipped back to sleep.

"I just wish" he started, holding himself back.

"Jack, come to mine, I think that you need to talk, Ianto will be alright, he'll sleep after the pills that you've given him" Tosh's voice was gentle and Jack realised he did need to talk, he clicked his headset off, before he leant forwards and kissed Ianto's forehead.

"sleep well my love, I shall be back in a while" he whispered getting a mumble in return before he headed to Tosh's apartment, he got there and feel though the door into Tosh's arms, she stayed strong as he poured his heart and soul out, knowing that he could trust her not to tell anyone else.

***

The days past slowly, everyone was trying to pretend everything was alright, but the underlining tension was always there, Ianto was lay in Jack's arms in the morning sun, listening to the morning bird song, he could feel the energy it was taking him to just move his hand up to Jack's cheek to brush over the deceptively young face. He saw the lines had relaxed around his eyes and the American looked so….relaxed. Ianto's breath caught, he had recently been thinking about his decision and even thinking of changing his mind, But seeing how peaceful Jack looked in sleep, lost was the worry and pain, the young welsh man saw in his eyes every day.

He was determine to do this now, he needed to, Jack would be so much happier, he forced himself up, holding back the pained cry he wanted to give, he got up against the headboard, stroking his fingers through Jack's hair. He looked down at his lips, a tingling came over his own when he remembered their first, well technically second, the first being when Jack had brought him back from the edge of death, this time he wouldn't have the chance, it wouldn't help him as it was a slow death, not instant.

"your thinking very loud" came the rumbled voice of Jack as his blue eyes opened to lock with Ianto's, his hand moving up to place over Ianto's free one. "what you thinking about?"

"How much Coffee we have" Ianto replied letting out a slight chuckle, before he shook his head "how much I love you"

Jack let a sad smile cross his face before he shifted up to Ianto's side, putting his arms around the thin waist he moved Ianto to his lap. "as much as I love you" he whispered pressing his lips against Ianto's slightly, as he held the small man to him, the tears where filling his eyes, he could see in Ianto's blue orbs that he had made up his mind, that to day would be the time he lost the battle.

Ianto whimpered into the kiss, pulling back put his forehead on Jacks. "please Jack, do not be upset, I shall always be with you" he said softly, Jack nodded trying to bring up his old mask, he had seen so much death in his life he could deal with this, but looking into the face of his Lover, he just wanted to be able to save him, he kissed Ianto's lips briefly before looking out the window to see the day begin.

Sun filtered through the white clouds that covered the Cardiff sky, the cold air danced through the window that Ianto had open, he wanted to here the city noises, and the birds that where singing over the bay. The welsh man was looking out of the window, a pen hanging shaking in his hand, he was trying to write something, he wanted to hand write it but it was taking a lot out of him but he managed it, he glanced up at the reflection in the glass to see his lover moving behind him.

"Ianto…time to go" came the rich voice that broke the silence in the room, the atmosphere had changed, sadness was around the edge of the room, Jack could feel it gripping his heart but one look into those pain filled eyes made his resolve harden. Moving over Jack took the book that Ianto had been writing in and put it aside. "are you ready?"

The young man took a breath and nodded, slowly he rose from the chair, holding onto Jack to steady themselves, he took a few moments before making the slow journey to his wheelchair, he had wanted to make it to the bay under his own steam, but his attempt a few days ago had landed him tripping over the front door step and a stern talking to by Jack, so he had conceded to be in the wheelchair.

Darkness seeped around the outskirts of the city, the animals stilled and stared at the anomaly that was happening, a figure started to appear from the darkness, Black hair caught the wind lifting up showing the pale face. They stepped forwards the figure appearing fully, they had a femine figure, they looked around before tugging a cord in her right hand.

"The winds are changing Martel, its time we moved from here" her voice was soft with an underlining wisdom as she looked at an object in her left, she held it up to the small amount of light, it was an hourglass about the size of a two pound coin, it was attached to a gold chain around her neck. The hourglass was running out. " we are running out of time"

The shadows rose from the ground, a form was being made, slowly it stood up, revealing it to be a horse, it shook its self removing the snow that had been clinging to its coat from the last place they had been, its gleaming white coat was revealed as it huffed turning around to look at his master. The females hand moved up to pet its nose, her hand inches below a strange, the symbol for death.

Jack pushed Ianto along the boards of the bay, so that the younger man could watch the water, he had called Tosh to tell her the place and check everything would be alright. They could see the black haired woman up a head, she had lay out a blanket with a cushion with drinks so they looked like they where having a picnic, she had made drinks, sliding a straw into Ianto's, nodding to her boss to tell him that it was there.

"afternoon Ianto" she whispered before she leant down and kissed his cheek "I shall leave you two alone, I wont go to far" she said softly before looking at Jack "call me when you….you know...so that Owen can-"

"I know the guidelines" said Jack softly, patting Tosh's shoulder "thank you for your help"

Tosh looked at him and then Ianto "your welcome, both of you are" she nodded before she heading towards the hub, her phone ready. Ianto looked at the water, lifting himself up with Jacks help out of the chair, to the blanket, he enjoyed the sound of lapping water and seagulls crying before he spoke.

"Jack" he started, getting the other mans attention "..I always loved this view, do you know why?"

Jack shook his head and sat beside him. "why is that?"

"Because it reminds me of you, it can be all calm on the top, loving almost, but underneath its so murky that you can't be sure what will happen, dangerous and terrifying, but so temping to explore, I wish that I had more time to do so"

Jack chuckled slightly and held his lover close, leaning Ianto back against his chest, while he sat with a leg either side of him. "also sounds like you my love" whispering, kissing his cheek "I to wish that you had move time on this Earth, its not fair that you don't"

Ianto held his hand and squeezed it before Jack could go into a rant over the unfairness of the world.

"Life isn't suppose to be fair" he said before leaning back against the strong chest, feeling the hitching breath, he held both of Jacks hands, before leaning forwards to switch on the radio.

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now.

Ianto listened to the words, before looking at Jack, and cup his jaw "Jack, Life may not be fair but you where there to make it better for me" he wiped a stray tear from Jacks cheeks

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

"its time" he whispered, looking into those melancholy blue orbs, Jacks mouth went dry at those words, he wanted to scream and shout, to pull back and say no, but the look in his lovers eyes made him reach for the glass and pass it over.

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

He watched as the liquid was sipped up the straw, he could feel his chest tightening as Ianto drank what would lead to his death. They sat looking out at the sunset, Jack's jaw was twitching as the glass was emptied, it was to late now, nothing could change the course, it was over.

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

"thank you" came the hushed words before the glass rolled across the pavement and landed in the water, Jacks heart stopped as he felt the last of Ianto's life leave, he didn't relies he was crying until tears dripped from his face down onto his hands as he held onto the stilled body of his lover

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

***

• Main Torchwood slash page
• New stories page
• Jack/Ianto stories
• Ianto/Owen stories
• Other pairings stories - ie threesomes
• F/F stories
• Gen stories
• Amazon.com - Torchwood: Children of Earth
• Amazon.co.uk - Torchwood - Children of Earth [DVD] [2009]
• Amazon.ca link - Torchwood - The Complete First Season (7DVD)