Title: Perhaps Love
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 20_est_relships
Prompt: 11, Love
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor turned over in bed, snuggling against the young man beside him with a contented sigh. He hoped the he wouldn't wake Ianto up with his moving around, but if he did, he knew that he wouldn't be greeted with annoyance for doing so.

No, Ianto would take him into those strong arms, kiss him, and probably want to make love to him -- even though he'd just been woken up. The Doctor couldn't keep himself from smiling at the thought, moving closer to his lover.

Ianto's arms were already around him; the young man rarely let go of the Time Lord, even in sleep. It was one thing that the Doctor loved about going to bed with Ianto; he felt warm, safe, protected in a way that he never had before.

He could settle into that embrace for the rest of his life and be perfectly happy, the Doctor thought, closing his eyes and letting himself relax. He'd never thought that he would find contentment like this -- but now that he had, he never intended to let it go.

When exactly had he realized that he loved Ianto? He couldn't really remember; he didn't think there was one moment when that truth had burst upon him. It had just .... happened.

Truth be told, he couldn't even remember the first time he'd uttered the words "I love you" to his boyfriend. That thought brought a frown to his face as he searched his memory for that all-important first time, but he couldn't place just when it had been.

After all, did it really matter? He sighed softly, turning his thoughts away from where they'd been heading. No, it didn't. All that mattered was that he had said the words, and that Ianto knew just how strongly be felt.

He'd always felt that love was something forbidden to him, something that he'd never be able to have. Just another one of the sacrifices that he'd made in order to become a Time Lord -- and until he'd met Ianto, that sacrifice had seemed worthwhile.

But once he'd found the man he wanted to spend the rest of eternity with, that attitude had changed. Suddenly it didn't seem enough to be what he was -- not if he couldn't have the person he loved along with it.

Of course, he couldn't have eternity with Ianto, he told himself with another inward sigh, before he pushed that thought as far away as he possibly could.

There was no use brooding over what couldn't be. The important thing for him to remember was that he had Ianto here now, and that they still had a long time ahead of them to love each other and enjoy their time together.

A day didn't go by when he wasn't grateful for finding Ianto -- even though he was positive that they would have somehow managed to meet, even if it hadn't been through Torchwood. They'd always been destined for each other, even though they'd been born centuries apart.

Oh, he'd cared about people before, of course. He'd even loved before -- but he didn't think he'd ever been in love. There was a huge difference, though most humans didn't seem to realize that -- and really, neither had he, not until the advent of Ianto in his life.

The Doctor smiled ruefully, opening his eyes and gazing at the young man sleeping so peacefully beside him. Had there really been a time when he hadn't known what it was like to be loved so completely, to have that gaping space in his hearts filled?

Yes, there had been -- he could remember it all too clearly. He'd never thought that he'd find a love like the one he shared with Ianto, but he'd never given up hope, either. And it seemed as though he'd been right to cling to that spark of hope all those years.

That unhappiness was behind him now, he thought with a smile, reaching out a hand to run gentle fingertips down his lover's cheek. He had Ianto.

He had never been one to think that love could change anyone's life; it had always been something that he held at arm's length, and to his chagrin, he'd scoffed at the notion that love was usually found when it wasn't being looked for.

How wrong he'd been! He could laugh at himself now, shaking his head at the way he'd thought before love had come into his life. In spite of his long life and all the experiences he'd had, love was something that he'd had to wait much longer for than most people did.

And it had been worth the wait. Though there were many experiences in his life that he'd change if he could, if it was true that everything in a person's life led them to where they were in the present, then he wouldn't change a moment of his life, even the more harrowing ones.

Love hadn't always been a closed book to him -- but after the first few times that he'd tentatively handed his hearts to someone else and had them rejected, he'd been overly careful about doing it again. In fact, at one point, he'd sworn that he never would.

That had been one of the more painful lessons of his long life -- one that he didn't need to learn twice. And because of it, he'd kept himself isolated in far too many ways.

What would have happened to him if he'd never been able to step away from that fear and trust that what he felt for Ianto would be returned? He shuddered, sliding his arms around his young lover. He didn't even want to think of that possibility.

The thought of becoming a sour man who held his emotions tightly inside and never allowed anyone to see them -- or allowed himself to feel them -- had been a distinct possibility for him at one time. But having Ianto in his life had changed that.

Ianto stirred beside him, opening his eyes and looking blearily at the Doctor. The Time Lord sat up slightly, feeling guilt seep through him. Ianto hadn't been sleeping much lately; he hadn't meant to wake his lover up when he'd finally been able to rest.

"I'm sorry to wake you, love," he said, feeling contrite. He reached out to smooth the dark, unruly hair back from Ianto's face, leaning forward to brush as kiss across those soft lips as he did so. "I've never been able to lay quietly once I'm wide awake."

Ianto shook his head, smiling and wrapping his arms around the Doctor's slender waist, pulling the Time Lord against his body. "Don't worry about it, love. There's no other way I'd rather wake up then opening my eyes and seeing you beside me."

"Really?" The Doctor couldn't keep himself from blushing; Ianto gave him compliments like that all the time, but it was still hard for him to believe that anyone could see him in such a flattering light, even his lover.

"Really," Ianto answered, turning over onto his back and settling down against the pillows with the Doctor clasped in his arms. "I hope you don't mind lying here for a while."

"I don't mind at all," the Doctor answered, resting his head on Ianto's chest and hearing that single human heart thudding gently. He'd always found it amazing that humans could get by with only one heart -- amazing, and a little off-putting.

But this heart was one that he would always treasure and hold dear -- because it belonged to him. Ianto had told him several times since they'd met that his heart beat for the Doctor, and it was times like this when the Time Lord could believe utterly in the truth of those words.

Perhaps this was what had always eluded him about love, the Doctor thought, closing his eyes and snuggling close to his boyfriend. He'd never had this closeness with anyone else; he'd never let himself care this much.

It had taken him only minutes from meeting Ianto to let those walls crumble that he'd been building up for centuries, the Doctor thought as Ianto's lips met his again. But he didn't miss them at all -- and he'd discovered that his hearts were more protected in the hands of the man he loved.

This was what love had always been meant to be, he said to himself, shifting his body so that he was pressed closer against his lover. This coming together of two people, bodies, hearts and souls, knowing that this was where they belonged.

He'd spent a lifetime searching for this, and even though he might never be able to put his emotions into words, just knowing that they were there -- and that they were returned -- was more than enough for him.

***