Title: Quiet Life
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 3
Prompt: 47, Life
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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Dearest Ianto,

Now that I'm staying here in Cardiff on a more regular basis, I'm starting to grow used to being in one place. It feels strange, not to be in the Tardis, traversing the universe and discovering new worlds. But I realise that I have to learn to curb my wanderlust at times, and settle myself into a more sedate way of life.

I've always dreamed of that -- having what most people would call a "normal" life. What would it be like to live in a way that others look at as normal? I couldn't say, because I've never had that sort of life. Nor would I ever have had it, even if Gallifrey hadn't been destroyed and I'd been able to continue my life there.

A Time Lord has responsibilities which always come before the satisfaction of their own personal desires. I doubt that I would have ever been allowed to put a family, or even a lover, before the tasks that I was born to accomplish. That has never been the way of my kind, even though I've often wished that it wasn't so.

Would I even be able to assimilate myself into that kind of life, if I were given the choice to have it? That's a question I've often asked myself.

I had never met anyone who I could contemplate settling down and living with on a continual basis before you; yes, I'd thought of it quite often, but I don't believe in committing myself on that scale unless I've fallen in love. And to be quite honest, Ianto, you are my first real love. No one else has ever come close to what I feel for you.

It's taken me over 900 years of life to fall in love on a grand scale, to find someone who I can unequivocally say is the other half of me. I'd almost stopped believing that "soul mates" were possible -- until the first time I looked into your eyes, and realised that I was meant for you, that we were destined for each other.

That revelation still shakes me to my core. After so many years -- centuries -- of searching, I never thought I would find my soul mate. I'm still constantly amazed that I have. Or, rather, that you have found me.

Do you feel the same, Ianto? Sometimes I wonder .... I know you love me; I've never doubted that, not from the first time you kissed me. But I know that you've had other loves in your life before me, and I can't help but feel a bit insecure -- and even jealous, in a way, knowing that there were others who came first in your heart.

I'm trying my best not to let that jealousy overtake me, not to let it pull me away from you. I've let negative feelings get the better of me once -- and because of my actions, we came close to losing each other. I won't let that happen again.

I only have a finite time to have you in my life, and that's yet another worry that consumes me the longer we're together. I can't help but think of the inevitable day when you aren't there by my side any longer; it's not something that I particularly want to contemplate, but my mind won't let go of the thought.

It's strange the way our lives have intertwined, isn't it? We've fallen into each other head first, then pulled back and come together more hesitantly. We've been give a second chance, something that many people aren't ever granted. I don't intend to let that gift fall by the wayside, Ianto. I won't be that foolish again.

Having a normal, settled life with you may not be something I can ever have. I know that sooner or later, my need to travel, that burning desire to experience other worlds, will get the better of me. I may not always be with you, but I will always come back to you. You will always be the cornerstone of my life -- indeed, the very centre of it.

You keep me firmly grounded in one place, Ianto, and that may long have been something I've needed. I need that stability, that security of knowing that I'm also at the centre of someone's life, that I come first in their heart. I've never had that security before -- and perhaps that's the main reason I'm so afraid of finally having it within my grasp.

I hope that instead of pulling us apart, that need of mine to explore the universe -- as well as the responsibilities I have -- may bring us closer together. I hope that it can be something we'll eventually be able to share. It's going to take some time for me to reconcile myself to throwing you into what could be potentially dangerous situations.

Yes, I know that you can look after yourself. But I'm not yet willing to take that sort of risk, Ianto. I hope you can understand my reasons for that. You're the most precious part of my life; losing you would destroy me. Give me time, love. It's not something that I can come to terms with quickly. Bear with me, please.

Only time will tell just where our life together will take us. Time has always been something that I thought I controlled; but lately, I've come to find that it can slip through my fingers just as quickly as it can for a human. Perhaps that's because of you; perhaps you've given me more reasons to appreciate the time I have, rather than taking it for granted.

When I look around me at all that I have, I'm torn between feeling that this is the life I've always wanted, and wondering how long it will be before I feel that I have to leave this sort of life behind for the one that I've always lived. That will more than likely always be a struggle for me -- what I want versus what I need.

I know that I'll need you to help with that struggle, Ianto. I hope that you'll find it within yourself to be able to do so -- and to let me go when it's inevitable that I must.

Can I possibly live a quiet life with you for the rest of my days, and be happy with that? I don't know, as I've never been faced with that possibility before. And now that I am, I'm not entirely sure of how to deal with it.

I'd like to say without a shadow of a doubt that I can -- but the truth is, I don't know if it's possible. All I can promise you is that even when I feel I must leave, I'll do so in the knowledge that I will always come back to you -- or take you with me.

You've given me something that I haven't had for a very, very long time -- a home to come back to, and the security of knowing that I have someone who's given their life to me. That may not seem like much to most people -- but to me, it's the greatest gift that I could possibly receive. And one that I'll never let myself turn away from again.

Your

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