Title: Requiem
Author: Seether79
Characters: Ianto (first chapter), Everyone and Jack/Ianto for the rest
Rating: PG-13
warning: character death
Summary: "I have this dream" Ianto begun as he looked up at the woman sitting in front of him. "I'm not sure what it is… memories from a life forgotten; or just me going crazy."
Author's Notes: No beta yet. All mistakes are mine. Also I'm Australian so spelling might be different. Slightly AU for season 2 finale - was written before it aired.
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood (There would be a lot more boy action if I did

Prologue

I see him standing in front of me; so beautiful and strong. He is talking, I can hear him but I don't understand the words. I feel his muscular arms around me and find myself wishing I could stay like this forever. I look up at his beautiful face and stare at his memorizing blue eyes. I've never felt safer…

"I have this dream" Ianto begun as he looked up at the woman sitting in front of him. "I'm not sure what it is… memories from a life forgotten; or just me going crazy."

"What happens in this dream?" She replies and Ianto watches her as she shifts her green notebook slightly as she adjusts her self.

"Not much Doctor" Ianto tells her with a dry laugh.

"Obviously something happens in this dream other wise you wouldn't have mentioned it."

"Well Dr Carter, It's just me and a man… Holding each other" Ianto replied as he watched her write something quickly then look up at him. 'She is far to cold to be a therapist; or maybe that's how they are meant to be' Ianto found himself thinking.

"Are you gay Ianto?" She asked.

"I like who I like. I don't feel the need to label myself" Ianto said in a brisk voice.

"Who is the man in your dream?"

"I don't know; all I know is that when I have this dream and I'm in his arms it feels like home, like I belong" Ianto told her as he played with the lighter that was in his hand.

"Do you think he was someone you knew before?" She asked.

"I've been wondering the same thing myself. I think he might be, but at the same time I wonder if it's my subconscious telling me I'm lonely" Ianto said looking at the clock; he needed a smoke and this session was only starting.

"You have friends, a job, and a life. Why are you lonely?" Dr Carter asked.

"Because none if it seems real. My whole life feels like a nightmare that I can't wake up from; I feel like I'm meant to be somewhere else. Sometimes I think I am someone else entirely"

"That's normal for someone in your situation Ianto. Tell me are you still trying to find your family?"

"No; It's too hard when all you have to go on is a first name" Ianto replied. "I do wonder though, if they miss me, or if I even have a family."

"Do you think this man in your dream could be family?"

"I know he isn't. When I'm with him in my dream its feels intimate, like I love him or something; different then family" Ianto told her. "When I wake up his face fades, I can't seem to keep it in my mind. All I can remember are his blue eyes looking at me intensely… It's all rather strange."

"What do you think it is, a memory or something you've created?"

"I don't know" Ianto replied honestly

A/N: So this is very short but it's just an introduction. All chapters will be much longer I promise. Questions will be answered next chapter. Also this will be AU from season 2 final obviously because it hasn't aired lol (When I wrote this many months ago)

Chapter 1: Where Do The Good Go?

"We're going to die aren't we?" I hear my own voice say. I don't sound scared; it just feels like I'm stating the obvious.

"Ianto…" The man with blue eyes says in a low voice.

"Well, I know you won't. But I have the strongest feeling that I'm not going to make it out of this one, and I'm okay with that. When you work for Torchwood long enough you understand that's just part of the job." I look up at him and smile nervously. "But I don't want to leave this world without at least having told you the truth."

"The truth" The man repeated my words sounding slightly confused.

"Yes; the truth. I love you, and it's okay that you don't love me, you've given me more than I ever expected or hoped for."

Ianto woke up suddenly with a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. That dream had been different from the others; it felt more real. The man's face slowly faded from his memory as it always did. Ianto tried his hardest to recall it but as always the only things that remained were two bright blue eyes.

"Torchwood?" Ianto whispered to himself as he sat up in his bed. In the dream he remembered mentioning Torchwood. "What the hell is Torchwood?"

"I saw Ianto yesterday." Tosh said to Gwen in a hushed voice. Gwen looked at her and then towards Jack's office before moving closer.

"Where?"

"The supermarket; he was buying coffee beans." Tosh laughed.

"Did he see you?" Gwen asked her.

"No... I made sure to stay out of sight. I didn't want to trigger his memory." Tosh replied as she looked around the hub nervously; the last thing they needed was Jack hearing this conversation and getting into one of his moods.

Gwen scoffed as she rolled her eyes, "Nothing could trigger his memory. The amount of Retcon Jack pumped into poor Ianto… Lets just say I'm amazed he didn't overdose."

"Gwen…" Tosh said, not wanting to have this conversation again.

"I know, I know." Gwen replied in a frustrated voice. "I'm not meant to get into this anymore."

"We can't change what happened Gwen." Tosh told her softly.

"But doesn't it make you angry?" Gwen asked.

"Jack did what he did to protect Ianto." Tosh replied. "Maybe he didn't go about it the right way, but he did it for the right reasons."
"He took away Ianto's whole life, nothing justifies that."

Jack sighed as he looked down out Tosh and Gwen whispering to each other. He knew they were talking about Ianto; Gwen always had a look of moral outrage on her face when the subject of Ianto was brought up. He sighed loudly as he walked back to his desk and sat down.

It didn't matter what they thought of him – he was beyond caring anymore. The looks that they had given him during the first few months that Ianto had been gone... They had been hard to deal with on top of his grief over losing someone he cared about deeply. However, he knew he had done the right thing so he ignored the looks and comments and hoped that things would just return to normal; they hadn't.

It didn't help the Ianto had turned up in Cardiff for some reason; Jack still didn't know how that had happened. They had placed him in a hospital in London with a cover story and all. But somehow his beautiful Ianto had found his way back to Wales.

"Jack, you want coffee?" Owen asked. He was standing in the doorway of Jack's office.

"Are you making it?" Jack asked in a disgusted tone – Owen's coffee was the one thing that Jack was sure could kill him.

"No, Gwen is going to go out and buy some. Not for me of course since I'm dead and all." Owen replied bluntly. "And there is nothing wrong with my coffee."

"It's great if you want your taste buds to fall out of your mouth and die" Jack replied dryly.

"Maybe we should think about hiring someone, you know, that makes coffee and stuff." Owen suggested in a soft tone. He knew that bringing up this subject could lead to intense bodily harm.

"I don't think that's necessary." Jack told Owen, keeping his voice and face neutral.

"Right… Okay… So, coffee?" Owen replied uncomfortably.

"Sure." Jack replied with a fake smile.

"Sure I'll hold." Ianto replied into his phone. He was sitting in a small café waiting for his friend Jenny to arrive for their weekly 'bitch and moan about work' session. While he was waiting he decided it was time to call Doctor Alex Bell again. The man whose face had been the first thing he saw when he woke up from the coma that had stolen his memory.

Dr Bell had explained that he had been hit by a car and found by the side of the road near central London, that his memory loss would be permanent and that he was sorry that more couldn't be done. Dr Alex Bell was also a liar; Ianto could see that the older man wasn't telling him everything from the look in his eyes.

When the nurse brought him the one single object they had found in the pockets of his clothes, Ianto had been surprised to see it was a receipt from a Cardiff supermarket; 'Your name is Ianto' was also scribbled on the back. Ianto found this strange since people usually didn't know when a car was going to hit them or that they would lose their memory from said accident. He had immediately scribbled down the same words to see if the handwriting matched; it didn't. He was left wondering who had written him this strange note and what had really happened to him. He was hoping to find answers in Cardiff, but over a year had passed and still nothing.

"Ianto." He heard Dr Bell say.

"Hello Dr Bell." Ianto replied and he tried to figure out the best way to start this conversation.

"What can I do for you today Mr. Smith?"

"Well… I was wondering if you've ever heard of Torchwood..." He figured it was best to just get right to the point. The silence on the other end of the phone told him everything he needed to know.

"No… Sorry. Why?" Dr Bell's voice was completely devoid of any emotion.

"No reason, thanks anyway." Ianto said before flipping his cell phone shut. 'What is Torchwood? What happened to me? Who is the man from my dreams? What is going on?' the same thoughts ran around Ianto's head over and over.

"What's wrong with you? You're staring into space like an idiot." Jenny said as she sat down across from him.

"Nothing." Ianto replied as he gave her a small reassuring smile. "Hey, have you ever heard of Torchwood?"

"I don't get your sense of humor." Jenny laughed.

"What?" Ianto asked confused.

"You're kidding me, you don't know about Torchwood?" Jenny said with a look of disbelief across her face.

"No. What is it?" Ianto asked casually trying to hide his desperation for this information.

"It's like government black ops or something. Top secret stuff, nobody really know what they do, just that if something weird happens they show up. Apparently they answer to nobody; it's all very cloak and dagger. I think they deal with all the weirdo freaks; my friend Liz says they're alien hunters" Jenny laughed. "Nobody really knows what they do, just that they exist."

"Where's their office?" Ianto asked.

"Don't know, it's all secret." Jenny told him. "Rather strange if you ask me."

"How do you contact them? There has to be a way!" Ianto knew he sounded like a frantic weirdo but he didn't particularly care.

"No idea... Why are you asking about Torchwood?" Jenny asked giving him a strange look.

"Just curious, I heard someone mention it." Ianto replied trying to calm himself. He didn't want to tell Jenny about his strange dreams and the man.

"Well trust me, all of Cardiff is curious but there are no answers about Torchwood."

"Right." Ianto said a little sadly as he looked over out the counter. A woman with black hair was staring at him intensely. He hesitated slightly before giving her a small smile which she returned before picking up her three coffees and quickly exiting the café.

"I think she fancied you." Jenny said.

"…Maybe" Ianto replied, wondering why he felt so uneasy all of a sudden.

Chapter 2: In Your Eyes

"Here's your coffee." Gwen said as she placed the hot beverage on Jack's desk in front of him.

"Thanks." Jack told her.

"Listen," Gwen started, unsure of whether she should tell Jack what she had heard earlier "I need to talk to you."

"Stop right there Gwen. If you want to talk about work, or Rhys, or gossip about Tosh and Owen then fine, let's talk. But if you want to talk about Ianto then leave my office right now. I've never been one for repeats and that conversation has been done enough." Jack told her with a stern voice. He looked at her with an annoyed expression, hoping that she would get the picture and just drop it.

"It's about Ianto, but not what you think." Gwen said quickly.

"Jesus Gwen, I don't want to talk about Ianto. Don't you get it? It hurts me; it physically hurts me talking about him. I know how you feel, I've taken it on board, but could you please just drop it!" Jack yelled as he stood up. He realized that that had been the most honest he had been with any of his team members for a long time. He almost felt sorry for Gwen for having to witness his mini-meltdown but then remembered she was the one that had brought it up.

"He's asking about Torchwood." Gwen blurted out and watched Jack closely to see his reaction. His face was stoic but his eyes looked tired.

"What do you mean? And how do you know about it?" Jack asked with a cold voice. He really hoped that Gwen hadn't been talking to Ianto behind his back.

"When I was getting coffee he was in the same place with a girl and he was asking her about Torchwood," Gwen explained. "He seemed really interested, Jack."

"You didn't talk to him did you?" Jack asked her. What he really wanted to say was 'what the fuck? Why the hell does Ianto want to know about Torchwood?' but he needed to think about the best way to get his answers.

"Of course not Jack." Gwen replied, slightly annoyed.

"Well, you can't blame me for asking you Gwen; you've made your feelings about this whole thing very clear." Jack said. He was surprised at how annoyed he was with Gwen; after all, none of this was her fault but she always seemed to bring out his anger.

"… I know what John said, Jack, but do you really think dosing Ianto with Retcon was the best way to protect him?" Gwen asked, knowing she was pushing her luck.

"They knew, Gwen… They knew how I felt about Ianto and I knew how he felt about me. They wanted to hurt me and knew that hurting him would be the best way to do it. But he wouldn't leave. He was going to stay with me till the end, help me fight them; and they were going to torture and kill him, hell John even told me he wouldn't mind having a 'taste' of Ianto and see what was so good about him… Things would have been very bad for Ianto if I hadn't done what I did. He was a target and I fixed it. And I am so sick of explaining myself to you," Jack replied as he turned away from her "I miss him too, Gwen, more than any of you will ever know."

"Look," Gwen started as she tried to figure out what she actually wanted to say, "I know that you felt as though you were doing the right thing; but don't you think you were a little extreme? He doesn't even remember his family, Jack."

"It had to be done that way. When Ianto hid Lisa in the basement he took precautions to make sure that if he was Retconned then he would remember what had happened." Jack told Gwen with a sigh.

"What do you mean?" Gwen asked; this was the first she had heard of this.

"Ianto was worried that if we found Lisa we would Retcon him, so he studied the human brain, triggering, anything he could get his hands on to make sure that if we took his memory of Torchwood and Lisa he would get it back almost immediately. Ianto was quite smart, Gwen, he didn't want to forget. If I had given him a small amount it wouldn't have worked; all it would have accomplished would be to make him angry. He would have come back, and most likely died… I couldn't let the happen. Not to him." Jack told her as he took a sip of the coffee. "Having no memory is better then being dead."

"But who are you to decide what's best for him?" Gwen asked. Things made a lot more sense now, but in Gwen's mind that still didn't justify what Jack had done.

"I'm the leader; I decide what is best for every member of this team." Jack replied with a slightly raised voice.

"You make yourself sound like God, Jack. I hate to break it to you, but you're not." Gwen told him.

"No I'm not, but I'm your boss and that means I don't have to explain my actions to you." Jack said coldly.

"What are you going to do?" Gwen asked in an exasperated tone.

"About what?" Jack asked.

"About Ianto. About Torchwood." Gwen replied.

"I'll take care of it." Jack told her with his best 'drop it' tone.

"How will you take care of it?" Gwen asked.

"That's not any of your concern."

"Torchwood… Don't know much. Just that they're government." Ianto's friend Shane told him. They were sitting in small pub, drinking beer and unwinding now that the working week was over.

"That's what everyone says," Ianto said with disappointment. "I'm beginning to think they don't exist."

"They're real mate, just very sneaky" Shane replied. "I think someone likes you."

Ianto looked over to where Shane was pointing and saw a handsome man looking at him. He was a beautiful guy, tall with brown hair, and his eyes looked identical to the man from his dreams. "He's quite a looker."

"Indeed," Shane agreed. "He must have just come from a costume party; his coat looks like it's from World War Two or something."

"Yeah." Ianto said not really listening to what his friend was saying. He couldn't stop looking at the guy in front of him; he just looked so familiar. "I'll be back."

"Thank God, you need to get laid." Shane laughed.

Ianto smiled at the man nervously as he walked over. "Hello."

"Hi." The man replied after a few seconds.

"American accent," Ianto said with a smile. "Guess you're not from around here."

"I'm from all over." the man replied. Ianto could feel those familiar eyes studying him.

"This might sound a little odd, but have we met before?" Ianto asked timidly. A nervous feeling had come over him from the moment he had said 'hello'.

"No; I always remember a handsome face, I'd remember you if we had met." the man told him, with what Ianto could only describe as the most stunning smile he had ever seen.

"Ianto Smith." he said as he extended his hand to the stranger.

"Captain Jack Harkness." Jack replied as he shook Ianto hand; Ianto felt a spark run down his spine when their skin touched.

"Your eyes..." Ianto said softly, and then turned slightly red when he realized he had spoken the words out loud.

"What about them?" Jack said with a small laugh as he leaned back in his seat.

"They just... remind me of someone..." Ianto replied. He saw a spark of interest in Jack's face before it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"Who?" Jack asked quietly.

"I…" Ianto began, but he really didn't want to have to explain everything; he knew that if he tried he would sound like a mad man - 'You remind me of some strange guy I dream of but can never recall when I wake up.' Finally he continued, "Doesn't matter."

"Okay." Jack simply replied.

"I like your coat." Ianto commented not really sure of how to proceed.

"Thank you." Jack replied with a smile. "I like your suit."

Ianto looked down at his work attire wishing he had changed before he went out. "So Captain, that means you're a military man."

"Indeed." Jack nodded.

"…I don't suppose you know anything about Torchwood?" Ianto asked. Jack was the first person he met that might actually know something more than 'government'. After all, he was in the army.

"Not much. It's a part of their job having people know as little as possible about them." Jack replied. He looked at Ianto intensely. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason." Ianto muttered quickly.

"People don't usually ask a question for no reason, Ianto." Jack said, before taking a sip of his water.

"It's silly." Ianto replied.

"I'm sure it's not" Jack told him.

"Heard the name in a dream and I was curious." Ianto said; watching him closely to see if he was put off by the weird answer. Jack just smiled at him.

"Do you dream a lot?" Jack asked.

"You sound like my therapist." Ianto laughed as Jack's mobile rang.

"Yeah… No its okay… don't do anything I will be right there." Jack said into his phone before closing it. "Work, I'm needed back at the base; but it was nice meeting you, Ianto Smith."

"You too, maybe we could do something sometime?" Ianto said, trying to sound as calm and cool as he could.

"Maybe." Jack told him with a wink. "I'll see you around."

Ianto wasn't sure what 'maybe' meant but Captain Jack was already out the door. They hadn't exchanged phone numbers or anything so Ianto highly doubted he would ever see the handsome man again. He couldn't help but think about those beautiful blue eyes and how much they reminded him of his dream man.

Jack leant against the wall of the pub and sighed loudly as he ran his hands through his hair; that had been a lot harder then he expected - Playing it cool and not throwing himself at Ianto and kissing him with all his strength. The ache that had settled in his heart since Ianto 'left' was now twice as strong as it had been before. He felt his heart breaking more than he thought was possible. "God, I miss him."

Chapter 3: Question Existing

"It's late Gwen, and also your day off; why are you here?" Jack asked.

"I wanted to know if you 'took care of it yet'. What did you do?" Gwen replied.

"Nothing Gwen; all I did was talk to him. I don't think we need to worry." He told her. Truth was he had been falling apart ever since he had seen his former lover; looking into his beautiful blue eyes made Jack's whole body and soul ache with need. He always knew there would be a time when he would have to let the younger man go, but he had never expected it to be the way it was. He thought he would lose Ianto to Torchwood or old age; never by his own hand.

"So he didn't ask about Torchwood?" Gwen wanted to clarify.

"Actually he did; he's just curious. He hasn't been triggered." Jack replied.

"Thanks" I tell him.

"No, thank-you" He tells me as he touches his neck. I see the blood running down his fingers and wonder how badly injured he is. "And you are?"

"Jones. Ianto Jones." I tell him and cringe at how James Bond I sound.

"Are you sure Jack...? If we could get him back wouldn't you want to?" Gwen asked him with a soft voice.

"He has a life, he's better off without Torchwood; without me." Jack replied.

"Where did he hear the name Torchwood?" Gwen asked.

"In a dream." Jack laughed.

"Jack, that means he is remembering." Gwen said with an un-sure tone. "Dreams can be like memories."

"Not necessarily. He might have just heard someone say the name and then it popped up in a dream. There could be a number of reasons to why he had a dream with Torchwood in it." Jack replied trying to sound as though he didn't care.

"Nice to meet you, Jones, Ianto Jones." He says and he leans in to shake my hand. "Captain Jack Harkness."

"Lucky escape" I say to him as I look down and the motinless body.

"I had it under control" He replies in a cocky tone.

"You think so?" I ask him. "Looked pretty vicious." He laughs a little and this somewhat surprises me, I remember that he is bleeding and go to see his wound. "You're umm... You were bleeding."

"But Jack..." Gwen started, but Jack cut her off.

"He could never get his memory back Gwen; he had too much Retcon." Jack said in a slightly raised tone.

"You mean you forced too much Retcon into him." Gwen corrected.

"Not again," Jack said sounding tired. "How many more times are we going to have the same fight?"

"How to you expect me to let this go Jack? Ianto loved you and you basically raped his mind."

"Get out!" Jack yelled at her as he pointed to the door. He may have done it against Ianto's will but he would never have 'raped' his mind like Gwen was suggesting. He was furious with her; moral Gwen always thinking she's right.

Gwen looked at him sadly before shaking her head and moving towards the door. "The truth hurts doesn't it?"

Jack clenched his fists with anger and punched the first thing he saw; which happened to be Tosh's computer monitor. He looked down at his bleeding hand and smiled. For the first time in a long time he was feeling pain that was physical and not emotional.

He sighed as he looked around at the empty hub feeling more lonely and more disgusted with himself then he had in a long time. Gwen was right – the truth really did hurt.

"Had worse from shaving." He told me as he looked a little uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Looked like a Weevil to me" I tell him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He says quickly. "I'll take him from here." He picks up the Weevil and then turns to me, "Thanks for the assistance."

"Any time." I watch him walk away. "By the way, love the coat."

Ianto woke up and sat up immediately. He could remember everything that happened in the dream he had just had; he could still see Jack's face. He breathed heavily as he wondered if it was a memory or his desperate desire for a memory – the two things were completely different. Was Jack Harkness someone he'd once known? Was he Ianto Jones? And what on earth was a Weevil?

Chapter 4: Headstrong

"That can't be right." Ianto mumbled to himself as he typed the name Jack Harkness into the search engine again. He'd already tried to find out information about 'Ianto Jones' and hadn't come up with anyone that matched his age or description; and now the only information on an American named Jack Harkness (who was also a Captain.) that he could find was for a soldier in the 1940's. The more Ianto looked into this thing the more confused he became. He had even typed in 'Weevil' but had come up with some strange stuff including an odd alien web site.

"I met him. He has to exist somewhere." Ianto said to himself as he pushed the enter key harder than needed. He was becoming so frustrated with everything; he needed answers. What happened to him? Who left the mystery note in his pocket? Who was Jack Harkness and what was Torchwood? Too many questions and not enough answers.

He sighed as his mobile started ringing. Ianto looked down at the phone and saw Jenny's name shining on the screen. He contemplated just ignoring her but knew that Jenny was never one to give up easily. "I'm tired, annoyed and not in the mood for anything. What do you want?" Ianto said into his phone.

"My, you're a charmer." Jenny said with sarcasm from the other end.

"I try." Ianto told her dryly.

"Well, I have some news for you, something that might interest you but if you're not interested then I can go."

"What?" Ianto asked, slightly curious.

"Torchwood is in my building right now." Jenny said excitedly.

"What!" Ianto practically screamed into the phone as he jumped out of his computer chair.

"Yeah, I know... Something went off on the top floor. We've all been kicked out of the building while Torchwood does its thing." Jenny told him. "It's a bit annoying actually."

"I'll be right there!" Ianto told her as he grabbed his keys and wallet off the kitchen counter and made his way to the door.

"What? Why?" Jenny asked, confused.

"What is it with Aliens and sex?" Gwen asked as she and Tosh made their way out of the building. They had been contacted by the police when a hysterical woman called them yelling about how the man she had brought home the night before was now purple and giving birth on her floor.

"I'm not sure, and I honestly don't think I want to know." Tosh said as she shook her head. "I'm surprised Jack didn't tag along for this one... I think he would have got a kick out of it, especially when that thing and its offspring combusted into piles of slime."

"That was messy." Gwen said as she flicked a bit of said slime of her jacket. "Are we sure we're not going to catch anything?"

"Jack called a contact that had dealt with this kind of alien before. It's completely harmless – just icky. He seemed excited when telling me about them, which is why I'm surprised he didn't come." Tosh replied.

"...Still." Gwen replied as she shuddered a little. "I think Jack is annoyed with me and doesn't want to deal with me."

"Why?" Tosh asked her.

"Long and complicated story." Gwen sighed, not wanting to get into it. She pushed open the door and smiled when Andy approached her. "All taken care of."

"Really... That didn't take long." Andy said.

"We work..." Gwen started but lost her train of thought when her eyes met with an old friend: Ianto was standing with the same girl he had been in the coffee shop with. He was watching her and Tosh intensely.

"Gwen..." Tosh said; Gwen saw that she was also looking at Ianto.

"Excuse me Andy." Gwen mumbled as she headed over towards Ianto, ignoring the stern way Tosh was saying her name. "Hi, I'm Gwen Cooper I was just wondering if you two know anything about what happened here today." Gwen asked Ianto and the girl with her best police voice. She tried not to stare at Ianto but it was hard not to.

"Jenny Witter... I don't really know what happened. The police came knocking on my door and then I was escorted out of the building."

"Okay, and you sir?" Gwen asked, trying to keep her voice even.

"Ianto..." he began. He recognized this woman from the coffee shop – she had smiled at him. He decided to take a chance and see what happened, "Jones. I don't live here."

"Ianto Jones." Gwen repeated in a tight voice. 'I thought he was going by Ianto Smith... Why did he change his name? Does he know?' Gwen asked herself. "Why are you here if you don't live in the building?"

"Heard Torchwood was here, wanted to see you lot for myself." Ianto said smoothly. He wasn't going to be intimidated; he was planning on getting answers.

"Right... Thanks for your time" Gwen said as she started to walk away.

"What do you guys actually do?" Ianto asked her.

Gwen stopped mid step and sighed inwardly; approaching him had not been her best idea ever. "Classified work."

"What sort?"

"We have to go, Gwen" Tosh said as she walked up and gently placed her hand on Gwen's elbow to lead her away. She avoiding looking at Ianto knowing if she did she wouldn't be able to hide her emotions from him.

"Right." Gwen said as she and Tosh started to briskly walk away.

"Who is Jack Harkness?" Ianto yelled after them and knew he had struck gold when he saw the two women stop immediately. The one who he hadn't spoken to turned around to face him again.

"We have no idea." She replied softly in a very unconvincing tone. She looked out Gwen whose face mirrored her own worried expression.

"We need to go." Gwen said quietly as they both started to head toward the SUV.

"What on earth was all that?" Jenny asked Ianto with a raised eyebrow. "Should I be worried about you?"

"No... I have to go." Ianto told her as he started to run to his car. Torchwood was not getting away that easily.

"We have a problem!" Gwen yelled and she and Tosh entered the Hub's main room.

"What?" Owen asked her.

"At the building..." Gwen started but stopped when she saw the annoyed look on Jack's face.

"All you had to do was clean up and Retcon the woman. Tell me you didn't mess it up?" Jack asked, sounding very serious.

"We didn't mess it up." Gwen said, sounding equally as annoyed. "Contrary to your beliefs, Captain, Tosh and I are quite capable."

"I know that Gwen, but you said we have a problem." Jack replied. His bad mood that Gwen had caused last night had yet to disappear and he really wasn't in the right frame of mind to deal with her right now.

"Well, we do... But you shouldn't jump to conclusions." Gwen said, refusing to back down. She knew Jack was angry with her and she wanted to get this thing sorted out.

"I really don't think this is the time." Tosh interjected, hoping to remind Gwen that there were more important things they should be talking about.

"Ummm... Guys?" Owen said, clicking his fingers to get the other three people's attention. "Why is Ianto standing outside?"

"What!" Jack yelled as he moved over to the screen Owen was looking at and saw a very confused looking Ianto standing in the same spot that Gwen had been standing on when she had first been to Torchwood.

"He must have followed us." Tosh said with a surprised tone.

"What do you mean he followed you?" Jack asked, trying to keep his temper in check.

"His friend lives in the building we went to. He was there and asking all sorts of questions." Tosh told him softly. "He said his last name was Jones and he asked about you, Jack."

"How did he even get close enough to you guys to ask you a question?" Jack asked them both but looked Gwen in the eyes.

"I approached him." Gwen said with a sigh as she braced herself for the verbal lashing she was sure would be heading her way.

"He mustn't have seen you guys enter the Hub or he wouldn't be looking so confused." Jack said as he turned away from Gwen. Now wasn't the time to get into this. They had to figure out what was going on.

"How long do you think he'll stand there?" Owen asked.

"Knowing Ianto, as long as it takes." Jack sighed. He had no idea how things became this complicated and he also had no idea of how to fix any of it; this scared him, but a part of him was happy to just be looking at his beautiful boy again; confusion about how he was feeling was nothing new to Jack these days.

"Maybe we should invite him in... I miss the Teaboy" Owen said, ignoring the surprised look Gwen shot him.

"Teaboy," Jack laughed. There was so much tension in the room right now, the only thing he could do was laugh; he worried he might be losing his mind. "I'm still surprised you didn't write that on the note."

"What note?" Owen tried to play dumb.

"It's alright, Owen. I know you wrote that note telling him his name was Ianto. His doctor rang me to tell me he found it and asked if he should destroy it. I told him to send me a copy and leave it... He is Ianto; he deserved to keep that at least. I compared hand writing, I know it was you." Jack said to Owen, but his eyes never left the Ianto on the monitor.

"I thought you'd be angry." Owen said. "I just... He would have been so lost when he woke up; I wanted him to have something."

"It's okay." Jack said as he placed a hand on the dead man's shoulder.

"So Owen gets to interfere but I can't?" Gwen said, getting annoyed again. It wasn't fair that Jack could have a double standard with the people that worked for him.

"Owen knows when to stop, you don't." Jack replied.

"Alright." Gwen said, knowing that Jack was right to a degree. When Gwen felt passionate about something she had a tendency to just go for it one hundred percent without giving any real thought to the consequences of her actions.

"Weren't you worried he would work out something was off when he saw the note?" Owen asked Jack; he really wanted to know why Jack wasn't trying to strangle him to death right now; not that it would work.

"I knew he would find it weird but I figured he would let it go, he had no memory what there was to find out." Jack replied. "Besides I really did want to let him keep his name; deep down I always knew not destroying that note would come back to bite me on the ass."

"It's cold today, he isn't wearing a coat." Tosh commented quietly.

Jack looked at her and couldn't help but smile a little; he sometimes forgot how close Tosh and Ianto had been. "I think I should go out there."

"What will you say?" Owen asked him.

"I really don't know..." Jack replied.

Ianto stood there, not sure of what his next move should be. He had no idea where the two ladies had disappeared to. He was freezing cold, hungry and tired but he didn't care; he would wait out here for a month if he had to. He felt as though he was close to something. This all somehow felt familiar; like he'd been here before.

"Ianto?" He heard his name and turned to see Jack Harkness staring at him.

"Where the bloody hell did you pop out from?"

Chapter 5: Can't Repeat

"Where the bloody hell did you pop out from?" Ianto asked with confusion.

"I was around." Jack said with a small smile. Ianto had changed a little since his time with Torchwood, his hair was a little longer and his face wasn't a smoothly shaven as it had once been; but he was still so beautiful, it took Jack's breath away, just like the night in the pub.

"Who are you?" Ianto asked with the most intimidating tone he could come up with. He wasn't a stupid man. He realized there was no way he could win in a fight with Jack Harkness; but he wasn't prepared to go down without trying. He wanted answers and he was going to get them one way or another.

"Jack. We met." Jack told him with a small smirk. Jack wasn't sure why he acted like this whenever he was around the younger man; he figured it was his way of stopping himself from breaking down in front of him.

"You're not who you say you are. You don't exist." Ianto replied.

"Of course I do; I'm standing right here."

"What the hell is going on?" Ianto yelled suddenly becoming sick of all the mysterious replies he was getting. "Who are you, what is Torchwood and what did you do to me?"

Jack's smiled faded he found himself unable to look at Ianto. He had developed a plan in his head on the way up here; he was going to tell Ianto it was his subconscious filling in blanks, but not the truth. He had a whole thing ready about how he was only having these dreams because he was desperate for memories (he was, of course, going to have to wait until Ianto told him he had no memory). But now hearing the desperation in his old lover's voice the guilt that had been with him since the day his stole Ianto's memories started to grow stronger. He was beginning to realize how right Gwen was – he had raped Ianto's mind. "You need to stop this."

"I what?" Ianto asked with disbelief. "You have no right to tell me what I have to do. I know you're involved in all this, I can feel it. I just want the truth, or is that asking too much?"

"Yes, it is." Jack replied with a sad voice. "The answers to your questions won't lead you to a good place. You want to know what Torchwood is, it is death and misery and sorrow... Let it go."

"I can't." Ianto replied with a stern look. "You're making me even more confused than I already am, Captain Jack, whoever you are. Why would I listen to you? I don't trust you; I don't know you."

"You used to." Jack replied with a low voice. He looked into Ianto's blue eyes and hoped that he would understand what Jack was trying to tell him; he was better off not knowing.

"So I was right... I do know you; they aren't just dreams." Ianto said as he looked at the beautiful man in front of him. A part of him was melting with a form of desire, the other half wanted to punch him till he told him the complete truth.

"God, Ianto, why do you have to be like this?" Jack said with a frustrated tone. "You're too smart for your own good."

"Please tell me what's going on." Ianto asked him. He heard it in Jack's voice, the way he spoke to him and about him. It was obvious Jack had some sort of feelings for him, which made sense with the dreams he had been having about the other man; he had always felt like he and his dream man had an intimate relationship.

"Please walk away." Jack almost begged. He felt himself breaking, he needed Ianto to leave because if he didn't go soon Jack knew he would tell him everything; and Ianto would hate him for it.

"Not 'till I have my answers," Ianto told him. "If Torchwood took my memories I want them back."

"...You were given a substance called Retcon. It's an amnesia pill; there's is no reverse for it." Jack said wishing that answer would satisfy him but knowing that it wouldn't.

"I'm pretty sure I dreamed of the first night we met; there was a... Weevil and you were hurt, but then you weren't and I liked your coat," Ianto laughed. He wanted to ask about that pill and why he was given it but he didn't want to push Jack too hard now that he was finally talking. "If it can't be reversed then why can I remember that?"

"That shouldn't be happening, but you always did have a good brain." Jack chuckled.

"What will it take for me to get what I need?" Ianto asked. He was at a loss right now about what to do. Here was someone who had all the answers but wasn't willing to give them. Ianto's head was spinning from everything that was going on; in a way he felt even more lost then he did before.

"It's hard to explain, but you have to understand, I'm trying to protect you. You have a life; you have friends that care about you, a job that won't get you killed. I only ever wanted good things for you Ianto and now you have them. So I'm going to walk away now, and you're going to go back to your life." Jack told hoping that Ianto would just accept this and walk away; he knew that a Weevil in drag was more likely to happen, but he still hoped.

"I'll follow you." Ianto said simply.

"I know." Jack said with a sorrowful tone.

"Well then why don't you just save us both some trouble?" Ianto suggested.

"...Lets go have a drink." Jack suggested suddenly.

"Why?" Ianto asked him.

"Please, let's just go to the pub." Jack said again.

"Alright." Ianto agreed, confused by the sudden turn of events.

"So are you going to tell me everything?" Ianto asked as he took a sip of his beer and watched Jack closely.

"Can't we just sit, drink and enjoy each other's company?" Jack asked him with a smile.

"I have no idea who I am or what happened to me. My life is a complete mystery to me and I know you have answers... Sure, we'll just sit here and have a quiet drink" Ianto replied with a deadpan tone.

"I thought it was a good idea." Jack replied.

"Is my name Ianto Jones?" Ianto asked him.

Jack sighed, "Yes."

"Were we in a relationship?"

"Yes." Jack told him.

"Were we in love?"

"It's complicated." Jack answered not knowing how to explain the relationship they had shared.

"What's a Weevil?" Ianto asked. He would ask more about why things were 'complicated' later; right now he was on a roll and didn't want to press his luck.

"An alien." Jack answered quickly and Ianto spit up some of the beer he had just drunk in shock.

"What?" Ianto asked with surprise.

"Alien, species from a different plant. Not human..." Jack begun and Ianto couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"I know what an Alien is; I just didn't think they existed." Ianto replied. He thought he wouldn't believe it if someone told him something like that but for some reason Ianto knew Jack was telling him the truth.

"Your shirt." Jack said as he pointed at the beer that was staining Ianto's white button up.

"Right." Ianto said as he looked down at himself, "I'll be back in a minute. Don't go anywhere or I'll just go back and stand there again."

"I won't move." Jack promised. He watched as Ianto made his way to the men's room and sighed as he pulled two Retcon pills out of his coat pocket. He moved to place them into Ianto's beer but then stopped. 'Can I really do this again, drug him? It isn't right' he thought to himself.

He knew it needed to be done; he couldn't give the young man the answers he was after and Ianto would never be at peace unless he placed the two white pills in that beer. But Gwen's words played over in his brain 'you raped his mind', Jack didn't want to do it again, he wasn't sure if he had the strength.

He loved seeing Ianto again; having the young man right in front of him was doing a number on his brain. The selfish man in Jack wanted Ianto back, at Torchwood and in his arms. But he knew the only way that would happen was if he told Ianto everything. Ianto was such a brave person and he was more than willing to die for Jack, but Jack wasn't sure if those feeling were enough to get Ianto to forgive him. Because as much as Jack hated thinking it, retconning Ianto the first time had been a violation of the trust Ianto had given him.

"Ianto." Jack smiled.

"Jack, come in," Ianto said with a grin as he moved so that Jack could enter his flat. "I was just getting some supplies and then I was going to head back."

"Ianto, I need to tell you something," Jack started. "I'm scared. I'm worried that not all of you are going to make it out of this one alive and I could never forgive myself if something happened to you because of me. So I need you to do something for me."

"Anything, Jack." Ianto said with such loyalty that it almost made Jack cry.

"I need you to leave. I've talked to Martha and she has a safe place you can go until this is over. I don't want you to die Ianto." Jack said with an almost desperate tone that even surprised himself.

"Anything but that" Ianto replied as he took Jack's hands into his own. "I won't leave you to face this alone Jack. I can't... Meeting you has changed me, I'm a better person and I would do almost anything for you, but I won't be a coward for you."

"I had a feeling you would say something like that." Jack said with a sad smile. He had a backup plan in place but he really didn't want to use it unless necessary.

"Like I told you earlier Jack, I love you, and I'm with you all the way on this," Ianto told him and then added with a reassuring smile, "I know that you'll do everything in your power to protect me but I don't need… I can handle myself... It'll be okay."

Jack kissed him passionately, wanting to make Ianto feel everything Jack felt about him in that one kiss. He broke the kiss as he rested his forehead against Ianto and tightened his hold on the young man with one arm while moving the other to his pocket pulling out a syringe. "You know I care."

"Of course." Ianto replied. His eyes were still closed from the kiss and he was breathing a little heavier.

"I'm sorry." Jack told him.

"What for?" Ianto asked.

Jack didn't answer; he quickly moved the syringe and pushed it into Ianto's arm. Ianto's eyes opened wide with surprise as he looked at Jack confused. Jack had put enough sedative into the syringe so Ianto would be knocked out within seconds of being injected.

He could see the hurt in Ianto's eyes as they slowly closed, he knew that look would haunt him for the rest of his life however long that would end up being; he held the unconscious man in his arms and kissed his forehead, "I love you."

Jack shook himself away from the memory. He wanted to forget that day, but no matter how hard he tried, the look in Ianto's eyes would never leave him. He looked at the pills in his hand and wondered if he could do it all over again.

Chapter 6: In Between

Jack watched as the pills dissolved into the golden liquid and felt himself breaking into a million little pieces. He felt like the worst person to ever grace to this or any other planet. How could he do this to Ianto, his Ianto, again? There would be no forgiveness for Jack.

Ianto headed back to table and was surprised to see Jack still sitting there, he thought for sure that the older man would use it as an excuse to escape and avoid all of his questions about the past. He smiled as he sat down. There was an un-readable expression across Jack's face and Ianto wondered why the Captain seemed different. "Are you alright?"

"Never." Jack smiled sadly. "Your shirt looks better."

"It was nothing to damaging" Ianto replied as he picked up his beer. He was about to take a sip but was stopped when Jack suddenly pulled the drink out of his hand. "What the...?"

"You can't drink this." Jack said quickly as he tipped the drink out onto the floor of the pub. The people sitting near them looked at Jack like he was a crazy man but didn't say anything.

"Have you lost your mind?" Ianto asked him.

"...Sorry." Jack said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Are you going to tell me why you just wasted a perfectly good beer?" Ianto asked.

"It smelt bad." Jack offered with a grin. He wasn't planning on telling Ianto that he had planned on drugging him but changed his mind at the very last second.

"You are the oddest person I've ever met." Ianto commented, still watching Jack carefully.

"Is that good or bad?" Jack asked him.

"I'm not sure yet." Ianto replied. "Now, stop avoiding telling me everything."

Jack was about to say something when his mobile phone started to ring. "Yep. Okay... Did they say if it had a third arm yet?" Ianto looked at Jack with a one raised eyebrow. "No, it's going to need sedation and quickly. I'll be there soon." Jack hung up the phone and smiled apologetically to Ianto.

"You are not leaving." Ianto said with a firm voice.

"Have to. Look, I know you want answers and I wish I could give them to you; but I can't. Forget about Torchwood and forget about me." Jack said before getting up and leaving.

Ianto thought about following him but knew that Jack obviously had something he needed to do - most likely an alien. Ianto couldn't help but laugh, he never thought that was something he would be thinking, but if Jack thought he was just going to let it go then then he was in for a surprise.

"You can't tell Gwen." Owen said to Tosh as they walked away from the Hub.

"Of course I won't." Tosh said with a smile; she hoped that Owen would know her well enough by now to know that she knew how to keep a secret.

"I know. It's just if Gwen finds out about this she'll go crazy. She won't listen to Jack or me or anyone and just does what she thinks is best." Owen replied as he looked around to make sure they were alone.

"Just tell me, Owen." Tosh replied.

"After Jack fired me and then took me back I was a little concerned that he might fire me again for good. So I started working a little magic pill," Owen said as he took a small blue pill out of his pocket and showed it to Tosh. "It reverses the effect of Retcon, took me ages to get right. I thought about using it on Ianto but figured it wouldn't work because Jack gave him such a large dose. But if he is triggering on his own then this little baby might work on him, speed up the remembering side of things."

"Wow." Tosh said with wide eyes as she looked at pill. "I can't believe you managed to do this."

"Don't look so surprised, I am, after all, a genius." Owen told her with a smug smile.

"We should do it." Tosh told him. "I miss Ianto, I want him back."

"Jack would be angry, really, really, scary angry." Owen said with a worried look. He was dead, so he didn't really care what Jack said or did to him; but he didn't want Tosh to get in trouble or fired.

"If he found out…" Tosh replied.

"He'll find out," Owen added. "I know Gwen would do it... I'm not sure. Maybe we should talk to Jack first and see what happened with Ianto."

"He's with Gwen, they are dealing with those three handed parasites." Tosh informed him.

"We have time." Owen reminded her. "I have a feeling tea boy isn't going anywhere."

"Jack, Owen and I wanted to talk to you for a minute." Tosh said to Jack the next day. He was sitting in his office reading through paper work. Tosh and Owen had been arguing for the last ten minutes over who was going to be the one to actually do the talking. Owen thought it should be Tosh because Jack liked her better; Tosh thought it should be Owen since he was the one who invented the anti-retcon pill. In the end they decided to just see how things went.

"Sure." Jack said as he placed the page he was reading down and looked up at Tosh and Owen; they looked nervous. "What's up?"

"Well," Owen began. He looked at Tosh and then back at Jack. "The thing is Jack, me and Tosh here, we think you're a great leader, and we'd never undermine you..."

"Except when you shot me and opened the rift." Jack commented with a smirk.

"Right... Well... I forgot about that. Moving on anyway, we had an idea. Tosh, why don't you tell him our idea." Owen said as he looked at Tosh with a fake grin.

"Thanks Owen." Tosh muttered to him. "Well, Jack, OWEN here developed a pill after you fired him. It reverses the affect of Retcon," Tosh paused for a moment when she saw the dark look that crossed Jack's face. "We were thinking that if Ianto is slowly getting his memory back then maybe we should give him this pill and speed up the process... What do you think?"

"Is the pill safe?" Jack asked, looking at Owen for the answer.

"Yes, we wouldn't have mentioned it if it wasn't safe." Owen answered.

Jack sighed as he leaned back in his chair, "What do you two think, honestly? Should I let him remember this life, the one with the dead cyber girlfriend and cannibals and alien threats? The life where no lives past the age of 35. Or should I let him keep the life he has now, safe and secure... Maybe a little boring, but at least he might live past his 40th birthday."

"I think that we all know the risk of working for Torchwood and that if we didn't want to be here, we wouldn't be. We help save the world Jack, the risk is worth that" Tosh answered him confidently.

"What about you, Owen? After all, you have died for Torchwood, what do you think I should do?" Jack asked him.

"I think that it should have been his choice in the first place." Owen answered. Jack, at times, did scare him but he had wanted to say those words to his boss for a long time now; it had never sat right with Owen that Jack had retconned him against his will.

"You're right. It should have been his choice... I wanted to protect him but sometimes I find myself wondering if I did more damage than good" Jack said un-characteristically. He could see the surprised looks on Owen and Tosh's faces; after all it wasn't often that Jack admitted he was wrong.

"So does that mean you'll give him the pill?" Tosh asked.

"I think I'm going to give him a choice. Explain everything as well as I can and then let him decide what he wants to do. It's about time that Ianto gets to decide his own fate." Jack told them.

"Jack," Ianto said with a surprised voice. He had been making dinner when he heard a knock on his front door; and Jack Harkness was the last person he'd expected to see when he opened it. "I thought for sure you'd be avoiding me like the plague."

"I've had time to think." Jack told him. "Can I come in?"

"Of course." Ianto replied as he stepped aside to allow Jack to walk in. He saw the older man looking around the living room with interest.

"It's not much different from your old place," Jack commented. "I think you're the tidiest person I've ever met."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Ianto smiled as he pointed to the couch, "Would you like anything to drink?"

"I'm fine thanks." Jack replied as he sat down and looked at Ianto. "I have an offer for you."

"Okay" Ianto said as he took a seat as well and waited for Jack to start talking again.

"I have a way for you to get all you memories back; it's a pill. But I need you to listen to me first." Jack told him. He saw the happy glint in Ianto's eyes and knew that nothing he could say would make him not want to take the pill.

"Alright, I'll listen." Ianto told him in a calm voice.

"Torchwood is dangerous Ianto. The job means early death; you may have lost some things from all this, Ianto, but you gained a life, a safe life. I need you to ask yourself a question, do you want to die an old man? Because if you do then this pill isn't for you." Jack told him sounding serious.

"I would like to die an old man Jack; I think most people would want that. But I'm not willing to not have the first twenty five years if it. And how do you know I would still want to work at Torchwood when I get my memories back? Maybe I just want to know what I was before this; maybe I'll prefer my life now and stick with it." Ianto replied.

"I know you Ianto, if you take this pill you'll be back at Torchwood. Torchwood was all you had" Jack said sadly.

"Didn't I have you?" Ianto asked him.

"To a degree, it's complicated." Jack told him.

"Apparently." Ianto said. "I want the pill Jack."

"There is no going back Ianto." Jack said. Jack wasn't sure if he didn't want Ianto to take the pill because he was worried about the younger man, or because he was scared of what Ianto would think of him once he remembered what happened on the day the Jack retconned him.

"Give me the pill." Ianto said softly.

"Okay." Jack said as he handed him the pill. Jack watched as he went to the kitchen and got a glass of water. He returned to his seat and gave Jack a small smile before taking the pill and sipping the water.

Chapter 7: Blackout

"Nothing's happening." Ianto told Jack after a few minutes of waiting for the little blue pill to kick in. He looked at Jack, the man just shrugged at him. "Are you sure I'm only meant to take one?"

"Owen only gave me one." Jack answered as he watched Ianto closely.

Ianto blinked a few times and sat back on the couch with disappointment. He looked over at Jack who was looking at him with a concerned face, "What?"

"Your nose." Jack said quietly.

Ianto touched his finger to his nose and felt a liquid substance on his skin, he was surprised when he looked and saw blood. "Damn." He went to the kitchen quickly and grabbed a tissue, placing it to his nose.

"I'm going to call Owen and get him over here. He's a Doctor and I don't think that should be happening." Jack told Ianto as he took his phone out of his pocket and started to dial.

"And the one who made the pill?" Ianto wanted confirmation.

"Yeah." Jack answered. Owen wasn't answering and he was beginning to get annoyed.

"Good, tell him to make one that works." Ianto said sounding annoyed. He was holding his head back trying to stop the blood from flowing so quickly.

"Owen. Finally! Get your ass over to Ianto's right away." Jack said into his phone before flipping it shut.

"You're a charmer." Ianto said with a raised eye brow.

"I try." Jack said with a fake smile.

"Oh God!" Ianto yelled out. A sharp pain hit his head like a train; he fell to floor and clutched his temples willing for it to stop.

"Ianto!" Jack said as he kneeled beside his former lover and placed his hands on his back. "Ianto!"

"I think… my… head is… going to explode" Ianto managed to get out. His hands and knuckles were turning white from clutching and his face was screwed up with agony.

"Ianto, I'm here, it's going to be okay. Owen will be here soon and he'll know what to do, otherwise I'll kill him. Permanently this time." Jack muttered the last part so Ianto couldn't hear him.

"Jack…" Ianto whispered before everything turned black.

"I'm telling you, Jack, there's nothing wrong with him." Ianto heard Owen tell Jack. His eyes felt heavy as he tried to open them, wanting to see what was going on.

"Aside from the fact he's unconscious!" Jack yelled. Ianto could tell from his voice that he was pissed off.

"Well, yeah." Owen answered.

"Who?" Ianto asked as he opened his eyes. He saw Jack and Owen standing in the door way of the room he was in.

"Ianto," Jack said happily as he rushed over. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah just a little…" He began, but stopped when he felt his mind start to work again. "You retconned me."

"You have your memory." Jack said as moved himself back a little.

"Yes, yes I do." Ianto said in a soft but angry tone.

"Right then, I'm just going to go… away," Owen said nervously but before he left he turned to Ianto, "It's good to have you back… Tea boy."

"That Owen… isn't he a laugh?" Jack joked trying to ease the tension that had filled the room.

"How could you Jack… I can't believe you would do that to me, steal my memories, my life!" Ianto said in disbelief. He was talking in a quiet tone but Jack could tell he was pissed off as all hell.

"John and Grey were on the warpath, Ianto; I couldn't let anything happen to you because of me." Jack explained. "They would have killed you just to hurt me."

"And what about me, Jack? Did you even care how I felt? Not just about you and Torchwood but my family, Jack. My father died - you know that my memories of him were the most special thing I had and you took them, you took everything." Ianto said as he got off the bed and started to pace the room.

"A small amount wouldn't have worked, I had to take it all… I'm sorry." Jack said unsure of what else to say.

"Sorry doesn't change things, Jack. It doesn't make the last year of my life disappear, I was so lost and I needed answers and all the time you had them; you let me be a walking ghost."

"I asked you to leave and you wouldn't; I did what I thought was best, maybe it was wrong but you have to know I did it because I care." Jack said looking at Ianto with a desperate gaze.

"Your care is toxic, Jack… I need you to leave because I am so angry with you right now I might kill you; and you would come back and then I'd have to kill you again. So please leave. We'll talk about this tomorrow." Ianto said with a heated tone as he pointed to the door.

"Tomorrow?" Jack repeated, a little confused.

"Yes, tomorrow. When I show up for work. I'm not leaving Torchwood, Jack; I don't care what you say. Now go."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow." Jack said with an empty voice. He didn't know anything he could say or do that would fix this and for now he knew that he should just do what Ianto asked of him.

"I'm so happy you're back." Gwen said with a huge smile as she wrapped her arms around Ianto.

"Me too." Ianto smiled at her, returning the embrace. He had arrived to see happy faces from everyone but Jack, who was hiding in his office, according to Owen.

"I still can't believe you were getting your memory back on your own." Tosh said.

Ianto smiled at her, he hadn't realized it at the time but he knew now that he had really been missing his friendship with Tosh while he was 'away' - That was what he was calling it now, his time away. He had called his boss and quit the job that Ianto Smith had at a small magazine publishers as an assistant. He had also talked to Jenny; he planned on staying friends with the wonderfully vibrant woman who had become his rock. He wouldn't miss the life Ianto Smith, but Ianto Smith had missed this life and he was very glad to be back; even if it meant dealing with his unresolved issues with Jack. "It's complicated but let's just say that I didn't want anyone taking my memories."

"Same here. Hence the little miracle pill that I have decided to name the Harper solution." Owen smiled proudly. Tosh smiled at him while Ianto and Gwen looked at him like he was nuts. "What?"

"I don't think it has a ring to it," Gwen commented. "And don't you think it's a bit egotistical to put your own name on it?"

"No." Owen answered simply.

"I've missed you, Owen." Ianto smiled. "Thanks for the note by the way."

"Jack told you." Owen sighed.

"No. Actually, I recognize the handwriting, I didn't then, but I do now. Thanks." Ianto told him.

"You're just lucky I didn't write Tea Boy." Owen said with a smirk, but his eyes told Ianto 'you're welcome'.

"So… are you going to talk to Jack?" Tosh asked. Tosh had been the only other person (except Jack) who had been in the Hub when Ianto had arrived that morning. They had caught up and Ianto had told her how he wasn't exactly happy with the Captain at the moment.

"I guess I should." Ianto sighed, "Has to happen sometime."

"For what it's worth, he really did believe that he was doing what was best for you." Tosh told him.

Gwen scoffed, "Jack always does what he thinks is best, but he never thinks about what anyone else wants in the process."

"I'll be back." Ianto said as he headed up to the office. He knocked on the door and then walked in. Jack was sitting in his chair reading a book. He looked up and smiled a little at Ianto, who didn't return the gesture.

"Settling in okay?" Jack asked him as he placed the book face down on his desk.

"It's good to see everyone again, I'm pretty sure I missed them like crazy even if I didn't know it." Ianto replied as he walked to the spare chair and took a seat.

"Any side effects to the pill?" Jack asked him, a little concern showing in his voice.

"The Harper solution is side effect free so far." Ianto replied.

"What?" Jack asked confused.

"Nothing." Ianto answered as he looked around the office, avoiding Jack's eyes. The office he had once considered the safest place on earth hadn't changed but his feeling toward it and its owner had; Ianto still loved Jack – a part of him always would, but the desire to be with him had faded into anger and distrust.

"I know you're angry Ianto," Jack started but was cut off.

"I'm not angry anymore, Jack, I feel betrayed and distrustful of you. I know you only did what you did because you care about me but it took me a long time to feel like I was in control of my life again and you took that away from me. You might have liked the idea of me having a new life but it wasn't good, Jack. All I could think about were things I couldn't remember. Over a year of wondering makes someone feel incredibly powerless, it was hell for me." Ianto told him.

"I really am sorry; I don't know what else to say." Jack said sounding hopeless.

"There isn't anything else to say Jack. I want to work here again and I want us to get along. To be friends, I guess… But nothing more." Ianto told him, still avoiding his gaze; he couldn't look Jack in the eyes because if he did he knew he would break.

"Friends…"

"Well, it's better than nothing." Ianto replied.

"If that's what you want." Jack told him. He knew that he'd hurt Ianto and that this wasn't going to go well but hadn't realized it would hurt so much knowing Ianto was there but not his, not anymore.

"It is, sir." Ianto replied as he got up and walked out of the office.

With the one word, 'sir' Jack knew that Ianto was lost to him.

"Jack." Gwen said as she walked into his office. She stopped when she saw the look on her boss's face. Little lost boy was the best thing Gwen could think of to describe it; Jack looked like a little lost boy, sitting in his chair staring at the wall like it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen. "Are you alright, Jack?"

"Yeah." Jack replied as he turned to look at her.

"Are you sure?" Gwen asked him.

"No, not really," Jack laughed. "But I have to be, we still have a world to save."

"Do you… want to talk about it?" Gwen asked him. She and Jack used to have a close relationship and other than Ianto, Jack usually told his problems to Gwen. They had lost that over time but Gwen wondered if Jack had had anyone else to talk to since Ianto had been taken out of the equation.

"Nothing to talk about, Gwen, this isn't the first time I've lost someone." Jack answered her.

"I'd say it's the first time you've lost them like this." Gwen said.

"Yes, but aliens don't stop just because I ruined my relationship." Jack told her.

"I'm sorry, Jack." Gwen said sincerely.

"Me too… time to move on. What did you want?" Jack asked her.

"We have rift activity." She told him.

"Okay then, let's get to work." Jack replied as he grabbed his coat.

Chapter 8: Spending Time

Ianto had been back at Torchwood for three weeks now; he was surprised that the closeness he had gained with the other members of their team hadn't faded during the time he was away. He and Gwen still enjoyed each other's company, Owen and he still had their playful banter and he and Tosh were still very close. The only relationship that had changed was the one with Jack; they only talked to each other if it was work related and the occasional conversation Jack would start over what happened ended with Ianto walking out or hanging up on him.

Ianto missed Jack, he really did; but he couldn't get past what the older man had done. Back before all this happened Jack was the one Ianto would run to when he needed someone, now Jack was the one he was running from. He always knew Jack would end up breaking his heart; but he never thought he would violate his mind.

"I hate days like these." Tosh said to him as she looked around the Hub.

"Me too, leaves me too much time to think." Ianto sighed. There was nothing alien going on in the city of Cardiff today and it was starting to make him a little stir crazy.

"Maybe we could let Janet out, see who can catch her first." Owen laughed.

"Yes, and when she rips someone's throat out you can explain it their family that we were bored and thought it would be a great old time to let an alien lose on the streets." Gwen replied sarcastically.

"Spoil sport." Owen said.

"Maybe we could play a game or something." Tosh suggested.

"What, like eye spy? We're not eight Tosh." Owen told her.

"Stop being a dick." Ianto told him as he looked up at Jack's office; he couldn't see him and found himself wondering what he was doing. In the old days if they had a quiet day Ianto would be up there with him, getting all sorts of wicked things done to his body; Ianto shivered a little at the thought of it.

Owen just rolled his eyes at Ianto. "If I could drink I'd go to the pub and have a beer... being dead sucks."

"Does anyone other than dead boy want a coffee?" Ianto asked as he stood up.

"Yeah, thanks." Gwen smiled.

"That would be great." Tosh replied.

Ianto headed towards Jack's office to ask him if he would also like a coffee. He knocked on the door and walked in; Jack was sitting at his desk staring out something that was in his hands. "Would you like a coffee?"

Jack looked up at him with a surprised look across his face. "I'm fine."

Ianto watched him carefully. He could tell from the look on his face that the older man was upset about something. "Sorry to interrupt."

"You're welcome in here anytime, Ianto." Jack said to him quietly.

"Right." Ianto replied as he turned to leave. This was what it was always like between them, awkward and uncomfortable. It really saddened him that things had to come to this.

"Ianto," Jack said before he had a chance to leave. "Do you ever miss me?"

Ianto turned around to face the captain again; unsure of how to respond to the question. "I miss what we had, but then I remember that it wasn't real."

"It was real Ianto; we were real." Jack replied getting upset.

"I thought we had a relationship Jack, but relationships are equal and built on trust. We weren't real, we just went through the motions," Ianto told him before turning to leave. "I can't forgive you."

Jack watched as Ianto left, wishing there was something he could do to change things; wishing for a second chance.

XOXOXO

"Do you want to grab some dinner?" Gwen asked Ianto later on that night as they made their way towards the parking lot.

"Sounds nice. Won't Rhys be missing you?"

"He's visiting his Ma tonight, so I'm a free woman." Gwen smiled. "The Italian place around the corner is nice."

"Just what I was in the mood for." Ianto replied as he held out his arm which Gwen took with a smile. "I forget sometimes how nice it is to walk at night, the moon and stars and all that."

"It is nice; you forget to notice things when you get older. Sometimes I wish I could just be a kid again." Gwen replied.

"That would be nice." Ianto said softly; he felt Gwen squeeze his arm in comfort.

XOXO

"Here we are." Gwen said as they walked into the restaurant.

Dinner was going well; the food was wonderful and the conversation had been light and fun. Ianto hadn't smiled this much in a long time, it was nice to let go of Torchwood and Jack for a while. "You need to laugh more Gwen, it suits you."

"Same." Gwen replied. Her smile faltered when she remembered the real reason she had asked Ianto to dinner. "How is everything Ianto?"

"Good." Ianto told her as he sipped his wine. "I still have headaches and Owen has no idea how long that will last; but otherwise I'm great."

"And how are things with Jack?" she asked, hoping Ianto wouldn't get upset. His face remained neutral but that was to be expected with Ianto; the man was a master at hiding his emotions.

"Things with Jack are... odd." Ianto replied, unsure of how else to explain it. It really wasn't any of Gwen's business but he didn't have the heart to tell her off.

"Are you okay, seeing him all the time?"

"I'm getting used to it." Ianto told her. He actually found the scenario of him and Gwen having dinner and discussing Jack quite strange; after all for the longest time he was sure Jack would one day leave him for Gwen.

"You know I don't think what he did was right; I was giving him a hell of a time while you were gone, but I really do believe that Jack did what he thought was right. He cared about you too much to risk losing you." Gwen said as she sipped her wine and smiled nervously.

"I get that, I really do. But it wasn't his decision to make; that was my life he was playing around with, my life that he deleted. I can't forget that." Ianto replied.

"I know, I wouldn't be able to either. I never thought I would, but I feel sorry for him, Ianto. He misses you so much and he's so sad... I don't know" Gwen laughed lightly. "Things are so complicated and I'm not sure what's best anymore."

"That's a first." Ianto smirked.

"Shut up." Gwen laughed as she threw a piece of bread at him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

"That's just you, Gwen, and we love you just the way you are." Ianto told her with a smile.

"You're too nice" Gwen said with a grin.

XOXO

Ianto rolled over and groaned as his mobile continued to ring; he knew it would have to be work for someone to be calling him this late. He looked at the caller ID and sighed when he saw Jack's name. "What?"

"Ianto... Were you asleep?" Jack said.

"Yes, Jack, that's what people do at night." Ianto replied dryly as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Right, sorry." Jack said and then there was silence for a few seconds. "I shouldn't have called."

"Why did you call?" Ianto asked.

"...I don't know."

"I'm going back to sleep now, Jack" Ianto sighed.

"Please don't hang up." Jack said quickly.

"What's the point?" Ianto asked him. "We have nothing to say."

"There's plenty to say, I just wish you would believe me when I say I'm sorry and I was only doing what I thought was best."

"I get it Jack I really do, I just don't think you thought of me while you were doing it," Ianto told him. "You were being selfish. Did you even think about my family, how they would feel?"

"Better than if I had to tell them you were dead." Jack replied.

"Jack... I don't know where to go from here. Me and you, we're stuck in the same fight over and over and it's slowly killing me. You have to move on." Ianto told him hoping that Jack would understand; he couldn't do this anymore, he needed Jack to just leave him alone.

"I can't move on... I need you." Jack told him sounding slightly desperate and very un-jack.

"You're being selfish again. What about what I need?" Ianto pointed out.

"Ianto," Jack said and Ianto could hear the frustration in his voice. "Just tell me how to fix this."

"Give me space." Ianto replied simply. "That is what I need."

"Fine." Jack said before hanging up. Ianto closed his mobile and placed it back on his bed side table. He laid back down and looked up at the ceiling.

"Why are things never simple?" he whispered to himself.

Chapter 9: Knife Going In

"Do you think they're going to kill us?" Owen asked Jack in a hushed tone, not wanting to gain the attention of their captors.

"What do you care? You can't die." Jack reminded him as his gaze settled on Ianto who had been silent ever since they had arrived in the cell.

"Yeah, but I'd like to keep all my limbs." Owen told him as he looked at the aliens that were guarding them. They almost looked human - the only real difference was the slightly pinker skin tone and the longer bodies.

"How're you doing, Ianto?" Jack asked him. He'd done what Ianto asked, it had been almost two months since Ianto had asked for space and Jack had been keeping his distance. Jack was starting to wish he had taken it to the next level and stopped taking him out on missions; but he knew Ianto would have been mad; but at least he wouldn't have been here.

"Fine, sir." Ianto replied. He looked up at Jack and tried to smile. He was a little scared. These guys meant business and killed without a second thought. Ianto wasn't sure why they hadn't killed him already.

"Don't worry; I'll get us out of this." Jack told him as he stood up and examined the small cell, trying to find a means of escape.

"Always have to be a hero." Owen muttered under his breath.

"Would you prefer the alternative?" Jack asked him with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, no." Owen answered quietly.

"Then shut up." Jack told him as he continued to look around.

"What are they doing?" Ianto asked as he noticed three of the yet to be named aliens looking and pointing at them.

"... I don't know." Jack replied. He watched as the largest of the three walked over to the cell and then pointed a small round thing right at him. He was stunned when a small twig like thing was shot into his neck. "What...?" Jack started to say before everything went dark.

"Jack!" Ianto yelled as rushed to the Captain's side and placed a hand on his cheek. "What did they do?"

"No idea, mate." Owen answered, also at Jack's side and checking him over.

The large alien opened up the door of the cell and walked towards Ianto, pulling him up by his collar. "Let me go!" Ianto yelled as he struggled against it. Owen rushed over to help him but was held back by another one of the creatures.

"Ianto!" Owen yelled as he watched the younger man being drugged roughly away. "If you hurt him, I'll kill you fuckers!"

"Oh fuck." Ianto said to himself. He had been strapped down onto a long silver table that was similar to the one they had in the autopsy bay of the Hub. There was a silver tray with all sorts of intimidating tools on it.

The aliens were talking in a language he couldn't understand; the larger one who had grabbed him picked up a slim metallic tool that had three very sharp ends and sort of smiled at him as he pressed the object into Ianto's temple.

"Fuck! Oh my God!" Ianto screamed as the pain shot through him like acid. It was like nothing he had ever felt and even though he didn't want to give them the satisfaction he couldn't control the screams of pain.

They subjected him to all kinds of pain for hours, or maybe it was only minutes, Ianto wasn't really sure anymore. His throat hurt from screaming and his face was wet from tears; his body ached from the pain and he found himself wishing they would just kill him already. His head was starting to spin and his vision had gone fuzzy. Everything was starting to grow fainter.

"Get the fuck away from him."

Ianto heard that American accent and almost sighed with relief. He turned and could see a blurry vision of the Captain before everything faded away.

XOXOXOXO

"They knew Jack couldn't die and they knew you were dead... The sedative dart they used on Jack wouldn't have worked on you, but I guess they figured one of you would be easier to hold back than two." Tosh said to Owen. They were in the medical bay watching over Ianto. Jack had stayed with him until Ianto was stable and then left to 'kill those bastards' as he had put it.

"They must have scanned us when they caught us." Owen thought, as he looked over at the younger man. Ianto was covered in bruises and sores; he looked like he had been through hell. His skin was pale and sweaty; they had real done a number on him. Owen had done his best and Ianto was now stable but he still wanted to keep a close eye on him.

"I've never seen Jack look like that." Tosh commented with dark eyes.

"Yeah, I almost feel sorry for those... what did you say their name was again?" Owen asked her.

"Vistees." Tosh answered as she moved closer to Ianto and gently brushed some hair off his forehead. "And I don't feel sorry for them."

"How long have they been gone?"

"About three hours." Tosh replied as she looked at her watch. "I hope everything is okay."

"Gwen would have called if they needed help." Owen told her.

"When will he wake up?" Tosh asked.

"The sedative I gave him is strong, so not for at least another four hours." Owen said as he checked the monitors; he knew if there was a problem they would blink and make sounds but he couldn't help it - he needed to make sure Ianto was still alright.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Gwen asked Jack. They were in the SUV on their way back to the Hub. The Vistees were gone, Jack had seen to that; the few that had managed to retreat wouldn't be coming back to Earth anytime soon.

"I'm fine." Jack grunted at her as he turned to car rather quickly around a corner and ignored the look Gwen shot him.

"You don't seem it." Gwen commented as she gripped her seat tightly. She knew what Jack was like when he was in a mood, he drove like a madman.

"Of course I'm not." Jack snapped. "Those bastards tore him apart; they made him scream in agony. He's too good for that, he doesn't deserve it. I hope they all rot in hell."

"Well, you saw to that." Gwen mumbled.

"Don't start with your moral bullshit, Gwen, they got what they deserved." Jack told her and he gripped the steering wheel tighter.

"I'm not starting anything Jack... I get it. But he's going to be okay. Owen told you so himself." Gwen reminded him.

"I know." Jack said quietly. "I don't know what I would have done if he'd..."

"He didn't Jack. He's fine." Gwen said gently. She could see the pain written all over Jack's face and her heart broke for him.

"How is he?" Jack asked Owen as he and Gwen walked into the medical bay.

"Going well, everything's good." Owen replied. He watched as Jack grabbed a chair and dragged it over so that he could sit next to Ianto.

"How did everything go with you guys?" Tosh asked.

"Earth won't be getting invaded today." Gwen told her, not wanting to get into the details. "I might head off home, I'm missing Rhys. You'll call me when he wakes up, yeah?"

"Yep." Owen told her.

"Thanks." Gwen said as she gave Jack's shoulder a quick squeeze before walking away.

"You can all go if you'd like. I'll sit with him." Jack told them. He took Ianto's hand into his own and ran his thumb soothingly across the skin.

"Okay." Tosh said. She kissed Ianto's forehead quickly and gave Jack and Owen a quick smile before heading off.

"I'll stay." Owen told him.

"...Fine, but do you mind giving me a minute alone?" Jack asked.

"Sure, how about I go and get you some coffee. God I miss coffee." Owen muttered the last part as he walked away to give Jack his space.

"Hey beautiful." Jack softly spoke to Ianto's sleeping form. "I was pretty scared. When I woke up I could hear you screaming and... And my soul died. You have to stop doing this to me," Jack laughed. "You're going to kill me if you keep this up. Look, I know you're angry with me and you have every single right to be. I just hope that one day you can look at me without seeing what I did to you, that you'll see me for me again. I really miss being close to you, Ianto Jones." Jack leaned down and kissed Ianto's lips lightly.

"Jack..." Ianto mumbled as his eyes fluttered open. He was a little confused and then the memories of the day's events came flooding back. He looked over and saw Jack watching him with worried eyes. "Hi."

"Hi." Jack replied with a smile as he looked into those beautiful blue eyes.

Chapter 10: Falling Away With You

"Jack..." Ianto mumbled as his eyes fluttered open. He was a little confused, but then the memories of the day's events came flooding back. He looked over and saw Jack watching him with worried eyes. "Hi."

"Hi." Jack replied with a smile as he looked into those beautiful blue eyes.

Ianto grimaced with the pain of his injuries; he felt as though he had just gone ten rounds with an elephant. "Water."

"Here" Jack replied as he picked up the glass of water Owen had placed next to Ianto. He was thankful there was a straw in it because he really didn't think Ianto could sit up just yet. Jack held it and moved the straw to Ianto's mouth. The young man gave him a grateful look as he sipped the cool beverage.

"Thanks." Ianto whispered as he closed his eyes. "Were you saying something?"

"What?" Jack asked him with a confused look.

"I thought I heard you talking." Ianto mumbled with a sleepy voice.

Jack ran his hand lightly across Ianto's cheek. "Rest now." Jack told him; he was pretty sure Ianto mumbled something like 'okay' before he drifted back into slumber.

XOXOXOXO

Jack was relieved to see Ianto walking around the Hub a few days later. It was obvious he was in pain, but at least he felt well enough to move. They hadn't talked much but Jack figured that was for the best. There were so many things he wanted to say but he didn't know the right way. Even though he was keeping his distance from Ianto he made sure to keep a close eye on him; he knew Ianto was stubborn and didn't want him making his injuries any worse.

Ianto wasn't blind; he could see Jack watching his every move. The concern was written all over the older man's face and he actually felt guilty for causing Jack all this trouble. He even thought about apologizing - this whole situation had caused Ianto's already busy mind to kick up another gear, he couldn't stop thinking about everything; the aliens, his life and Jack.

"So, I think you can go home." Owen told him. Owen hadn't let Ianto return to his flat, insisting that they both stay at the Hub near the medical equipment just in case.

"Finally." Ianto said happily. "I miss my kitchen."

"You would." Owen laughed. "How are you... emotionally?"

"That's a hard question to answer." Ianto sighed as he rubbed his temples. "Alright I guess... I'm not really traumatized by when happened; I've been through worse."

"That's Torchwood." Owen sighed. "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

"Being dead has turned you soft." Ianto laughed.

"Never." Owen said as he rolled his eyes and walked away.

Ianto turned his face to the right and wasn't surprised to see Jack watching him closely. He waved at the older man and Jack turned away, quickly walking towards his office. Ianto hesitated for a moment before getting up off his chair and following his Captain. He reached the office door and didn't bother knocking before he walked in. Jack looked up at him with a slightly surprised expression. "Jack."

"Ianto." Jack said as he sat down in his chair. He had seen Ianto watching as he spied on him many times now and had been expecting a confrontation any day now.

"I wanted to tell you thank-you." Ianto said as he took a seat across from Jack.

"Really?" Jack said with a raised eyebrow. "Have to say, I wasn't expecting that."

"You saved my life. If it wasn't for you I don't know what would have happened, but I imagine it wouldn't have been good." Ianto told him. For a moment he was back in the cold steel room screaming, he shook his head and returned to the present.

"I would do anything to keep you safe." Jack told him with an honest smile that made Ianto's knees go slightly weak.

"I am very aware." Ianto replied. "That's part of our problem I think."

"I guess it is." Jack agreed with a bitter laugh. "Do you remember what was playing the first time we kissed?"

"What?" Ianto asked, confused by the sudden turn in the conversation.

"The song that was playing the first time we kissed, do you remember what it was?" Jack asked him , looking very serious.

"Of course." Ianto smiled. "'Save the Last Dance For Me'."

"You were in my office and you just looked so... lost and innocent and I needed to taste you. I've never wanted anyone more than I wanted you and it shook me. But being the type of person to go after what they want, I pulled you to me and kissed you hard." Jack smiled as his mind wandered back to that night.

"If I recall I just stood there like an idiot." Ianto chuckled.

"At first, but once you got into it there was no stopping you." Jack reminded him. "You're so quiet. I don't think anyone would ever believe me if I told them you were the most passionate person I've ever met; and I've met a lot of people." Jack said as he smiled at Ianto. "Every time I hear that song I stop and think about that kiss; it was the best kiss of my life."

Ianto looked at Jack, unsure of how to respond. He leaned back in the chair deep in thought before replying quietly, "Mine as well."

"Do you ever miss me?" Jack asked with a painful voice.

"I see you all the time." Ianto said quietly.

"That's not what I meant." Jack replied seriously.

"I know." Ianto whispered turning away from Jack and his soulful eyes. "I can't do this."

"Can't do what? Talk to me? We used to talk all the time." Jack said quickly. He got up and walked to Ianto, kneeling in front of the young man and holding his face so that he had to look at him.

"Things are different now." Ianto replied as he tried to turn his head away but couldn't because of Jack's hand.

"Why?" Jack asked him in a broken voice.

"Because I don't trust you... Because you care so much." Ianto told him.

"Caring about you isn't a bad thing Ianto." Jack replied as he lowered his hands so that they were on the younger mans shoulders.

"It is when it causes you to do stupid things." Ianto told him. "I can't do this."

"Ianto," Jack said as he pulled the younger man close to him. Their mouths were only centimeters apart. "Please don't say that. I need you so much."

"No, you don't" Ianto replied as he tried to ignore their closeness and the effect it was having on his body.

"Yes, I really do." Jack said as he leaned up slightly to kiss him. When their lips met Jack felt the familiar tingle in his stomach. He was amazed when Ianto started to kiss him back, hands moving over his face and they kissed each other with passion. Kissing the younger man felt like home, he was where he was supposed to be.

Ianto felt himself moan into Jack's mouth as the kiss intensified; he felt Jack's tongue caressing his own and that was when he realized what he was doing. He stopped kissing Jack and pushed him away as he stood up quickly.

"Ow." Jack said as he rubbed his lower back while standing up.

"We can't do this." Ianto told him as he backed away from Jack, ignoring the deep ache in his lower region.

"Why not? I know you want me, Ianto, and I want you. Can't you just let go of the rest?" Jack asked him. He stood still wanting to give Ianto his space if that was what he wanted.

"I want to." Ianto replied as he ran his hands through his hair; God, how he wanted to just forget about all the bad stuff and just fall into Jack's arms.

"Then just do it. I promise you things will be different, just give me another shot." Jack practically begged.

"How do I know?" Ianto asked him, needing assurance.

"Nothing is one hundred percent for certain, you just have to take a chance; and I believe that if you give me a second chance it'll be worth it." Jack told him as he took a few steps forward. "I can do it right this time."

"I know you'll try." Ianto told him. "But you are who you are, Jack; like you said, you'll do anything to keep me safe, even if it means wiping my memory."

"I wouldn't do that again." Jack said sternly.

"Yes you would, Jack; you'd do it in a heartbeat." Ianto laughed dejectedly.

"Then I guess you don't know me as well as you think. I'm a selfish man and losing you that first time was hell, I could never do it again." Jack said, but they both knew he was lying. Jack would do anything to save Ianto's life.

"I think I make things more complicated than they have to be." Ianto sighed.

"I agree. I think it's time we simplify things. I want to be with you, you want to be with me - simple as that." Jack replied with a small grin as he stood in front of Ianto and placed his hands on his hips.

"I really don't know what to do." Ianto said to Jack. He loved the feeling of Jack's hands on his body and the familiar feeling of need that hit him every time he was near him, but at the same time he couldn't stop thinking about all the reasons to leave and not start this crazy whirlwind again.

"Do what feels right." Jack whispered to him. "It's up to you, Ianto; it's your decision to make."

"Yes, I miss you." Ianto told him and rolled his eyes when he saw the smirk appear on Jack's face.

"Of course you did, I'm a very missable person." Jack replied with a wicked grin.

"Missable and egotistical." Ianto told him as he placed his hands around Jack's next and moved his face so that he was just inch away from the other man. "But I guess that's just part of your charm."

"I guess so." Jack smiled. Ianto pecked his lips lightly and then draw back and Jack couldn't help but moan with annoyance over losing the contact.

"This doesn't mean anything. I'm still not sure." Ianto told him seriously before leaning in and pressing his lips to Jack's; feeling content for the first time in what seemed like forever.Chapter11: Save The Last Dance For Me

Jack sighed as he watched Ianto leave the Hub quietly. It had been like this for the month since they sort of got back together. They would have sex; Ianto would then put on his clothes and leave right after. Jack missed and craved the emotional connection that they had, but when he thought about it he wasn't surprised; Jack knew how much easier it was to give your body to someone instead of your heart.

Jack wondered how much longer Ianto would do this before finally letting his carefully guarded walls back down; if he ever would let them down. He knew that Ianto was a private person who kept things to himself with the others, but after Lisa he and Jack had really gotten to know each other and Jack loved the fact that he was the only person that got to see all of Ianto and not just his sarcastic coffee making exterior.

Gwen thought Jack was taking advantage of Ianto, she had expressed her feelings over this to Jack many times and no matter how much he told her that he would never do that she just wouldn't believe him. She said that Ianto was feeling vulnerable after what happened to him and Jack was using the situation to worm his way back in. "Bloody Gwen." Jack mumbled to himself.

Jack was surprised to see his younger lover walking back into the Hub. He smiled and Ianto smiled back as he walked up into Jack's office. "Hey."

"I think my phone fell out of my pocket while we... I seem to have misplaced it." Ianto told him with a slight blush as memories from earlier in the evening filled his head with sinful images.

"Oh, right." Jack said as he looked at the floor around his chair to see if he could see it. He looked up at Ianto and watched him with a wistful gaze; he just wanted to wrap his arms around the slender man's waist and never let him go. "You could stay here tonight."

"What? No it's okay I have things I need to do out home." Ianto replied as he kept his eyes in search of his phone while avoiding Jack's gaze.

"Okay." Jack said with a disappointed tone before going back to search for the missing item.

"...Sorry." Ianto whispered feeling bad for turning him down. He and Jack had fallen back into bed together easily; Ianto had felt so at ease being with him again, but he was having a hard time with everything else in their relationship. He wanted to be with Jack again, fully and completely but his head was full of thoughts that haunted him. Thoughts that asked if he could really trust Jack with his heart and soul again, or his mind for the matter.

"It's fine." Jack said with a false cheeriness that made himself cringe. "Stuff to do."

"I," Ianto started and paused while he thought of the right words to say, "I know that you wanted more than this Jack, and I'm sorry but this is all I'm able to give you right now. But I promise it won't always be this way."

Jack looked up at Ianto and smiled. Ianto was the quiet member of his team but when the younger man spoke he sure knew how to make it count. "I know, and I'm sorry if you feel like I'm pressuring you or anything."

"No, Jack, I don't feel pressure. I just wish I could sort out my head so that we can be happy. That's all I really want, us happy." Ianto told him with a small grin. "Like it was before everything."

"Well, this seems like a good first step."Jack grinned. He noticed Ianto's phone just under his desk and picked it up. "I believe this is what you were looking for."

"Thanks." Ianto told him as he took the phone. He looked at the door and then at Jack and decided that maybe it was time to go forward instead of back. "Do you want to have some dinner? We could go to the little Italian shop around the corner?"

"I thought you had things at home you needed to do." Jack said to him.

"They can wait." Ianto told him as he held out his hand.

"Sounds nice." Jack replied as he grabbed his coat and took Ianto's hand. "But I am not having garlic bread this time, last time it made me vomit."

"I remember; that was my favorite tie." Ianto commented dryly as he and Jack started to make their way out of the hub.

"That's right; it was that nice red one."

"Well now it's green and in a dump somewhere." Ianto told him.

"Pity, you look great in red." Jack smirked.

XOXOXOXO

"Jack, what are you doing?" Ianto asked, confused. They were in the middle of their dinner and Jack was driving him insane.

"What?" Jack asked confused and he placed his folk down and waited for Ianto to explain.

"What is it with this Mr. Polite thing? You've been acting like a blue blood for the last hour - it's weird." Ianto told him.

"I'm trying to be a better person, Ianto," Jack told him. "I want to treat you right this time."

"Other than the whole Retcon business there was nothing wrong with our relationship. In fact, I was very happy." Ianto told him with a small smile.

"Ianto, I treated you like dirt... I was horrible to you; I never showed you how much I cared." Jack said with a frown.

"What? That's not true, Jack and if we're going to work you need to act like yourself again. The shameless, flirty, crude and in-control man I know and adore. I like the person you are Jack, if I didn't I wouldn't have been with you in the first place." Ianto told him. "I don't want you to be someone you're not."

"I always thought you wished I was more caring." Jack said, a little surprised by what Ianto was saying to him.

"You cared, in your way. When Owen would give me shit you would always give me a soft smile that helped me feel better; you'd always make sure my suit was hung up for me in the morning; you tried to make me coffee that time you broke the machine..." Ianto started.

"If I remember correctly you said you'd kill me if I ever touched your coffee machine again." Jack reminded him.

"And I will." Ianto laughed. "But doesn't mean I wasn't happy that you tried. And when we would indulge in rougher role play there was always a moment when you would stop and caress my cheek softly, any time we have sex actually, no matter how weird the things we're doing, there is always a moment... Those show you care. I don't need you to be romantic all the time and always doting on me; all I need is the moments and I'm happy."

"So you want me to be a filthy arrogant jerk?" Jack asked with a smirk.

"No to the jerk, but yes to everything else. I want you to be who you are." Ianto replied.

"I can do that." Jack said with a sly grin and he lifted his leg to run his foot across Ianto's thigh.

"Jack!" Ianto hissed as he tried to move his leg away. "We're in public."

"I'm just being me." Jack replied with a laugh as he continued to massage Ianto through his pants. "Can I help it if you're so sexy and irresistible that I can't wait until we're in private?"

"That's my man." Ianto said with a laugh as he tried to move away from Jack; but if he was honest with himself he wasn't trying that hard.

Epilogue

"Jack, make sure no one sees you." The Doctor said as he tapped his foot nervously.

"I know, I know. We've talked about this a hundred times already." Jack replied in a frustrated tone.

"I don't know why I agreed to this." The Doctor mumbled to himself. The truth was he couldn't stand to see Jack so unhappy for so long and finally gave into the request that he'd been asking for the last two years.

"I know what I'm doing; I know the Hub like the back of my hand. No one will see me." Jack assured him.

"Be careful because if they do see you the whole universe will collapse and that wouldn't be very much fun now would it."

"Trust me Doc, I'll be careful." Jack told him and then turned around to make his way into the place that used to be his home. His thoughts pulled back to the people he considered his family. Owen had been the first to die; the energy keeping him alive finally ran out, how he missed the wonderful and misunderstood Doctor. Tosh had been next she was shot while saving the world, the beautiful and shy Tosh; she never did find the love she was searching for and that made Jack sad because she deserved to find happiness. The next to leave was Gwen, but not by death. After Tosh, she had chosen to go - wanting to have a life with Rhys and their son; Jack didn't retcon her, he knew she would never share the secrets of Torchwood with anyone. Then Ianto, his beautiful Ianto died at the age of 37 saving Martha's life. Jack had rushed to his side after the alien's weapon blasted him but it was too late; Ianto had died instantly, no chance for goodbyes or words of love; he was there one minute and the next he was gone. They had been together the whole time since the night they went out to eat; Jack even chose to be monogamous to the younger man, having no interest in anyone else. And after he died Jack had never felt more alone.

Once inside he could hear it, his and Ianto's song. The song that was playing the first time they kissed; the moment Jack was about to witness one last time.

You can dance-every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye,let him hold you tight
You can smile-every smile for the man
Who held your hand neath the candle light
But don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me

He hid behind a wall that was in the perfect position, he could see up into his office but he knew they wouldn't see him. He looked up and almost cried when he saw Ianto, his Ianto, standing there laughing as the other version of himself danced around like an idiot. He watched as the other Jack moved closer to Ianto trying to coax him into dancing and Ianto's face turned a light shade of pink as he let himself be led around the office, twirling and spinning.

Jack could feel the tears running down his face as he watched the memory play out in front of him. The other Jack stopped the dancing and stood there with his hands on Ianto's hips and pressed himself close to the beautiful man. Then other Jack leaned in and kissed Ianto softly, unsure of he would react. But once the younger man started to kiss back he deepened the kiss. Jack remembered loving they way their lips just seemed to fit together, like perfection.

"Goodbye." Jack whispered softly taking one last look at Ianto as he turned to leave, listening to the song slowly fade into the background.

Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darling,save the last dance for me
Save the last dance for me
Save the last dance for me.

"I never told him." Jack said to the Doctor when he had returned to him and the blue police box, tears were streaming down his face but he didn't care.

"What?" The Doctor asked, not sure of how to comfort the man in front of him.

"That I loved him, that he was the love of my life." Jack whispered as he leaned against the TARDIS and blinked a few times trying to clear his vision.

"I'm sure he knew." The Doctor assured him.

"I hope so." Jack said with a small sigh.

"So what is this, what did you need to see one last time?" The Doctor asked him.

"The kiss of my life." Jack answered simply.

THE END

• Main Torchwood slash page
• New stories page
• Jack/Ianto stories
• Ianto/Owen stories
• Other pairings stories - ie threesomes
• F/F stories
• Gen stories
• Amazon.com - Torchwood: Children of Earth
• Amazon.co.uk - Torchwood - Children of Earth [DVD] [2009]
• Amazon.ca link - Torchwood - The Complete First Season (7DVD)