Title: Return to Innocence
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 3
Prompt: 24, Innocence
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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Beloved,

Why do I never know how to begin a letter to you? I know that you won't read anything of what I've written until you're back here in Cardiff, safe with me, easing my worries for your well-being. I don't even know why I write these letters, except that in some small way, it makes me feel closer to you, as though we're actually communcating at this very moment.

I can feel my heart reaching out to you across the miles, the incredible distance that spans the galaxy between us. Sometimes I can almost feel you here beside me, hear your voice whispering in my ear. I live for the day when those dreams are an actuality.

Do you have any idea how much I miss when you when you have to leave? I know that it's an inevitability, just as I know that it's inevitable that your hearts will draw you back to me. I don't have any fear of you leaving me forever, beloved. I know that you would make it back to me with the last breath in your body, if it came to that.

But still, not having you here next to me wears on me more with each passing day. I feel as though I'm walking through syrup, almost unable to put one foot in front of the other. Some days, it seems like too much of an effort even to get out of bed and face the coming day. I want to lie there with my face pressed into your pillow, inhaling your scent and dreaming of you.

I can't do that, though. Torchwood needs me, as you've said so often. I don't know exactly why Jack feels that I'm so indispensable, but it seems that he does. I wish he didn't. I sit there in the office day after day, with no other thought in my mind but being with you, wherever you are.

What they don't seem to understand is that I need you. Yes, my work with Torchwood can keep me occupied on the days -- and nights -- that you aren't here, but it can't fill all my hours. It can't keep me warm at night, or take your place in my heart. Nothing -- and no one -- could ever do that.

I think what I miss the most is your innocence about so many things. In spite of all you've been through in all the centuries you've lived, you can still manage to retain an almost childlike innocence about so much that anyone else would take for granted. You never cease to fill me with wonder by how exuberant you can be about the smallest things.

The first time I kissed you, I could have sworn that I tasted innocence on your lips. It felt as if I was falling into a vortex, a volcano that would envelop me to the core. I think I melded with you in that first second when our lips met. I've never been the same since that moment. Your kiss changed me, transformed me, made me so much more than I ever thought I could be.

Even when we make love, there's an innocence about you that most people wouldn't have. As many times as I've taken you, there is still that sweet trusting innocence in your eyes each time you look at me when we're in bed. That look makes my heart turn over in my chest; it makes me want to wrap you in my arms and stay there twined with you forever.

How can you retain that childlike trust and innocence in a world that's mistreated you as much as it has, my love? That only proves to me more and more what an exceptional being you are -- and how lucky I am to be the one who you've chosen to bond with. The generosity of your spirit humbles me, beloved. I could never be like you, if I had a million years to try.

Sometimes I feel that we're both children, stumbling through this world together, trying to make sense of it all. And there are times when I feel that you're the parent, leading me into new experiences, teaching me about things that I'd never have been able to imagine without you.

Then there are other times when you seem like a child, when I feel that I need to take your hand and guide you through a minefield, taking care that you don't run headlong into anything that could cause you harm. It's a new feeling for me, to be the nurturer, the protector.

Don't ever lose that innocence, my sweet. It's one of the many things that makes you so beautiful, so special. It's an intrinsic part of you that I hope never dies. I can't imagine you any other way, and I wouldn't want to. I love you exactly as you are; I wouldn't change a thing about you.

Even as far away from me as you are right now, I could swear that I feel you near me, feel your breath on my cheek, your arms around me, your hearts beating against mine. I can feel you near, ever protective, watching over me across the distance of light years.

I'll watch the stars tonight, and dream that you're on one of them, searching the skies for me in the same way that I'm looking for you. And I'll hope that this will be the last night I'll have to be parted from you. Perhaps that hope is a bit of my own innocence that I've somehow managed to hold on to.

Your

Ianto

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