Title: Starlight
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ianto Jones
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 2, letter100
Prompt: 84, Starlight
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Ianto Jones, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

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Dear Doctor,

It still feels strange sometimes to sit here and write letters to you, when I'm with you on the Tardis all the time. It's even stranger to know that I'm always going to be here, that we have an eternity ahead of us to explore the entire galaxy.

When I was at home in Cardiff, looking up at the stars every night that you were gone, I'd never have dreamed that this could happen to me. It was hard enough back then to believe that I had you, that you wanted me instead of Jack.

To be honest, there are still times when I pinch myself to make sure that this hasn't all been the most wonderful dream I could possibly have, and that I won't wake up back in my bed in that small flat in Cardiff with another day working for Torchwood ahead of me.

But those days are long gone. And so are the nights when I'd sometimes fall asleep at the window with my head on the sill, looking up at the starlight and wondering if one of the stars that I could see was one that you might possibly be on.

I'll never have to do that again -- and I'm glad of it. As much as I've always loved gazing up at the stars, I'd rather do that with you by my side, instead of wondering where you are and if you're safe. I'd rather do that together, when we can both appreciate the beauty of the night sky.

I've always loved starlight, did I ever tell you that? But during those times when you were gone and you didn't want to take me along with you, I think I might have actually started hating it. There were so many nights when I couldn't bear to look at the stars.

There was a part of me that was terrified you'd never come back. Either that you'd die out there, or that you would regenerate and come back a completely different man -- a man who didn't love me. I was always so scared of what could happen.

And look at us now -- traveling the stars together, with no fears of being taken away from each other ever again. Yes, I know that it's possible for us both to die -- but we'll always come back from that. That in itself is a bit of a scary thought, at least for me.

You know what it's like to die. It's happened to you so many times before, when you've regenerated into new bodies. But I don't know what it's like. Yes, I've died once, but I'd be lying if I said that I remembered anything about the experience.

I remember being cold -- that's all. And feeling as though it took a great effort to open my eyes. And then I did open my eyes, and I was there in your arms. You were crying, and smiling at the same time -- and all I could think was that something momentous had happened.

It terrified me when you told me what had happened. To think that I had actually died .... It took a while for me to be able to wrap my mind around that idea. And I still haven't gotten used to knowing that in the future, I'll die and come back again.

I don't think that knowledge would be easy for anyone to deal with, especially not a human who's never thought of themselves in that kind of mould before. But I'm doing my best, Doctor. And I hope that sooner or later, it'll sink in and seem more real to me.

Was all of this written in the stars from the first time we met? I can't help but think so. There are times when I'm gazing up at the starlight from wherever we happen to be at the time, somewhere between dream and waking, when the plan for our lives together seems so clear.

In those few moments, it's as though I know our future, the plan set into place for our lives. But suppose there isn't a plan, Doctor? Suppose it's all been a series of mishaps, of circumstances? That doesn't really bother me, to be honest. As long as I've ended up with you.

Looking up at the stars now gives me a completely different feeling than it used to. I don't feel abandoned any longer, because I'm obviously not. I wasn't then, either, but that's what it felt like a lot of the time -- as though you didn't trust me to be out there at your side.

I know that wasn't the case, but there were times when I couldn't help but feel that way. Staring up at the stars, wondering where you were and if you were safe, and wishing that I could be out there with you made me feel small, as if I was of no significance.

That wasn't the case, I know. But that was how I felt, and I'm just glad that those days are over. Now, when I look at the stars, you'll be right there beside me, looking up at the same pastiche of the heavens that I'm seeing. We'll be sharing every moment.

I can just picture us on Earth, maybe even in Cardiff, looking up into the night sky, letting starlight bathe our faces with light. That will be so different from all those times I stood by the window looking up at the stars alone, and wishing that you were there with me.

We belong together, Doctor. I think that brief time when we were parted only made us stronger, even though it was a dark period in both of our lives. We'll never have go through anything like that again; we've learned through trial and error that we're better as a team.

I'll never be left behind on Earth again to wonder where you are and if you're coming back to me. I can't imagine us ever being apart again, Doctor, or having to look up at the stars sprinkled across the night sky, the starlight shining down on us, and feel that we're alone.

Neither of us will ever have to feel that way. I'm with you for the rest of eternity, love, no matter what might come at us in the future. I'm getting used to the fact that we'll have that eternity to share with each other -- and I'm looking forward to enjoying every second of it with you.

Love always,

Ianto

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