Title: The Space Between
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG
Table: 30_losses
Prompt: 5B, Gaping Chasm
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor stood at the edge of the canyon, looking down at the dizzying drop below him. This place was so grandiose, so huge in its scope, that it could make anyone feel small and insignificant. It dwarfed everything and everyone around it, in every way.

The Grand Canyon. No wonder it was called that, he mused, lifting his eyes to gaze at the terrain all around him. It was beautiful, in a rugged, rough way. And yet, at the same time, there was a softness to the beauty, something strangely seductive.

He wondered what Jack would think if he was standing here with him, looking around at this feast for the eyes. He'd never asked Jack if this was one of the places he'd been in his long life. He'd never thought to ask, about this or about a lot of other things.

And now .... now it was too late to ask. He wasn't going to get another chance to ask all of the questions he should have asked when they were together.

Not that it mattered, really. He'd always known, in the back of his mind, that Jack would eventually leave. Even though he was the one man who could give the Doctor the forever that he craved, Jack was also the one man in his life who would never be prepared to commit himself in that way.

It was ironic, wasn't it? The thought brought a wry smile to his lips. The one person who had what he wanted, what he needed, was the one who couldn't give it. And he certainly wasn't going to demand it, or try to force Jack into something he didn't want.

Not that he could. Jack could be extremely forceful when he chose, and he wasn't going to let anyone, not even the man who'd been his lover, make him do anything he didn't want to do. He'd never have convinced Jack to stay with him if he'd tried that.

And it didn't matter any more, anyway. He'd resigned himself to the fact that their relationship was over, that he would never have Jack back in his life. Not in that way, at any rate. The friendship would always there, but their days of being lovers were gone.

He hadn't realized how much he would miss those days. He'd known that he would be lonely, but he hadn't expected it to be this bad.

Was there any moment of the day that he didn't miss Jack? He didn't think so. So many little things reminded him of the other man; things that they had done together, things that he knew Jack would like, that he wanted to share with the immortal.

The nights were the worst; he would lay alone in his bed in the Tardis, tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable position and knowing that he never would, not when he wasn't in Jack's arms. He'd gotten so used to being there, and he'd thought he always would be.

He hadn't expected their idyll to end so abruptly, as though the bonds that held them together had been severed so completely that they were left staring at each other across a canyone as big as this one -- a canyon that neither one of them could cross.

There was a huge, gaping chasm between them, one that he had no idea how to begin to traverse. He wanted to, with all of his hearts and soul. But he wasn't at all sure that Jack felt the same way, and he wasn't going to ask.

He had his pride, after all. And he didn't want to subject himself to the pain that he'd feel if Jack told him that he didn't want their relationship to be rekindled.

What would Jack think if he knew that the Doctor had come here? His first thought would probably be that the Time Lord was so devastated by their breakup that he'd come here to end it all, to throw himself into the canyon and end his life with a dramatic flourish.

That would make a statement, wouldn't it? And with his luck, he'd end up regenerating, with the same pain in his hearts that he felt now. Fate would find some way to curse him. Somehow, it always seemed to have a way of turning the tables and laughing at him.

The Doctor shook his head, a small, wry smile on his lips. Of course he wasn't going to do anything so ridiculous. He was used to being alone; it wasn't as though Jack leaving him has devastated him completely. It was a blow, but he would get over it. He always did.

He'd have more than enough experience with people leaving him. In the past, though, it had always been companions, people who he cared about, but never anyone as close to him as Jack had been. Never anyone who he'd given his hearts to.

That was odd, wasn't it? That in his long, long life, he'd never had a lover leave him before. He'd always been the one to leave them -- before his hearts could become too involved.

Maybe this was some kind of huge karmic joke, really. A payback for the people he'd left behind, the hearts that he must have broken in his time without realizing it. This time, it was his emotions that were raked over the coals.

No matter how far and how fast he ran, he would never escape the pain of losing Jack. That was something that would stay with him forever. He would always feel that emotional pull towards the immortal; nothing was ever going to change that.

But Jack had made the decision to leave, and he was going to respect that. It was beneath him to go to Jack and lay his feelings bare before the other man, to tell him exactly how he felt and to ask for another chance. He wasn't going to humble himself in that way.

Besides, it wouldn't do any good. He knew Jack well enough; when he decided he wanted something, or made up his mind that a thing would happen, he stuck to that. He wasn't going to be diverted from any course he chose -- not even by a former lover.

Even if Jack's heart was just as involved as his own were, he wasn't going to change his mind. The Doctor would always be a part of his life; he'd said as much when he left. But from now on, what they shared would be in the past. They'd be in each other's lives, but from a distance.

That wasn't good enough, not really. But it was all he had left. He had to learn to accept it; he had no other choice.

The Doctor turned around to head back to the Tardis, sighing and shoving his hands into his pockets. This would all be so much more interesting if he had someone here to share it with. Someone tall, dark, and handsome. Someone named Jack Harkness.

He reached for the door of his ship, taking one last look around him as he did so. There were still other things he wanted to see before he decided to leave Earth again. Maybe, if he was lucky, they would help to erase the one person he really wanted to see from his thoughts.

But he knew that he'd never be able to erase that person from his hearts.

***