Title: Watching the Sky
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG
Table: 2, letter100
Prompt: 95, Sky
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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Dear Ianto,

You don't know what a relief it is to be writing this letter at my desk in the sitting room of the Tardis, knowing that you're asleep in our bedroom. Just the thought that you're here on the ship with me fills me with a peace that I never thought I could know.

Those times when I had to travel without you, knowing that you were left behind on Earth, and that I couldn't be with you for might be long periods of time -- but which never were that long, fortunately -- were some of the darkest times of my life.

I went through too many dark nights of the soul during those times, my beloved. I would ask myself over and over what I was doing, why I was being so foolish as to leave the love of my life when I should be with you.

But that's the nature of what I am, my love. I can't always be in one place. You've known that ever since we've first met, and you're one of the few who's been able to accept that and not expect more from me that I could give.

And because of that acceptance, I've been able to give you everything. Not only my body, but my hearts and my soul, completely and utterly.

I can't help but feel that I wasted far too much time being away from you in the earlies days of our relationship, and I regret that deeply now. Those days are times we can't ever get back, and I wish that I'd spent them all with you.

But hindsight is always 20/20, isn't it? I know that I should have kept you with me, rather than stubbornly insisting that you were safer staying on Earth. That wasn't true, and I think I knew it even then, though I didn't want to admit it.

When you were working with Torchwood, you were throwing yourself into the path of danger just as surely as if you'd been with me -- maybe even more so, because I know that Jack would have been willing to sacrifice you in a moment, whereas I never would have.

Yes, I know that sounds bitter -- but it's also the truth. I'll be everlastingly glad that your relationship with him was completely over when you and I first met -- if it hadn't been, I would always have felt that there might be a part of you that still belonged to him.

Which is ridiculous of me -- I freely admit that. But even though I'm not human, I'm afraid that I'm still a bit prone to human jealousies. I shoudn't be, but there it is. I'm still somewhat envious of Jack for being the first man you fell in love with, the first man you knew intimately.

I know that doesn't matter, that the important thing is us being together. And I try to put that jealousy behind me, because it's not worthy of you. It's not worthy of what we have together, what we could never have had with anyone else.

That's something you'll have to help me work on doing, my love. But we'll have plenty of time for that -- because I'll never leave you behind me again.

Why did I ever think that it was the right thing to do? I can't say for sure. I can give you all of the reasons that I gave you then, but now, they sound hollow to my ears. I know what I was thinking, but from the vantage point that I have know, I know those reasons were wrong.

I wasn't protecting you by leaving you there -- I was only making both of us miserable. Now that you're here with me on a permanent basis, I realise the mistakes that I made, and I hope that you'll be able to forgive me for them.

You've already forgiven me; I know that. You've certainly said it enough, and insisted that there's nothing to forgive. But I'm still having a hard time forgiivng myself for the time I've wasted, the time that I could have had you by my side instead of far away.

What did you feel when you were watching the sky and wondering where I was in the myriad of stars you could see? It makes my hearts ache to think that I caused you any pain by making you do that, my beloved. For that, I'm truly sorry.

I'll spend the rest of my life -- our life together -- making up for that. It brings tears to my eyes to think of you there on Earth, not knowing where I was, thinking that it might be a very long time before we saw each other again.

I felt the same way, though it was so hard for me to admit it at the time. I knew even then that our being apart was wrong -- but at the time, I thought I was doing what was best for you. It took us nearly breaking apart to learn the hard lesson that I'm not always right.

Even now, it's hard for me to admit that I made a bad decision then. But I'm slowly learning to accept my faults and not make excuses for them.

When I was away from you, I spent a fair amount of time watching the sky, too, trying to pinpoint just where Earth was, and where you would be on it. Impossible, of course, even for a Time Lord. But it gave me some degree of comfort to know where you were.

It never occurred to me that if you had been with me, I'd have known where you were every moment, and that even if you were in danger, the two of us would have been facing that danger together. I should have given you that choice.

That's all in the past now, all behind us. You're here with me, and you're not leaving. It's a bit sad that we no longer have your flat in Cardiff as a place to go and to call our own, but we have the Tardis, and she's always been enough of a home for me.

Even more so now that you're here with me and this is your home too, my darling. Neither of us will have to watch the sky and wonder where the other is any more. We'll both know that not only are we in each other's hearts, but in each other's arms as well, where we belong.

Your

Doctor

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