Title: Wrong Turn
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG
Table: 3
Prompt: 5, Wrong Path
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor sighed and propped his chin in his hands, leaning on the console of the Tardis and looking around him. He was in a contemplative mood, though he couldn't have said exactly why.

What would he have become if he'd been able to choose the path his life would take? Would he have actually wanted to be what he was? He doubted it -- he'd been thrust into the role of a Time Lord, simply because he'd been told that it was what he'd been born to be.

If he'd been one of the few who went mad, as the Master had .... The Doctor rapidly turned his thoughts away from that path. He didn't want to think about it; the idea of being like the Masrter was something that never failed to make uncomfortable.

No, he hadn't lost his mind -- he'd become what he was meant to be, though it might not have been his choice if he'd been free to follow his own will. Had he ever really wanted to be anything else other than what he was? He frowned, trying to remember his childhood dreams.

Not a single one came to mind. Surely he'd wanted to do something other than to be a Time Lord -- but it had been so long ago that the memories had faded.

The path he'd chosen for his life had been the right one, as far as he was concerned. There were times when he couldn't help but regret who and what he was -- but for the most part, he was satisfied with his life. He'd certainly not made the wrong decision there.

But there were other aspects of his life that he'd managed to bollocks up completely ....

He scowled, wishing that his thoughts wouldn't always return to that. But it was inevitable, he supposed. His relationship with Jack still felt like .... unfinished business, in a way. They'd never really had a chance to have a proper beginning, middle and end.

No, they'd rushed right from the beginning to the end, hadn't they? The time between those two points had been so short -- though it was the most important time of his life.

The Doctor sighed again, closing his eyes and giving hismelf up to the inevitability of pulling those thoughts to the forefront of his mind and going over them again. He shouldn't keep brooding about what he'd lost, he knew, but he seemed to be doomed to do so.

Where had he taken the wrong path in his relationship with Jack?

There had to be some reason why it had ended, other than the one Jack had given him when he'd left. Yes, he could understand that Jack had felt that he could do more good with Torchwood than he could with the Doctor. But somehow, that reason didn't seem .... complete.

He was never going to be able to accept that Jack's leaving him had been solely the immortal's decision. No, there had to have been some failing on his part, something that he'd done to make Jack want to leave him.

No matter what the other man said, he was always going to think that. He'd already spent what seemed like a lifetime going over and over the events that had led up to Jack's leaving him, the words that had been spoken, the reasons that Jack had given.

And try as he might, he couldn't convince himself that it hadn't been mainly because of something he'd said or donw that Jack had left. He'd driven his lover away -- when all he'd wanted had been to keep that man by his side for the rest of their lives.

Jack would tell him that he'd done nothing wrong, that he was being silly to think of their parting in that way. He would, of course, make it seem as though all the blame should be put on him, as though his need to go back to Torchwood had been his sole reason for leaving.

But the Doctor couldn't bring himself to believe that, not completely. Oh, he was sure that it was part of Jack's reasoning. Probably a very large part. But he was still sure that it was something in himself that had made the immortal back away, made him decide that they didn't belong together.

Yes, Jack had frightened him. He'd become something that the Doctor had a hard time dealing with -- but he was getting used to it, and he'd been more than willing to spend his life trying to cope with the immortality that scared him as much as it attracted him.

He'd admitted as much to his lover at one point, and it hadn't seemed to turn Jack away then. But it had planted that seed of doubt that had eventually grown and made Jack turn away from him.

Maybe he should never have told Jack about his fears and uncertainties, let the other man keep thinking that he was stronger than he seemed. But had Jack really thought that? Probably not, he told himself. He had always had an uncanny ability to see past any of the barriers that the Doctor tried to put up.

Jack had accepted his fears, his weaknesses -- but he'd still left. And the Doctor couldn't help thinking that his lover had chosen the wrong path to take in his life when he'd walked out. Because by taking that path, he'd forced the Doctor to take the wrong one, too.

How could he feel that his life was on the right track when the one person who he'd felt had made it complete had walked out on him? Oh, now that sounded self-pitying, he told himself, shaking his head and grimacing. Jack would have something to say if he heard those words.

But Jack wouldn't hear them. He wasn't coming back -- not on any sort of permanent basis. He'd made it clear that what they'd had was over and done with; a thing of the past to be looked back on fondly, but a door that was closed for good.

He wanted to be able to accept Jack's decision, to put the past behind him and believe that he'd find someone else. But so far, that had been impossible for him to do.

Jack had been around every corner of his memory, invading all of his thoughts. He'd shown up in those thoughts when the Doctor had least expected him to. He hadn't been able to get the handsome immortal out of his mind, no matter how hard he'd tried.

And really .... he hadn't tried that hard. He hadn't wanted to.

Another sigh, as he straightened up and looked around him as though he'd forgotten where he was. Yes, Jack had definitely chosen the wrong path. And because of that disastrous choice, the Doctor had been mroe or less forced to take a wrong turn, as well.

They belonged together. He knew it, even if Jack didn't. Or, more accurately, even if Jack refused to acknowledge it. But what could he do about it? He couldn't force Jack to change his mind, or even to reconsider. Their relationship was over and done with. He had to accept that.

He might be forced to come to terms with it, at some point -- but he was sure that the thought would never cease to hurt. And he would never feel that Jack had done the right thing by walking away. Never, as long as he lived.

Jack's actions had changed both of their lives forever, and even if they thought they were content, the Doctor couldn't bring himself to believe that either of them would ever be truly happy with things as they now were.

But what was the use of thinking like that? What was done couldn't be undone. And he'd long since learned the folly of tampering with time. He wouldn't try that again.

He cast an eye over the console, trying to decide where he would go next. Maybe the next path his life decided to take would be the right one, he thought, trying to lift his spirits.

After all, he'd taken so many wrong turns, that sooner or later he had to find the right one. Maybe the next one he set himself on would be it. Maybe he'd be able to put the past firmly behind him, where it belonged, instead of going over it again and again in his mind and wishing it had been different.

Maybe. But he wasn't going to count on it.

***